A Word to Parents of Prodigals

I spent Valentine's weekend at the Tennessee Marriage Retreat in Pigeon Forge, TN. It was a wonderful weekend of fun and great resources to use in our marriage. Of special note was Saturday night's service. Toward the end of a great message by our speaker, Marsha Robinson, a woman approached the foot of the stage that operated as our altar. She asked for prayer for her son who is battling homosexuality. While I didn't know this minister's wife, my parents had known the family for many years. By my dad's account, they are good people who love the Lord and raised their children well. As we began to pray, other parents came forward who found their children or their children's spouses in the same situation.

My father began weeping as we entered into a time of intense prayer for lost children. Some were like this mother, with a gay or lesbian child, some had children lost in alcoholism or abuse. Regardless of the individual situations, a theme presented itself: sometimes good parents have children who get lost in this world. I'm sure these moms and dads spend nights crying out to the Lord asking what they did wrong. Wondering if they were too hard or too easy, if they neglected their kids or if they hovered too much leading them into rebellion.

As I have thought about those parents in the last couple of weeks, the Lord brought me to oft-quoted story of the Prodigal Son.

We all know the story. A young man goes to his father and says, basically, "you aren't dying fast enough! I want your money, not you. Now give me my inheritance." The father does what the son asks, and soon the boy is on his way. He went on his journey into the exciting world ahead. He had a great time, partying with his new found friends, but when the money ran out, so did the friends. A famine hits the land and he has to take a job slopping hogs (detestable to a Jewish boy), and even gets so hungry that he wants to eat the slop! As my pappy says it, the next verse is "the greatest compliment paid to a sinner", "when he finally came to himself" (Luke 15:17). The boy wasn't in his right mind away from his father, and neither are we.

The boy decides to return to his father and give a big speech about how he messed up and would work as a servant for his dad. Verse 20 tells us "he returned home to his father. And while he was still a long distance away, his father saw him coming. Filled with love and compassion, he ran to his son, embraced him, and kissed him." Before the son can give his speech, the dad cuts him off and starts party planning!

As I was thinking about moms and dads whose children have left the father's house, I saw this passage differently. When the prodigal comes home, his father sees him from a distance. How did he see him from a distance? He must have been looking for his return. Why would he expect his return? Because the father must have known the trouble his son would encounter on his own. But even so the dad let him go. The father didn't look at his rude, selfish son and say "if you wanna go, you figure it out on your own". He didn't chase after his son who was going out into a cruel world. Instead, the father equipped him the best way he could. He gave him his treasure and blessed him. And in the end, the boy realized that his father's infinite love was more than he deserved. He felt he wasn't even "worthy to be his son." Longing for his love, the boy returns to find a father with arms open wide.

Now, back to my modern day prodigals. What can you do with a child who seems destined for destruction?

1. Give them your treasure. The greatest treasure you have is a love of God. Teach your child that no matter how far they go, God is only a prayer away. Speak the Word over them. Pray with them and over them. Don't let their wandering heart dictate your responsibility to speak life. Your child may leave regardless of what you pour into them, but would you rather them be out there alone or with a hope (even a small one) that there is a God who never leaves them?

2. Let them see what the pig trough is like. One of the hardest things to do in the face of your child's discovery of free will is to let them hit bottom. Parents want to protect their children from consequences. It's natural. It's understandable. But it's not what's best. The truth is, the dad knew it would get bad. The father had to make a choice that if ending up in a trough is what it took to break his son's rebellious heart, then it was worth it. Many young people run back to their sin over and over again, and many do so because no one has ever let them spend a couple of nights in a pig trough.

3. Watch with arms wide open. When your child returns, don't wait for the apology. Don't be stubborn. Rejoice that this "son of mine was dead and has now returned to life." (v.24) If your child died in his or her sins, you would undoubtedly give anything to hold them again, remember that when your child returns alive but battered. This isn't the time for "I told you so", this is the time for kissing over and over again.

When God Changes Your Heart, He Changes Your Life

I never really wanted kids. I never looked at babies and felt like my heart was melting and I really had no desire to be pregnant. I would avoid feeling pregnant women's bellies for a kick and would leave the room when discussions about delivery and all things infant-care began. But then God did something funny...

For sometime now, I have made my prayer not that I would get the desires of my heart, but that He would make me desire what would best bring glory to Him. Then it happened. One morning I woke up and told my husband I wanted a baby. Just like that. My heart suddenly shifted. I can't give you a reason because I don't know what the reason was, the desire wasn't there, and then it was. Andy had always wanted children, but told me if I didn't want them, he would be okay with just us.

After a couple of weeks of feeling this way and discussing our options for pursuing this new life, we started talking about our fears. I would assume most people contemplating this idea would have these worries. We talked about our worries that we wouldn't be ready, that we'd make mistakes that had been made in our pasts. Then, in a moment of clarity, I grabbed his hand and placed it on my belly. I started to pray, "Lord, give us a baby in YOUR time, not ours." I opened my eyes, looked at my husband, and said "now we know when we get pregnant that it was in God's hands, not ours."

Apparently, God's time was about 2 months after that prayer. On a Sunday afternoon, Andy looked at me and said, "Lindsey, you're pregnant." I didn't believe him, so to shut him up, I took a test, and then, another, and then about 5 more and they all confirmed that he was right.

Today, I am happy to report, that we are both ecstatic and cannot wait until October to meet our baby. This is my point, when I God changes your desires, He changes your life! Don't be afraid to hand your heart over to Him, because that fear could keep you from the greatest joys in life!

Watch Andy find out he's gonna be a dad in the video below!

http://youtu.be/dQAN3echD18

A Note to Newlyweds: It's Not About the Shelf Liner

This Valentine's day has been marked on our calendars for a while now, not because we are fanatics for the day, but because it was the end of the lease on our first apartment. God blessed us with a new home that is much more conducive to our current and future lifestyles, but it was a bittersweet moment to walk through and think of the memories we made there. My husband walked through commenting on how it was his first place on his own and how it was where we first learned how to live together, but I wasn't getting misty eyed because all I could remember was shelf liner.

Andy moved in to our 1 bedroom apartment in Nashville 6 months before our wedding. Due to some circumstances beyond his control, it became important for him to have a place of his own sooner than expected. As is always the case, what seemed frustrating at the time ended up being the best thing for him because he got a chance to see what life on his own would be like before I moved in after our wedding 6 months later. The first week he moved in, one of my older friends told me I needed to put down shelf liner in the kitchen cabinets. I went out and bought several rolls, brought them home, and insisted that he contort himself into our cabinets to measure and then cut the paper into the awkward shapes we found. About an hour into this project he looked at me and said, "why do we even need this." Can you believe that?! I believe my response (after an exaggerated glare) was something like, "how can you even ask me that?" and then for good measure I probably questioned if he even loved me, because how could you question puffy shelf liners if he loved me?

Here's the truth: I didn't answer him because I didn't know why we needed them either. This was the first in a long string of arguments in which this was really about that. I had never been on my own either, and I thought I finally had an inside track on how to run a home. When he questioned me it brought to the surface all my insecurities of how I really didn't know what I was doing. Yes, it was a ridiculous leap, but those are especially common in a new nest.

So, now that I am a veteran wife of 6 months (please see the sarcasm in that), I want to share some tips that I've learned in this short time:

1. In times of trouble, stay on topic. Don't turn your spouse, the dishes, or the placement of your couch into a scapegoat for your real issues. If you are lamenting the loss of your independence, admit it. If you miss seeing your family everyday, say it, so you can work it out. Be honest AND be willing to accept the honesty. You can't work through anything you don't acknowledge. Don't spend an hour screaming about how the "stove is broken and that's why I burn everything" (*guilty), when the truth is, there is a learning curve that your partner understands better than you want to admit.

2. Accept the situation for what it is. Disney movies ruined a lot of us girls. They always ended with the wedding as the last scene. They just leave you with a "happily ever after". Walt didn't say what happened when Cinderella discovered that Prince Charming expected her to still be a maid after they said "I do". We didn't find out how Snow White's new husband felt about the dwarfs randomly showing up with laundry. Or how Prince Eric handled it when Ariel got mad and screamed "I gave up my fins for you, not to mention my thing-a-ma-bobs! I had 20, for goodness sake!". Marriage is rough. It's two people becoming one, and no matter how you slice it, this mutation is difficult. Don't expect a perfect fairy tale. Expect work.

3. Remember what love is. Love is not sunshine and roses everyday. It's not about curing loneliness. It's not about "fixing" you or them. We know what love is because the bible tells us in 1 Corinthians 13. Most people include this "love chapter" in their wedding ceremony, but if you'd allow me, I'd like to give you my "newlywed wife version" of it:

Love is calm when you want to blow up.
Love doesn't intentionally push buttons to ignite an argument.
Love doesn't think he is looking at every girl who walks by
Love doesn't throw success in his face
Love doesn't roll its eyes or ignore him when he is trying to talk to you
Love can compromise, and even let him win a few
Love isn't easily annoyed
Love doesn't bring up that he called you his ex's name 2 years ago
Love isn't excited to "get one over" on him
Love is happy when the truth comes out, regardless of who the truth benefits in the short term
Love doesn't pack up for mom's house when it gets too hard to handle
Love never believes its spouse is helpless or hopeless
Love looks for the glory of tomorrow, not the sorrow of today
Love doesn't quit, no matter how hard the circumstance

The Way Out

One of the most misused verses in all of scripture is 1 Corinthians 10:13. When someone is grieving, or mourning, or says they can't take the pain in their life anymore, it is a given that some good church folk will show up to say, "but the Lord says He won't put more pain on you than you can handle." I hate to bust up a good platitude (and ruin a Kirk Franklin song), but that's not what it says. What it actually says is this, "The temptations in your life are no different from what others experience. And God is faithful. He will not allow the temptation to be more than you can stand. When you are tempted, he will show you a way out so that you can endure." (NLT)

For a long time I thought we just perpetuated this false interpretation because it gave us something to say in awkward moments in which we think Christians should have to give advice (which we don't, BTW). But I've been thinking, maybe we didn't change it because we wanted soothing words, maybe we changed it because we don't like the harsh truth. The truth is, the Word says there is no temptation we cannot withstand, that He will always show us a way to avoid it if we listen.

While I find this idea incredibly encouraging, there is a sect of religious leaders who do NOT want you to know what the verse actually means. Why? Because it burst their "I'm a broken sinner and there is nothing I can do about it. Grace covers me, which is good, because I can't help but give in to temptations." That. Is. A. Lie. God will always give you a way out before you sin, to say you have been brought to a temptation you can't resist is to deny scripture.

I have been made the target of mockery and ire for my stance on the doctrines of holiness and sanctification. Ephesians 5 tells us that He died to make us holy. That settles it. Holiness is not a pharisaical idea, it is a truth that Christ died for, which in my book, puts it on par with Salvation through the cross. Yet it is a lost teaching.

Why have we stopped teaching this?

As I've thought about it this is the best conclusion I have: it's a hard sell. When trying to "sell" young people on doctrine, the inevitable question becomes, "what's in it for me?"A good "seller-type" preacher can convince you to sign on for salvation. " 'Free' forgiveness for my sins and a ticket to heaven without any promise of discipleship or obedience or true devotion? Sign me up!" Baptism in the Holy Spirit isn't that difficult either, if you know how to word things. "I can get power and authority and feel all tingly? Awesome!" But how do you make sanctification sound like the "buyer" is better off? When you tell the truth, that sanctification involves WORK everyday, CROSS CARRYING everyday, DEATH everyday, who would want that? So we stopped  talking about it and have subscribed, instead, to the easy concept that I can be saved and even Spirit-filled but keep sinning because "it's human nature to sin and I can't help it."

I have some awful, liberating news: You CAN'T contend with your human nature. That is why Jesus himself instructs us in John 3 that we must be "born again". This new creature is not broken. He is not sinful. He is not enslaved to the laws of human nature. If this were not so, then Jesus died in vain. There is hope for you. God Himself will show you a way out of temptation, but it is up to you to acknowledge that while He shows you the way, You have to (and can) climb out yourself!