Post Wedding Depression

Before I got married I read about one of the most ridiculous issues I had ever heard of. I pretty much just wanted to laugh when I read about "Post Wedding Depression". It's a relatively new phenomena that is said to affect 1 in 10 brides in their first year of marriage. Now that I have been married almost three months, and am very much in a post-wedding stage, I feel that I can comment.

Let me say that I had thought I would be sad when my wedding was over, but I was actually incredibly happy when it was done. The stress of planning the spectacle which came to be known as the "Tennessee Church of God of Prophecy Royal Wedding" (it was a joke, I assure you) had me looking forward to our days ahead of it being just Andy and I.

Since I have many young readers, including some new brides and engaged girls, I would like to offer the following advice to make sure that none of these have to suffer what is possibly the silliest disorder ever. As you are planning, remember the following...

1. A wedding is not about the bride...or the groom. As I was preparing for my wedding I was amazed at the number of people who told me to be selfish. Literally, those were their words. The first step in not having PWD is not letting your wedding become something it wasn't meant to be. A wedding is a sacred ceremony showcasing a commitment to one another AND to God. Your wedding should be centered around this very serious promise to God, not about you! As supportive as everyone tries to be during the planning, I assure you, no one will forget your diva demands when the day is over. You love these people enough to put them in your wedding, you really don't want to lose them from your life when it's done because your selfish demands pushed them away.

2. People who love you enough to show up won't love you less if you don't have a wedding that breaks the bank. One of the greatest documented causes of PWD is the financial burden that one day causes. I had a very nice wedding and was blessed by parents who were able to cover all costs, but I didn't show up with a list of demands to rival Kate Middleton. Make a budget, live in it. A few hours isn't worth debt you argue about for the next decade. If you are paying for it yourself, excessive wedding debt will cause contention with your spouse at some point. If your parents are paying, remember the sacrifices they are making and be respectful of their resources.

3. When it's over, whether you spent $50 or $50,000 you have to live with your spouse. Treat them well. I know it's stressful, and they seem like the perfect person to "vent" to, but be kind and remember why you are marrying this person. When everyone else ceases to see you as the princess-de-jour, you will be his queen until you are parted by death. Appreciate that.

4. This is a big one...once you are married, don't let anyone pressure you about the next steps in your life. The week I returned from honeymoon I had already been asked when I was having a baby. I haven't been married 3 months yet and I couldn't count the number of times I have been asked what I'm waiting for. Even before I was married I had been told that I needed to hurry up because at age 27, my time was running out. I know people are well-intentioned, but it puts a ton of pressure on the young sapling that is newlywedhood. Suddenly, you feel like you need to start rushing each other into being ready for parenthood, when you both just want to enjoy each other. I don't think people will ever stop asking, so you just have to learn to let it roll off your back...or create a very clever smart-mouth answer that shuts people up. If you do that, fill me in so I can use it!

Hopefully, if you accepted a proposal you did it because you wanted a marriage, not a wedding. Just know that real life is about to start, so prepare yourself now!