This is Part 2 of a story I began last week. If you have not already done so, please read Part 1 Here.
After Andy left the group of young witches he was a part of, the spiritual warfare around him got out of control. To understand this, you have to know a few things about those who are drawn into witchcraft and demonic activities.
One of the biggest lures of these groups is that they mimic a family. Much like what you hear of gangs, cults target the disenfranchised and lonely and make them believe they are welcomed into a brotherhood that will never abandon them. They stick to you like glue-until you choose to leave. These people can't allow former members to get out because they have too much information and leave the group vulnerable to exposure. For this reason, when someone leaves, they begin to send spirits to the defector. The other thing you should know is that those involved in witchcraft don't view demons as inherently evil. They believe you can use demons to do your bidding, thus the demons are on your side-except when they are used against you.
When Andy left, the spirits he trusted to help him suddenly attacked him. He began having nightmares in which spirits would drag him across floors. He dreamt about committing evil acts. In his waking hours, he began seeing demons in his home and wherever he went. He was scared and alone. This carried on for some time. He continued cutting as a means of distraction. What he did not realize, what many do not realize, is that cutting is a predominant form of sacrifice to the spirits that were plaguing him. The demons that oppressed him did what demons do best, they worked to destroy God's creation.
Eventually, to use his words, he "got tired of hurting and being in pain." He had been invited to a local church and in an act of desperation, walked in to a Sunday night prayer service. Once he arrived he told God, "if You are real, then You have to prove it to me." When the pastor asked if anyone needed special prayer Andy stepped forward. Andy began to ask God to take away the pain, that was the last thing Andy remembers that night.
I would like to say that was the end of the story, that he found peace and the spirits stayed away, but the door he opened had more consequences. Although he continued to see demons, he was able to resist them and was unafraid.
As the years passed, he never told anyone about his former life. He carried the secret about the molestation, he carried the shame of his experience with witchcraft, he carried the frightening truth of what he saw around him. Eventually, he confided in me the things no one knew. He decided to tell my parents, because they had more understanding of these issues than most and were able to offer counsel.
Throughout our courtship and leading up to our wedding he seemed spiritually strong, although there were moments when we had to refocus. A few months into marriage I started to notice slow changes in his walk. I kept asking questions about where he was in his relationship with Christ, but he either became defensive or hid the truth from me. Although I could discern something was happening, I didn't know what was going on.
Internally Andy was struggling with feelings of abandonment by those he was supposed to be close to. People who had said they would always love him and be there for him seemed to have gone away. These feelings bred bitterness in his heart and that bitterness led to anger. Andy soon found that Ephesians 4 is true, anger gives a "foothold" to the devil.
Slowly, old thoughts began to return, in his weakness he once again heard voices telling him that if he just gave himself over, he could be strong. I can't over emphasize this, it was a slow fade. As is always the case, the devil creeps in quietly, little by little and before you know it, he has you.
Andy would close his eyes and begin to envision the spirits entering his body.
I didn't know the seriousness of what was going on until one Wednesday night returning from church. Andy started arguing with me over nothing. Then he started accusing me of saying things I had never said. This all makes sense now, because the devil is the accuser, but at the time I was totally confused. We walked in the door and went to separate rooms. Soon enough he came storming out of his room and approached me as I lie on the couch. He stared at me, about a foot from my face and said, "they say I have to put a spell on you now." Now, if anyone else said that I would have just looked at them as if they were crazy, but I knew he was serious. It was like a dark cloud had suddenly formed in the room. I could feel a shift in the atmosphere.
This is where I need you to trust me. I know this part sounds crazy, but I need you to realize that I am a very rational, realistic person. I don't go around making everything spiritual. I don't call every bad thing an attack of the devil. It takes A LOT for me to give the devil credit for something, but this happened exactly as I am telling it.
I sat up and asked him "what did you just say?" He again told me his plan. Without a thought, in one motion, as if not in my own control, my hand landed on his head and he landed on the floor. I began to pray. His eyes rolled back and his voice went to an octave I have never heard before. The demon began speaking, sometimes in words I understood, sometimes in demonic tongues. Whatever was speaking through him made it clear that it hated me. It began to speak against me, claiming that I was weak and it would destroy me. I spoke to the spirit commanding it to come out in Jesus's name. Andy's body became stiff as he screamed as if in pain over and over again as I placed my bible on top of him. The Holy Spirit rose up within me. It didn't like that at all. As I prayed in tongues he screamed louder and louder trying to drown me out as I called on the name of the Lord.
There I was, newly married, watching a literal war go on in the body and soul of the man I loved. After some time he let out a massive yell that I was sure would prompt our neighbors to call the police. Suddenly, frantically, his eyes began searching the room and he came back to me. We prayed together for Jesus to once again be the Lord of his life, to forgive him of the sins and thoughts that allowed this to happen, and to break the chains that kept him bound to his former practices.
Andy doesn't remember what he said or did that night. The only thing he remembers is watching something leave our apartment and our final prayer together.
I know that this raises a lot of questions. The most obvious is how was he possessed if he had gotten saved? The answer is uncomfortable. No, I don't believe a Christian can be possessed. They can be under oppression and influence, but light and dark can't exist together. The truth is that the anger that was allowed to grow in his heart overtook his relationship with Christ and left a gaping whole for the devil to enter. The second question will come from those who had heard me speak well of Andy in this time. I'm sure to some it seems like I was lying about him being a good husband and friend. Maybe this is one of those "love covers a multitude of sins" things. I don't hold him responsible for the things he said or did during this time period because it wasn't really him speaking. I know the real Andy always loved me. He was absolutely wrong to allow the devil in, but at the end of the day I pledged to love him no matter what and loving him meant not backing down and letting the devil have him.
This experience is the reason I sometimes come across as hard on certain issues. This is the reason I can't be okay with demonic themed films (once you've lived it, you really don't want to watch it). This is the reason I won't turn a blind eye to young people listening to music that endorses demonic themes. This is the reason I can't just call self-mutilators "attention seekers".
Those doors he opened in his teen years still cause problems. Just last month, while I was at camp, he saw one of his former friends from the "church" at a local shopping area. The young man saw him from across the street and began screaming that Andy was a "traitor". There are still times when he sees something that reminds him of those days and we have to pray for the Lord to guard his heart and mind. And yes, there are times when he sees spirits around us. It is not a life easy to escape.
Again, it is my prayer that all who read this understand that we shared all this (even very embarrassing parts) as a way to open the eyes of those dabbling with anything to do with the enemy. He is still seeking whom he may destroy. He is working in ways we don't always see. We must always be on guard and we must be prepared to fight his attacks.
I love my husband. I will continue to stand by him and fight for him, as he does for me. I believe God has a tremendous purpose for him that is yet to be realized and that all this will be used to the glory of God. No matter where you are or what you have been through, whether by your choice or actions thrust upon you, God is not finished with you yet. His plan surpasses anything we can think or deserve.
Thursday, July 24, 2014
Saturday, July 19, 2014
Andy's Story Part 1
From time to time I have (with permission) shared the testimonies of loved ones in an order to offer hope for others I know are struggling with similar situations. A few months ago, my husband asked me to do something I hadn't expected. He asked that I join his story to list of others I had shared. As he has traveled with me and seen the bondage so many are in, he has had an urging to share where he came from in order to warn others of the destruction they are playing with and to share the good news that there is hope, regardless of the darkness of your present situation. It took this long to write it because it is a testimony that contains sensitive and at times controversial material. I wanted to be sure, above all, that the message conveyed was not one of victimization or glory to anything other than the transformative power of God. With that in mind, I present Andy's story.
When asked what my favorite thing is about Andy, my answer is always the same, "it's his kind heart." He has always been kind, gentle, forgiving, and loving towards me-even when I did not deserve it. In this way, our relationship has taught me new dimensions of the love God has for me, for it is truly a Godly love that is in his heart. I share about his goodness in order to explain how unbelievable his former life was, and to tell how God can truly transform every part of us.
During our engagement Andy told me a secret that no one in the world knew. As a young child, he had been molested by another boy in his neighborhood. Andy had forgiven this boy and understood that he had more than likely been molested himself. But even though he had forgiven him, the thought of the events never went away. The actions of this child planted seeds of doubt and weakness in Andy's mind.
As Andy grew up, he seemed to always find himself in trouble. Diagnosed with ADD and being dragged from doctors to psychologists who never got to the root of it all left him feeling worthless. The options were either to stay on medications that left him like a zombie or drop them all and deal with his disorder. Maybe if they had known what had happened, they would have realized he was actually quite smart and was always active because he needed to distract his mind from the constant battle.
Kids who are labeled with ADHD are often made to feel like a nuisance. They are told they are stupid, crazy, lazy, and have no prospects for the future. That's where Andy was. Those seeds of powerlessness planted by the boy who took advantage of him were watered and tended to by adults and other children who made him feel weak with their words and actions.
Around the age of 12 Andy began self-mutilation. He started cutting his body, sometimes in obvious spots, sometimes in hidden areas, initially as a means of getting attention from those he thought didn't notice him. This plan did nothing but leave him with scars still visible over a decade later, but never ended his suffering.
As he grew older, he began searching for new ways to numb his pain. He did what many abused do, he turned to alcohol and drugs. To most on the outside this seemed like normal teenage rebellion, but in Andy's case it was fueled by something deeper. He wasn't smoking marijuana or drinking because he perceived it as "cool", he did it because anything that dulled his senses was better than the daily torment of wondering if he could have done more to stop the detestable actions that were committed against him.
This habit of self medication led to a feeling that life was meaningless. He became what most considered a "thrill-seeker", pulling crazy stunts like jumping off bridges into rather shallow waters below. What the outsiders didn't know was that this wasn't just about an adrenaline rush. He had no desire to live. It wasn't that he was trying to kill himself, he just didn't care if that was what happened.
He had decided that no one would ever want a "broken" soul like him. No girl would ever choose to marry him, let alone raise a family with him. Being made to feel "stupid" and incapable of any real academic or career success, he really had nothing to look forward to. He knew he had a lonely, empty life ahead, and saw no reason to delay death.
At the age of 18 he was introduced to the darkest and admittedly hardest part to understand of his story. He discovered that a friend was heavily involved in witchcraft and began to inquire as to the practice. His friend knew how to draw in this lonely, powerless boy, he told Andy how through witchcraft and the assistance of the demons they invite he could feel ultimate power.
I can't stress this part enough-Andy turned to the practice because long before he was made to feel powerless. Every time he thought of the acts perpetuated by the young boy, every time someone called him "dumb", every time his best efforts weren't good enough, all that fueled his decision to find something to make him feel "big".
Andy still remembers his first visit to one of the gatherings. As he entered the room, he found the windows covered in black sheets, the only illumination coming from candles, in an effort to give demons the darkness they craved. The walls and floors were covered in drawings. There was a table containing machetes, knives, and a skull. The group of about 15 young people were chanting and singing what seemed to be tribal music.
Andy's friend wanted to invoke a demon that night. He stood in the center of the room as the others gathered around smoking cigars and marijuana (a common practice to invite spirits). As he invited the demons to enter, those around him began to make sacrifices. Some were killing small animals and offering their blood to the spirits. Others began to cut and offer their own blood. It was during this that Andy watched his friend's wish be granted: he became possessed. His young friend began contorting and screaming in demonic tongues.
Andy remained in the group for about nine months. In that time, he started moving up the ladder. He proved himself enough to be called a low-ranking warlock. With this distinction came the ability to cast spells and use spirits to see the inner thoughts of those he wanted to target. The object of his obsession quickly became Christians. He hated Christians. Andy was raised not only in a Christian home, but in a missionary house. He knew about God. He knew that God allegedly loved people, but all he could do was hate God for all the pain he had faced and if you are going to hate God then you have to hate this claiming to be like Him.
The deeper he got into the cult, the more spirits would visit him, especially in his dreams. He left because the spirits he had come to trust began to threaten him. They told him that they would take him to hell. He knew enough to be scared. With this decision to turn away came new demonic attacks as witches began casting spells and sending demons to him even at great distances.
It seemed there was no escape...
Stay tuned for part 2 of Andy's story, coming soon.
When asked what my favorite thing is about Andy, my answer is always the same, "it's his kind heart." He has always been kind, gentle, forgiving, and loving towards me-even when I did not deserve it. In this way, our relationship has taught me new dimensions of the love God has for me, for it is truly a Godly love that is in his heart. I share about his goodness in order to explain how unbelievable his former life was, and to tell how God can truly transform every part of us.
During our engagement Andy told me a secret that no one in the world knew. As a young child, he had been molested by another boy in his neighborhood. Andy had forgiven this boy and understood that he had more than likely been molested himself. But even though he had forgiven him, the thought of the events never went away. The actions of this child planted seeds of doubt and weakness in Andy's mind.
As Andy grew up, he seemed to always find himself in trouble. Diagnosed with ADD and being dragged from doctors to psychologists who never got to the root of it all left him feeling worthless. The options were either to stay on medications that left him like a zombie or drop them all and deal with his disorder. Maybe if they had known what had happened, they would have realized he was actually quite smart and was always active because he needed to distract his mind from the constant battle.
Kids who are labeled with ADHD are often made to feel like a nuisance. They are told they are stupid, crazy, lazy, and have no prospects for the future. That's where Andy was. Those seeds of powerlessness planted by the boy who took advantage of him were watered and tended to by adults and other children who made him feel weak with their words and actions.
Around the age of 12 Andy began self-mutilation. He started cutting his body, sometimes in obvious spots, sometimes in hidden areas, initially as a means of getting attention from those he thought didn't notice him. This plan did nothing but leave him with scars still visible over a decade later, but never ended his suffering.
As he grew older, he began searching for new ways to numb his pain. He did what many abused do, he turned to alcohol and drugs. To most on the outside this seemed like normal teenage rebellion, but in Andy's case it was fueled by something deeper. He wasn't smoking marijuana or drinking because he perceived it as "cool", he did it because anything that dulled his senses was better than the daily torment of wondering if he could have done more to stop the detestable actions that were committed against him.
This habit of self medication led to a feeling that life was meaningless. He became what most considered a "thrill-seeker", pulling crazy stunts like jumping off bridges into rather shallow waters below. What the outsiders didn't know was that this wasn't just about an adrenaline rush. He had no desire to live. It wasn't that he was trying to kill himself, he just didn't care if that was what happened.
He had decided that no one would ever want a "broken" soul like him. No girl would ever choose to marry him, let alone raise a family with him. Being made to feel "stupid" and incapable of any real academic or career success, he really had nothing to look forward to. He knew he had a lonely, empty life ahead, and saw no reason to delay death.
At the age of 18 he was introduced to the darkest and admittedly hardest part to understand of his story. He discovered that a friend was heavily involved in witchcraft and began to inquire as to the practice. His friend knew how to draw in this lonely, powerless boy, he told Andy how through witchcraft and the assistance of the demons they invite he could feel ultimate power.
I can't stress this part enough-Andy turned to the practice because long before he was made to feel powerless. Every time he thought of the acts perpetuated by the young boy, every time someone called him "dumb", every time his best efforts weren't good enough, all that fueled his decision to find something to make him feel "big".
Andy still remembers his first visit to one of the gatherings. As he entered the room, he found the windows covered in black sheets, the only illumination coming from candles, in an effort to give demons the darkness they craved. The walls and floors were covered in drawings. There was a table containing machetes, knives, and a skull. The group of about 15 young people were chanting and singing what seemed to be tribal music.
Andy's friend wanted to invoke a demon that night. He stood in the center of the room as the others gathered around smoking cigars and marijuana (a common practice to invite spirits). As he invited the demons to enter, those around him began to make sacrifices. Some were killing small animals and offering their blood to the spirits. Others began to cut and offer their own blood. It was during this that Andy watched his friend's wish be granted: he became possessed. His young friend began contorting and screaming in demonic tongues.
Andy remained in the group for about nine months. In that time, he started moving up the ladder. He proved himself enough to be called a low-ranking warlock. With this distinction came the ability to cast spells and use spirits to see the inner thoughts of those he wanted to target. The object of his obsession quickly became Christians. He hated Christians. Andy was raised not only in a Christian home, but in a missionary house. He knew about God. He knew that God allegedly loved people, but all he could do was hate God for all the pain he had faced and if you are going to hate God then you have to hate this claiming to be like Him.
The deeper he got into the cult, the more spirits would visit him, especially in his dreams. He left because the spirits he had come to trust began to threaten him. They told him that they would take him to hell. He knew enough to be scared. With this decision to turn away came new demonic attacks as witches began casting spells and sending demons to him even at great distances.
It seemed there was no escape...
Stay tuned for part 2 of Andy's story, coming soon.
Thursday, July 17, 2014
Marriage Part 2: When the Party's Over
My last posting was a lament regarding the current view of engagement for most young women in America. Faced with the awesome privilege and responsibility of matrimony, many young people view it as nothing more than an opportunity for a party. They spend months planning for one day, giving very little thought to what happens when that day is over. But eventually, the honeymoon period does end. At this point we watch young marriages disintegrate in the harsh light of marital day. It is with that in mind that I try and open the eyes of my young friends looking to marry.
The Tiara Comes Off
The worst part of any party, no matter how long you've planned or how great the event was, is that eventually you have to clean up. Perhaps the biggest mess created by making a wedding into a party is that you spend months being the center of the universe only to discover when it's over, you are just like everyone else. Throughout my engagement I heard an odd statement that I could never fully grasp, "this is about you, you need to be selfish right now." This was uttered with the best of intentions as people wanted me to have the wedding of my dreams and wanted me to feel okay about making demands. The problem with this mentality is that it doesn't match up with an event that is lauded as a celebration of love. If a wedding is about love then you can't be selfish in planning because love is NEVER selfish.
Nothing says "it's my day" more than the importance placed on the walk down the aisle. The first thing I knew in planning my wedding was that I wanted my close friend, Glynis, to sing "At Last" as I entered the sanctuary. And she did it to perfection. As I planned I could just imagine the doors flying open, the light shimmering behind me, and several hundreds of people looking at me. That is pretty much how it happened, although when the doors opened I immediately locked eyes with my groom and didn't notice those around me. The truth is, it's a nice thought that you would have the room captivated even if just for a moment. Everyone should get to experience that.
But that's not what it's about. That walk should be about more than attention, it should be about a passage into a new stage of life. It's about leaving your old life behind and placing your trust in your spouse to meet your meets. Yep, that moment is nice, but if you spend your engagement believing the world revolves around you, you are in for a dizzying realization the next week when you suddenly have to care more for your spouse's needs than your own. My advice is this: learn sacrificial love (not just compromising love) during your engagement. Don't put it off until "your day" is gone. Get the practice in now, because you won't be the princess at the center of the ball forever.
Vows Aren't Just Words
Although many young couples are now creating their own vows, most still contain something similar to the standard "for better or worse, richer or poorer, in sickness and in health". Those words seem like an easy thing to commit to in the planning process. I mean, if all it takes to get some fancy wedding photos to show off is to recite after a preacher, why wouldn't you agree? But there is a reason for that promise. You probably will have days when the money runs out (particularly if you break the bank to make your Pinterest wedding dreams come true). It's a lot harder to view your husband as your knight in shining armor in those moments. You probably will have days when you have more than you do right now. In those moments you have use wisdom and cooperation to do the right thing.
You agree to sickness and health because those are inevitabilities. You say, "Lindsey, I love my boyfriend. I would stay with him through anything; cancer, disability, death." That's admirable. That should be expected from someone vowing a lifetime to another. But what if it is a mental illness you have to deal with? What if it isn't a matter of your sweet spouse being physically incapable, but rather of him falling to pieces mentally, to the point that he is a different person entirely. What happens then?
The Man of the House
One of the hardest things for me in marriage is a struggle I imagine to be common for many young American women heading into marriage. I got married at age 27. I was strong and independent. I have been able to take care of myself for some time now and had no interest in allowing a man to "take care of me." Here's the problem: God created men as our protector and provider. Men have an innate need to fulfill this role. I find myself having to step back often and give my husband the liberty to do just that. Yes, I could meet the needs on my own, but that would be destructive to us as a couple because it would be destructive to his psyche. I urge my young female friends to allow the Lord to check you on this one. I am by no means endorsing allowing a man to walk on you or saying you don't stand up for yourself. I am merely saying we have to realize how this affects men and allow them to realize the position God created them for in your family.
You Aren't Committing To Your Spouse
This one seems odd. With all the talk about marriage being about your spouse and the commitment to once another, you may be confused by my statement. Your vows are not just a pledge to your spouse, they are a pledge to God. You are telling Him that you respect His institution of marriage. This matters because a pledge to man is easily broken, pledges to God are not. Marriage is not a contract in the eyes of your state, it is a contract between both parties and God. Marriage isn't about being with the one you love. It's not about meeting all their needs. Yes, you will learn to put them first because that's what love does-it prefers others. But those are side effects. Marriage and family is about being an expression of God's love here on earth. In a time when vows mean so little, the church has an obligation to prove that there is such a thing as selflessness.
So after reading this you may be thinking, "wow! Lindsey must really hate married life." Far from it! I love the fact that God gave me a partner to cling to. I love that He gave me a kind, loving, supportive husband to be there through all the ups and downs. I love that our love has shown me new depths of God's love. I love that I get to be a part of something as sacred as marriage. But I don't want to sit by quietly and watch any more young friends walk blindly into the institution without realizing what they are getting into. Marriage is beautiful and sacred. Don't make God the first thing in your relationship, make Him the only and you will have a beautiful life ahead.
The Tiara Comes Off
The worst part of any party, no matter how long you've planned or how great the event was, is that eventually you have to clean up. Perhaps the biggest mess created by making a wedding into a party is that you spend months being the center of the universe only to discover when it's over, you are just like everyone else. Throughout my engagement I heard an odd statement that I could never fully grasp, "this is about you, you need to be selfish right now." This was uttered with the best of intentions as people wanted me to have the wedding of my dreams and wanted me to feel okay about making demands. The problem with this mentality is that it doesn't match up with an event that is lauded as a celebration of love. If a wedding is about love then you can't be selfish in planning because love is NEVER selfish.
Nothing says "it's my day" more than the importance placed on the walk down the aisle. The first thing I knew in planning my wedding was that I wanted my close friend, Glynis, to sing "At Last" as I entered the sanctuary. And she did it to perfection. As I planned I could just imagine the doors flying open, the light shimmering behind me, and several hundreds of people looking at me. That is pretty much how it happened, although when the doors opened I immediately locked eyes with my groom and didn't notice those around me. The truth is, it's a nice thought that you would have the room captivated even if just for a moment. Everyone should get to experience that.
But that's not what it's about. That walk should be about more than attention, it should be about a passage into a new stage of life. It's about leaving your old life behind and placing your trust in your spouse to meet your meets. Yep, that moment is nice, but if you spend your engagement believing the world revolves around you, you are in for a dizzying realization the next week when you suddenly have to care more for your spouse's needs than your own. My advice is this: learn sacrificial love (not just compromising love) during your engagement. Don't put it off until "your day" is gone. Get the practice in now, because you won't be the princess at the center of the ball forever.
Vows Aren't Just Words
Although many young couples are now creating their own vows, most still contain something similar to the standard "for better or worse, richer or poorer, in sickness and in health". Those words seem like an easy thing to commit to in the planning process. I mean, if all it takes to get some fancy wedding photos to show off is to recite after a preacher, why wouldn't you agree? But there is a reason for that promise. You probably will have days when the money runs out (particularly if you break the bank to make your Pinterest wedding dreams come true). It's a lot harder to view your husband as your knight in shining armor in those moments. You probably will have days when you have more than you do right now. In those moments you have use wisdom and cooperation to do the right thing.
You agree to sickness and health because those are inevitabilities. You say, "Lindsey, I love my boyfriend. I would stay with him through anything; cancer, disability, death." That's admirable. That should be expected from someone vowing a lifetime to another. But what if it is a mental illness you have to deal with? What if it isn't a matter of your sweet spouse being physically incapable, but rather of him falling to pieces mentally, to the point that he is a different person entirely. What happens then?
The Man of the House
One of the hardest things for me in marriage is a struggle I imagine to be common for many young American women heading into marriage. I got married at age 27. I was strong and independent. I have been able to take care of myself for some time now and had no interest in allowing a man to "take care of me." Here's the problem: God created men as our protector and provider. Men have an innate need to fulfill this role. I find myself having to step back often and give my husband the liberty to do just that. Yes, I could meet the needs on my own, but that would be destructive to us as a couple because it would be destructive to his psyche. I urge my young female friends to allow the Lord to check you on this one. I am by no means endorsing allowing a man to walk on you or saying you don't stand up for yourself. I am merely saying we have to realize how this affects men and allow them to realize the position God created them for in your family.
You Aren't Committing To Your Spouse
This one seems odd. With all the talk about marriage being about your spouse and the commitment to once another, you may be confused by my statement. Your vows are not just a pledge to your spouse, they are a pledge to God. You are telling Him that you respect His institution of marriage. This matters because a pledge to man is easily broken, pledges to God are not. Marriage is not a contract in the eyes of your state, it is a contract between both parties and God. Marriage isn't about being with the one you love. It's not about meeting all their needs. Yes, you will learn to put them first because that's what love does-it prefers others. But those are side effects. Marriage and family is about being an expression of God's love here on earth. In a time when vows mean so little, the church has an obligation to prove that there is such a thing as selflessness.
So after reading this you may be thinking, "wow! Lindsey must really hate married life." Far from it! I love the fact that God gave me a partner to cling to. I love that He gave me a kind, loving, supportive husband to be there through all the ups and downs. I love that our love has shown me new depths of God's love. I love that I get to be a part of something as sacred as marriage. But I don't want to sit by quietly and watch any more young friends walk blindly into the institution without realizing what they are getting into. Marriage is beautiful and sacred. Don't make God the first thing in your relationship, make Him the only and you will have a beautiful life ahead.
Tuesday, July 15, 2014
Marriage Part 1: It's My Party
When a young woman thinks about getting married, lots of things could rush through her mind. She could think about building a life with the man she has chosen. She could think about having children and raising them in a home of her own. She could even think about growing old with her husband. But these aren't the things she probably does think about. Marriage to most young women isn't about what happens after "I do", it is about the wedding. Just think about how sad that is. When faced with the chance to be a part of a sacred institution, a chance to realize new dimensions of who God created them to be, young women say, "that's an okay bonus, but what I'm excited about is a party where I get to wear a princess gown and tiara."
HOSTAGE DEMANDS
The first hints that a woman has her priorities confused comes well before the ring. When I was single (in a previous relationship), I definitely upped the pressure on my partner every time another girl got engaged. Watching quasi-friends get engaged led to jealous comments like "what's so special about her?" and "that ring is so tacky" Along with these embarrassing thoughts came desperation for answers to questions like "why did she deserve it and I didn't?" When these comments became part of my stream of consciousness, I proved exactly why I wasn't ready. I didn't care about building a life with a man I loved. I didn't care about filling our hallway with photos of kids and grandkids, I cared about filling my Facebook with humble brag photos of my ring, strategically photographed so as to make it glimmer and flaunt the size without being obvious. You know, like this gem:
(*face palms self)
Proposal obsessed girls often share an interesting pastime: creating hostage demand lists. A quick Pinterest search for "proposal rules" reveals the prevalence of this trend.
What's funny is that when girls initially started posting these plans, their were only maybe 3 request, there are now near-pages of what is expected. The reason is simply this: it's not enough to have a good proposal, it has to be better than everyone else's.
Here is a real example found during a search:
HOSTAGE DEMANDS
The first hints that a woman has her priorities confused comes well before the ring. When I was single (in a previous relationship), I definitely upped the pressure on my partner every time another girl got engaged. Watching quasi-friends get engaged led to jealous comments like "what's so special about her?" and "that ring is so tacky" Along with these embarrassing thoughts came desperation for answers to questions like "why did she deserve it and I didn't?" When these comments became part of my stream of consciousness, I proved exactly why I wasn't ready. I didn't care about building a life with a man I loved. I didn't care about filling our hallway with photos of kids and grandkids, I cared about filling my Facebook with humble brag photos of my ring, strategically photographed so as to make it glimmer and flaunt the size without being obvious. You know, like this gem:
(*face palms self)Proposal obsessed girls often share an interesting pastime: creating hostage demand lists. A quick Pinterest search for "proposal rules" reveals the prevalence of this trend.
What's funny is that when girls initially started posting these plans, their were only maybe 3 request, there are now near-pages of what is expected. The reason is simply this: it's not enough to have a good proposal, it has to be better than everyone else's.
Here is a real example found during a search:
Let me say, I fully believe in number 1, not because it's romantic, but because it is respectful. God trusted my father to take care of me growing up, and he deserved a chance to give his input. Now for another confession: I asked for almost all these things for my proposal, and I got them all. Yes, it was nice, but it really didn't matter. Once I saw Andy and knew what was going on I went temporarily deaf and couldn't hear any of it anyway.
The point is this: you can't compare your relationship to anyone else's. If you have truly placed your relationship and future in the hands of God, then you have to trust that if He wanted you to have the type of proposal your friend had, then He would have placed you in the same type of relationship as her. God is not Henry Ford. He doesn't work on an assembly line, He is a customizer. When you allow Him to, He creates the love story specific to you, not comparable to anything or anyone. And when you realize that, you no longer care how your story stacks up in the twitter sphere.
PUT [THE RIGHT] RING ON IT
When I was younger I came up with what I thought was the best litmus test to prove I had the right guy. I figured if he was the right one, then he would get me the right ring. If he showed up with the wrong size or shape diamond, clearly he didn't know me well enough for me to pledge my life to him.
This was one of the most ignorant things I have ever thought up (and we all know I've had my share of moronic thoughts.) I get it from a practical side, you have to wear this thing the rest of your life, you want it to look good, but obsession with the ring is perhaps the biggest sign of priority confusion. There's no way around it, it's materialistic and not the way to start out a new life together.
Of all the things you will learn about men once you are married, very high on that list is that men need to feel like a strong provider. How do you think it makes him feel to know he can't get what you demand? I've even heard the theory that the quality of the ring represents how good of a provider he will be, thus if a man buys you a more reasonably priced ring, he will take better care of you. To that I say, "the devil is a lie." What is more important: providing a huge rock, or providing stability by using wisdom? Don't be confused or led astray by the trappings of this world. The measure of a good man is built on his ability to lead you into God's purpose, not his ability to max out a credit card. Just ask yourself, is the perfect ring worth putting your husband into debt? (*hint: his credit will soon be your problem as well)
IT'S MY PARTY
When you get engaged you are immediately expected to get your plans together. Whether your engagement is 2 months or a year, planning consumes your life. After all, this is YOUR big day. I had a fabulous wedding, mainly because my mother worked on it everyday. I got engaged the weekend before Christmas and married at the end of the following August, and she literally did something everyday in between.
The problem with most engaged couples is that they are so consumed in planning the party that they take no time to prepare for what happens afterwards. Who has time to discuss minor issues like if you will have kids or how you will discipline them when there are pressing matters like what color napkins you will order? No one wants to discuss their debt or how they can tackle it while charging thousands of dollars for a honeymoon-it's just a mood killer. This is why I 100% believe that ALL couples need to go through pre-marital counseling. It ended up being one of my favorite parts of wedding preparation. Yes, it was uncomfortable at times, but it was absolutely necessary.
Getting lost in all the wedding planning is almost an inevitable struggle for the engaged couple, but if the full focus is on the party and not the marriage, you have a serious problem on your hands. I assure you, marriage is NOT a party. Yes, there are amazing aspects to marriage done the right way, but soon you will find that the world no longer revolves around you and your happiness. Sorry, but at some point, you have to take the tiara off and go back to the real world.
In your zeal to get down the aisle don't forget that proposals aren't about demands and marriages aren't about partying. Getting married may be a milestone, but marriage isn't. It is one of the deepest, most difficult commitments you will ever make. It is a promise not just to your spouse, but to God, and thus should never be entered into for any reason other than to bring glory to God. If your focus is on the ring, the proposal, or the party, you just aren't ready.
Stay tuned for part two: when the party is over
Friday, July 11, 2014
The Best Days?
A few months ago I received an invitation to the ten year high school reunion of one of the two schools I attended. Yes, I was as shocked as you that it has been ten years. In the midst of my reflections on a decade in the real world, I started receiving graduation announcements and invitations from young people I have come to know and love through ministry. I started thinking about all the things I wish someone had told me back then, and wanted to share a few with you, high school students and recent grads:
1. These are not the best years of your life. That's what you are probably told over and over again, but it was a lie. God has much bigger and better things ahead for you. When people would offer this platitude to me my heart would sink. I was so lost and lonely as a teenager, if that was the best there was for me, then there was no reason to have hope for the future. The truth is high school is rough. You are surrounded by hundreds (in my school, thousands) of young people ruled by hormones and emotions who don't know who they are. Many of these young people live in homes that are tattered. Some are treated like trash and have no way to escape, so they come to school and take it out on everyone else. Things will get better. You will discover more about yourselves in the next four years than you have in the last 18, I assure you. If you had a great time in high school, that's great, but you ain't seen nothing yet.
2. Let your haters be your motivators. I was bullied for several years as a teenager. I went to sleep dreading seeing my bullies the next day. I woke up seeing their faces in my mind. They had me convinced that I was less than they. In the years since, I have learned that if someone is pulling you down, it is because they are already beneath you. The day will come when you can't remember their faces and you won't know their names anymore. Whatever you do, don't give them the satisfaction of causing you to give up. Current students are now faced with the wild west of social media in which anything goes. When I was a kid I had to dread eight hours of school with my assailants, now it is 24/7. Please know that they only mistreat you because something MAJOR is missing in their lives. They want to shut you down because they feel inferior and fear you will surpass them. The truth is, if you keep your head up, and they don't change, their fear will be realized. The bible says we have to pray for those who persecute us. The reason is simple: they are in trouble. Anyone who has to pick on someone they perceive as weaker doesn't have much of a future ahead if they don't get their life straight. When they pick on you, take it as a compliment you got them running scared. There must be something pretty spectacular about you to have them so intimidated by your future.
3. Most relationships won't last. This goes for all relationships, romantic and otherwise. I'm sorry to have to tell you this, but this is actually good news. Change = growth. Yes, you may have some friends from high school that you keep in touch with. Social media makes this much more likely than it used to be. But, you won't be the same person in ten years that you are now, neither will your friends. You will grow up. You will discover who you are. If you and your friend have the same journey, your relationship may remain, but for most, you will find that the things that united you as teenagers were pretty shallow. At some point you will find that there is more to friendship than common interest. You will discover that shared values will trump shared affinity for things that don't really matter. Most couples won't stay together for the same reason. Yes, I know, "but we are different". Okay. Maybe you are right. I'm sure there are thousands of couples waiting to prove me wrong about high school love, but for most it won't last. Don't compromise yourself for someone because you think you have found endless love. Likewise, don't let your heart be broken over love lost and found with someone else. Yes, getting dumped for someone else hurts. But it really isn't the end of the world. More than likely, the same thing will happen in that new relationship as well. Relationships built on hurting someone else have a rocky foundation at best. Keep your head up, buttercup. If someone doesn't recognize your value, that's their problem, not yours. Trust me, it's better to cut those ties now than to waste years on something that wasn't going to work anyway.
There you have it. The reunion was last week, and no I didn't travel 1,600 miles to attend what was effectively a pub crawl with people I barely remember.
My life has progressed quite nicely. I now have a gorgeous husband and what I'm sure is going to be a brilliant son on the way. I have found my calling in life and am pursuing it and I have friends around the world who care for me. I really didn't feel the need to go back. I have proven those were not the best days by a long shot. I hope life turned out well for those who mistreated me. I hope they found whatever it was that was missing that made them so cruel towards me. I'm not angry anymore. They don't control my emotions anymore because I took that power back.
Young friends, God has something so much better for you than you could imagine. Whether you were the valedictorian or the near drop out, there is better coming. Whether you were the star quarterback or the biggest geek in school, there is better coming. Whether you led your prayer club or were the resident stoner, there is better coming. God's plan isn't dependent on which table you occupied in the lunch room. It doesn't matter if everyone was desperate to sit with you or if you were the girl eating in the stairwell alone, He wants to take every experience, every victory, every defeat, and form it into something He can use. Your best is yet to come!
3. Most relationships won't last. This goes for all relationships, romantic and otherwise. I'm sorry to have to tell you this, but this is actually good news. Change = growth. Yes, you may have some friends from high school that you keep in touch with. Social media makes this much more likely than it used to be. But, you won't be the same person in ten years that you are now, neither will your friends. You will grow up. You will discover who you are. If you and your friend have the same journey, your relationship may remain, but for most, you will find that the things that united you as teenagers were pretty shallow. At some point you will find that there is more to friendship than common interest. You will discover that shared values will trump shared affinity for things that don't really matter. Most couples won't stay together for the same reason. Yes, I know, "but we are different". Okay. Maybe you are right. I'm sure there are thousands of couples waiting to prove me wrong about high school love, but for most it won't last. Don't compromise yourself for someone because you think you have found endless love. Likewise, don't let your heart be broken over love lost and found with someone else. Yes, getting dumped for someone else hurts. But it really isn't the end of the world. More than likely, the same thing will happen in that new relationship as well. Relationships built on hurting someone else have a rocky foundation at best. Keep your head up, buttercup. If someone doesn't recognize your value, that's their problem, not yours. Trust me, it's better to cut those ties now than to waste years on something that wasn't going to work anyway.
There you have it. The reunion was last week, and no I didn't travel 1,600 miles to attend what was effectively a pub crawl with people I barely remember.
My life has progressed quite nicely. I now have a gorgeous husband and what I'm sure is going to be a brilliant son on the way. I have found my calling in life and am pursuing it and I have friends around the world who care for me. I really didn't feel the need to go back. I have proven those were not the best days by a long shot. I hope life turned out well for those who mistreated me. I hope they found whatever it was that was missing that made them so cruel towards me. I'm not angry anymore. They don't control my emotions anymore because I took that power back.
Young friends, God has something so much better for you than you could imagine. Whether you were the valedictorian or the near drop out, there is better coming. Whether you were the star quarterback or the biggest geek in school, there is better coming. Whether you led your prayer club or were the resident stoner, there is better coming. God's plan isn't dependent on which table you occupied in the lunch room. It doesn't matter if everyone was desperate to sit with you or if you were the girl eating in the stairwell alone, He wants to take every experience, every victory, every defeat, and form it into something He can use. Your best is yet to come!
Tuesday, July 8, 2014
In Response to Baby Mama's Anthem
Let me preface this by saying I know this post will make a lot of people upset, but I'm saying it because someone needs to. Please know that I write not to upset or hurt feelings, but to shed light on the darkness our culture embraces.
You were warned, here we go...
I keep coming across a video on social media of a young woman singing what I'm assuming is a self-written song in her car. A video of the song "Single Mama's Anthem" has gone viral and keeps popping up every few weeks in my feed. In the song she tells the story of having kids as a teenager, being judged, and living a life of "all work and no play". Then the song (which I can't share because of offensive language) gets to the part that really bothers me. The chorus gets to the crux of the issue when she sings "we don't need no man" as far as I can tell the next line is "because it's God that we trust", although I'm struggling to decipher that line.
Nearly every comment I have read applauds the song for telling the truth and hails this young woman for spreading the "we don't need no man" message.
Before I go any further, let me say this is not meant to bash single moms. I'm sure I'll get lots of "you don't know what it's like" messages calling me judgmental. I've been very open with my readers about my past before giving my life completely to Christ and I fully understand that given my previous life I could have been in the single mother's club as easily as anyone else. I don't know why I didn't "get caught" like so many others do. It doesn't make me any better than anyone else, I am fully aware of that.
I couldn't even imagine going through my pregnancy alone, let alone raising a child on my own. I'm sure it's a difficult thing for a young woman to watch her youth slip away because of poor decisions while the other tango participant does as he pleases. I'm sure it's difficult to not be bitter when you have to abandon dreams of school and career after someone convinced you they'd always be there, but left when playing house got too real. I am NOT minimizing the struggle.
It's just that I am concerned with the environment we are bringing our daughters up in that says men are an unimportant and unnecessary piece of the American family. If a man doesn't stick around, it was expected anyway because they are all dogs, if he does stay we are supposed to throw a parade in their honor. How is that okay? How is it not the standard that men will take care of their child because the child is half theirs? Why should I be impressed by a man who sticks around to take care of something that is genetically half his? Why should I expect a man to abandon something that is equally his as it is his partner's?
In case you haven't noticed the American male is under serious attack. They are presented as fools in movies and television. We have let the bad apples spoil the bunch and lumped them all together as lazy, lying, bumbling idiots who are good for nothing but giving us something to look at. Our young women are being influenced by the older women in their lives constantly running down their husbands, ex-husbands, and lovers as "jerks". Young ladies are growing up programmed to believe that there is no such thing as a good man, so there's no reason to hold out for one who will treat them right. This, perhaps more than anything, leaves me terrified for the future of the girls in America. How can we expect them to make good choices regarding their future spouses when we tell them there is no good choice? How can we expect them to honor their husbands as the head of their house if we have taught them that all men are idiots and incapable of making good decisions?
When it comes to moms, we give utmost honor to the single mom for staying with the child. Why is it not just considered normal for any mom to provide love and support for their child? Is a single mother more impressive than one who waited until marriage to do things in the proper order? The truth is there are amazing single moms, and there are terrible single moms. There are also amazing married moms and terrible married moms. I constantly hear praise for the single mom for teaching her kids about hard work and determination. When is the last time you heard someone praise the married couple for raising their children in fear and admonition of the Lord? When have you heard the married mother extolled for teaching her kids how to work with their spouse even when it's difficult? Why are these not qualities worth celebrating? Why is there no "married mama anthem"?
Maybe you don't need a man, but your child does. Your son needs a role model to teach him how to be a real man. He needs to see what it is to possess honor and gentleness. Your daughter needs someone to teach her that she is worthy of respect and dignity. Maybe your child's biological father left. Maybe he was cruel or abusive (in which case I am not advocating sticking around). I implore you, if you find yourself without the child's father around, find another strong male role model for them. Find a man whom you would want your son to be like or the type you would want for your daughter to marry, and let them pour wisdom into them. Find a church that functions the way they are instructed in the New Testament and teaches young people how to grow in the Lord through example and the passing on of wisdom. Don't let pride or bitterness put conflict in their young minds regarding what is expected of them and for them.
Husbands and fathers are just as important as moms, if they weren't, God wouldn't have set up the family structure as He did. To say you are just as well to raise a child on your own is a mockery to the institutions and plans God placed regarding the correct order of things. When God places commands on our lives, such as waiting for marriage for sex, it is because His way is the best way. He is a God of order. If children didn't need a man in their lives, then God wouldn't have set the family structure to include both a man and woman.
Again, I hope it has been made clear that this is not a condemnation on single mothers-far from it. I pray for all women who find themselves in this situation (that I could have found myself in). I pray that they would know that regardless of their past, they are worthy of love and respect. I pray that they would realize that not all men are the same. I pray that we as the church would learn to reach out to this group of women with love, compassion, and empathy. I pray that we would rise up and be support for these kids who live with something missing in their lives. I pray that our men would teach young boys how to love women as Christ loved the Church. I pray that our women would teach young women how to honor and respect the men in their lives.
No matter where you find yourself, in spite of mistakes and missteps, God loves you. He has a future for you regardless of what is found in your past. He will guide you. He is always on your side.
You were warned, here we go...
I keep coming across a video on social media of a young woman singing what I'm assuming is a self-written song in her car. A video of the song "Single Mama's Anthem" has gone viral and keeps popping up every few weeks in my feed. In the song she tells the story of having kids as a teenager, being judged, and living a life of "all work and no play". Then the song (which I can't share because of offensive language) gets to the part that really bothers me. The chorus gets to the crux of the issue when she sings "we don't need no man" as far as I can tell the next line is "because it's God that we trust", although I'm struggling to decipher that line.
Nearly every comment I have read applauds the song for telling the truth and hails this young woman for spreading the "we don't need no man" message.
Before I go any further, let me say this is not meant to bash single moms. I'm sure I'll get lots of "you don't know what it's like" messages calling me judgmental. I've been very open with my readers about my past before giving my life completely to Christ and I fully understand that given my previous life I could have been in the single mother's club as easily as anyone else. I don't know why I didn't "get caught" like so many others do. It doesn't make me any better than anyone else, I am fully aware of that.
I couldn't even imagine going through my pregnancy alone, let alone raising a child on my own. I'm sure it's a difficult thing for a young woman to watch her youth slip away because of poor decisions while the other tango participant does as he pleases. I'm sure it's difficult to not be bitter when you have to abandon dreams of school and career after someone convinced you they'd always be there, but left when playing house got too real. I am NOT minimizing the struggle.
It's just that I am concerned with the environment we are bringing our daughters up in that says men are an unimportant and unnecessary piece of the American family. If a man doesn't stick around, it was expected anyway because they are all dogs, if he does stay we are supposed to throw a parade in their honor. How is that okay? How is it not the standard that men will take care of their child because the child is half theirs? Why should I be impressed by a man who sticks around to take care of something that is genetically half his? Why should I expect a man to abandon something that is equally his as it is his partner's?
In case you haven't noticed the American male is under serious attack. They are presented as fools in movies and television. We have let the bad apples spoil the bunch and lumped them all together as lazy, lying, bumbling idiots who are good for nothing but giving us something to look at. Our young women are being influenced by the older women in their lives constantly running down their husbands, ex-husbands, and lovers as "jerks". Young ladies are growing up programmed to believe that there is no such thing as a good man, so there's no reason to hold out for one who will treat them right. This, perhaps more than anything, leaves me terrified for the future of the girls in America. How can we expect them to make good choices regarding their future spouses when we tell them there is no good choice? How can we expect them to honor their husbands as the head of their house if we have taught them that all men are idiots and incapable of making good decisions?
When it comes to moms, we give utmost honor to the single mom for staying with the child. Why is it not just considered normal for any mom to provide love and support for their child? Is a single mother more impressive than one who waited until marriage to do things in the proper order? The truth is there are amazing single moms, and there are terrible single moms. There are also amazing married moms and terrible married moms. I constantly hear praise for the single mom for teaching her kids about hard work and determination. When is the last time you heard someone praise the married couple for raising their children in fear and admonition of the Lord? When have you heard the married mother extolled for teaching her kids how to work with their spouse even when it's difficult? Why are these not qualities worth celebrating? Why is there no "married mama anthem"?
Maybe you don't need a man, but your child does. Your son needs a role model to teach him how to be a real man. He needs to see what it is to possess honor and gentleness. Your daughter needs someone to teach her that she is worthy of respect and dignity. Maybe your child's biological father left. Maybe he was cruel or abusive (in which case I am not advocating sticking around). I implore you, if you find yourself without the child's father around, find another strong male role model for them. Find a man whom you would want your son to be like or the type you would want for your daughter to marry, and let them pour wisdom into them. Find a church that functions the way they are instructed in the New Testament and teaches young people how to grow in the Lord through example and the passing on of wisdom. Don't let pride or bitterness put conflict in their young minds regarding what is expected of them and for them.
Husbands and fathers are just as important as moms, if they weren't, God wouldn't have set up the family structure as He did. To say you are just as well to raise a child on your own is a mockery to the institutions and plans God placed regarding the correct order of things. When God places commands on our lives, such as waiting for marriage for sex, it is because His way is the best way. He is a God of order. If children didn't need a man in their lives, then God wouldn't have set the family structure to include both a man and woman.
Again, I hope it has been made clear that this is not a condemnation on single mothers-far from it. I pray for all women who find themselves in this situation (that I could have found myself in). I pray that they would know that regardless of their past, they are worthy of love and respect. I pray that they would realize that not all men are the same. I pray that we as the church would learn to reach out to this group of women with love, compassion, and empathy. I pray that we would rise up and be support for these kids who live with something missing in their lives. I pray that our men would teach young boys how to love women as Christ loved the Church. I pray that our women would teach young women how to honor and respect the men in their lives.
No matter where you find yourself, in spite of mistakes and missteps, God loves you. He has a future for you regardless of what is found in your past. He will guide you. He is always on your side.
Thursday, July 3, 2014
The Best Advice
Back in the fall I wrote of how I had been asked to serve as a youth pastor at a church in a community outside of Nashville. Since then I haven't given much of an update. Let me first remind you of the situation we came into. The church has been there for the better part of the 20th century. It sits in a neighborhood, I mean actually in a neighborhood. As you look up from the pulpit you can see neighbors on their porch looking back at you.
Not long after we arrived, we went around to meet the neighbors. This is when you see the bad side of being in a neighborhood. Sure, you are in great proximity to reach out to people, but as is the case with any neighbor, some times squabbles get in the way. We found a lot of people who not only distrusted church in general, they didn't trust the church we represented.
As we have worked and planned the past few months, the continual prayer of the leadership team has been as Jesus instructs us to pray in Luke 10:2 when He says, "The harvest is plentiful, but the workers are few. Ask the Lord of the harvest, therefore, to send out workers into his harvest field." And the Lord has answered our prayers! He has sent us people with hearts for youth and children, He has sent some with a desire to reach out to the community, and He even provided us so many musicians that we are running out of room on the platform!
A few months ago our pastor heard a mandate from the Lord that we were to make repairs to the church building that were long over due. Our pastor reminded us that the physical state of a church mirrors the spiritual state, if we were alive and new, then the church should be the same! Corresponding with a study on the book of Nehemiah, we set to work painting, putting in new doors, and adding new flooring. Our pastor told us that God would provide the money for the work that needed to be done, and guess what...He did. As we worked, members of the community would come by to ask what was going on. They had thought the church was closed down and thought we were starting something new.
In the time between the repairs and now, we have had several new families join us and conversions have even taken place!
Last night came the most rewarding moment for me of this entire journey. We wanted to have a community outreach event. So on Monday I went with a couple of the other staff members and we did something unheard of anymore-we knocked on doors. As we invited our neighbors to come join us for a picnic in the church's yard, you could see confusion on some faces, some wanted to know what the "catch" was. We told them there were no strings attached, we just wanted to get to know them.
So last night came our big event. Was it extravagant? Nope. We had food, played music and brought out footballs and soccer balls for the kids to play with. An hour before we were supposed to start, our new friends started showing up. By the end of the night we had over 40 attendees, which means about 30 were men, women, and children we had just meet on our walk through on that hot Monday afternoon.
As we sat and talked I heard their stories. These probably aren't the most "glamorous" parishioners. These aren't the people churches are clamoring to have join them. These are the neglected. These are the ones other churches forgot because, unfortunately, they don't look like they have much to offer (although I can already see that's not the case).
Having spent time in the neighborhood, I knew where they lived. Some have to walk through drug deals to put their kids in the car. Some live with abusive spouses or boyfriends. I listened as I heard of unplanned pregnancies. I heard kids talk about how they don't know their fathers because they've been in jail for so long. But as they spoke I was reminded of the best advice my dad ever gave me. As a young girl he told me, "Lindsey, don't pursue the rich. Go after the people who have nothing to offer you in return. Make them rich in faith, and you will never want for anything."
Please know this is not meant as a brag on myself or my ministry partners. I tell you this because I look around at so many ministers who don't want to "lower" themselves and go to the "other side of the tracks". I pity them. How sorry I am that they will never know the joy of showing kindness to someone who can do nothing in return. How sad that these who think they are too good for "the least of these" will never know what it is to rejoice when God makes provisions. They don't get to develop their own testimonies of "I don't know what we are going to do" turning into "you won't believe what God did."
All I know is, my dad was right. What more could I want than to watch the blessings of God being poured out in the lives of those who need Him the most?
Please continue to pray for the work God is doing in the Old Hickory community. Last night gave me hope that He is working.
Not long after we arrived, we went around to meet the neighbors. This is when you see the bad side of being in a neighborhood. Sure, you are in great proximity to reach out to people, but as is the case with any neighbor, some times squabbles get in the way. We found a lot of people who not only distrusted church in general, they didn't trust the church we represented.
As we have worked and planned the past few months, the continual prayer of the leadership team has been as Jesus instructs us to pray in Luke 10:2 when He says, "The harvest is plentiful, but the workers are few. Ask the Lord of the harvest, therefore, to send out workers into his harvest field." And the Lord has answered our prayers! He has sent us people with hearts for youth and children, He has sent some with a desire to reach out to the community, and He even provided us so many musicians that we are running out of room on the platform!
A few months ago our pastor heard a mandate from the Lord that we were to make repairs to the church building that were long over due. Our pastor reminded us that the physical state of a church mirrors the spiritual state, if we were alive and new, then the church should be the same! Corresponding with a study on the book of Nehemiah, we set to work painting, putting in new doors, and adding new flooring. Our pastor told us that God would provide the money for the work that needed to be done, and guess what...He did. As we worked, members of the community would come by to ask what was going on. They had thought the church was closed down and thought we were starting something new.
In the time between the repairs and now, we have had several new families join us and conversions have even taken place!
Last night came the most rewarding moment for me of this entire journey. We wanted to have a community outreach event. So on Monday I went with a couple of the other staff members and we did something unheard of anymore-we knocked on doors. As we invited our neighbors to come join us for a picnic in the church's yard, you could see confusion on some faces, some wanted to know what the "catch" was. We told them there were no strings attached, we just wanted to get to know them.
So last night came our big event. Was it extravagant? Nope. We had food, played music and brought out footballs and soccer balls for the kids to play with. An hour before we were supposed to start, our new friends started showing up. By the end of the night we had over 40 attendees, which means about 30 were men, women, and children we had just meet on our walk through on that hot Monday afternoon.
As we sat and talked I heard their stories. These probably aren't the most "glamorous" parishioners. These aren't the people churches are clamoring to have join them. These are the neglected. These are the ones other churches forgot because, unfortunately, they don't look like they have much to offer (although I can already see that's not the case).
Having spent time in the neighborhood, I knew where they lived. Some have to walk through drug deals to put their kids in the car. Some live with abusive spouses or boyfriends. I listened as I heard of unplanned pregnancies. I heard kids talk about how they don't know their fathers because they've been in jail for so long. But as they spoke I was reminded of the best advice my dad ever gave me. As a young girl he told me, "Lindsey, don't pursue the rich. Go after the people who have nothing to offer you in return. Make them rich in faith, and you will never want for anything."
Please know this is not meant as a brag on myself or my ministry partners. I tell you this because I look around at so many ministers who don't want to "lower" themselves and go to the "other side of the tracks". I pity them. How sorry I am that they will never know the joy of showing kindness to someone who can do nothing in return. How sad that these who think they are too good for "the least of these" will never know what it is to rejoice when God makes provisions. They don't get to develop their own testimonies of "I don't know what we are going to do" turning into "you won't believe what God did."
All I know is, my dad was right. What more could I want than to watch the blessings of God being poured out in the lives of those who need Him the most?
Please continue to pray for the work God is doing in the Old Hickory community. Last night gave me hope that He is working.
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