The Quilt That Kept Me in My Church

A couple times a week I see articles exploring what is deemed the "mass exodus" of young people from their churches. Depending on the day and the blog, one could assign blame to any number of reasons for why our kids leave youth group and subsequently leave their denomination or even the Christian faith. Some blame it on lack of relevancy. Some blame it on over emphasis on relevancy. Some say it's the fault of contemporary worship, while others say it's because we abandoned the truth found in hymns. Writers state that our vacant pews point to churches that are either too hard on sin or so accepting that they can't offer real change in the lives of those who need it.  The fault is placed on everyone in the church from the pastor to the greeter who didn't know how to "relevantly" greet young people-because God knows you can't stay in a church with people who don't think or act like you!

I grew up knowing nothing but to be in church when the doors were open. Rain, snow, or smallpox, we were expected to be there. If you were sick, your mama put a blanket under the pew for you to sleep on until your were drug up to the front for the ministers to lay their hands on you and pray.

As I grew up, I went through periods in which I wasn't all that excited about church. Sometimes I went to churches where I didn't like the music or the preaching style or (if I'm being extremely honest) the members. I've seen hypocrisy. I've heard church people lie and gossip. There have been times when the leaders I respected let me down.

After all I have seen and heard, it would be easy to be cynical, to harden my heart, and turn away from my church. But nearly three decades after being dedicated in the Church of God of Prophecy, I'm still there whenever the doors open. Not only is this still my church, this is the body that has entrusted me with a minister's license. And a big reason I'm raising my child in this church is a quilt...

My grandmother, "nanny" McKinley made quilts. She started my quilt when I was around 3 years old. She was able to complete the top portion of my blanket before she fell into a coma. After she slumbered for a year, she went home to heaven to be with my grandpa.

Our local church had what was called a "Dorcas Club" in which the women would quilt and sew. When one of these ladies found out that I was the owner of an unfinished quilt, they went to work to give me what my nanny couldn't. What probably seems minor to anyone else, is the most tangible proof I have of the existence of the family of God.

You see, those women didn't just fill the void of the missing quilter in my life, they worked hard to ease the pain of losing my grandma. Along with my mamaw Weakley (our state bishop's wife who became my "adoptive" grandmother), many of these ladies stepped in to make sure I got the love, hugs, kisses, and birthday cards I may have gone without otherwise.

In all of these blogs and viral videos about what's wrong with the church I hear what the writer thinks the church should be. But our opinions don't matter. What matters is what the bible calls us to be. We are meant to be a family.

Ephesians 2:19-22 says it this way, "So now you Gentiles are no longer strangers and foreigners. You are citizens along with all of God’s holy people. You are members of God’s FAMILY. Together, we are his house, built on the foundation of the apostles and the prophets. And the cornerstone is Christ Jesus Himself. We are carefully JOINED TOGETHER in Him, becoming a holy temple for the Lord. Through Him you Gentiles are also being made part of this dwelling where God lives by his Spirit."

The church isn't about the music or the lights. It isn't about being relevant as we see it. It's about being a family. That quilt, or better yet, what it represents is why I am part of my church and why my church is part of me. That quilt is the reason I want to bring Kai up in my church. I want my son to understand what the family of God is all about. I want him to feel the love of God covering him, the same way I feel the love of the family of God when I am covered in this blanket.

I am a part of my fellowship because it is my turn to be the quilter for the next generation. It is my turn to be a mom, aunt, sister, and daughter to someone who needs one. That's the problem with many of the explanations I read trying to justify young people leaving their churches: they haven't figured out that the church is about the collective, not the singular. We are a family. Do family members always get along or agree? No. But real families ALWAYS look out for one another. Real families function because the individuals in the family don't put their desires first, instead they love one another enough to meet the needs of their brothers and sisters.

God doesn't call us to relevant. He calls us to be a family, which in turn will always be relevant.

This quilt is solid proof that my church is a family.
This quilt is proof that my church tries to be what God called us to be.
This quilt is why I love my church.

Community Porn

This Valentine weekend thousands of women (even some good church women) will fill theaters across the country to absorb about 2 hours of sadistic filth. "50 Shades of Grey" talk has dominated the news, entertainment shows, and water coolers for some time now.

For those who don't know, 50 is part of a trilogy of novels created by E.L. James (a female writer).  In the first book, we meet Anastasia Steele, a virginal college student. "Ana" enters into a sadomasochistic contract with a wealthy beyond belief man by the name of Christian Grey. Not only does Ana commit to a relationship built on bondage and the like, she is agreeing to be controlled in her life and worse yet, she gives this all away without any promise of romance. (aside-I have not read the books, but have done thorough research to have a more clear understanding of the premise and characters.)

Here are my issues with film from the prospective of a Christian woman:

1.) It promotes violence towards women.

I won't spend much time here because it has been extensively covered in other writings, but it must be echoed once again that this is a dangerous message to send our young men and women. Thanks to ravenous fans, men are being lead to believe that it is a common female fantasy to be dominated sexually. I can think of no other piece of pop culture that has so adequately given license to rapists to continue their mantra that their victims "wanted it". Why would a Christian woman pay to watch something that promotes such an idea?

2.) It is pornography.

There is no way around this-it is "community porn", meant to be consumed in the open. From every review I've read on the books as well as the excerpts I have sampled, I can tell you these are undoubtedly the most poorly written novels I've ever seen . It is pathetic even by the very low standards set forth by romance novels. NO ONE would have raved about this book unless it was used to stir up sexual emotions. It was porn in print, and it will be porn on screen.

Even the wife of the lead male character has said she is uncomfortable watching the film and cannot attend the premiere. So, even if you are an unmarried young lady and attend a screening, you need to realize the situation you are putting yourself in. You are paying $10 to put yourself in a position to lust after a married man and mentally put yourself in bed with another woman's husband. This, according to the bible, is the same as adultery. (Matt. 5:27-28)

Maybe you don't mind watching community porn with your neighbors, but I don't think that sends the right message as a follower of Christ and it certainly is not beneficial to your personal walk.

3.) Christian Grey's allure is in large part due to his wallet.

His ability to give Ana experiences she couldn't partake in on her own financial merits earn Grey's way into her heart. He "grooms" her, as every good predator does. Every time we "mature" women endorse this film, we are sending a message to those behind us that degradation is okay, as long as the man has money.

4.) It's a love story.

My biggest problem isn't the sex in the trilogy, it's the love.

By the end of the series, the two main characters are married with a child living the American dream. And that's my problem.

My problem is that society is teaching our young women that there can be a link between domineering sexual behavior and love. I am especially concerned that it seems to be the very women who should be teaching our girls to desire more in life who are leading the charge. There is a reason the novels are called "mommy porn". It is because the book's popularity has been due in large part to middle aged women using it to reinvigorate their sex lives. I'm deeply concerned that we are teaching our girls that a relationship started in violence can enter into the realms of deep love and devotion-it can't.

My problem isn't that 50 Shades presents a disconnect between love and sex, it's that it confuses the mind on the order in which the two should be explored and how they are divinely connected. God designed sex to be a healthy part of a godly marriage. It is meant to be another way to connect with your spouse, to show mutual love and respect for each other's feelings and bodies.

The "love chapter" of the bible found in 1 Corinthians 13 spells out what love is and in verse 5 we see exactly why the attitudes in this pornographic film are not conducive with the Christian life. It says, love "does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking..." How in the world can the selfish, demeaning behaviors of Christian Grey be not only justified by the Christian viewer, but accepted as a means to real love?

I can't say much for the unbeliever who is enticed by this film, but as for Christian woman, I beg you to inspect your heart on this matter. I don't spend much time telling people what they should or shouldn't watch, but this one falls in the category of porn, and thus I have no choice but to say clearly: blood bought women have NO reason to watch this.

Have You Prayed for a Kardashian Today?

The news lately has been dominated by a family that seems to have a knack for becoming a water cooler discussion piece. The stars of several reality programs are a blended family, each member with varying degrees of fame.

The most famous member without a doubt is Kim (the thrice married wife of Kanye West and mother to North West) who first gained infamy as the star of a sex tape. She used that tape to catapult herself into the public eye, becoming an entrepreneur and one of the most prolific users of social media. She literally makes tens of thousands of dollars for mentioning a product on twitter. This girl knows how to get attention and use it for her advantage.

Kim's biological father, Robert Kardashian, a member of O.J. Simpson's famed "dream team" who died many years ago following a fight with throat cancer.

Kim's mom is Kris is one of the most famous "momagers" of all time, getting her kids all the exposure they want (and then some) and then taking her 10%.

Kim's older sister is named Kourtney. She has had three children with her boyfriend who has openly struggled with substance abuse.

Kim's next sister is Khloe who was married to an NBA star until the marriage dissolved amidst rumors of drug use and infidelity on his part.

Kim's brother Rob has seemingly isolated himself from his family as he has been constantly criticized by his family over his appearance.

Kim's two youngest sisters, Kendall and Kylie, are both trying to find their way in the modeling world, frequently posing in revealing and provocative clothing and poses.

And Kim's stepdad is the reason for this post.

Bruce Jenner is hailed as one of the most famous Olympians in US history. He used his gold medal turn to become a sex symbol and actor.

Over the past few months bloggers and tabloids began noticing changes in his appearance, some seemed benign, but slowly they became more jarring. He grew his hair and started painting his nails. Then it appeared as if his Adam's apple disappeared. Recent photos show what looks like female breast tissue forming beneath his shirt. With each day we hear more and more comments from his family that seem to spell out an inevitability- Bruce will likely soon announce that he is "transitioning" to physically become a woman.

I've noticed much discussion on this matter. I've talked about it as I'm sure most who have heard about this have. But there is one thing I haven't done. I haven't prayed.

Let me say, unequivocally, that if he really is doing what it appears he is doing, it is wrong. There is no part of me that can support such a decision. Deciding that God made a mistake when He assigned your gender and then changing that gender on your own is a mockery of the sovereignty of God.

But just as equally as this is sin, it is also sad. I can't imagine the battle that goes on in the mind of men and women who genuinely believe they are "in the wrong body". I can't imagine the daily torment and feelings of loneliness...

Actually, I can.

I have never questioned my God-given identity. I have never felt a disconnect between my gender and my thoughts. But, I know what it is to live every day as a lost soul until God changed me. Jesus did not offer a slow "transition", he offered an instant "transformation".

I'm often labeled as a "hateful" or "not compassionate" because of my hard stance on sin. The truth is, I hate sin. I hate sin for the pain it heaped on my life, I hate sin for the strain it has put on the relationships around me, and I even hate sin for what it is doing in the life of Bruce Jenner and his family.

Am I angry at the recent acceptance of LGBTQ lifestyles in our country? Yes. Am I angry at the individuals catapulting themselves into our public consciousness with their personal stories of how they were born in a skin not reflective of their feelings? No. I don't hate them. I hurt for them. I hurt for them because what they need will not be found in a new body or a new relationship, it will only be found at the feet of the Savior who gave His life for them. Yes, for them too. Romans 5:5-8 tells us

"hope does not put us to shame, because God’s love has been poured out into our hearts through the Holy Spirit, who has been given to us. You see, at just the right time, when we were still powerless, Christ died for the ungodly. Very rarely will anyone die for a righteous person, though for a good person someone might possibly dare to die. But God demonstrates his own love for us in this: While we were still sinners, Christ died for us."

So why am I so concerned about praying for the Kardashians, people many have labeled as the downfall of our society?

For one, because Jesus died for each of them. I assume they have heard this at some point, because they actually have a "family pastor", even though their lives have not reflected a biblical lifestyle. God loves them just as surely as He loved me in my sin. It is not too late for them, and we shouldn't act as if it is.

For another, Kim Kardashian alone as almost 30 million twitter followers. For good or bad, the girl has influence. Imagine the impact they could have on the world if they gave their troubles to Jesus. How many young people could be reached with the Gospel if we watched a family on the brink of destruction turn it all around with the help of their heavenly Father.

So I ask you, when you hear stories about Bruce, take a moment to pray for him and the others like him who are lost and don't know where their help comes from.


P.S. I began writing this last week but didn't feel ready to publish it.Since then, Bruce was involved in a car accident that took the life of another driver.

Blame It On the Alcohol

For the last week my attention has been captured by a trial being aired on local television. On trial are two young collegiate football players accused of rape. The victim is sometimes referred to as the new girlfriend of one of the accused. Her "boyfriend" brought the extremely drunk girl back to his dorm where his friends raped her with various body parts and objects. We know this occurred because this event was filmed on a camera phone before this man she trusted sent the video to friends. The defense of at least one of these young men is that he was "too drunk to know what he was doing."

This has been a shocking trial so far, but nothing turned my head as quick as the order of events explained by the defendant seen on video raping the victim. The attack happened early on a Sunday morning, around 2:00 am. The next thing he remembers is waking up the next morning-to go to church. The defendant stated several times that he often attended this church. He also stated that he often got drunk even though he was underage.

I know that the topic of drinking is a hot button issue among Christians. I've heard every argument on both sides as to why it's okay or not okay for a Christian to drink. Over and over I see blogs and magazine articles explaining why the Church needs to back off because drinking isn't that big of a deal. Interestingly, these are often "shared" by young Christians, most of college age. I generally stay quiet (though I have, on occasion, added my opinion), but this trial has necessitated that a comment be made.

The young people involved in this trial were just looking for fun. They are smart young people attending a very prestigious university. These were future athletes, doctors, and biologists just looking to "blow off some steam". Little did they know that when the night was done their lives would be changed forever.

I know what you will say, "Lindsey, there is a big difference between having a drink and drunkenness." Yes, there is, but drunkenness begins with one drink, and with each drink your inhibitions lower more and more, encouraging the cycle to continue.

My question to my young friends is "what does it benefit you to drink?" Is it a matter of relaxation? I hate to break it to you, but you have no clue what real stress is yet. If you run to alcohol for your comfort and way to unwind now, you are putting yourself on a dangerous path for your future. Is it a matter of loosening up so you can better socialize? If so, then maybe you need to assess what is lacking in your personality that you have to be mentally lubricated to talk to people, because, again, this is a skill you have to learn without the aid of alcohol for the future.

I hear over and over from young people that they don't feel guilty about drinking. They feel personal "freedom" to partake. I would invite these friends to read Paul's writings in 1 Corinthians 10 in which he says, "'I have the right to do anything,' you say—but not everything is beneficial. 'I have the right to do anything'—but not everything is constructive. No one should seek their own good, but the good of other" (v. 23-24 NIV)

You see, the thing all these people trying to rationalize Christians drinking miss is that Christianity is about solidarity, not singularity. When you accept Christ, you are grafted into His family. Issues like this are not about what you feel personally comfortable with, they are about your brother and sister and how they are impacted. Does your drinking add anything to the kingdom of God? Does the dulling of your senses help the family of God in any way?

If your only argument for allowing Christians to drink is that the bible doesn't expressly forbid all alcohol consumption, then you need to read verse 31 of that same chapter, "whether you eat or drink or whatever you do, do it all for the glory of God." If you can explain to me how you are truly bringing glory to God by consuming alcohol, I would be happy to offer my concession on this point, but I don't think you really can.

As I watched this trial I couldn't help but think how different this could have all been if these young people had resisted alcohol. At the end of a night of drinking we find a young woman humiliated and broken and multiple young lives thrown away as their promising futures have been traded for potential jail sentences.

Is drinking alcohol a sin? Whether you believe it is or not, you cannot deny it leads to an awful lot of sin.

Lord, open the eyes of our young people that their decision cannot be made based on what seems right to them, but rather by what brings glory to You.

The Next Chapter

Nearly a year and a half ago I shared news with my readers that Andy and I were going to take a youth pastorate near Nashville in a blog entitled "The Field". In that time I learned more than I could begin to share, but I want to name just a few things.

We learned what it is to really "work" in a church. Our lives began to revolve around the mission set before us. This not only meant showing up whenever the doors were opened, it meant painting the sanctuary when I was 4 months pregnant (fume-free, no worries), attempting to play frisbee with neighborhood kids when I could barely twist, and knocking on doors in our less than "desirable" neighborhood. I know that most people don't like going door to door because of the awkward factor, but when there could very likely be a drug dealer, child molester, or a woman being beaten on the other side, it adds a whole new element of nerves.

We learned about real outreach. I don't mean "let's have one event a year to feel better about ourselves." I mean the kids weren't coming in, so we went to them. I mean your carpets are gonna get filthy and there is a real possibility that a window will be broken when "those" kids come in.

We learned about flexibility. We found that in a small church, you do what has to be done. It doesn't matter what your "calling" necessarily is, you fill in the gaps however you can.

And now I am learning about the simultaneous joy and heartbreak of following God's Voice...

For some time now, my mind has been on the youth group at the church Andy and I attended when we were engaged. While there I held no titles, but we helped when and where we could. Had the Lord not led us to Nashville, we wouldn't have left that church. I knew they had been without a youth leader for a while and I wondered what would happen in that community in which there is so much potential. I didn't know it yet, but Andy was feeling a call to return as well.

In November, I ran into the pastor of my former church and asked him if they youth had a leader yet. He told me that they were currently searching and asked me to keep my ears open for anyone desiring the position.

As he began to talk about the church's feelings and what their plan was regarding youth, my heart began to beat wildly as I realized this was where I needed to be.

Several other things occurred in this time that felt as though they were major confirmations that the next chapter in my ministry was ready to begin.

I spoke with my pastor and mentor and let him know how I felt. He encouraged me to do what God was calling me to do and released me to apply for the position.

When I told my former pastor of my desire to return and work with the youth, he told me that I had been in his mind for the position, and we both felt even more that this was a "God thing".

Last week the administrative committee of the church voted and approved me for the position.

It is with great joy that I announce that I will begin as the youth pastor of the Gallatin, TN Church of God of Prophecy effective February 1st.

While we are over the moon about his appointment and the contentment of knowing we are going where God has called us, there is that heartbreak I mentioned above.

I have and will cherish every moment I spent at Old Hickory Fellowship. It was here that I learned an important principle: sometimes you follow God expecting to do good works, but in the end you realize He was doing a good work in you. I believe whole heartedly that the last year and a half were meant to prepare me for my future in ministry. We went into it knowing it would not be a long-term situation, but that God was using it for a purpose.

Last Wednesday, as we walked into a room full of screaming middle school boys arguing over who liked us the most, my heart hurt thinking that I wouldn't see them each week. As strange as it sounds, I started to realize how much I would miss breaking up their fist fights, being eaten alive by mosquitoes as they played football, and hearing their interesting interpretations of the Scriptures which they sometimes confused with movies.

I'm sure that any minister who has moved from one church to another knows this pain. I am certain we are doing the right thing, but I will miss those rowdy kids none the less.

I want to thank Pastors Jeff and Kimmy Jones for all they have meant to Andy, Kai, and myself. They are our family now and forever. Their zeal for the lost has made an eternal impact on my life and I look forward to continuing to work with them on other projects in the future.

Thank you to everyone who covers me in prayer as I continue to navigate the waters of God's calling on my life.

The Pentecostal Problem

I will never forget my most uncomfortable moment in a church service.

In the middle of an evening prayer service I felt as if my body was on fire as a since of dread and fear over came me. What had begun as a normal service praying for our community and families took a turn when 2 key leaders in the church gave what is known in Pentecostal services as a "message and interpretation" from the Holy Spirit. A message came forth regarding business dealings that had been pushed through even though the church could not afford the proposed plan. Something struck me wrong about the exchange. I felt like I needed to get away quickly out of fear for the sure retribution that would come over false prophecy. I looked at my then-boyfriend and said, "it's time to go."

I had for some time felt uncomfortable in that church (this was not the denomination in which I now hold my license). These "messages" had become common and predictable. They always came from the same 2 leaders. They always spoke words that benefited those leaders. They were always followed up with the instruction that "this is perfectly in order". No one else seemed to be bothered in the large congregation, as each message was met with claps and shouts of "HALLELUJAH!"

After my last service there, the business the church had conducted after many prophecies that it would lead to an explosion in attendance turned out to be a risk that did not pay off. Soon discrepancies were revealed in the handling of monies and guess who seemed to be at the helm-the 2 who claimed to speak for the Spirit. Anger grew within the congregation over secrecy and misappropriations and now the attendance that was guaranteed to grow into the thousands is dwindling.

I don't say any of this with a happy heart. This is not an "I told you so" moment. A threat to the integrity of ministers anywhere is a threat to ministers everywhere.

I share this because we seem to have a major discernment issue in the Pentecostal church. What if everyone in that congregation recognized the manipulation of the Spirit in the beginning? What misdeeds could have been avoided?

How can it be that churches occupied by members claiming to be Spirit-filled don't notice an impostor of the God inside of them?

I submit to you that we have 2 major issues that allow this to happen:

1.) We desire God's Presence, but not His Word.

Imagine that when you opened this blog you found ideas and words that don't sound like my normal writings. Those who have read faithfully know my tone and my convictions. You would know that someone had hacked my account. So it is when God speaks to us. If we have studied His Words, we will know His thoughts. How can we expect to recognize His Voice if we don't know the way He speaks?

Growing up around Spirit-filled churches there have been countless times when I have heard members excitedly say "church was so good Sunday, the preacher didn't even get to preach!" That phrase pretty well sums up this point. We view an outpouring of the Spirit as a replacement for the Bible, which He is not. Many Spirit-filled congregations have all but abandoned Sunday School and Bible Studies as our pastors build their entire sermons around "good advice for living" instead of Bible truths.

My greatest fear for the Pentecostal church is that we have traded Scripture for shivers and our pastors have gone from anointed ministers to advice columnists. In these days in which false prophets run rampant, we must know God's Word for ourselves.

2.) We constantly pray for God to "meet with us" but not to "dwell in us".

Pentecostals tend to live as spiritual mountaineers. Meeting times are our mountaintops where we meet with God. We sing about it. We pray about it. The problem is that the Holy Spirit wasn't meant to "show up and show out". He was meant to fill us and empower us day to day. When we treat the Spirit as a once a week meal, our perceived "hunger" is actually "starvation".

The problem with Spiritual starvation is that we settle for anything and call it a message from above. We are so desperate to hear from God that we don't bother to discern the spirits that are speaking. We would rather blindly accept every word than to ask the Holy Spirit to help us know His voice.

Until He truly dwells in us, we will continue to be deceived.

Lord, help us to know that the Spirit is not something to be used and abused to get what we want. Keep our leaders faithful to you. Let them not use their influence for selfish gain. Fill our congregations with men, women, AND children who hunger for You and Your Word. Keep us accountable to You and to one another as we strive to be the bride You intend for us to be.

When the Mills Stop

Long time readers of my blog may remember an entry from last January entitled "The Mills of God's Justice", in which I discussed my mother's relative who was awaiting trial for molesting her and others as children. More than 50 years after his trespasses, his victims found the courage to come forward and he was arrested in December of 2013.

Over the past year, this man has been awaiting trial from his jail cell. We waited. The trial date was moved numerous times. We waited. Attorneys changed. We waited. Charges had to be renamed and brought before the grand jury again. We waited.

The wait is now over. This ordeal has ended.

The victims never made it to the courtroom.

The defendant passed away last week, before the trial could commence.

Our family wishes to thank all for the support, prayers, and love during this time.

Let me say how proud I am of each and every survivor who has come forward in this case and in others like it that are brought forward everyday. In an environment that seems to be increasingly hostile towards survivors of abuse who come forward as adults, their actions are nothing short of heroic.

Please continue to pray for those who came forward in this case that they would find peace and closure.

As this chapter closes, I pray the same blessing upon them that the Lord spoke to Moses for the Israelites:

“The Lord bless you and keep you; the Lord make his face shine on you and be gracious to you; the Lord turn his face toward you and give you peace.”’ (Numbers 6:24-26)