Truth About Charlie

 

Photo Cred: Washington Post

The internet has recently been flooded with videos of young people playing a game called "Charlie Charlie". Basically, kids draw the words "yes" and "no" on a piece of paper, lay two pencils down on the paper, and begin asking questions of a being named "Charlie". The claim is that Charlie will respond by pushing the pencils into either the yes or no zones of the paper.

In the time since the videos featuring spooky movements began appearing online I have read numerous explanations. Everything has been hypothesized as a cause for the success of these experiments from the true presence of a demonic force (now claimed to be a "Mexican demon", whatever that is) to merely the effects of gravity. Countless responses have been posted ranging from near-panic over the state of the souls of our kids to mockery that anyone would worry about this.

My personal opinion regarding this game is the same as my opinion of the oft-maligned Ouija board, the evil isn't in the game-it's in our hearts. 

Do I really think a demon is taking time from his schedule to move pencils set up by middle schoolers? No. The truth is that the danger in this trend has nothing to do with the game they play. The threat it reveals is the curiosity of the young heart.

The Storm Outside

I spent a few of my teenage years in Oklahoma-you know, where the wind comes sweeping down the plains. Everyone knows that you should stay clear of doors and windows during powerful storms. Common sense dictates that the danger outside is nothing to play around with. But more often than not, the thrill of danger would overtake my young mind. I would find myself at the front door, twisting the handle of the last barrier between myself and the elements. Often these storms were so strong I need not even open the door by my own will. All that was needed was enough curiosity to turn the door knob for a gust to catch the door and blow it open. Once opened, I learned an important fact of design-it's much harder to close a door in the face of a storm than it is to open it. 

So it is with an unhealthy interest in the occult. 

You don't have to intentionally open a door for the devil. All he needs is for you to be curious enough to turn a handle-the strength of the storm will be enough to force it open. And once it is open, you will likely find yourself not strong enough to close it back. 

Maybe this is the reason we are admonished  in Philippians to "Fix your thoughts on what is true, and honorable, and right, and pure, and lovely, and admirable. Think about things that are excellent and worthy of praise." (4:8 NIV) With every thought we devote to the trickery of Satan we are taking one more step towards that door.

Anything

Last summer I shared about my husband's experience with the occult in the entry "Andy's Story". In speaking with Andy about how he got so deep into the religion, he told me it started with "just being curious." Soon he was invoking spirits, as he said it, "by letting them know I was up for anything." That is my warning to young people who think they are just fulfilling curiosity-when you mess around with anything claiming to involve the spirit realm, you are letting those spirits know you are "up for anything". And I assure you, "anything" is a terrifying thing to agree to. 

So if you know a young person playing this game or others like it, I encourage you to have a sincere, loving talk with them. They probably have no idea the danger their curiosity could put them in. You don't have to cry and wail that they will become possessed, but don't ignore it either. Teach them instead to focus on what is true, honorable, right, pure, lovely, and admirable.

Frustrating Grace

For months we have seen tabloids and "legitimate" news sources try to scrape together some dirt on the stars of "19 kids and counting" stars, the Duggar family. Like hungry lions waiting to devour early Christians, the media has paced back and forth waiting on their chance to destroy this family that has served as one of the only sources of wholesome television programming. For all their strangeness, nothing has been able to stick as hard proof that something strange was afoot in the household.

Until this week.

News broke that when their oldest son was a young teenager he molested several young women. There is speculation that the girls were his sisters or friends from church, but we don't know yet. When this young man's family found out what had happened they waited over a year to report it to police. When they did report, it was to an officer they had a personal relationship with. It wasn't handled properly and it has since been discovered that this officer was eventually convicted on child porn charges (unrelated to this case, but it speaks to the motivations of the officer). His parents went to their church leaders for guidance and they neglected to report.

Now those lions I referred to have a real meal to feast on and I'm not the least bit surprised at their giddiness over the story. I am, however, shocked at how many Christians are taking personal pleasure in this bombshell.

Things Aren't As They Appear

Much of the "beef" I hear with the Duggars is that they were presenting a facade of perfection to the world and now those layers are being ripped away. First, let me say that in my limited exposure to the show, I never heard them present their lifestyle as one for everyone. It was always about their personal choices. They didn't present themselves as better than others, only different. The bible would refer to this "differentness" as "peculiar", but more on that later.

In light of recent revelation I am beginning to wonder if that lifestyle was not carefully crafted to protect their family. Could it be that the limitations of the internet and television and focus on modesty and chaste living were a response to the sins of their son? Maybe that was their way of gouging out an offending eye (Matthew 5:29). Instead of calling them hypocrites, why don't we view their life through the lens of hurting parents, trying to help their child?

Why are Christians so quick to judge this family as deceiptive? Maybe they live their life as if this sin didn't occur, not because they are sweeping it under a rug, but maybe they are clinging to the redemptive power of Christ.

Redemption

I'm at a loss for the number of Christians who refuse to accept that maybe the holy appearance of this family and this young man isn't an "act". In the last two days I have heard Christians basically say that once a failure has occurred there is no way to live a life of holiness. Now, from the unsaved this idea makes sense. But it doesn't work for the Christian because 2 Corinthians 5:17 makes it clear, " Therefore, if anyone is in Christ, the new creation has come: The old has gone, the new is here!"

Maybe this young man is acting like a decent person because his IS decent now. That's the awesome, painful, inconvenient truth of the Gospel-forgiveness is freely given to the least deserving. More than that, change comes with repentance. In fact, it is impossible to not change if one has truly repented.

Maybe this man's life really was redeemed, just as mine was, just as every Christian's life was.

Paul makes it plain that forgiveness and change is not only possible for the worst sinners, it is necessary when he writes, "Do not be deceived: Neither the sexually immoral nor idolaters nor adulterers nor men who have sex with men nor thieves nor the greedy nor drunkards nor slanderers nor swindlers will inherit the kingdom of God. And that is what SOME OF YOU WERE. But you were washed, you were sanctified, you were justified in the name of the Lord Jesus Christ and by the Spirit of our God" (1 Cor. 6:9-11, emphasis added). Through the redemptive power of Christ, we are washed, sanctified, and justified-even the "sexually immoral".

The family addressed the sin, the boy sought forgiveness and restitution from the offended, obtained justification from Christ, and is living in the justification. The world will never understand that, but Christians should.

Target

The Duggars placed a giant target on their back when they began showing a lifestyle unlike anything we had seen on television. They knew when they signed on the dotted line to broadcast their life that there were skeletons in the closet. I have heard some complain that the Duggars are a poor example of Christians and thus, Christians should not have thrown such support behind them.

1 Peter 2:9-10 says, "But you are a chosen people, a royal priesthood, a holy nation, God’s special possession, that you may declare the praises of Him who called you out of darkness into his wonderful light. Once you were not a people, but now you are the people of God; once you had not received mercy, but now you have received mercy."

This verse makes it clear the "holy nation" wasn't always holy. God's "royal priesthood" were once in darkness, in need of a Savior.

Who needs mercy? Those who have sinned. They have chosen to live their lives declaring God's praises because He is the One who showed them mercy when they least deserved it. It doesn't make them hypocrites or bad examples, it makes them the special possession God called them to be.

In this whole ordeal, I know a few things to be true:

1.) A young man made sinful decisions. Not bad choices, not poor judgements, but sinful decisions.  Those decisions required repentance, forgiveness from God, forgiveness from his victims, and counseling. By all accounts, all of those requirements have been met. He needs prayer for the days ahead as his old life comes back to haunt him.

2.) There are victims who were mistreated. These young women are having to relive a painful, degrading time in their lives just so the media can have its day. In all the rejoicing that there's finally a smoking gun to the claim that the family isn't perfect, we find little concern for the state of the girls involved. They need prayer that they be protected from bitterness and hatred that will eat them alive. They need prayer that they find peace and that they not lose their faith based on the actions of Christians.

3.) There is a family under attack. While motivations and actions are now being questioned, I have no doubt that the Duggar parents did what they thought was best for their son at the time. They did eventually report the incidents, all be it far to late. They need prayer for peace of mind right now. I'm sure they are now questioning if they made the right choices.

4.) The church dropped the ball. It is beyond the scope of the church to handle issues like this. We must ALWAYS report and allow the proper authorities to do their job. Failure to follow this procedure can lead to further abuses and hurt towards the church that didn't protect victims. We need to pray that the Lord would give His people wisdom and forgive us for the times we failed the hurting.

Grace is frustrating. It goes to the people we would hate to give it to. But we didn't give our lives for the salvation of mankind, so we don't get to decide who is the recipient.

Thank God for this grace that is bestowed to the undeserving, because I would have certainly never been able to earn it myself.

Love, Sex, & Dating

In my mid-twenties I reached a place that lies beyond depression and desperation-the place of decision. I had wasted my time running back to faux love that didn't want to commit. I squandered my nights falling asleep in a puddle of my tears and regrets as everyone else got to move on and start their families. After a while I reached a revelation. I came to a place where I realized that I may be my only company for a while and if I was to be my only companion then I should become the kind of person I wanted to spend my time with. I went back to college. I started working on my health. Most importantly, I started working on my relationship with Christ.

Quite vividly I remember explaining the reasoning for my lifestyle changes to a friend at a party when I was officially introduced to the man who would become my husband. When I started becoming who I wanted to be with, instead of looking for who I wanted to be with, everything aligned as it should and I got what I wanted all along.

This concept of becoming instead of looking is the basis for Andy Stanley's book, The New Rules for Love, Sex, and Dating. Andy puts into words what I could never explain even though I knew in my heart it was what I needed to do. It's really quite simple. If you want a mate to be the embodiment of certain qualities (i.e. spiritual, faithful, kind) then you have to possess those qualities first.

His insights on dating and premarital sex are upfront without being judgmental. He offers direction for virgins and grace for the sexually experienced. For those who have not indulged in their sexual desires, he explains in great detail why God created sex to be part of a healthy marriage and not a frivolous act prior to the wedding. He explains that "as sexual encounters increase, your potential to experience sexual intimacy decreases." He goes on to explain in stunning simplicity how with the end of each sexual relationship, we have to convince ourselves we aren't heartbroken and "move on" because it would hurt too much to face the truth that with sex comes connection. Every time we move on we convince ourselves a little more that it didn't matter. We end up disconnected from the very thing God gave us to tether with our spouse for life. For those who have already made the decision to engage in sex, he offers a prescription for turning it around in preparation for the future God intends for you.

While this is a great (and easy) read for teens and single adults, I found myself strangely convicted as a married woman. Midway through the book is a chapter simply entitled "love is". This chapter offers an extraordinary breakdown of 1 Corinthians 13. As I read his analysis of "love is kind" I realized this to be my greatest struggle in marriage. Stanley defines kindness as the ability to "leverage one's strength on behalf of another." It is the decision to take some of your strength and give it to a weaker individual. More importantly, it's the decision to not view that person as weak. Tears began to well up in my eyes as I realized that this is my battle. My tendency has been to become frustrated and even angry at those I love when they don't possess the same strengths as I do. I've thought over and over about this portion of the book and have added this to my daily prayer list, that the Lord would teach me to be kind.

Stanley's offering should be considered a must read for singles. There is also a DVD study available for purchase that I'm sure would be incredible for small groups.

Thank you, Andy Stanley, for putting into words what I never could.

*I received this book from North Point Publishing (andystanley.com) in exchange for this review.

Favor

Possibly the worst day of my life came during what should have been one of the most glorious times of my life. When I was six months pregnant I got a call from my husband telling me he would likely be losing his job through no fault of his own. Long time readers may recall that I gave up a stable, well paying career before I was married at the leading of the Lord, which left us as a single income family.

Just the moment Andy called with this somber news I was pulling into the parking lot of my former place of employment where I occasionally work PRN. As I listened, my mind began to race back to the day I quit. I had been so sure that I was doing the right thing, yet we just kept struggling. I started to wonder if I would have to go back, hat in hand, disregarding what I thought was a clear instruction from God and asking for my job back. A week later we found out that his employment was indeed terminated. When he told me it was official he said that he had peace about it-I did not. I drove around for about an hour screaming at God that He had abandoned us when I was only trying to do what He had said. With no income, no insurance, and no prospects on the horizon I asked Andy what I needed to do. There is not really a market for a pregnant x-ray tech, but I figured I could find something, anything, to help. He would not let me pursue another job.

This was the first, but not the last time I would ask if I needed to put preaching on the back burner and earn some real money. His answer was always the same-no. Andy always had faith that I had indeed heard the voice of the Lord when I began my full time ministry pursuit and didn't want us to live with the consequences of ignoring that call. When I had settled down and started talking to God instead of screaming at Him, He spoke a message to my heart loud and clear. He told me that because Andy encouraged me to continue to follow His leading that God would show Andy favor. He told me that Andy would have blessings of his own because he didn't let me give up.

Andy eventually found a new job which paid better but sent him home stressed out everyday. After a few months an opportunity opened up for him to work in an entirely different field. He got a job at an extermination company crawling under houses. Even though the work is hard, he comes home happy at the end of the day with checks that are more than he could have imagined before. But that's not the best part...

While training his lead told him "just keep telling yourself you've only got to be under houses for a year, then you can switch to something else." The next week he followed along on a call in the division that works inside of houses instead of under them. While calling on a predominately Hispanic neighborhood, his trainer struggled to communicate but Andy, a fluent Spanish speaker, stepped in and saved the meeting. Word got back to the bosses who offered to give Andy the route. What should have taken months if not a year took 3 weeks! But that's not even the coolest part...

The man he is taking the route from told Andy he would do what he could to give him more business. The next day he walked in to tell Andy of several sales he had made that would benefit my husband. The first words out of this man's mouth? "Andy, you must really have God's FAVOR on you."

I say all this to say that when we were struggling, living somewhere I would have never chosen, and worrying about how I was going to have a baby when I didn't have coverage it was hard to believe that such goodness was on its way. But God is faithful and I'm not his only child. He loves you just as much as He loves me. Whatever your circumstance, God is sovereign and He can put you in just the right place to turn everything around. Don't give up. Don't give in. Know His voice and follow it for it will take you places where His blessings will rain down.

RRRUUUUUNNNN

In my small kitchen are two items that are not small at all. One is a scripture and the other is a photograph. The verse is one I wrote out when Andy and I were first married. I placed it on the refrigerator of our first apartment as a reminder of why I do what I do. It is  found in 2 Timothy 4.

Of special note in this blog are verses 7 and 8: " I have fought the good fight, I have finished the race, I have kept the faith. Now there is in store for me the crown of righteousness, which the Lord, the righteous Judge, will award to me on that day—and not only to me, but also to all who have longed for his appearing." The first half of the passage are my marching orderers and the last half are my promise. When I think of these verses, two faces come to mind, one is my grandmother, "nanny" Mckinley. The other is the subject of that photograph I mentioned above...

This is my grandpa, James Thomas McKinley. That photo is a reproduction one published many decades ago in a local newspaper heralding the restaurant in a local hotel for which my grandpa was the chef. I have told it before, but it bears repeating that my grandparents endured much hardship for the Gospel. My grandpa spent many years away from the Lord. His altar of repentance was the body of his son who died in his mid-twenties from the effects of an epileptic seizure. After returning to the Lord and accepting his calling, my grandpa felt the need to give all he could to make up for the lost years. 

He only ever pastored a handful of people. They lived in the basement of the church which was eaten up with mold. They worked multiple jobs at a time just to keep the lights on in the church. As he got older and sicker and worn out my dad asked him why in the world he continued to suffer for people who didn't seem to care. His response was swift, simple, and powerful-"some people get paid to preach and some people PAY to preach." They paid to preach. 

This is the reason I count them as part of my "great cloud of witnesses" found in Hebrews 12. My grandparents are two of those of "whom the world was not worthy." 

In my few years of ministry there have already been many times I have stumbled in my race. I've made mistakes. I've let my desires overtake His will. I've spoken out of anger and hurt. I've given poor advice. There are many days I wonder what I'm even doing as I fear that I'm no good to anyone. 

I envision myself on a track. When those thoughts come to me, I can see myself taking my eyes off my lane and looking to the runners on either side of me and the critics on the sidelines. And then I see myself stumble. As I lie there feeling hopeless and defeated, I fix my gaze high in the stands. There is my "VIP box". 

In my box you will find my "papaw" Weakley who filled in the gap left when my biological grandparents passed away. Next to him is my Nanny. And next to her is my grandpa McKinley. He's there mainly because his version would be a track. You see, when he was a sinner he loved to gamble.  My dad would tell stories of his father taking him to the track. After placing his bets he would beat his program against his thigh and yell, "RRRUUUNNNN" (of course, this being his non-preaching days, he threw in a few other NSFW phrases.)

So when I want to quit, to slink off the track and forfeit, I quite my mind and listen with my heart for my grandpa to cry out "RRRUUUNNN!" He knows that the run is worth the prize. He's already reached his reward and he knows that no earthly trouble outweighs the heavenly crown. 

I chose to take the baton and I will finish this race with endurance, because he reminds me to never give up. 

The Quilt That Kept Me in My Church

A couple times a week I see articles exploring what is deemed the "mass exodus" of young people from their churches. Depending on the day and the blog, one could assign blame to any number of reasons for why our kids leave youth group and subsequently leave their denomination or even the Christian faith. Some blame it on lack of relevancy. Some blame it on over emphasis on relevancy. Some say it's the fault of contemporary worship, while others say it's because we abandoned the truth found in hymns. Writers state that our vacant pews point to churches that are either too hard on sin or so accepting that they can't offer real change in the lives of those who need it.  The fault is placed on everyone in the church from the pastor to the greeter who didn't know how to "relevantly" greet young people-because God knows you can't stay in a church with people who don't think or act like you!

I grew up knowing nothing but to be in church when the doors were open. Rain, snow, or smallpox, we were expected to be there. If you were sick, your mama put a blanket under the pew for you to sleep on until your were drug up to the front for the ministers to lay their hands on you and pray.

As I grew up, I went through periods in which I wasn't all that excited about church. Sometimes I went to churches where I didn't like the music or the preaching style or (if I'm being extremely honest) the members. I've seen hypocrisy. I've heard church people lie and gossip. There have been times when the leaders I respected let me down.

After all I have seen and heard, it would be easy to be cynical, to harden my heart, and turn away from my church. But nearly three decades after being dedicated in the Church of God of Prophecy, I'm still there whenever the doors open. Not only is this still my church, this is the body that has entrusted me with a minister's license. And a big reason I'm raising my child in this church is a quilt...

My grandmother, "nanny" McKinley made quilts. She started my quilt when I was around 3 years old. She was able to complete the top portion of my blanket before she fell into a coma. After she slumbered for a year, she went home to heaven to be with my grandpa.

Our local church had what was called a "Dorcas Club" in which the women would quilt and sew. When one of these ladies found out that I was the owner of an unfinished quilt, they went to work to give me what my nanny couldn't. What probably seems minor to anyone else, is the most tangible proof I have of the existence of the family of God.

You see, those women didn't just fill the void of the missing quilter in my life, they worked hard to ease the pain of losing my grandma. Along with my mamaw Weakley (our state bishop's wife who became my "adoptive" grandmother), many of these ladies stepped in to make sure I got the love, hugs, kisses, and birthday cards I may have gone without otherwise.

In all of these blogs and viral videos about what's wrong with the church I hear what the writer thinks the church should be. But our opinions don't matter. What matters is what the bible calls us to be. We are meant to be a family.

Ephesians 2:19-22 says it this way, "So now you Gentiles are no longer strangers and foreigners. You are citizens along with all of God’s holy people. You are members of God’s FAMILY. Together, we are his house, built on the foundation of the apostles and the prophets. And the cornerstone is Christ Jesus Himself. We are carefully JOINED TOGETHER in Him, becoming a holy temple for the Lord. Through Him you Gentiles are also being made part of this dwelling where God lives by his Spirit."

The church isn't about the music or the lights. It isn't about being relevant as we see it. It's about being a family. That quilt, or better yet, what it represents is why I am part of my church and why my church is part of me. That quilt is the reason I want to bring Kai up in my church. I want my son to understand what the family of God is all about. I want him to feel the love of God covering him, the same way I feel the love of the family of God when I am covered in this blanket.

I am a part of my fellowship because it is my turn to be the quilter for the next generation. It is my turn to be a mom, aunt, sister, and daughter to someone who needs one. That's the problem with many of the explanations I read trying to justify young people leaving their churches: they haven't figured out that the church is about the collective, not the singular. We are a family. Do family members always get along or agree? No. But real families ALWAYS look out for one another. Real families function because the individuals in the family don't put their desires first, instead they love one another enough to meet the needs of their brothers and sisters.

God doesn't call us to relevant. He calls us to be a family, which in turn will always be relevant.

This quilt is solid proof that my church is a family.
This quilt is proof that my church tries to be what God called us to be.
This quilt is why I love my church.

Community Porn

This Valentine weekend thousands of women (even some good church women) will fill theaters across the country to absorb about 2 hours of sadistic filth. "50 Shades of Grey" talk has dominated the news, entertainment shows, and water coolers for some time now.

For those who don't know, 50 is part of a trilogy of novels created by E.L. James (a female writer).  In the first book, we meet Anastasia Steele, a virginal college student. "Ana" enters into a sadomasochistic contract with a wealthy beyond belief man by the name of Christian Grey. Not only does Ana commit to a relationship built on bondage and the like, she is agreeing to be controlled in her life and worse yet, she gives this all away without any promise of romance. (aside-I have not read the books, but have done thorough research to have a more clear understanding of the premise and characters.)

Here are my issues with film from the prospective of a Christian woman:

1.) It promotes violence towards women.

I won't spend much time here because it has been extensively covered in other writings, but it must be echoed once again that this is a dangerous message to send our young men and women. Thanks to ravenous fans, men are being lead to believe that it is a common female fantasy to be dominated sexually. I can think of no other piece of pop culture that has so adequately given license to rapists to continue their mantra that their victims "wanted it". Why would a Christian woman pay to watch something that promotes such an idea?

2.) It is pornography.

There is no way around this-it is "community porn", meant to be consumed in the open. From every review I've read on the books as well as the excerpts I have sampled, I can tell you these are undoubtedly the most poorly written novels I've ever seen . It is pathetic even by the very low standards set forth by romance novels. NO ONE would have raved about this book unless it was used to stir up sexual emotions. It was porn in print, and it will be porn on screen.

Even the wife of the lead male character has said she is uncomfortable watching the film and cannot attend the premiere. So, even if you are an unmarried young lady and attend a screening, you need to realize the situation you are putting yourself in. You are paying $10 to put yourself in a position to lust after a married man and mentally put yourself in bed with another woman's husband. This, according to the bible, is the same as adultery. (Matt. 5:27-28)

Maybe you don't mind watching community porn with your neighbors, but I don't think that sends the right message as a follower of Christ and it certainly is not beneficial to your personal walk.

3.) Christian Grey's allure is in large part due to his wallet.

His ability to give Ana experiences she couldn't partake in on her own financial merits earn Grey's way into her heart. He "grooms" her, as every good predator does. Every time we "mature" women endorse this film, we are sending a message to those behind us that degradation is okay, as long as the man has money.

4.) It's a love story.

My biggest problem isn't the sex in the trilogy, it's the love.

By the end of the series, the two main characters are married with a child living the American dream. And that's my problem.

My problem is that society is teaching our young women that there can be a link between domineering sexual behavior and love. I am especially concerned that it seems to be the very women who should be teaching our girls to desire more in life who are leading the charge. There is a reason the novels are called "mommy porn". It is because the book's popularity has been due in large part to middle aged women using it to reinvigorate their sex lives. I'm deeply concerned that we are teaching our girls that a relationship started in violence can enter into the realms of deep love and devotion-it can't.

My problem isn't that 50 Shades presents a disconnect between love and sex, it's that it confuses the mind on the order in which the two should be explored and how they are divinely connected. God designed sex to be a healthy part of a godly marriage. It is meant to be another way to connect with your spouse, to show mutual love and respect for each other's feelings and bodies.

The "love chapter" of the bible found in 1 Corinthians 13 spells out what love is and in verse 5 we see exactly why the attitudes in this pornographic film are not conducive with the Christian life. It says, love "does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking..." How in the world can the selfish, demeaning behaviors of Christian Grey be not only justified by the Christian viewer, but accepted as a means to real love?

I can't say much for the unbeliever who is enticed by this film, but as for Christian woman, I beg you to inspect your heart on this matter. I don't spend much time telling people what they should or shouldn't watch, but this one falls in the category of porn, and thus I have no choice but to say clearly: blood bought women have NO reason to watch this.