The PK Prayer Part:1

The stress of being the child of a minister is unlike anything else. Ours is a seemingly unfortunate fraternity of men and women, guys and girls who have seen the absolute worst of the church. Don't get me wrong, there were blessings along the way. I was raised in a home where Christ was the center of our daily lives. When there were troubles, I learned to pray and lean on the Lord. When there was happiness, I learned to rejoice in the Lord. I was taught to be generous and kind, to defend the Word and those who could not defend themselves, but mostly I learned that my life is not my own.

But I wasn't able to appreciate those great life lessons until I was an adult. It was hard to see parsonage life as a positive while I was still in it. In speaking with countless PKs and their parents I have realized this to be the case for most kids and teenagers living with a pastor. 

To my PK brothers and sisters, know that I am praying over you daily. Know that right now I am speaking against:

Hatred Towards Christians Church People

You know perhaps more than anyone that just because someone goes to church and calls them self a Christian doesn't mean they act like Christ. It doesn't take long before hypocrisy, jealousy, and gossip begin to surface, which means it doesn't take long for the PK to harbor hatred towards those who seek to hurt the pastoral family. I know, I've been there. 

It doesn't matter what those people say or do, you will be judged on your reaction. They would like nothing better than for you to stoop to their level-don't give them the satisfaction. Instead, pray that God would change their heart. 

Bitterness Towards the Church

When I was 12 years old I found out we were moving. Our leaders would not tell my family where we were going, just that come a specific Sunday morning my father's name would be announced and we were expected to comply with the announcement. Little did we know that we were being sent to the other side of the country to a state I couldn't even locate on a map. It meant leaving the only church I had known and the friends I had spent 8 years building relationships with. 

I was angry. I was bitter. I nearly hated the men who had moved us. Clearly they didn't understand what they had done. They didn't care about us at all.

I was wrong. 

I understand now that it was a great move. It developed us individually and brought us together as a family. It would have been easy to hate our leaders and by extension our church in those days, but the Lord healed me of my bitterness. 

The enemy tries desperately to place seeds of bitterness against the Church in the heart of PKs. Why? Because he wants to keep them from their destiny. Most ministers come from a ministerial home. Generally, our preachers have fathers, mothers, or grandparents who served in the church before them. If the devil can make the next generation of preachers bitter towards church, he can effectively stop ministry in many areas. 

Don't let the devil win. Realize that our leaders make decisions based on information we don't all have. It's not punishment, it's not personal. Pray for your leaders. Respect them as being placed over you for a reason. Harboring bitterness will do nothing but keep you from God's plan for you.

Hurt Towards your Parents

There was a generation of preachers who always put the church before their family. Fortunately, most modern pastors understand that God created the family BEFORE he created the church, although members don't alway see it this way. Understand your parents have to walk a fine and frustrating line. They have to uphold their biblical mandate to care for their family, yet the church demands they care for the members' families first. There is no way to win. Either they give you priority and anger the church, or they put the church first and risk losing you. I would pray that every pastor understand that if they gain everyone else in the community but their children die lost, they wasted their life's work, but I know that is easy to forget. 

Vacations, dinners, holidays rarely go as planned in the PK's life and it can be hard to see why your parents make the choices they do. I'm not asking you to like it. I'm asking you to be patient and understanding. The truth is your parents don't like broken promises either. And they probably don't like the troublesome members any more than you do. They are simply trying to do what they think is right for the people in their care-sometimes they get it wrong, but don't think for a second that the choices are easy. 

I hope that every pastor's kid (be they young or old) realizes they have an ally in me. Know that there are many who stand with you even if you don't see them everyday. Don't let the enemy tell you that you are alone. I've got your back.

Truth About Charlie

 

Photo Cred: Washington Post

The internet has recently been flooded with videos of young people playing a game called "Charlie Charlie". Basically, kids draw the words "yes" and "no" on a piece of paper, lay two pencils down on the paper, and begin asking questions of a being named "Charlie". The claim is that Charlie will respond by pushing the pencils into either the yes or no zones of the paper.

In the time since the videos featuring spooky movements began appearing online I have read numerous explanations. Everything has been hypothesized as a cause for the success of these experiments from the true presence of a demonic force (now claimed to be a "Mexican demon", whatever that is) to merely the effects of gravity. Countless responses have been posted ranging from near-panic over the state of the souls of our kids to mockery that anyone would worry about this.

My personal opinion regarding this game is the same as my opinion of the oft-maligned Ouija board, the evil isn't in the game-it's in our hearts. 

Do I really think a demon is taking time from his schedule to move pencils set up by middle schoolers? No. The truth is that the danger in this trend has nothing to do with the game they play. The threat it reveals is the curiosity of the young heart.

The Storm Outside

I spent a few of my teenage years in Oklahoma-you know, where the wind comes sweeping down the plains. Everyone knows that you should stay clear of doors and windows during powerful storms. Common sense dictates that the danger outside is nothing to play around with. But more often than not, the thrill of danger would overtake my young mind. I would find myself at the front door, twisting the handle of the last barrier between myself and the elements. Often these storms were so strong I need not even open the door by my own will. All that was needed was enough curiosity to turn the door knob for a gust to catch the door and blow it open. Once opened, I learned an important fact of design-it's much harder to close a door in the face of a storm than it is to open it. 

So it is with an unhealthy interest in the occult. 

You don't have to intentionally open a door for the devil. All he needs is for you to be curious enough to turn a handle-the strength of the storm will be enough to force it open. And once it is open, you will likely find yourself not strong enough to close it back. 

Maybe this is the reason we are admonished  in Philippians to "Fix your thoughts on what is true, and honorable, and right, and pure, and lovely, and admirable. Think about things that are excellent and worthy of praise." (4:8 NIV) With every thought we devote to the trickery of Satan we are taking one more step towards that door.

Anything

Last summer I shared about my husband's experience with the occult in the entry "Andy's Story". In speaking with Andy about how he got so deep into the religion, he told me it started with "just being curious." Soon he was invoking spirits, as he said it, "by letting them know I was up for anything." That is my warning to young people who think they are just fulfilling curiosity-when you mess around with anything claiming to involve the spirit realm, you are letting those spirits know you are "up for anything". And I assure you, "anything" is a terrifying thing to agree to. 

So if you know a young person playing this game or others like it, I encourage you to have a sincere, loving talk with them. They probably have no idea the danger their curiosity could put them in. You don't have to cry and wail that they will become possessed, but don't ignore it either. Teach them instead to focus on what is true, honorable, right, pure, lovely, and admirable.

Frustrating Grace

For months we have seen tabloids and "legitimate" news sources try to scrape together some dirt on the stars of "19 kids and counting" stars, the Duggar family. Like hungry lions waiting to devour early Christians, the media has paced back and forth waiting on their chance to destroy this family that has served as one of the only sources of wholesome television programming. For all their strangeness, nothing has been able to stick as hard proof that something strange was afoot in the household.

Until this week.

News broke that when their oldest son was a young teenager he molested several young women. There is speculation that the girls were his sisters or friends from church, but we don't know yet. When this young man's family found out what had happened they waited over a year to report it to police. When they did report, it was to an officer they had a personal relationship with. It wasn't handled properly and it has since been discovered that this officer was eventually convicted on child porn charges (unrelated to this case, but it speaks to the motivations of the officer). His parents went to their church leaders for guidance and they neglected to report.

Now those lions I referred to have a real meal to feast on and I'm not the least bit surprised at their giddiness over the story. I am, however, shocked at how many Christians are taking personal pleasure in this bombshell.

Things Aren't As They Appear

Much of the "beef" I hear with the Duggars is that they were presenting a facade of perfection to the world and now those layers are being ripped away. First, let me say that in my limited exposure to the show, I never heard them present their lifestyle as one for everyone. It was always about their personal choices. They didn't present themselves as better than others, only different. The bible would refer to this "differentness" as "peculiar", but more on that later.

In light of recent revelation I am beginning to wonder if that lifestyle was not carefully crafted to protect their family. Could it be that the limitations of the internet and television and focus on modesty and chaste living were a response to the sins of their son? Maybe that was their way of gouging out an offending eye (Matthew 5:29). Instead of calling them hypocrites, why don't we view their life through the lens of hurting parents, trying to help their child?

Why are Christians so quick to judge this family as deceiptive? Maybe they live their life as if this sin didn't occur, not because they are sweeping it under a rug, but maybe they are clinging to the redemptive power of Christ.

Redemption

I'm at a loss for the number of Christians who refuse to accept that maybe the holy appearance of this family and this young man isn't an "act". In the last two days I have heard Christians basically say that once a failure has occurred there is no way to live a life of holiness. Now, from the unsaved this idea makes sense. But it doesn't work for the Christian because 2 Corinthians 5:17 makes it clear, " Therefore, if anyone is in Christ, the new creation has come: The old has gone, the new is here!"

Maybe this young man is acting like a decent person because his IS decent now. That's the awesome, painful, inconvenient truth of the Gospel-forgiveness is freely given to the least deserving. More than that, change comes with repentance. In fact, it is impossible to not change if one has truly repented.

Maybe this man's life really was redeemed, just as mine was, just as every Christian's life was.

Paul makes it plain that forgiveness and change is not only possible for the worst sinners, it is necessary when he writes, "Do not be deceived: Neither the sexually immoral nor idolaters nor adulterers nor men who have sex with men nor thieves nor the greedy nor drunkards nor slanderers nor swindlers will inherit the kingdom of God. And that is what SOME OF YOU WERE. But you were washed, you were sanctified, you were justified in the name of the Lord Jesus Christ and by the Spirit of our God" (1 Cor. 6:9-11, emphasis added). Through the redemptive power of Christ, we are washed, sanctified, and justified-even the "sexually immoral".

The family addressed the sin, the boy sought forgiveness and restitution from the offended, obtained justification from Christ, and is living in the justification. The world will never understand that, but Christians should.

Target

The Duggars placed a giant target on their back when they began showing a lifestyle unlike anything we had seen on television. They knew when they signed on the dotted line to broadcast their life that there were skeletons in the closet. I have heard some complain that the Duggars are a poor example of Christians and thus, Christians should not have thrown such support behind them.

1 Peter 2:9-10 says, "But you are a chosen people, a royal priesthood, a holy nation, God’s special possession, that you may declare the praises of Him who called you out of darkness into his wonderful light. Once you were not a people, but now you are the people of God; once you had not received mercy, but now you have received mercy."

This verse makes it clear the "holy nation" wasn't always holy. God's "royal priesthood" were once in darkness, in need of a Savior.

Who needs mercy? Those who have sinned. They have chosen to live their lives declaring God's praises because He is the One who showed them mercy when they least deserved it. It doesn't make them hypocrites or bad examples, it makes them the special possession God called them to be.

In this whole ordeal, I know a few things to be true:

1.) A young man made sinful decisions. Not bad choices, not poor judgements, but sinful decisions.  Those decisions required repentance, forgiveness from God, forgiveness from his victims, and counseling. By all accounts, all of those requirements have been met. He needs prayer for the days ahead as his old life comes back to haunt him.

2.) There are victims who were mistreated. These young women are having to relive a painful, degrading time in their lives just so the media can have its day. In all the rejoicing that there's finally a smoking gun to the claim that the family isn't perfect, we find little concern for the state of the girls involved. They need prayer that they be protected from bitterness and hatred that will eat them alive. They need prayer that they find peace and that they not lose their faith based on the actions of Christians.

3.) There is a family under attack. While motivations and actions are now being questioned, I have no doubt that the Duggar parents did what they thought was best for their son at the time. They did eventually report the incidents, all be it far to late. They need prayer for peace of mind right now. I'm sure they are now questioning if they made the right choices.

4.) The church dropped the ball. It is beyond the scope of the church to handle issues like this. We must ALWAYS report and allow the proper authorities to do their job. Failure to follow this procedure can lead to further abuses and hurt towards the church that didn't protect victims. We need to pray that the Lord would give His people wisdom and forgive us for the times we failed the hurting.

Grace is frustrating. It goes to the people we would hate to give it to. But we didn't give our lives for the salvation of mankind, so we don't get to decide who is the recipient.

Thank God for this grace that is bestowed to the undeserving, because I would have certainly never been able to earn it myself.

Love, Sex, & Dating

In my mid-twenties I reached a place that lies beyond depression and desperation-the place of decision. I had wasted my time running back to faux love that didn't want to commit. I squandered my nights falling asleep in a puddle of my tears and regrets as everyone else got to move on and start their families. After a while I reached a revelation. I came to a place where I realized that I may be my only company for a while and if I was to be my only companion then I should become the kind of person I wanted to spend my time with. I went back to college. I started working on my health. Most importantly, I started working on my relationship with Christ.

Quite vividly I remember explaining the reasoning for my lifestyle changes to a friend at a party when I was officially introduced to the man who would become my husband. When I started becoming who I wanted to be with, instead of looking for who I wanted to be with, everything aligned as it should and I got what I wanted all along.

This concept of becoming instead of looking is the basis for Andy Stanley's book, The New Rules for Love, Sex, and Dating. Andy puts into words what I could never explain even though I knew in my heart it was what I needed to do. It's really quite simple. If you want a mate to be the embodiment of certain qualities (i.e. spiritual, faithful, kind) then you have to possess those qualities first.

His insights on dating and premarital sex are upfront without being judgmental. He offers direction for virgins and grace for the sexually experienced. For those who have not indulged in their sexual desires, he explains in great detail why God created sex to be part of a healthy marriage and not a frivolous act prior to the wedding. He explains that "as sexual encounters increase, your potential to experience sexual intimacy decreases." He goes on to explain in stunning simplicity how with the end of each sexual relationship, we have to convince ourselves we aren't heartbroken and "move on" because it would hurt too much to face the truth that with sex comes connection. Every time we move on we convince ourselves a little more that it didn't matter. We end up disconnected from the very thing God gave us to tether with our spouse for life. For those who have already made the decision to engage in sex, he offers a prescription for turning it around in preparation for the future God intends for you.

While this is a great (and easy) read for teens and single adults, I found myself strangely convicted as a married woman. Midway through the book is a chapter simply entitled "love is". This chapter offers an extraordinary breakdown of 1 Corinthians 13. As I read his analysis of "love is kind" I realized this to be my greatest struggle in marriage. Stanley defines kindness as the ability to "leverage one's strength on behalf of another." It is the decision to take some of your strength and give it to a weaker individual. More importantly, it's the decision to not view that person as weak. Tears began to well up in my eyes as I realized that this is my battle. My tendency has been to become frustrated and even angry at those I love when they don't possess the same strengths as I do. I've thought over and over about this portion of the book and have added this to my daily prayer list, that the Lord would teach me to be kind.

Stanley's offering should be considered a must read for singles. There is also a DVD study available for purchase that I'm sure would be incredible for small groups.

Thank you, Andy Stanley, for putting into words what I never could.

*I received this book from North Point Publishing (andystanley.com) in exchange for this review.

Favor

Possibly the worst day of my life came during what should have been one of the most glorious times of my life. When I was six months pregnant I got a call from my husband telling me he would likely be losing his job through no fault of his own. Long time readers may recall that I gave up a stable, well paying career before I was married at the leading of the Lord, which left us as a single income family.

Just the moment Andy called with this somber news I was pulling into the parking lot of my former place of employment where I occasionally work PRN. As I listened, my mind began to race back to the day I quit. I had been so sure that I was doing the right thing, yet we just kept struggling. I started to wonder if I would have to go back, hat in hand, disregarding what I thought was a clear instruction from God and asking for my job back. A week later we found out that his employment was indeed terminated. When he told me it was official he said that he had peace about it-I did not. I drove around for about an hour screaming at God that He had abandoned us when I was only trying to do what He had said. With no income, no insurance, and no prospects on the horizon I asked Andy what I needed to do. There is not really a market for a pregnant x-ray tech, but I figured I could find something, anything, to help. He would not let me pursue another job.

This was the first, but not the last time I would ask if I needed to put preaching on the back burner and earn some real money. His answer was always the same-no. Andy always had faith that I had indeed heard the voice of the Lord when I began my full time ministry pursuit and didn't want us to live with the consequences of ignoring that call. When I had settled down and started talking to God instead of screaming at Him, He spoke a message to my heart loud and clear. He told me that because Andy encouraged me to continue to follow His leading that God would show Andy favor. He told me that Andy would have blessings of his own because he didn't let me give up.

Andy eventually found a new job which paid better but sent him home stressed out everyday. After a few months an opportunity opened up for him to work in an entirely different field. He got a job at an extermination company crawling under houses. Even though the work is hard, he comes home happy at the end of the day with checks that are more than he could have imagined before. But that's not the best part...

While training his lead told him "just keep telling yourself you've only got to be under houses for a year, then you can switch to something else." The next week he followed along on a call in the division that works inside of houses instead of under them. While calling on a predominately Hispanic neighborhood, his trainer struggled to communicate but Andy, a fluent Spanish speaker, stepped in and saved the meeting. Word got back to the bosses who offered to give Andy the route. What should have taken months if not a year took 3 weeks! But that's not even the coolest part...

The man he is taking the route from told Andy he would do what he could to give him more business. The next day he walked in to tell Andy of several sales he had made that would benefit my husband. The first words out of this man's mouth? "Andy, you must really have God's FAVOR on you."

I say all this to say that when we were struggling, living somewhere I would have never chosen, and worrying about how I was going to have a baby when I didn't have coverage it was hard to believe that such goodness was on its way. But God is faithful and I'm not his only child. He loves you just as much as He loves me. Whatever your circumstance, God is sovereign and He can put you in just the right place to turn everything around. Don't give up. Don't give in. Know His voice and follow it for it will take you places where His blessings will rain down.

RRRUUUUUNNNN

In my small kitchen are two items that are not small at all. One is a scripture and the other is a photograph. The verse is one I wrote out when Andy and I were first married. I placed it on the refrigerator of our first apartment as a reminder of why I do what I do. It is  found in 2 Timothy 4.

Of special note in this blog are verses 7 and 8: " I have fought the good fight, I have finished the race, I have kept the faith. Now there is in store for me the crown of righteousness, which the Lord, the righteous Judge, will award to me on that day—and not only to me, but also to all who have longed for his appearing." The first half of the passage are my marching orderers and the last half are my promise. When I think of these verses, two faces come to mind, one is my grandmother, "nanny" Mckinley. The other is the subject of that photograph I mentioned above...

This is my grandpa, James Thomas McKinley. That photo is a reproduction one published many decades ago in a local newspaper heralding the restaurant in a local hotel for which my grandpa was the chef. I have told it before, but it bears repeating that my grandparents endured much hardship for the Gospel. My grandpa spent many years away from the Lord. His altar of repentance was the body of his son who died in his mid-twenties from the effects of an epileptic seizure. After returning to the Lord and accepting his calling, my grandpa felt the need to give all he could to make up for the lost years. 

He only ever pastored a handful of people. They lived in the basement of the church which was eaten up with mold. They worked multiple jobs at a time just to keep the lights on in the church. As he got older and sicker and worn out my dad asked him why in the world he continued to suffer for people who didn't seem to care. His response was swift, simple, and powerful-"some people get paid to preach and some people PAY to preach." They paid to preach. 

This is the reason I count them as part of my "great cloud of witnesses" found in Hebrews 12. My grandparents are two of those of "whom the world was not worthy." 

In my few years of ministry there have already been many times I have stumbled in my race. I've made mistakes. I've let my desires overtake His will. I've spoken out of anger and hurt. I've given poor advice. There are many days I wonder what I'm even doing as I fear that I'm no good to anyone. 

I envision myself on a track. When those thoughts come to me, I can see myself taking my eyes off my lane and looking to the runners on either side of me and the critics on the sidelines. And then I see myself stumble. As I lie there feeling hopeless and defeated, I fix my gaze high in the stands. There is my "VIP box". 

In my box you will find my "papaw" Weakley who filled in the gap left when my biological grandparents passed away. Next to him is my Nanny. And next to her is my grandpa McKinley. He's there mainly because his version would be a track. You see, when he was a sinner he loved to gamble.  My dad would tell stories of his father taking him to the track. After placing his bets he would beat his program against his thigh and yell, "RRRUUUNNNN" (of course, this being his non-preaching days, he threw in a few other NSFW phrases.)

So when I want to quit, to slink off the track and forfeit, I quite my mind and listen with my heart for my grandpa to cry out "RRRUUUNNN!" He knows that the run is worth the prize. He's already reached his reward and he knows that no earthly trouble outweighs the heavenly crown. 

I chose to take the baton and I will finish this race with endurance, because he reminds me to never give up. 

The Quilt That Kept Me in My Church

A couple times a week I see articles exploring what is deemed the "mass exodus" of young people from their churches. Depending on the day and the blog, one could assign blame to any number of reasons for why our kids leave youth group and subsequently leave their denomination or even the Christian faith. Some blame it on lack of relevancy. Some blame it on over emphasis on relevancy. Some say it's the fault of contemporary worship, while others say it's because we abandoned the truth found in hymns. Writers state that our vacant pews point to churches that are either too hard on sin or so accepting that they can't offer real change in the lives of those who need it.  The fault is placed on everyone in the church from the pastor to the greeter who didn't know how to "relevantly" greet young people-because God knows you can't stay in a church with people who don't think or act like you!

I grew up knowing nothing but to be in church when the doors were open. Rain, snow, or smallpox, we were expected to be there. If you were sick, your mama put a blanket under the pew for you to sleep on until your were drug up to the front for the ministers to lay their hands on you and pray.

As I grew up, I went through periods in which I wasn't all that excited about church. Sometimes I went to churches where I didn't like the music or the preaching style or (if I'm being extremely honest) the members. I've seen hypocrisy. I've heard church people lie and gossip. There have been times when the leaders I respected let me down.

After all I have seen and heard, it would be easy to be cynical, to harden my heart, and turn away from my church. But nearly three decades after being dedicated in the Church of God of Prophecy, I'm still there whenever the doors open. Not only is this still my church, this is the body that has entrusted me with a minister's license. And a big reason I'm raising my child in this church is a quilt...

My grandmother, "nanny" McKinley made quilts. She started my quilt when I was around 3 years old. She was able to complete the top portion of my blanket before she fell into a coma. After she slumbered for a year, she went home to heaven to be with my grandpa.

Our local church had what was called a "Dorcas Club" in which the women would quilt and sew. When one of these ladies found out that I was the owner of an unfinished quilt, they went to work to give me what my nanny couldn't. What probably seems minor to anyone else, is the most tangible proof I have of the existence of the family of God.

You see, those women didn't just fill the void of the missing quilter in my life, they worked hard to ease the pain of losing my grandma. Along with my mamaw Weakley (our state bishop's wife who became my "adoptive" grandmother), many of these ladies stepped in to make sure I got the love, hugs, kisses, and birthday cards I may have gone without otherwise.

In all of these blogs and viral videos about what's wrong with the church I hear what the writer thinks the church should be. But our opinions don't matter. What matters is what the bible calls us to be. We are meant to be a family.

Ephesians 2:19-22 says it this way, "So now you Gentiles are no longer strangers and foreigners. You are citizens along with all of God’s holy people. You are members of God’s FAMILY. Together, we are his house, built on the foundation of the apostles and the prophets. And the cornerstone is Christ Jesus Himself. We are carefully JOINED TOGETHER in Him, becoming a holy temple for the Lord. Through Him you Gentiles are also being made part of this dwelling where God lives by his Spirit."

The church isn't about the music or the lights. It isn't about being relevant as we see it. It's about being a family. That quilt, or better yet, what it represents is why I am part of my church and why my church is part of me. That quilt is the reason I want to bring Kai up in my church. I want my son to understand what the family of God is all about. I want him to feel the love of God covering him, the same way I feel the love of the family of God when I am covered in this blanket.

I am a part of my fellowship because it is my turn to be the quilter for the next generation. It is my turn to be a mom, aunt, sister, and daughter to someone who needs one. That's the problem with many of the explanations I read trying to justify young people leaving their churches: they haven't figured out that the church is about the collective, not the singular. We are a family. Do family members always get along or agree? No. But real families ALWAYS look out for one another. Real families function because the individuals in the family don't put their desires first, instead they love one another enough to meet the needs of their brothers and sisters.

God doesn't call us to relevant. He calls us to be a family, which in turn will always be relevant.

This quilt is solid proof that my church is a family.
This quilt is proof that my church tries to be what God called us to be.
This quilt is why I love my church.

Community Porn

This Valentine weekend thousands of women (even some good church women) will fill theaters across the country to absorb about 2 hours of sadistic filth. "50 Shades of Grey" talk has dominated the news, entertainment shows, and water coolers for some time now.

For those who don't know, 50 is part of a trilogy of novels created by E.L. James (a female writer).  In the first book, we meet Anastasia Steele, a virginal college student. "Ana" enters into a sadomasochistic contract with a wealthy beyond belief man by the name of Christian Grey. Not only does Ana commit to a relationship built on bondage and the like, she is agreeing to be controlled in her life and worse yet, she gives this all away without any promise of romance. (aside-I have not read the books, but have done thorough research to have a more clear understanding of the premise and characters.)

Here are my issues with film from the prospective of a Christian woman:

1.) It promotes violence towards women.

I won't spend much time here because it has been extensively covered in other writings, but it must be echoed once again that this is a dangerous message to send our young men and women. Thanks to ravenous fans, men are being lead to believe that it is a common female fantasy to be dominated sexually. I can think of no other piece of pop culture that has so adequately given license to rapists to continue their mantra that their victims "wanted it". Why would a Christian woman pay to watch something that promotes such an idea?

2.) It is pornography.

There is no way around this-it is "community porn", meant to be consumed in the open. From every review I've read on the books as well as the excerpts I have sampled, I can tell you these are undoubtedly the most poorly written novels I've ever seen . It is pathetic even by the very low standards set forth by romance novels. NO ONE would have raved about this book unless it was used to stir up sexual emotions. It was porn in print, and it will be porn on screen.

Even the wife of the lead male character has said she is uncomfortable watching the film and cannot attend the premiere. So, even if you are an unmarried young lady and attend a screening, you need to realize the situation you are putting yourself in. You are paying $10 to put yourself in a position to lust after a married man and mentally put yourself in bed with another woman's husband. This, according to the bible, is the same as adultery. (Matt. 5:27-28)

Maybe you don't mind watching community porn with your neighbors, but I don't think that sends the right message as a follower of Christ and it certainly is not beneficial to your personal walk.

3.) Christian Grey's allure is in large part due to his wallet.

His ability to give Ana experiences she couldn't partake in on her own financial merits earn Grey's way into her heart. He "grooms" her, as every good predator does. Every time we "mature" women endorse this film, we are sending a message to those behind us that degradation is okay, as long as the man has money.

4.) It's a love story.

My biggest problem isn't the sex in the trilogy, it's the love.

By the end of the series, the two main characters are married with a child living the American dream. And that's my problem.

My problem is that society is teaching our young women that there can be a link between domineering sexual behavior and love. I am especially concerned that it seems to be the very women who should be teaching our girls to desire more in life who are leading the charge. There is a reason the novels are called "mommy porn". It is because the book's popularity has been due in large part to middle aged women using it to reinvigorate their sex lives. I'm deeply concerned that we are teaching our girls that a relationship started in violence can enter into the realms of deep love and devotion-it can't.

My problem isn't that 50 Shades presents a disconnect between love and sex, it's that it confuses the mind on the order in which the two should be explored and how they are divinely connected. God designed sex to be a healthy part of a godly marriage. It is meant to be another way to connect with your spouse, to show mutual love and respect for each other's feelings and bodies.

The "love chapter" of the bible found in 1 Corinthians 13 spells out what love is and in verse 5 we see exactly why the attitudes in this pornographic film are not conducive with the Christian life. It says, love "does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking..." How in the world can the selfish, demeaning behaviors of Christian Grey be not only justified by the Christian viewer, but accepted as a means to real love?

I can't say much for the unbeliever who is enticed by this film, but as for Christian woman, I beg you to inspect your heart on this matter. I don't spend much time telling people what they should or shouldn't watch, but this one falls in the category of porn, and thus I have no choice but to say clearly: blood bought women have NO reason to watch this.

Have You Prayed for a Kardashian Today?

The news lately has been dominated by a family that seems to have a knack for becoming a water cooler discussion piece. The stars of several reality programs are a blended family, each member with varying degrees of fame.

The most famous member without a doubt is Kim (the thrice married wife of Kanye West and mother to North West) who first gained infamy as the star of a sex tape. She used that tape to catapult herself into the public eye, becoming an entrepreneur and one of the most prolific users of social media. She literally makes tens of thousands of dollars for mentioning a product on twitter. This girl knows how to get attention and use it for her advantage.

Kim's biological father, Robert Kardashian, a member of O.J. Simpson's famed "dream team" who died many years ago following a fight with throat cancer.

Kim's mom is Kris is one of the most famous "momagers" of all time, getting her kids all the exposure they want (and then some) and then taking her 10%.

Kim's older sister is named Kourtney. She has had three children with her boyfriend who has openly struggled with substance abuse.

Kim's next sister is Khloe who was married to an NBA star until the marriage dissolved amidst rumors of drug use and infidelity on his part.

Kim's brother Rob has seemingly isolated himself from his family as he has been constantly criticized by his family over his appearance.

Kim's two youngest sisters, Kendall and Kylie, are both trying to find their way in the modeling world, frequently posing in revealing and provocative clothing and poses.

And Kim's stepdad is the reason for this post.

Bruce Jenner is hailed as one of the most famous Olympians in US history. He used his gold medal turn to become a sex symbol and actor.

Over the past few months bloggers and tabloids began noticing changes in his appearance, some seemed benign, but slowly they became more jarring. He grew his hair and started painting his nails. Then it appeared as if his Adam's apple disappeared. Recent photos show what looks like female breast tissue forming beneath his shirt. With each day we hear more and more comments from his family that seem to spell out an inevitability- Bruce will likely soon announce that he is "transitioning" to physically become a woman.

I've noticed much discussion on this matter. I've talked about it as I'm sure most who have heard about this have. But there is one thing I haven't done. I haven't prayed.

Let me say, unequivocally, that if he really is doing what it appears he is doing, it is wrong. There is no part of me that can support such a decision. Deciding that God made a mistake when He assigned your gender and then changing that gender on your own is a mockery of the sovereignty of God.

But just as equally as this is sin, it is also sad. I can't imagine the battle that goes on in the mind of men and women who genuinely believe they are "in the wrong body". I can't imagine the daily torment and feelings of loneliness...

Actually, I can.

I have never questioned my God-given identity. I have never felt a disconnect between my gender and my thoughts. But, I know what it is to live every day as a lost soul until God changed me. Jesus did not offer a slow "transition", he offered an instant "transformation".

I'm often labeled as a "hateful" or "not compassionate" because of my hard stance on sin. The truth is, I hate sin. I hate sin for the pain it heaped on my life, I hate sin for the strain it has put on the relationships around me, and I even hate sin for what it is doing in the life of Bruce Jenner and his family.

Am I angry at the recent acceptance of LGBTQ lifestyles in our country? Yes. Am I angry at the individuals catapulting themselves into our public consciousness with their personal stories of how they were born in a skin not reflective of their feelings? No. I don't hate them. I hurt for them. I hurt for them because what they need will not be found in a new body or a new relationship, it will only be found at the feet of the Savior who gave His life for them. Yes, for them too. Romans 5:5-8 tells us

"hope does not put us to shame, because God’s love has been poured out into our hearts through the Holy Spirit, who has been given to us. You see, at just the right time, when we were still powerless, Christ died for the ungodly. Very rarely will anyone die for a righteous person, though for a good person someone might possibly dare to die. But God demonstrates his own love for us in this: While we were still sinners, Christ died for us."

So why am I so concerned about praying for the Kardashians, people many have labeled as the downfall of our society?

For one, because Jesus died for each of them. I assume they have heard this at some point, because they actually have a "family pastor", even though their lives have not reflected a biblical lifestyle. God loves them just as surely as He loved me in my sin. It is not too late for them, and we shouldn't act as if it is.

For another, Kim Kardashian alone as almost 30 million twitter followers. For good or bad, the girl has influence. Imagine the impact they could have on the world if they gave their troubles to Jesus. How many young people could be reached with the Gospel if we watched a family on the brink of destruction turn it all around with the help of their heavenly Father.

So I ask you, when you hear stories about Bruce, take a moment to pray for him and the others like him who are lost and don't know where their help comes from.


P.S. I began writing this last week but didn't feel ready to publish it.Since then, Bruce was involved in a car accident that took the life of another driver.

Blame It On the Alcohol

For the last week my attention has been captured by a trial being aired on local television. On trial are two young collegiate football players accused of rape. The victim is sometimes referred to as the new girlfriend of one of the accused. Her "boyfriend" brought the extremely drunk girl back to his dorm where his friends raped her with various body parts and objects. We know this occurred because this event was filmed on a camera phone before this man she trusted sent the video to friends. The defense of at least one of these young men is that he was "too drunk to know what he was doing."

This has been a shocking trial so far, but nothing turned my head as quick as the order of events explained by the defendant seen on video raping the victim. The attack happened early on a Sunday morning, around 2:00 am. The next thing he remembers is waking up the next morning-to go to church. The defendant stated several times that he often attended this church. He also stated that he often got drunk even though he was underage.

I know that the topic of drinking is a hot button issue among Christians. I've heard every argument on both sides as to why it's okay or not okay for a Christian to drink. Over and over I see blogs and magazine articles explaining why the Church needs to back off because drinking isn't that big of a deal. Interestingly, these are often "shared" by young Christians, most of college age. I generally stay quiet (though I have, on occasion, added my opinion), but this trial has necessitated that a comment be made.

The young people involved in this trial were just looking for fun. They are smart young people attending a very prestigious university. These were future athletes, doctors, and biologists just looking to "blow off some steam". Little did they know that when the night was done their lives would be changed forever.

I know what you will say, "Lindsey, there is a big difference between having a drink and drunkenness." Yes, there is, but drunkenness begins with one drink, and with each drink your inhibitions lower more and more, encouraging the cycle to continue.

My question to my young friends is "what does it benefit you to drink?" Is it a matter of relaxation? I hate to break it to you, but you have no clue what real stress is yet. If you run to alcohol for your comfort and way to unwind now, you are putting yourself on a dangerous path for your future. Is it a matter of loosening up so you can better socialize? If so, then maybe you need to assess what is lacking in your personality that you have to be mentally lubricated to talk to people, because, again, this is a skill you have to learn without the aid of alcohol for the future.

I hear over and over from young people that they don't feel guilty about drinking. They feel personal "freedom" to partake. I would invite these friends to read Paul's writings in 1 Corinthians 10 in which he says, "'I have the right to do anything,' you say—but not everything is beneficial. 'I have the right to do anything'—but not everything is constructive. No one should seek their own good, but the good of other" (v. 23-24 NIV)

You see, the thing all these people trying to rationalize Christians drinking miss is that Christianity is about solidarity, not singularity. When you accept Christ, you are grafted into His family. Issues like this are not about what you feel personally comfortable with, they are about your brother and sister and how they are impacted. Does your drinking add anything to the kingdom of God? Does the dulling of your senses help the family of God in any way?

If your only argument for allowing Christians to drink is that the bible doesn't expressly forbid all alcohol consumption, then you need to read verse 31 of that same chapter, "whether you eat or drink or whatever you do, do it all for the glory of God." If you can explain to me how you are truly bringing glory to God by consuming alcohol, I would be happy to offer my concession on this point, but I don't think you really can.

As I watched this trial I couldn't help but think how different this could have all been if these young people had resisted alcohol. At the end of a night of drinking we find a young woman humiliated and broken and multiple young lives thrown away as their promising futures have been traded for potential jail sentences.

Is drinking alcohol a sin? Whether you believe it is or not, you cannot deny it leads to an awful lot of sin.

Lord, open the eyes of our young people that their decision cannot be made based on what seems right to them, but rather by what brings glory to You.

The Next Chapter

Nearly a year and a half ago I shared news with my readers that Andy and I were going to take a youth pastorate near Nashville in a blog entitled "The Field". In that time I learned more than I could begin to share, but I want to name just a few things.

We learned what it is to really "work" in a church. Our lives began to revolve around the mission set before us. This not only meant showing up whenever the doors were opened, it meant painting the sanctuary when I was 4 months pregnant (fume-free, no worries), attempting to play frisbee with neighborhood kids when I could barely twist, and knocking on doors in our less than "desirable" neighborhood. I know that most people don't like going door to door because of the awkward factor, but when there could very likely be a drug dealer, child molester, or a woman being beaten on the other side, it adds a whole new element of nerves.

We learned about real outreach. I don't mean "let's have one event a year to feel better about ourselves." I mean the kids weren't coming in, so we went to them. I mean your carpets are gonna get filthy and there is a real possibility that a window will be broken when "those" kids come in.

We learned about flexibility. We found that in a small church, you do what has to be done. It doesn't matter what your "calling" necessarily is, you fill in the gaps however you can.

And now I am learning about the simultaneous joy and heartbreak of following God's Voice...

For some time now, my mind has been on the youth group at the church Andy and I attended when we were engaged. While there I held no titles, but we helped when and where we could. Had the Lord not led us to Nashville, we wouldn't have left that church. I knew they had been without a youth leader for a while and I wondered what would happen in that community in which there is so much potential. I didn't know it yet, but Andy was feeling a call to return as well.

In November, I ran into the pastor of my former church and asked him if they youth had a leader yet. He told me that they were currently searching and asked me to keep my ears open for anyone desiring the position.

As he began to talk about the church's feelings and what their plan was regarding youth, my heart began to beat wildly as I realized this was where I needed to be.

Several other things occurred in this time that felt as though they were major confirmations that the next chapter in my ministry was ready to begin.

I spoke with my pastor and mentor and let him know how I felt. He encouraged me to do what God was calling me to do and released me to apply for the position.

When I told my former pastor of my desire to return and work with the youth, he told me that I had been in his mind for the position, and we both felt even more that this was a "God thing".

Last week the administrative committee of the church voted and approved me for the position.

It is with great joy that I announce that I will begin as the youth pastor of the Gallatin, TN Church of God of Prophecy effective February 1st.

While we are over the moon about his appointment and the contentment of knowing we are going where God has called us, there is that heartbreak I mentioned above.

I have and will cherish every moment I spent at Old Hickory Fellowship. It was here that I learned an important principle: sometimes you follow God expecting to do good works, but in the end you realize He was doing a good work in you. I believe whole heartedly that the last year and a half were meant to prepare me for my future in ministry. We went into it knowing it would not be a long-term situation, but that God was using it for a purpose.

Last Wednesday, as we walked into a room full of screaming middle school boys arguing over who liked us the most, my heart hurt thinking that I wouldn't see them each week. As strange as it sounds, I started to realize how much I would miss breaking up their fist fights, being eaten alive by mosquitoes as they played football, and hearing their interesting interpretations of the Scriptures which they sometimes confused with movies.

I'm sure that any minister who has moved from one church to another knows this pain. I am certain we are doing the right thing, but I will miss those rowdy kids none the less.

I want to thank Pastors Jeff and Kimmy Jones for all they have meant to Andy, Kai, and myself. They are our family now and forever. Their zeal for the lost has made an eternal impact on my life and I look forward to continuing to work with them on other projects in the future.

Thank you to everyone who covers me in prayer as I continue to navigate the waters of God's calling on my life.

The Pentecostal Problem

I will never forget my most uncomfortable moment in a church service.

In the middle of an evening prayer service I felt as if my body was on fire as a since of dread and fear over came me. What had begun as a normal service praying for our community and families took a turn when 2 key leaders in the church gave what is known in Pentecostal services as a "message and interpretation" from the Holy Spirit. A message came forth regarding business dealings that had been pushed through even though the church could not afford the proposed plan. Something struck me wrong about the exchange. I felt like I needed to get away quickly out of fear for the sure retribution that would come over false prophecy. I looked at my then-boyfriend and said, "it's time to go."

I had for some time felt uncomfortable in that church (this was not the denomination in which I now hold my license). These "messages" had become common and predictable. They always came from the same 2 leaders. They always spoke words that benefited those leaders. They were always followed up with the instruction that "this is perfectly in order". No one else seemed to be bothered in the large congregation, as each message was met with claps and shouts of "HALLELUJAH!"

After my last service there, the business the church had conducted after many prophecies that it would lead to an explosion in attendance turned out to be a risk that did not pay off. Soon discrepancies were revealed in the handling of monies and guess who seemed to be at the helm-the 2 who claimed to speak for the Spirit. Anger grew within the congregation over secrecy and misappropriations and now the attendance that was guaranteed to grow into the thousands is dwindling.

I don't say any of this with a happy heart. This is not an "I told you so" moment. A threat to the integrity of ministers anywhere is a threat to ministers everywhere.

I share this because we seem to have a major discernment issue in the Pentecostal church. What if everyone in that congregation recognized the manipulation of the Spirit in the beginning? What misdeeds could have been avoided?

How can it be that churches occupied by members claiming to be Spirit-filled don't notice an impostor of the God inside of them?

I submit to you that we have 2 major issues that allow this to happen:

1.) We desire God's Presence, but not His Word.

Imagine that when you opened this blog you found ideas and words that don't sound like my normal writings. Those who have read faithfully know my tone and my convictions. You would know that someone had hacked my account. So it is when God speaks to us. If we have studied His Words, we will know His thoughts. How can we expect to recognize His Voice if we don't know the way He speaks?

Growing up around Spirit-filled churches there have been countless times when I have heard members excitedly say "church was so good Sunday, the preacher didn't even get to preach!" That phrase pretty well sums up this point. We view an outpouring of the Spirit as a replacement for the Bible, which He is not. Many Spirit-filled congregations have all but abandoned Sunday School and Bible Studies as our pastors build their entire sermons around "good advice for living" instead of Bible truths.

My greatest fear for the Pentecostal church is that we have traded Scripture for shivers and our pastors have gone from anointed ministers to advice columnists. In these days in which false prophets run rampant, we must know God's Word for ourselves.

2.) We constantly pray for God to "meet with us" but not to "dwell in us".

Pentecostals tend to live as spiritual mountaineers. Meeting times are our mountaintops where we meet with God. We sing about it. We pray about it. The problem is that the Holy Spirit wasn't meant to "show up and show out". He was meant to fill us and empower us day to day. When we treat the Spirit as a once a week meal, our perceived "hunger" is actually "starvation".

The problem with Spiritual starvation is that we settle for anything and call it a message from above. We are so desperate to hear from God that we don't bother to discern the spirits that are speaking. We would rather blindly accept every word than to ask the Holy Spirit to help us know His voice.

Until He truly dwells in us, we will continue to be deceived.

Lord, help us to know that the Spirit is not something to be used and abused to get what we want. Keep our leaders faithful to you. Let them not use their influence for selfish gain. Fill our congregations with men, women, AND children who hunger for You and Your Word. Keep us accountable to You and to one another as we strive to be the bride You intend for us to be.