For Such a Time as This

At every turn I have taken in ministry, I have been plagued by a comment that at one point hurt me very deeply. You see, I have been blessed to be the daughter of a mighty minister of the Gospel. My father worked hard as a pastor and grew every church that was under him. When I was 12 years old he became a presiding bishop in our church, overseeing the Churches of God of Prophecy first in the Northwest territory (comprised of MT, WY, ND, and SD), then in Oklahoma and Arkansas, and finally here in Tennessee. He currently oversees over 120 churches. I am immensely proud of him and the work he has done. However, because of his authority, it has been presumed by some that any chance I have had in ministry, be it via music, teaching, or preaching was given to me because of his title. I have often heard "you only get to _____ because of who your dad is" and they fill in the blank with whatever I am participating in at the time. For many years it hurt my feelings. I often felt like I should give up these activities if I am only being asked to participate because of my last name, but that has changed now.

After I made the announcement via social media that I was pursuing ministry full time, these comments went into overdrive. As I have tried to steady myself in the Lord and His Word, these are the conclusions I have reached on the matter:

1. My father is no one to be ashamed of. I am blessed to have a father who stands up for what is right. He is a man of integrity who stands by what he says. He is a man who was never accused of getting an advantage in ministry, because he had to go out and make his own way. When he was young all he wanted to do was preach but no one gave him a chance, so he found a cheap funeral home, stood on the corner with a guitar singing and held a revival in the funeral parlor! He worked hard to do what God called Him to do and never abandoned the Call.

2. My last name is nothing to be ashamed of. As I said, my dad was never handed anything, but the one advantage he had was that he stood on his parents' shoulders. As I have blogged before, his mother and father sacrificed to obey the will of the Lord. My grandpa would say, "son, some people get paid to preach, and some people pay to preach" and he certainly paid to preach. My grandmother in particular taught my dad the value of knowing the scripture and of living a holy life. The night my father was saved he called and told her he had something to tell her, she said, "no, I have something to tell you. You got saved tonight. I know because I have fasted and prayed for three days." I stand on my father's shoulders, he stood on her shoulders, and she stood on the Word of God. 

3. I believe it is up to me to use every advantage I have to fulfill God's calling on my life. My deepest desire is to fulfill God's will in my life, and that means my deepest desire right now is to preach the Gospel. I've come to a point that I feel that even if I only get opportunities because of my name, I should be grateful for the opportunity. I am blessed to be a part of a church that not only affirms women preachers, it promotes women preachers. That is a fact I am extremely proud of and will not squander any chance I have to get behind a pulpit, podium, music stand, or bull horn I am permitted to use. 

4. I believe that I was placed in this family at this time for a purpose. As I was thinking and praying about these attacks, the Lord brought to my remembrance Esther 4:14 which says, "For if you remain silent at this time, relief and deliverance for the Jews will arise from another place, but you and your father’s family will perish. And who knows but that you have come to your royal position for such a time as this?” In all the times I have heard the story of Esther preached, I've never heard anyone say "she only got that chance because she was pretty (2:17) and found favor with the king."It didn't matter why she made it into the king's court, it mattered that she was there on a mission from God to save her people. Romans 8:28 tells us "And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose." God created Esther to be a woman who the king would want in order to fulfill His purpose, likewise God knew who my family would be in order to fulfill the specific purpose He has for me. I am convinced that like Esther, if I remain silent at THIS time, I will perish because it's just this simple- I'm made to preach, if I don't preach I don't think I can go on. And like Esther, I believe that I have come into the Kingdom of God for this time and this generation. 

What it all comes down to is this; attacks to shut up someone speaking the Word of God come from the enemy. It doesn't matter why I get to preach, it only matters that I walk through the doors God has opened, regardless of whose hand He used to open it. 

Amazing Grace

Yesterday morning my pastor told the story of a song writer who had at one time been a slave trader, but following a dramatic conversion became a minister. Before he had finished telling the story I knew he was talking about John Newton, author of Amazing Grace. Then my pastor shared something I hadn't heard before: the word's on Newton's tombstone. They are as follows:

"Clerk, once an infidel and libertine, a servant of slaves in Africa, was, by the rich mercy of our Lord and Saviour Jesus Christ, preserved, restored, pardoned, and appointed to preach the faith he had long labored to destroy."

I don't know about you, but if I had written Amazing Grace, I would have made sure my tombstone read:

"Lindsey B. McKinley. Writer of the greatest hymn of all time. You're welcome."

I was confused about the phrase, "a servant of slaves in Africa". I assumed it was some turn of phrase we don't use today, so I started an investigation into Newton's life and this is what I found:

1. When Newton was in the Royal Navy he tried to desert and was flogged 96 times in front of his shipmates. He was so ashamed by this incident that he contemplated either killing the captain or himself out of shame.

2. Once he left the navy he became a successful slave trader.

3. Onboard one of his ships, his shipmates became so disgruntled with him that they abandoned him in Africa where he became a slave himself before he was rescued by a sea captain.

4. Newton cried out to the God he had renounced while in the midst of a severe storm.

5. He continued to trade slaves after his conversion. In later years he renounced slavery and fought as an abolitionist. He also made it clear that he was not living as a Christian for many years after that fateful night during the storm.

His epitaph reveals a fact that we too often forget-the work we leave behind is of little consequence compared to the work He does in us. Newton was a low-down rotten sinner, but God was merciful to him. God kept him alive through treacherous seas (dangers), slavery (toils), and betrayal by his mates (snares). God was gracious to him even when he continued to do wrong. The Spirit continued to woo Newton and change his heart, until the point that he fought the sinful acts he had once been a part of.

Do we live our lives in the same spirit as Newton's epitaph? Do we live our lives as men and women who owe all we have to a God who never gave up on us? Do we live out our testimonies in a way to show those around us that we have been transformed by our Lord and Savior?

Lord, help us live everyday as a testimony to Your amazing grace!

The Preacher Who Makes Tents

A few months ago as I was introduced to an interesting concept regarding bi-vocational ministers. I read a book in which the apostle Paul was called "a preacher who built tents". To be honest, I really hadn't ever thought about the fact that the bible tells us he was a tent maker (Acts 18:3) because I've always equated him with preaching and planting churches. I suppose it still wouldn't have mattered to me except that the book I was reading observed that there is a difference in "a preacher who builds tents" and "a tent maker who preaches." The author went on to equate Paul's situation with situations so many ministers find themselves in today. Often, pastors and other ministers have to work "secular" jobs in order to support either themselves or the ministry God has called them into. Many ministers don't have access to affordable health care and have to work for that reason. I've seen this in my own life as my father worked side jobs while pastoring to help make ends meet. His parents, whom I've referenced several times regarding their faithfulness to the Gospel, had to work two or three extra jobs at a time to keep the church doors open. The author was making a point that while sometimes it is necessary for a minister to bi-vocational, it is imperative to keep priorities straight. When God calls you into ministry, you do not have the option of allowing that ministry to be your "side-job".

Many of you know that I have worked full time in health care for the last 6 years. While it has been at times very rewarding, and I have been blessed to have had a job ever since college graduation when so many others were out of work, my heart has changed from where it once was. When I accepted the calling God had for me a year and a half ago, I pretty much planned on my life staying the same except that I would maybe teach once in a while or write my blogs. As time has progressed and God has opened new doors of opportunity and undoubtedly blessed this endeavor, I became less content with being a "tent maker who preaches". To continue my lifestyle and career as it has been would mean continuing to limit ministry opportunities and my effectiveness as a minister. After running for so long from what God had for me, I see now that the calling He has placed on me is precious and deserves my utmost attention. I can't afford to be distracted or to let the stress of my "tent making" bring me down mentally, physically, and eventually spiritually. 

Yesterday, I resigned my position at the company I have worked for for over 5 years. I don't know what God has for me in the future, but I know that I have heard His voice in this matter, and have felt His peace that passes all understanding even when everyone is telling me I should be worried about quitting in this economy. I can't say that I'll never have another full-time secular job, but I can say that I have learned a valuable lesson about what is important in my life. For so long I was scared of the work God had for me to do, but I now know that I should feel honored that He has allowed me to carry the Gospel and I can't let anything get in the way of that. 

Hanging On to a Hot Brick

Have you ever seen a child preparing to jump into a cool swimming pool on a hot summer day? She is fluttering with excitement. She begged her parents to take her swimming and when they arrive at the pool she can barely contain herself . After her parents spend an eternity slathering her with sunscreen she is ready to go. But then something happens. After she slips into the water, the anticipation turns to anxiety as she realizes that she has to let go of the wall to enjoy the fullness of the pool, but that means going into the unknown without a safety net. So instead of enjoying the refreshing water that her heart was so intent on, she hangs on to the hot bricks that form the pool's edge. Her dad tries to convince her that she is ready, reminding her of all the times he held onto her so she could practice and how eventually, she could do it on her own. Even though her dad tells her he'll be right there if she needs him, the child ends up scalding her hands hanging on to the thing that hurts her instead of releasing and trusting in her father's words that she is ready.

Recently, I realized that I've been doing this exact thing in my own life. I've had all these ideas about where I want to be and what I want to accomplish, but I've let fear of the unknown stop me. I've held on to the "bricks" in my life, even when I knew they are hurting me, because I was too scared of what was on the other side of fear. For too long I've let fear make my decisions instead of listening to the voice of my heavenly Father who has been there all along saying, "remember all the times I held you and kept you safe? You're ready for this, and I'll be here the whole time."

I know that fear is an emotion placed in us to keep us safe, but there is a huge difference between healthy fear and crippling anxiety. The bible tells us in Philippians 4:6 "Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything by prayer and supplication and thanksgiving let your request be made known to God. And the peace of God, which surpasses all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus."  In Christ is perfect peace, when we live in a constant state of confusion and anxiety, we can know that those feelings are not from God. We are told in scripture that we can't live our lives in fear of tomorrow (Matthew 6:34). To live a life controlled by the "what ifs" is to live a faithless life.

So this brings me back to those bricks. While facing the recent battle, the Lord brought to mind an extremely vivid experience in my own life when I held onto something that was hurting me (indeed it seemed as though it was killing me), but when I finally released and trusted in Him, I received a greater joy than I could have dreamed. And remembering how He delivered me that time gives me the courage to release this time, and trust that He must have something amazing for me.

So I'm asking you to do something. You can do this in your head, but it may benefit you to actually write this one down. Think of a time you held on to a "brick" that was "burning" you because you were afraid of what may be in the deep. A "brick" could be a million different things: a dangerous relationship, a job that's harming you mentally, a friendship that leads you into spiritually compromising situations, or anything else that you know was keeping you from what God had for you. Remember the freedom you felt when you learned to trust in your Father instead of letting anxieties about the future run your life. The next time you feel those voices creep up that tell you there is nothing better for you in this world or that you are worthless, remember how faithful He has been to hold you when you let go and trusted in Him.

Mary Had a Little Lamb

I've blogged about my grandmother, "Mary" Ruth McKinley in the past, but on Sunday night my dad shared publicly a story that I had only ever heard in private and I want to share it with you.

When my dad was just starting out in ministry his mother gave him a gift. It was a little stuffed animal. A lamb, to be exact. You can see it in the picture above. Perplexed as to why she would give such a gift to a grown man he asked her why she got it. She told him that she had been shopping in the Goodwill when she felt the Spirit of the Lord tell her to go to a certain bin. In this bin she found items that had very little value. Anything in the bin could be purchased for just a dime. She felt prompted to dig deep into the bin, to the very bottom, where she found this lamb. The lamb was filthy. Her fur was filled with dirt and debris that was matted into her "wool". She purchased the toy and took it home. She mixed warm water and detergent together and began cleaning the lamb. She had to be gentle, because this toy was battered and fragile. She pulled out the debris that didn't belong on the lamb. She dried it, brushed it, and brought it to her son.

My dad was clearly still confused as to why the Lord would have her go through such a strenuous process for this "throw-away" toy that no one seemed to want. But then she told him how the Lord told her to give it to him as he began his journey into ministry because this lamb was like all the people on the earth. You see, in the same way all the items in the bin cost the same price, we were all bought with the same price, the blood of Jesus. She implored him that in the same way that she had to reach to the "bottom of the barrel" for his gift, he must, as a minister reach out to the outcast of society. It is his job to reach the ones that no one else cares about, the ones who aren't good for anything anymore, lost and buried beneath heavy burdens. Then she got to the most important part. She told him that just as she had to be gentle in cleaning the lamb, we must be gentle when we help sinners get clean. Like that stuffed toy, they are battered and fragile. We can't be rough with them.

I had heard this story before, as I had seen it in every office he has ever had, but this time it struck a different chord. Since I have accepted the call into ministry I have become acutely aware of my relationship with lost people. I can't say I've done the best job at being gentle with them. I come across very brash, and matter-of-fact and I believe there is a place for that. I will never apologize for being hard on sin, but I have been too hard on sinners. As my dad told this story, I began weeping as I thought about the lost. I started thinking about how we were all bought with the same price. I'm not any better than anyone else. I'm not worth any more or any less. The same blood that bought me is available for their purchase.

Lord, forgive me for the times I have forgotten these simple truths. Let me never forget that we were bought with a price because You thought we were worth it. Thank You for loving me while I was yet a sinner, but let me remember that I'm not the only one You loved even while in sin. Give me the courage to reach for the "bottom of the barrel" and the patience to help them come clean.

IF My People

This week America faced two tragedies: the Boston Marathon bombings and the West, TX plant explosion. Suddenly social media was flooded with calls to pray for Boston, pray for West, pray for America, just pray in general. In times like this, one of the most popular verses that pops up is 2 Chronicles 7:14. What it actually says is this:

"Then if my people who are called by my name will humble themselves and pray and seek my face and turn from their wicked ways, I will hear from heaven and will forgive their sins and restore their land." (NLT)

Every time there is an example of evil in our land this verse gets recited, except by the time we hear it, it sounds more like this:

"If my people who are called by name will pray I will stop the evil people and restore their land." We skip over the part about humility and take this verse to say that all we have to do is pray and the bad people will be stopped. The unfortunate truth in this verse is that WE ARE the bad people. Break it down. "my people who are called by my name" is us, right? We call ourselves Christians. We literally call ourselves by the name "Christ". "turn from their wicked ways" says that we are the ones committing evil deeds. We spend so much time praying for God to stop the evil people in this world, all the while we go about sinning. As far as humility goes, Sunday morning pulpits are sadly some of the most prideful spots in America. I've sat in churches where I felt I had to watch my step so as not to trip on the names the pastor has dropped during his sermon. Ministers talk about all the important civic leaders they rub elbows with, all the great they've done, how they have single handedly saved hundreds. They preach to congregations that read more like a country club than a house of prayer, where it's about networking, not worshiping. We love to throw up pictures of bombers and shooters and say that evil is rampant in America and that the devil has a grip on our nation, but if you believe this verse, you have to realize that it's the church's responsibility to change. We can't change the world, because we are trying to be like it.

This promise that God made to Solomon, that He would "hear from heaven and forgive their sins and restore their land" came following the dedication of the temple. Solomon prayed and worshiped God and made sacrifices to Him. When his prayer was finished, fire came down from heaven and consumed the sacrifices and the presence of the Lord filled the temple and was so strong that the priest could not enter. When the people saw this, they fell on their faces and worshiped the true God. This context is important because before God can carry out his promise in verse 14, we have to do the work that happened in the preceding chapters. If we want God to heal our land, let us start in the church like this:

1. We must give God our best. When the temple was built, Solomon demanded that the best materials were used because God deserved no less. The days of leaders showing up to church unprepared must end. We have to learn the importance of preparation. The congregation must come ready to give their best. To not show up and expect that to be enough, we must come with an expectant heart ready to worship until we are exhausted, and then to push through a little more.

2. We must make sacrifices. Clearly, the people in 2 Chronicles used literal sacrifices, but God is just as serious about demanding non-animal sacrifices. We are to bring our bodies as a living sacrifice. We are to live holy lives that will honor God and provide a strong witness. We must surrender ourselves to His purpose daily, not only in the church house. We bring a sacrifice of praise in our speech and action in the church, but also at home, work, and wherever else we go. We sacrifice our finances. It is a shameful notion that we would sit in God's house and rob Him by not returning what He has given us by paying our tithes and offerings.

3. We must pray. I don't mean for five minutes so the altar call can finish and you can go eat. I mean daily, without ceasing. I mean you pray when times are bad AND good. Not the kind of prayer that is about bringing petitions, the kind that deepens your personal relationship with God because you are learning His voice. We must pray that we would bless Him instead of praying for Him to bless us, because He has already done that.

4. We must dedicate His house. We need to make it clear in our churches and our communities the purpose of God's house. It's time we spent time praying over our churches that we would remember that although it is good to socialize and fellowship with one another, that is not it's purpose. We come to church to worship corporately and to edify one another in our individual walks. We need a renewed respect for God's house. And that brings me to my last point...

5. We must respect God's presence. When the people saw the fire fall, they fell. I can't help but feel that the reason a lot of church's have stopped seeking God's presence is because they wouldn't know what to do with Him if He exhibited Himself in such a strong manner. We must remember that everything, from the moment we enter the building is meant as an invitation to the Spirit to come and change lives. When He begins to move, we must learn to reverence His Spirit, and obey Him.

If we are serious about God healing our land (whichever land you happen to be reading from) then we have to get serious about Him. We have to abandon this idea that the problem originates somewhere else. I would ask that everyone reading, especially pastors, take this call seriously. We've allowed our temples to fall in disarray and without a definitive action being taken, things will only get worse.

In Defense of Preacher's Daughters

A couple of days ago I was flipping through the channels and happened upon a new reality program called "Preacher's Daughters."  I had known of the existence of the show, and to be honest I had avoided watching because I had a feeling it was a play on stereotypes I've had to fight my whole life.

Throughout my life whenever someone would find out my dad was a minister I would promptly hear "oh, you know what they say about preacher's kids...they're wild." It's a frustrating prejudice and I really didn't feel like seeing it amplified, but I watched anyway.  I was not surprised to find the episode revolved around sex, sneaking out, and general bad behavior being contrasted against parents quoting bible verses and sending church members to check up on their daughters.  This all got me thinking about exactly why my fellow PK's have received their reputation and I would like to share my findings in an effort to explain the phenomena.

First, you have to understand the nature of a pastoral home.  To some it appears that a pastor works 1 hour a week.  The truth is, a good pastor works constantly.  They study, they counsel, they clean the church, and many unfortunately have to work extra jobs just to make ends meet.  This all on top of being "on call" 24/7.  I can't tell you how many nights our home phone rang at 2, 3, 4 in the morning because someone needed help, and my dad would be out the door to offer support.  Nor can I tell you the number of vacations that were interrupted by the needs of not only the congregation, but the congregants family and friends.  I hope you know I am not complaining, nor did I ever hear my parents complain.  I am simply speaking to the environment the pastoral family is subject to.

From my personal observations, I feel many pastor's daughters and sons act out in the same way sons and daughters of other parents who work long hours do.  Many just want attention.  They are begging for their parents to care for them.  When they see their parents constantly running to the aid of others who are in need, they feel that if they were in the same spot maybe they would run to them.  It can be incredibly difficult for ministers to draw boundaries between ministry and family time because when God calls you, He demands all of you.  In fact, as a young person heading into ministry and marriage simultaneously, this is an issue I am even struggling to resolve in my own life.  But, God created the family before He created the church.  I know it seems harsh, but I have seen too many of my fellow PK's fall away from God and the church because of the bitterness in their heart, feeling that the church and ministry caused their mother to be a figurative widow, and they became seemingly orphaned by a dad who was never around.  Is it really worth it to have the biggest, best church in town if you lose your child?

Secondly, you live under a magnifying glass.  I've heard it said you live in a fish bowl as a PK, but most days you feel more like an ant, minding your own business when some bully decides to concentrate a beam of light on your back and see what happens.  Every minor hill you climb becomes a mountain, and people can't wait to see you fail.  Most of these young people are doing the same if not far less than what their friends (yes, even their church friends) are doing, but when they do it, it is a different story.

Being raised in a pastoral home doesn't make you perfect.  No matter how well you raise your child, there is the pesky business of free will that will lead them into trouble now and then.  The truth is (in my observations) that this microscope situation doesn't create kids who stay out of trouble and spend their nights reading their bibles and leading bible studies, it creates kids who are sneaky.  It creates young people who can lie to your face and not flinch.

The final point is like unto the first two.  Living under the microscope creates young people who feel inferior.  They have the weight of their parent's ministry, and their livelihood on their back.  They feel like if they fail, everyone will know and it will hurt their family.  That's a lot of pressure to put on a teenager.  So when they mess up, and they will, and some "good church person" calls them out on it, and they will, they feel like a failure.  They feel empty and useless and alone, and they turn towards the outlets they think can ease their pain.

This post was not meant as a rebuke on absent pastors or on church members who need their help, nor was it meant to defend rebellion in young people.  This was meant to shed light in the hope that we would be more aware of how our actions effect the pastoral home.

I'm asking that you pray for your pastor's home, and in particular his (or her) children.  Until you have lived in the parsonage, you have no idea what the pressure is like.  I'm asking that you lift them up and encourage them when they do well, and to not kick them when they are down.  I'm asking that you treat them the way you would want your children treated. Show them the same grace and mercy you would expect the pastor to show your children.  Finally, I am asking that you not put the pressure of the world on their shoulders.  Let them know that they are their own person.  Their failures are their own, and not a reflection on their parents.  They do not exist merely in the shadow of the preacher.

God has something special for them and them alone, so please do all you can to help them accomplish it.