A few weeks ago, I shared one of my more guarded secrets, the fact that I had premarital sex. I shared this dark part of my life with the hope that it would help others. And apparently it did. For several days I received messages from young people who were in the same pit as I and from parents who needed to be reminded that their children's failures don't mean they were failures as parents. I told you in that entry that when I opened up to my parents I had to share many other issues I had. While I don't feel the need to explain them all to you, there is one that you need to hear about because I want to shed light on the issue.
Long before my first sexual encounter I engaged in something that, statistically, most young people are participating in. I had begun sexting. In case you don't know, sexting is sending either sexually suggestive photos via text or sending explicit text messages. I'm not proud of what I did. This does not serve to make myself sound cool or relevant. I'm telling you about my sin so that you can understand my motivations behind it and perhaps use that to stop it from happening around you. One youth pastor told me that the sexting phenomenon came about because girls are "more aggressive" these days and that it would have never happened when he was young. Maybe he's partially right, but my reasoning had nothing to do with aggressiveness, it had to do with poor self esteem.
I've never made it a secret that I have struggled with body issues since my early high school days which resulted in an eating disorder in college. I wanted to be wanted. I needed someone to be out of his mind excited about me. Compounding this issue was the fact that I knew the recipient of my photos was an avid porn viewer. Why does that matter? Because in my young mind all I could think was "if he's going to look at a naked girl anyway, I want it to be me." And why should you care? Because most young men do look at porn, meaning this thought could easily creep into the mind of the young women around you.
So I caved. I knew what I was doing was wrong, but it was also exciting...until reality hit. What I did didn't make me more desirable, it made my value decrease in his eyes. If you don't respect yourself, no one else will either and having so little respect for myself (and the man I would eventually meet and marry) introduced new elements of distrust and hurt into our relationship. At one point I asked him to destroy the evidence, which he swore he would, but months later I found out he still had it. That's when I really knew what a mistake I had made. To this day, I don't know what happened to those photos. Someone who has no love or respect for me is carrying around blackmail that I delivered to him, and I have no one to blame but myself.
In retrospect, I learned some serious lessons that I want to share in the hopes that it will keep some other young person from making the same error.
1. Sexting is not innocent, it is sin. It involves stirring up lust in someone who is not your spouse. And, before you say it, it doesn't matter if you think he will eventually be your husband, it is still wrong before those vows are made to entice him in this manner.
2. You have no control over what happens to the evidence. Let me give you a scenario that has gotten many a girl in trouble. In a moment of excitement, she let's a guy take pictures of her or sends him an adult-themed "selfie". 2 minutes later she changes her mind and has him delete the photos. How many devices/friends could he have sent the pics to in that time? I assure you, when those pictures get out, you won't be labeled cool and he won't look like the "great guy" you claim he is. He will be labeled a "pimp" and if he's a pimp what does that make you?
3. The moment of excitement isn't worth years of looking over your shoulder. The first my parents heard of my endeavors was this year. The pictures were taken SEVERAL years ago. I was so ashamed that they would find out that I became utterly paranoid. Every time a computer was opened, I sweated it out hoping nothing was accidentally saved where they would find it. I always worried that the guy I sent them to would fess up to everything just to get back at me. Equally as bad as the above lesson about everyone finding out is the fear of everyone finding out and realizing that what happens in the dark always comes to light.
4. This behavior will not connect you on some cosmic level, it will make you an object. When you send someone pictures like this of yourself, you are telling the recipient that sex is all you are good for. Hear me clearly, that is NOT all you are, but it will appear that way. When they start to view you in this way, you have opened the door for more aggressive behavior. If you don't give in to sexual advances after you've sexted, you'll be labeled a "tease", if you do give in, you'll be called much worse. Don't open the door.
5. You could get both of you in serious trouble. This one I just learned about a couple of years ago. Although I and the other party involved were both adults, many minors are sexting. In many states, if 2 minors participate in this activity, they could both be in serious legal trouble. A minor girl who takes a picture of herself is considered a producer of child pornography. A minor boy receiving the picture is considered in possession of child porn. If he sends it to his friends, he is also guilty of distributing child porn. Depending on where you live, penalties could range from fines and jail time to being added to the sex offender registry. It gets real really quick, huh?
As always, I end this entry by telling you that there is redemption. If you have sexting in the past, it needs to remain there. God will forgive you and as I always say, you can have a future because you are not the sum of your sins. If you haven't sexted, good for you. Don't fall into the trap of wanting to be wanted in this way, you won't like the result.
Monday, December 30, 2013
Monday, December 23, 2013
Culture
I keep hearing over and over again that our culture is totally different from that of the culture in biblical times, and thus we can't present the Gospel like they did back then. When I first starting hearing this line, I agreed. I also didn't know the bible as well as I should have back then. The more I have studied the bible, I realize that this is a misnomer. Now, before you start up with me about technology and communication, know that I am not blind to the world we live in. Clearly, I get it. I am using that technology to the best of my ability to share the gospel with my friends around the world. What I am saying is that the neither the human heart nor the human condition have changed. Allow me to lay down some biblically sound ground work for my theory.
Ecclesiastes 1:9 tells us, "History merely repeats itself. It has all been done before. Nothing under the sun is truly new." (NLT) To act as if our hearts are any different than they were in Sodom or in Rome or in any of the other towns we read about doesn't make sense in the light of Ecclesiastes. Throughout the bible we see Satan working basically the same traps over and over again. The people in the bible stories we read were just as lustful and deceitful and debaucherous as we. Maybe the symptoms aren't all the same, but the disease is. It was sin then, it is sin now.
My best example of how our cultures are similar is found in Romans 1. Paul begins in verse 17 talking about the "good news" of how God "makes us right". He then follows up by describing how God "shows his anger from heaven against all sinful, wicked people who push the truth away from themselves." He speaks of how we instinctively know there is a God because of His works around us, but some will refuse to believe. Starting in verse 21 "they began to think up foolish ideas of what God is like. The result was that their minds became dark and confused. Claiming to be wise, they became utter fools instead. And instead of worshipping the glorious, ever-living God, they worshipped idols..."
Confusion abounds in our culture with regards to who God is. We have made up all kinds of foolish ideas about Him. We flock to "brilliant minds" that claim God is the light inside of us or the spirit of the earth or whatever craziness abounds today.
Paul continues that God allowed the people to do "whatever shameful things their hearts desired. As a result, they did vile and degrading things to each other's bodies." (v.24) He said they chose to believe lies and "worshipped things created instead of the Creator." (v. 25) If this doesn't describe the actions in 90% of our reality television, I don't know what would. Young people devote their entire beings to becoming like a Kardashian or whomever the "star" of the day is. They are worshipping man, not the Creator.
In verse 26, God "abandoned them to their sinful desires" and they indulged in homosexuality and "as a result, suffered within themselves the penalty they so richly deserved." (v.27) I live in a country in which homosexuality is seemingly running rampant, and sadly, many churches have given up preaching against it out of fear of "offending someone". The fact that they engaged in this behavior after God abandoned them tells me He has no place in that lifestyle. It has become popular to say that God made someone gay. But if you read this, it sounds like this lifestyle was the mark of His voluntary removal.
After this, God "abandoned them to their evil minds and let them do things that should never be done. Their lives became full of every kind of wickedness, sin, greed, hate, envy murder, fighting, deception, malicious behavior, and gossip. They are backstabbers, haters of God, insolent, proud, and boastful. They are forever inventing new ways of sinning and are disobedient to their parents. They refuse to understand, break their promises, and are heartless and unforgiving." (Romans 1:28-31)
This week a stir was caused when an American television personality said (in addition to other things) that homosexual behavior leads to more sin. At least on this one point, per the book of Romans, he was right. Our culture embracing this lifestyle is opening the door for every other sin to overtake us, but most frighteningly, God has already set the precedent that He will leave us to our own devices if we don't worship Him.
Lastly, Paul acknowledges, "they are fully aware of God's death penalty for those who do these things, yet they go right ahead and do them anyway. And worse yet, they encourage others to do them, too." (v.32)
Peer pressure is nothing new. We may do it via texting now, but the concept is old, as is everything else.
So, can we shift our methods? Yes. But to state that our world is totally different is for one, not in line with the scripture, and for another opens the gate to disregard scripture. When you start eliminating one part because it "doesn't apply today", it is a slippery slope before none of it does.
Ecclesiastes 1:9 tells us, "History merely repeats itself. It has all been done before. Nothing under the sun is truly new." (NLT) To act as if our hearts are any different than they were in Sodom or in Rome or in any of the other towns we read about doesn't make sense in the light of Ecclesiastes. Throughout the bible we see Satan working basically the same traps over and over again. The people in the bible stories we read were just as lustful and deceitful and debaucherous as we. Maybe the symptoms aren't all the same, but the disease is. It was sin then, it is sin now.
My best example of how our cultures are similar is found in Romans 1. Paul begins in verse 17 talking about the "good news" of how God "makes us right". He then follows up by describing how God "shows his anger from heaven against all sinful, wicked people who push the truth away from themselves." He speaks of how we instinctively know there is a God because of His works around us, but some will refuse to believe. Starting in verse 21 "they began to think up foolish ideas of what God is like. The result was that their minds became dark and confused. Claiming to be wise, they became utter fools instead. And instead of worshipping the glorious, ever-living God, they worshipped idols..."
Confusion abounds in our culture with regards to who God is. We have made up all kinds of foolish ideas about Him. We flock to "brilliant minds" that claim God is the light inside of us or the spirit of the earth or whatever craziness abounds today.
Paul continues that God allowed the people to do "whatever shameful things their hearts desired. As a result, they did vile and degrading things to each other's bodies." (v.24) He said they chose to believe lies and "worshipped things created instead of the Creator." (v. 25) If this doesn't describe the actions in 90% of our reality television, I don't know what would. Young people devote their entire beings to becoming like a Kardashian or whomever the "star" of the day is. They are worshipping man, not the Creator.
In verse 26, God "abandoned them to their sinful desires" and they indulged in homosexuality and "as a result, suffered within themselves the penalty they so richly deserved." (v.27) I live in a country in which homosexuality is seemingly running rampant, and sadly, many churches have given up preaching against it out of fear of "offending someone". The fact that they engaged in this behavior after God abandoned them tells me He has no place in that lifestyle. It has become popular to say that God made someone gay. But if you read this, it sounds like this lifestyle was the mark of His voluntary removal.
After this, God "abandoned them to their evil minds and let them do things that should never be done. Their lives became full of every kind of wickedness, sin, greed, hate, envy murder, fighting, deception, malicious behavior, and gossip. They are backstabbers, haters of God, insolent, proud, and boastful. They are forever inventing new ways of sinning and are disobedient to their parents. They refuse to understand, break their promises, and are heartless and unforgiving." (Romans 1:28-31)
This week a stir was caused when an American television personality said (in addition to other things) that homosexual behavior leads to more sin. At least on this one point, per the book of Romans, he was right. Our culture embracing this lifestyle is opening the door for every other sin to overtake us, but most frighteningly, God has already set the precedent that He will leave us to our own devices if we don't worship Him.
Lastly, Paul acknowledges, "they are fully aware of God's death penalty for those who do these things, yet they go right ahead and do them anyway. And worse yet, they encourage others to do them, too." (v.32)
Peer pressure is nothing new. We may do it via texting now, but the concept is old, as is everything else.
So, can we shift our methods? Yes. But to state that our world is totally different is for one, not in line with the scripture, and for another opens the gate to disregard scripture. When you start eliminating one part because it "doesn't apply today", it is a slippery slope before none of it does.
Monday, December 16, 2013
The Truth About Lindsey
Warning: by the end of this entry you will know me better than you may have ever wished, if you don't want to know me well, stop now. You've been warned...
2013 will be forever known to me as the year I gained my freedom. I had been hiding a secret that for years kept me terrified of being exposed. I have alluded in the past on this blog about my pre-marital activities but I don't believe I've ever written it out plainly. Some of you have heard my testimony or "play doh" sermon (hopefully a video will be available soon so that will make sense), but I think it's time to be clear with my readers.
Earlier this year as we were gearing up for our second annual Get Real Girls Retreat in Tennessee, one of our speakers had to cancel a couple of weeks before the retreat and I was asked to step in for her. I really didn't want to. Last year I spoke about part of my testimony but wasn't ready to share it all at that first retreat. From the moment I was asked to speak, I knew in my spirit what needed to be said and I also knew that to do what God told me to, I'd have to fess up to some very important people first. Up until this point, only my fiancé and a few of my closest friends knew the truth about my seemingly stellar past. But I knew this was the time to share in the hopes of helping these young women I loved so much who I knew were following my path.
Out of respect for my parents, I wanted them to hear from me what I would be confessing so they didn't hear it through the grapevine. They were out of town so I texted and told them I had to talk with them as soon as they were home. The next 24 hours nearly killed me. I was so anxious that they wouldn't love me. That they would be disappointed or hurt or feel ashamed of me.
My fiancé came over and sat with me as I waited on them to arrive. When the time came, he put one arm around me and held my hand tightly with the his free hand. I started to cry as I told them that they needed to know the topic of my Get Real sermon. I looked at the ground and said "Andy is a virgin, but I'm not." My parents looked at each other as we all sat in awkward silence. After they asked for a few details, my mom asked if there were any other secrets following up with "I only ask because I want you to feel comfortable to share whatever God lays on your heart." I can't imagine they expected the list of sins I confessed, but I was brutally honest because their reaction up until then warranted my cooperation. I felt so bad that at one point I asked if I had to return my wedding gown because I didn't deserve it. In a moment of lightheartedness, my mother replied, "it's ivory, don't worry."
Then she walked over to the couch, sat down by me, and put her arm around me. She said "I'm so sorry you've carried this pain for so long by yourself." When they found out that Andy had known for so long, they thanked him for being so respectful and such a good friend to me. I'll never forget what my dad said next. Growing up in a no nonsense house, I expected him to begin pontificating about my sins. Instead he said this, "I don't have a speech for this. You know what you did was wrong, but this condemnation you've carried was self-inflicted. God doesn't put that on you, you put it on yourself. Once you repented, the bible says you became a new creature, and there's no sense in walking around with this guilt anymore." Then he wrapped his arms around me, and prayed to the Lord that I could forgive myself.
And that was it. I was free from my self-inflicted prison.
Why am I offering so many personal details? Because you need to know a few things:
1. I know I can come across as severe when discussing sin especially of this nature, but it is because I know how these sins can destroy your life. Where as I have been accused of putting myself on a pedestal, I want you to know that I know what is to put yourself in a self-dug ditch of bitterness and anger.
2. For my young readers who have saved themselves for marriage, I want you to know how proud I am of you. And I want you to realize that saving yourself is best for you in every sense. Be like my husband, not like me.
3. For my young readers who fell in the same trap as me, I want you to know that there is forgiveness for what you did. The picture I painted of my parents is exactly how God sees you in your situation. You are not ruined. You are not worthless. God still has a plan for you, but the first step of that plan is repenting, which means not only saying you are sorry, but turning from that sin and running from it. Is it easy to have a non-sexual relationship when you've been used to one that revolved around sex? Nope. But with the Lord's help, I am proof that it is possible.
Please know that this post was well thought out and written on purpose. I felt impressed by the Lord to share this in the hopes of helping some other girl out there.
You are not the sum of your sins. God loves you enough to give you a future regardless of your past!
2013 will be forever known to me as the year I gained my freedom. I had been hiding a secret that for years kept me terrified of being exposed. I have alluded in the past on this blog about my pre-marital activities but I don't believe I've ever written it out plainly. Some of you have heard my testimony or "play doh" sermon (hopefully a video will be available soon so that will make sense), but I think it's time to be clear with my readers.
Earlier this year as we were gearing up for our second annual Get Real Girls Retreat in Tennessee, one of our speakers had to cancel a couple of weeks before the retreat and I was asked to step in for her. I really didn't want to. Last year I spoke about part of my testimony but wasn't ready to share it all at that first retreat. From the moment I was asked to speak, I knew in my spirit what needed to be said and I also knew that to do what God told me to, I'd have to fess up to some very important people first. Up until this point, only my fiancé and a few of my closest friends knew the truth about my seemingly stellar past. But I knew this was the time to share in the hopes of helping these young women I loved so much who I knew were following my path.
Out of respect for my parents, I wanted them to hear from me what I would be confessing so they didn't hear it through the grapevine. They were out of town so I texted and told them I had to talk with them as soon as they were home. The next 24 hours nearly killed me. I was so anxious that they wouldn't love me. That they would be disappointed or hurt or feel ashamed of me.
My fiancé came over and sat with me as I waited on them to arrive. When the time came, he put one arm around me and held my hand tightly with the his free hand. I started to cry as I told them that they needed to know the topic of my Get Real sermon. I looked at the ground and said "Andy is a virgin, but I'm not." My parents looked at each other as we all sat in awkward silence. After they asked for a few details, my mom asked if there were any other secrets following up with "I only ask because I want you to feel comfortable to share whatever God lays on your heart." I can't imagine they expected the list of sins I confessed, but I was brutally honest because their reaction up until then warranted my cooperation. I felt so bad that at one point I asked if I had to return my wedding gown because I didn't deserve it. In a moment of lightheartedness, my mother replied, "it's ivory, don't worry."
Then she walked over to the couch, sat down by me, and put her arm around me. She said "I'm so sorry you've carried this pain for so long by yourself." When they found out that Andy had known for so long, they thanked him for being so respectful and such a good friend to me. I'll never forget what my dad said next. Growing up in a no nonsense house, I expected him to begin pontificating about my sins. Instead he said this, "I don't have a speech for this. You know what you did was wrong, but this condemnation you've carried was self-inflicted. God doesn't put that on you, you put it on yourself. Once you repented, the bible says you became a new creature, and there's no sense in walking around with this guilt anymore." Then he wrapped his arms around me, and prayed to the Lord that I could forgive myself.
And that was it. I was free from my self-inflicted prison.
Why am I offering so many personal details? Because you need to know a few things:
1. I know I can come across as severe when discussing sin especially of this nature, but it is because I know how these sins can destroy your life. Where as I have been accused of putting myself on a pedestal, I want you to know that I know what is to put yourself in a self-dug ditch of bitterness and anger.
2. For my young readers who have saved themselves for marriage, I want you to know how proud I am of you. And I want you to realize that saving yourself is best for you in every sense. Be like my husband, not like me.
3. For my young readers who fell in the same trap as me, I want you to know that there is forgiveness for what you did. The picture I painted of my parents is exactly how God sees you in your situation. You are not ruined. You are not worthless. God still has a plan for you, but the first step of that plan is repenting, which means not only saying you are sorry, but turning from that sin and running from it. Is it easy to have a non-sexual relationship when you've been used to one that revolved around sex? Nope. But with the Lord's help, I am proof that it is possible.
Please know that this post was well thought out and written on purpose. I felt impressed by the Lord to share this in the hopes of helping some other girl out there.
You are not the sum of your sins. God loves you enough to give you a future regardless of your past!
Wednesday, December 11, 2013
"Can I Just Say Praise the Lord?": The Death of Testimony Services
I've often heard stories of how my grandma McKinley couldn't contain her praise in church. She would jump up and yell "can I just say praise the Lord? PRAAAAAIIIIIIIIISE THE LORD!" Likewise, my mother can't possibly be held back from offering her testimony (which I can literally quote verbatim after having heard it a million times) when a moderator asks, "does anyone have a testimony they want to share?" I have mocked her for this practice for years, but she remains undaunted.
See, I grew up in churches in which testimony or "praise report" time was an integral part of the service. Part of the importance of gathering together was that we would tell each other of the goodness of the Lord in our lives that week. It was exciting to hear that the prayers we had been praying for weeks were being answered. Sadly, this practice seems to be endangered in American churches.
I will admit that I understand the reason for the shift away from testimonies. Many churches gave up on the practice because there's alway that one guy who ruins it for the group. You have that one person gets up and uses the words "prayer request" and "gossip" interchangeably. Before you know it, you know what everybody in the church has done and who they've done it with. It is clearly not edifying, and thus understandable why some churches resist this time.
Then you come across negative Nelly who can't figure out what a testimony is. They either spend the whole time saying "the devil was really after me this week" and never give God or glory, or my personal favorite, they can't figure out if they even have anything to praise God for. I was once in a service in which someone stood up and gave a beautiful testimony about how God had healed them that week. They sat down and another person testified. When the second member was done, the first stood back up to say "I'm not really sure that was God who healed me." Really?
There also seems to be a prevailing theory that we can replace our personal testimonies with praise and worship time. While worship songs can be a great tool in expressing our feelings and love for God, there is no replacement for using our own words with our own mouths to tell our own stories. We enter His gates with thanksgiving and His courts with praise according to Psalm 100, but it seems like churches are skipping the gate stage and making a run for the courts with our worship, which doesn't quite work the same.
And then there are churches that reject testimony service simply because it "takes too long". Ummmm the God who created every molecule in existence chose to take time from His busy "keeping the universe in motion" agenda to heal and deliver us and we can't give Him 30 minutes on program?
This is my point: we overcome by our testimony. So why are we robbing people of their chance to be victors? I can't see how any of the reasons I listed are worthy of shutting down this practice. If the service seems to be disorderly, maybe we as leaders should take the time to mentor congregations and teach them what is acceptable?
"But Lindsey, why do they need to 'overcome' in front of the whole church?" I'm glad you asked. For one, it offers accountability. When we know what each other's struggles are, we can help them stay on track. Secondly, it is important to share our "mountaintop experiences" to help those in the valley. What if your story was the thing that would keep your brother from giving up hope?
Now that I am in a place of having to place my full trust in God, I often think back to those stories of how God made provision for the people around me. He's the same yesterday, today, and forever, so I know if He did it for them, He will do it for me. What concerns me is that we are raising a generation of young people who have never heard these stories. What will be their point of reference when the day comes to believe in God for a miracle? How will they know what God is capable of if we never tell them?
See, I grew up in churches in which testimony or "praise report" time was an integral part of the service. Part of the importance of gathering together was that we would tell each other of the goodness of the Lord in our lives that week. It was exciting to hear that the prayers we had been praying for weeks were being answered. Sadly, this practice seems to be endangered in American churches.
I will admit that I understand the reason for the shift away from testimonies. Many churches gave up on the practice because there's alway that one guy who ruins it for the group. You have that one person gets up and uses the words "prayer request" and "gossip" interchangeably. Before you know it, you know what everybody in the church has done and who they've done it with. It is clearly not edifying, and thus understandable why some churches resist this time.
Then you come across negative Nelly who can't figure out what a testimony is. They either spend the whole time saying "the devil was really after me this week" and never give God or glory, or my personal favorite, they can't figure out if they even have anything to praise God for. I was once in a service in which someone stood up and gave a beautiful testimony about how God had healed them that week. They sat down and another person testified. When the second member was done, the first stood back up to say "I'm not really sure that was God who healed me." Really?
There also seems to be a prevailing theory that we can replace our personal testimonies with praise and worship time. While worship songs can be a great tool in expressing our feelings and love for God, there is no replacement for using our own words with our own mouths to tell our own stories. We enter His gates with thanksgiving and His courts with praise according to Psalm 100, but it seems like churches are skipping the gate stage and making a run for the courts with our worship, which doesn't quite work the same.
And then there are churches that reject testimony service simply because it "takes too long". Ummmm the God who created every molecule in existence chose to take time from His busy "keeping the universe in motion" agenda to heal and deliver us and we can't give Him 30 minutes on program?
This is my point: we overcome by our testimony. So why are we robbing people of their chance to be victors? I can't see how any of the reasons I listed are worthy of shutting down this practice. If the service seems to be disorderly, maybe we as leaders should take the time to mentor congregations and teach them what is acceptable?
"But Lindsey, why do they need to 'overcome' in front of the whole church?" I'm glad you asked. For one, it offers accountability. When we know what each other's struggles are, we can help them stay on track. Secondly, it is important to share our "mountaintop experiences" to help those in the valley. What if your story was the thing that would keep your brother from giving up hope?
Now that I am in a place of having to place my full trust in God, I often think back to those stories of how God made provision for the people around me. He's the same yesterday, today, and forever, so I know if He did it for them, He will do it for me. What concerns me is that we are raising a generation of young people who have never heard these stories. What will be their point of reference when the day comes to believe in God for a miracle? How will they know what God is capable of if we never tell them?
Tuesday, December 10, 2013
Breathe
The New Eyes blog is meant to share the thoughts and revelations the Lord gives me. Usually they are based around an old scripture I have seen in a new way. Today's entry is not one of those. Instead, I want to share with you a thought that I believe was spoken to me by God's Spirit late the other night. You see, I believe God speaks to us all the time about all sorts of things, even the stuff we don't think matters. Here it goes...
Lately, my sleep pattern has been all messed up. I find myself wide awake at midnight, and one a.m., and two a.m., and you get the point. My husband, however, working 60 hours a week is falling soundly asleep around 9:30 each night. My routine has been to lie down with him, go through our nightly ritual of asking about each other's highs and lows of the day and praying together and then I retire to the living room to read/watch television/try to work candy crush into a sermon. When I think I'm on the verge of falling asleep, I return to the bedroom since my husband was not happy the last time I fell asleep on the couch.
A few nights ago, when I crawled into bed and couldn't sleep after a few minutes, I reached for my phone to search for a distraction, but I felt something stop me. Something told me to get closer to my husband. As I lie there not tired in the least, I began to focus on his breathing. In and out, quiet and then loud, fast and then slow, I began playing a game I used to play with my dad. When I was sick as a kid, I would get in his lap in the recliner and we'd watch cartoons. I remember trying to match his breathing. I wanted to be like him in every way, so much so, that merely synchronizing our breath made me feel like we were a part of one another. And that's what I did with Andy, unbeknownst to him. I connected with him. I know that sounds odd and flaky, but it is true.
I started thinking of my friends who have been widowed at a young age. If they had their spouse back, would they go watch tv or play on their phones, or would they lie there listening to every breath, every snore, every word he muttered in his sleep? Would they complain about him taking the covers, or would they relish the thought of feeling clunky arms reaching for them?
Lying there I started thinking about our life together. I started thinking about how I hadn't been living in the moment. It seems once you are married, there is a natural progression that should occur. So many people try and tell you that marriage is about the future you have with your spouse that you forget to enjoy the present. I had been so worried about our future plans, that my mind was consumed and distracted, leading me to be disconnected with my husband in the here and now.
I set out to prove to my husband my contentment in our current situation. So the next day, I made dinner and used our nice dishes. I dressed up, fixed my hair, and put on make up. I did such a good job, in fact, that he was suspicious something was going on! I told him I was ready to enjoy every day we have together and that I wanted to show him that I appreciate the hard work he does and want to be the best wife I can, no matter our lot in life.
This may have seemed very odd, but I think this is a good lesson for a lot of young married couples out there. I encourage you to realize that everyday with your spouse is special. Each day is a gift God gave you! Learn now to connect with your spouse, because from what I've seen and heard, this is your best chance to do that uninterrupted.
Lately, my sleep pattern has been all messed up. I find myself wide awake at midnight, and one a.m., and two a.m., and you get the point. My husband, however, working 60 hours a week is falling soundly asleep around 9:30 each night. My routine has been to lie down with him, go through our nightly ritual of asking about each other's highs and lows of the day and praying together and then I retire to the living room to read/watch television/try to work candy crush into a sermon. When I think I'm on the verge of falling asleep, I return to the bedroom since my husband was not happy the last time I fell asleep on the couch.
A few nights ago, when I crawled into bed and couldn't sleep after a few minutes, I reached for my phone to search for a distraction, but I felt something stop me. Something told me to get closer to my husband. As I lie there not tired in the least, I began to focus on his breathing. In and out, quiet and then loud, fast and then slow, I began playing a game I used to play with my dad. When I was sick as a kid, I would get in his lap in the recliner and we'd watch cartoons. I remember trying to match his breathing. I wanted to be like him in every way, so much so, that merely synchronizing our breath made me feel like we were a part of one another. And that's what I did with Andy, unbeknownst to him. I connected with him. I know that sounds odd and flaky, but it is true.
I started thinking of my friends who have been widowed at a young age. If they had their spouse back, would they go watch tv or play on their phones, or would they lie there listening to every breath, every snore, every word he muttered in his sleep? Would they complain about him taking the covers, or would they relish the thought of feeling clunky arms reaching for them?
Lying there I started thinking about our life together. I started thinking about how I hadn't been living in the moment. It seems once you are married, there is a natural progression that should occur. So many people try and tell you that marriage is about the future you have with your spouse that you forget to enjoy the present. I had been so worried about our future plans, that my mind was consumed and distracted, leading me to be disconnected with my husband in the here and now.
I set out to prove to my husband my contentment in our current situation. So the next day, I made dinner and used our nice dishes. I dressed up, fixed my hair, and put on make up. I did such a good job, in fact, that he was suspicious something was going on! I told him I was ready to enjoy every day we have together and that I wanted to show him that I appreciate the hard work he does and want to be the best wife I can, no matter our lot in life.
This may have seemed very odd, but I think this is a good lesson for a lot of young married couples out there. I encourage you to realize that everyday with your spouse is special. Each day is a gift God gave you! Learn now to connect with your spouse, because from what I've seen and heard, this is your best chance to do that uninterrupted.
Friday, November 29, 2013
If You Were Doing Right, You Wouldn't Mind the Light
Recently, a comment was made about me and my writings. This person (whom I don't believe reads the blogs, but rather my social media) called my opinions offensive and claimed that they are turning non-Christians away from the Gospel. They used the same argument I have heard a million times regarding my straight-forward style. They said that Jesus just loved people and didn't judge people by their choices. The problem with this oft-used argument is that it proves that the accuser doesn't know much about the life and ministry of Jesus.
Yes, Jesus loved. He loved infinitely, but He loved truthfully. He was especially truthful to the Pharisees. The New Testament is riddled with Christ correcting the religious people of His day. I know that the majority of my audience is comprised of fellow Christians. When I write about the things I see that aren't right in the church, I am doing what Christ did. He pushed the religious people! He corrected them when they were wrong. He was spurring them towards holiness. And that is what my writing is meant to do. You see, part of the purpose of Jesus's death on the cross was to make us holy. That is why I will never apologize for holiness; not in my own life and not when I encourage others to push towards it. We are called to be holy as Christ is holy. It is a daily battle, and I have found, as Jesus found, that being mealy-mouthed about this fact doesn't work. We have to be direct, we have to be honest, we have to be blunt.
The tirade against me included references to the fact that I will write rebukes against things I see in the body of Christ and then later write about the love of Christ. This person felt those two things were counter to one another. But throughout the Gospels, we find Jesus extended love and mercy and then immediately following up with "harsh rebukes". Let's look at a few examples.
In John chapter 3 we find Jesus having a conversation with a Pharisee by the name of Nicodemus. In the course of their discussion we find Jesus extending grace to all when He says, "'For God loved the world so much that he gave his one and only Son, so that everyone who believes in him will not perish but have eternal life. God sent his Son into the world not to judge the world, but to save the world through him.'" (v.16-17 NLT) "See?! Jesus is all about love!" some would say "He doesn't condemn people!" But keep reading on and you will see the rest of the story that most people leave out. “'There is no judgment against anyone who believes in him. But anyone who does not believe in him has already been judged for not believing in God’s one and only Son. And the judgment is based on this fact: God’s light came into the world, but people loved the darkness more than the light, for their actions were evil. All who do evil hate the light and refuse to go near it for fear their sins will be exposed. But those who do what is right come to the light so others can see that they are doing what God wants.'” (v.18-21 NLT) With the second part of the story Jesus is saying that people condemn themselves because they run from the light. When people tell me they don't like being confronted with truth about their sins, I have to wonder what they are doing that has them so scared to be exposed? Jesus made it clear, if you were doing right, you wouldn't mind the light. Jesus's honesty about why they are scared of the truth kinda puts a dent in the whole "Jesus just loves everybody and shoots rainbows out of His eyes" theory.
A little bit further into the book of John we encounter the story most popular with the "you can't judge me" crowd: the story of the woman caught in adultery. In this story the Pharisees bring a woman caught in adultery to Jesus. Thanks to His quick thinking she is saved when He tells her stoning-eager accusers that they can kill her, but that the first stone must come from the one who had never sinned. And again, this is where most people stop reading. But that isn't the end of the story. He says to the woman "go and sin no more" in verse 11. Wait. What? Jesus actually expected a pardoned sinner to live differently? But that's not loving! Loving would have been to say, "I got you out of trouble, and if you sin again tomorrow I'll be here to do it again." Can't you see? Jesus requires there to be a difference in the life of the redeemed. The Christian can't live like they used to. Jesus made that clear, He didn't pacify the woman with soothing words. He demanded change.
Keep reading and you find the story of Jesus healing the blind man. After He healed this man, blind since birth, the Pharisees became angry and after some argument, they kick the man out of the synagogue. When Jesus finds out, Jesus returns to the man and they have a discussion regarding the man's belief in Jesus. Jesus tells the man " 'I have come to judge the world. I have come to give sight to the blind and to show those who think they can see that they are blind.'" (John 9:39 NLT) My bible must have a typo, because that makes it sound like Jesus DID come as judge. Yikes! After the Pharisees heard this, they asked in verse 40 "'Are you saying we are blind?" And Jesus replied, "'If you were blind, you wouldn't be guilty, but you remain guilty because you claim you can see.'" (v.41 NLT) Does that not describe many Christians today? They think they are perfect and above reproach, but truly, they are terrified of the light! The same people who call others "judgmental" or "holier than thou" are the ones who refuse to accept guidance and advice as to how to be more effective because they think they have it all together.
I guess my point is this, Jesus is love, but He is also justice. Many times we see Him exhibiting both of these traits at the same time. So no, I won't apologize for being both at once. As far as my brashness, here is the reason: I HATE sin. I hate sin in all forms when being committed by any type of person. I am at a point at which I can look back at my life in sin and realize just how detrimental sin is. When I see others being deceived as I was, I want to grab them and shake them and say "don't you see where this is leading?" But doesn't that turn people away? In my experience, the people becoming infuriated with me aren't the "sinners", they are the ones who should know better in the first place (which consequently was Jesus's problem too, the sinners weren't His demise, the religious people were."
So when you hear a commentary that infuriates you, I suggest you ask the following questions:
1. Is this bible based? Do the scriptures line up with the opinion? If they don't, ask the writer about them. Whenever I write something, I make sure I can defend it. Any good writer will do this. And if they have done this, they won't have a problem with being questioned as long as it is respectfully done. If their words are scriptural, and you still don't like it, then ask yourself question #2
2. Is there something in me that is scared of this word? Why am I so defensive when confronted with scripture? Maybe Jesus is using that person to help shine the light that will help you become better. Just as it hurts when you turn on the lights in a room you've been in that has been dark, it may hurt at first, but it is necessary.
Yes, Jesus loved. He loved infinitely, but He loved truthfully. He was especially truthful to the Pharisees. The New Testament is riddled with Christ correcting the religious people of His day. I know that the majority of my audience is comprised of fellow Christians. When I write about the things I see that aren't right in the church, I am doing what Christ did. He pushed the religious people! He corrected them when they were wrong. He was spurring them towards holiness. And that is what my writing is meant to do. You see, part of the purpose of Jesus's death on the cross was to make us holy. That is why I will never apologize for holiness; not in my own life and not when I encourage others to push towards it. We are called to be holy as Christ is holy. It is a daily battle, and I have found, as Jesus found, that being mealy-mouthed about this fact doesn't work. We have to be direct, we have to be honest, we have to be blunt.
The tirade against me included references to the fact that I will write rebukes against things I see in the body of Christ and then later write about the love of Christ. This person felt those two things were counter to one another. But throughout the Gospels, we find Jesus extended love and mercy and then immediately following up with "harsh rebukes". Let's look at a few examples.
In John chapter 3 we find Jesus having a conversation with a Pharisee by the name of Nicodemus. In the course of their discussion we find Jesus extending grace to all when He says, "'For God loved the world so much that he gave his one and only Son, so that everyone who believes in him will not perish but have eternal life. God sent his Son into the world not to judge the world, but to save the world through him.'" (v.16-17 NLT) "See?! Jesus is all about love!" some would say "He doesn't condemn people!" But keep reading on and you will see the rest of the story that most people leave out. “'There is no judgment against anyone who believes in him. But anyone who does not believe in him has already been judged for not believing in God’s one and only Son. And the judgment is based on this fact: God’s light came into the world, but people loved the darkness more than the light, for their actions were evil. All who do evil hate the light and refuse to go near it for fear their sins will be exposed. But those who do what is right come to the light so others can see that they are doing what God wants.'” (v.18-21 NLT) With the second part of the story Jesus is saying that people condemn themselves because they run from the light. When people tell me they don't like being confronted with truth about their sins, I have to wonder what they are doing that has them so scared to be exposed? Jesus made it clear, if you were doing right, you wouldn't mind the light. Jesus's honesty about why they are scared of the truth kinda puts a dent in the whole "Jesus just loves everybody and shoots rainbows out of His eyes" theory.
A little bit further into the book of John we encounter the story most popular with the "you can't judge me" crowd: the story of the woman caught in adultery. In this story the Pharisees bring a woman caught in adultery to Jesus. Thanks to His quick thinking she is saved when He tells her stoning-eager accusers that they can kill her, but that the first stone must come from the one who had never sinned. And again, this is where most people stop reading. But that isn't the end of the story. He says to the woman "go and sin no more" in verse 11. Wait. What? Jesus actually expected a pardoned sinner to live differently? But that's not loving! Loving would have been to say, "I got you out of trouble, and if you sin again tomorrow I'll be here to do it again." Can't you see? Jesus requires there to be a difference in the life of the redeemed. The Christian can't live like they used to. Jesus made that clear, He didn't pacify the woman with soothing words. He demanded change.
Keep reading and you find the story of Jesus healing the blind man. After He healed this man, blind since birth, the Pharisees became angry and after some argument, they kick the man out of the synagogue. When Jesus finds out, Jesus returns to the man and they have a discussion regarding the man's belief in Jesus. Jesus tells the man " 'I have come to judge the world. I have come to give sight to the blind and to show those who think they can see that they are blind.'" (John 9:39 NLT) My bible must have a typo, because that makes it sound like Jesus DID come as judge. Yikes! After the Pharisees heard this, they asked in verse 40 "'Are you saying we are blind?" And Jesus replied, "'If you were blind, you wouldn't be guilty, but you remain guilty because you claim you can see.'" (v.41 NLT) Does that not describe many Christians today? They think they are perfect and above reproach, but truly, they are terrified of the light! The same people who call others "judgmental" or "holier than thou" are the ones who refuse to accept guidance and advice as to how to be more effective because they think they have it all together.
I guess my point is this, Jesus is love, but He is also justice. Many times we see Him exhibiting both of these traits at the same time. So no, I won't apologize for being both at once. As far as my brashness, here is the reason: I HATE sin. I hate sin in all forms when being committed by any type of person. I am at a point at which I can look back at my life in sin and realize just how detrimental sin is. When I see others being deceived as I was, I want to grab them and shake them and say "don't you see where this is leading?" But doesn't that turn people away? In my experience, the people becoming infuriated with me aren't the "sinners", they are the ones who should know better in the first place (which consequently was Jesus's problem too, the sinners weren't His demise, the religious people were."
So when you hear a commentary that infuriates you, I suggest you ask the following questions:
1. Is this bible based? Do the scriptures line up with the opinion? If they don't, ask the writer about them. Whenever I write something, I make sure I can defend it. Any good writer will do this. And if they have done this, they won't have a problem with being questioned as long as it is respectfully done. If their words are scriptural, and you still don't like it, then ask yourself question #2
2. Is there something in me that is scared of this word? Why am I so defensive when confronted with scripture? Maybe Jesus is using that person to help shine the light that will help you become better. Just as it hurts when you turn on the lights in a room you've been in that has been dark, it may hurt at first, but it is necessary.
Friday, November 22, 2013
In the Wilderness: When Prayers Aren't Answered Like You'd Like
Today I will be beginning a series on the Children of Israel and their time of wandering in the wilderness and asking what we can learn from their situation. The first comparison I see between the Hebrews and us is that God doesn't always answer us in the way we thought He would. These are the ways in which the answers didn't come in the way the Israelites thought:
1. Slavery didn't end with the death of the king. In the beginning of Exodus we find the Israelites under strong oppression in Egypt. The king was scared of them, so he drove them into slavery. When they continued to grow in number, he decreed that each newborn boy was to be killed. But the bible says "because the midwives feared God, they refused to obey the king and allowed the boys to live." We are later told that God blessed the midwives for this act.
Because all this treachery stemmed from one king's desire for power, I'm sure that they thought with his death they may be free. Verses 23-25 however tells us that after the king died, "The Israelites still groaned beneath the burden of slavery. They cried out for help, and their pleas for deliverance rose up to Go. God heard their cries and remembered His covenant promise to Abraham, Isaac, and Jacob. He looked down on the Israelites and felt deep concern for their welfare."
So why didn't God let the slavery end with the death of the king? Because He was allowing them to get to the place of crying out to Him. Although the midwives "feared God", it is not until the death of the king that we see the collective body calling on the name of the Lord. My assumption is that they hadn't done so before because they were holding out hope that with a new reign they would be free. Now they were hopeless, and when you are in that place, your only chance is to call on the hope of the world.
2. They wouldn't have chosen a vigilante stutterer as their leader. For all the credit we give Moses as a great leader, the fact remains that he was a fugitive of the law after having killed an Egyptian and hiding the body. I'm pretty sure that if the Israelites would have elected someone to advocate on their behalf before the king they would have picked someone who wasn't running the risk of arrest when he entered the town. Furthermore, there is a reason great orators become great leaders. Time was of the essence, they wouldn't have picked a man to speak for them who took twice as long to plead their case. The fact that he had to have a translator would have knocked him out of the running.
Why did God pick Elmer Fudd with an anger management issue to lead them? Because as my mother says it, "when you aren't number one on man's list, you can know that God choose you, not man." God's will was completed through this thoroughly imperfect man. If he had all the right credentials, there would have been a tendency to give him credit for God's work. But when this is who you got, there is no doubt it was the hand of God leading them.
3. God could have teleported them to the Promised Land. Once they were actually delivered from the hand of pharaoh, they still had to wander for 40 years. How ridiculous is that? I mean, honestly, if this is a God who can make water stand up like walls and allow them to walk across dry land, then why couldn't he just pick them up and set them down in the Promised Land? He could have dropped down all the parts for them to invent the car or airplane. 40 years seems kind of drastic right?
Throughout their time in the wilderness they blamed Moses. But after they were released from Egypt, Exodus 12:51 made it clear who took them through the wilderness when it says "the Lord began to lead the people of Israel out of Egypt..." It was by God's design that they wandered. It is by God's design that we sometimes must wander.
In the wandering we learn about things like sufficiency on God, contentment in the blessings He gives us, and his sovereignty. We get impatient and expect to arrive at our Promised Land without the trying times in the wilderness, but time and time again, we see that God doesn't work like that. If it weren't for the wilderness experience, they wouldn't have known the true blessing in the Promised Land. If they didn't have to eat manna everyday for 40 years, they wouldn't have appreciated the land flowing with milk and honey. In your wandering don't lose heart! He is setting you up to appreciate the promise that is coming!
1. Slavery didn't end with the death of the king. In the beginning of Exodus we find the Israelites under strong oppression in Egypt. The king was scared of them, so he drove them into slavery. When they continued to grow in number, he decreed that each newborn boy was to be killed. But the bible says "because the midwives feared God, they refused to obey the king and allowed the boys to live." We are later told that God blessed the midwives for this act.
Because all this treachery stemmed from one king's desire for power, I'm sure that they thought with his death they may be free. Verses 23-25 however tells us that after the king died, "The Israelites still groaned beneath the burden of slavery. They cried out for help, and their pleas for deliverance rose up to Go. God heard their cries and remembered His covenant promise to Abraham, Isaac, and Jacob. He looked down on the Israelites and felt deep concern for their welfare."
So why didn't God let the slavery end with the death of the king? Because He was allowing them to get to the place of crying out to Him. Although the midwives "feared God", it is not until the death of the king that we see the collective body calling on the name of the Lord. My assumption is that they hadn't done so before because they were holding out hope that with a new reign they would be free. Now they were hopeless, and when you are in that place, your only chance is to call on the hope of the world.
2. They wouldn't have chosen a vigilante stutterer as their leader. For all the credit we give Moses as a great leader, the fact remains that he was a fugitive of the law after having killed an Egyptian and hiding the body. I'm pretty sure that if the Israelites would have elected someone to advocate on their behalf before the king they would have picked someone who wasn't running the risk of arrest when he entered the town. Furthermore, there is a reason great orators become great leaders. Time was of the essence, they wouldn't have picked a man to speak for them who took twice as long to plead their case. The fact that he had to have a translator would have knocked him out of the running.
Why did God pick Elmer Fudd with an anger management issue to lead them? Because as my mother says it, "when you aren't number one on man's list, you can know that God choose you, not man." God's will was completed through this thoroughly imperfect man. If he had all the right credentials, there would have been a tendency to give him credit for God's work. But when this is who you got, there is no doubt it was the hand of God leading them.
3. God could have teleported them to the Promised Land. Once they were actually delivered from the hand of pharaoh, they still had to wander for 40 years. How ridiculous is that? I mean, honestly, if this is a God who can make water stand up like walls and allow them to walk across dry land, then why couldn't he just pick them up and set them down in the Promised Land? He could have dropped down all the parts for them to invent the car or airplane. 40 years seems kind of drastic right?
Throughout their time in the wilderness they blamed Moses. But after they were released from Egypt, Exodus 12:51 made it clear who took them through the wilderness when it says "the Lord began to lead the people of Israel out of Egypt..." It was by God's design that they wandered. It is by God's design that we sometimes must wander.
In the wandering we learn about things like sufficiency on God, contentment in the blessings He gives us, and his sovereignty. We get impatient and expect to arrive at our Promised Land without the trying times in the wilderness, but time and time again, we see that God doesn't work like that. If it weren't for the wilderness experience, they wouldn't have known the true blessing in the Promised Land. If they didn't have to eat manna everyday for 40 years, they wouldn't have appreciated the land flowing with milk and honey. In your wandering don't lose heart! He is setting you up to appreciate the promise that is coming!
Monday, November 11, 2013
Post Wedding Depression
Before I got married I read about one of the most ridiculous issues I had ever heard of. I pretty much just wanted to laugh when I read about "Post Wedding Depression". It's a relatively new phenomena that is said to affect 1 in 10 brides in their first year of marriage. Now that I have been married almost three months, and am very much in a post-wedding stage, I feel that I can comment.
Let me say that I had thought I would be sad when my wedding was over, but I was actually incredibly happy when it was done. The stress of planning the spectacle which came to be known as the "Tennessee Church of God of Prophecy Royal Wedding" (it was a joke, I assure you) had me looking forward to our days ahead of it being just Andy and I.
Since I have many young readers, including some new brides and engaged girls, I would like to offer the following advice to make sure that none of these have to suffer what is possibly the silliest disorder ever. As you are planning, remember the following...
1. A wedding is not about the bride...or the groom. As I was preparing for my wedding I was amazed at the number of people who told me to be selfish. Literally, those were their words. The first step in not having PWD is not letting your wedding become something it wasn't meant to be. A wedding is a sacred ceremony showcasing a commitment to one another AND to God. Your wedding should be centered around this very serious promise to God, not about you! As supportive as everyone tries to be during the planning, I assure you, no one will forget your diva demands when the day is over. You love these people enough to put them in your wedding, you really don't want to lose them from your life when it's done because your selfish demands pushed them away.
2. People who love you enough to show up won't love you less if you don't have a wedding that breaks the bank. One of the greatest documented causes of PWD is the financial burden that one day causes. I had a very nice wedding and was blessed by parents who were able to cover all costs, but I didn't show up with a list of demands to rival Kate Middleton. Make a budget, live in it. A few hours isn't worth debt you argue about for the next decade. If you are paying for it yourself, excessive wedding debt will cause contention with your spouse at some point. If your parents are paying, remember the sacrifices they are making and be respectful of their resources.
3. When it's over, whether you spent $50 or $50,000 you have to live with your spouse. Treat them well. I know it's stressful, and they seem like the perfect person to "vent" to, but be kind and remember why you are marrying this person. When everyone else ceases to see you as the princess-de-jour, you will be his queen until you are parted by death. Appreciate that.
4. This is a big one...once you are married, don't let anyone pressure you about the next steps in your life. The week I returned from honeymoon I had already been asked when I was having a baby. I haven't been married 3 months yet and I couldn't count the number of times I have been asked what I'm waiting for. Even before I was married I had been told that I needed to hurry up because at age 27, my time was running out. I know people are well-intentioned, but it puts a ton of pressure on the young sapling that is newlywedhood. Suddenly, you feel like you need to start rushing each other into being ready for parenthood, when you both just want to enjoy each other. I don't think people will ever stop asking, so you just have to learn to let it roll off your back...or create a very clever smart-mouth answer that shuts people up. If you do that, fill me in so I can use it!
Hopefully, if you accepted a proposal you did it because you wanted a marriage, not a wedding. Just know that real life is about to start, so prepare yourself now!
Let me say that I had thought I would be sad when my wedding was over, but I was actually incredibly happy when it was done. The stress of planning the spectacle which came to be known as the "Tennessee Church of God of Prophecy Royal Wedding" (it was a joke, I assure you) had me looking forward to our days ahead of it being just Andy and I.
Since I have many young readers, including some new brides and engaged girls, I would like to offer the following advice to make sure that none of these have to suffer what is possibly the silliest disorder ever. As you are planning, remember the following...
1. A wedding is not about the bride...or the groom. As I was preparing for my wedding I was amazed at the number of people who told me to be selfish. Literally, those were their words. The first step in not having PWD is not letting your wedding become something it wasn't meant to be. A wedding is a sacred ceremony showcasing a commitment to one another AND to God. Your wedding should be centered around this very serious promise to God, not about you! As supportive as everyone tries to be during the planning, I assure you, no one will forget your diva demands when the day is over. You love these people enough to put them in your wedding, you really don't want to lose them from your life when it's done because your selfish demands pushed them away.
2. People who love you enough to show up won't love you less if you don't have a wedding that breaks the bank. One of the greatest documented causes of PWD is the financial burden that one day causes. I had a very nice wedding and was blessed by parents who were able to cover all costs, but I didn't show up with a list of demands to rival Kate Middleton. Make a budget, live in it. A few hours isn't worth debt you argue about for the next decade. If you are paying for it yourself, excessive wedding debt will cause contention with your spouse at some point. If your parents are paying, remember the sacrifices they are making and be respectful of their resources.
3. When it's over, whether you spent $50 or $50,000 you have to live with your spouse. Treat them well. I know it's stressful, and they seem like the perfect person to "vent" to, but be kind and remember why you are marrying this person. When everyone else ceases to see you as the princess-de-jour, you will be his queen until you are parted by death. Appreciate that.
4. This is a big one...once you are married, don't let anyone pressure you about the next steps in your life. The week I returned from honeymoon I had already been asked when I was having a baby. I haven't been married 3 months yet and I couldn't count the number of times I have been asked what I'm waiting for. Even before I was married I had been told that I needed to hurry up because at age 27, my time was running out. I know people are well-intentioned, but it puts a ton of pressure on the young sapling that is newlywedhood. Suddenly, you feel like you need to start rushing each other into being ready for parenthood, when you both just want to enjoy each other. I don't think people will ever stop asking, so you just have to learn to let it roll off your back...or create a very clever smart-mouth answer that shuts people up. If you do that, fill me in so I can use it!
Hopefully, if you accepted a proposal you did it because you wanted a marriage, not a wedding. Just know that real life is about to start, so prepare yourself now!
Thursday, November 7, 2013
Here's Your Sign
Over the past few years I have grown weary of a comment I hear repeatedly, especially from young people. They tell me how they "prayed to God for a sign" of what to do in their lives and then expect me to be excited/proud when they mold everyday occurrences into "signs" from God. They sometimes even ask me to help them pray for signs and for someone to give them "words of knowledge" to help guide them. I'm not saying God doesn't do this from time to time, but here's the problem...
I know God can send signs because He already did...in fact, He sent us a whole book of them! And even more shocking, that book contains thousands of words that are full of knowledge! Say what?! I know it's a crazy concept, but the truth is the answer to nearly every question can be found in its pages, the problem is that many of us are just too lazy to search out the answers for ourselves and would rather have the Lord write it on the wall than take the time tearing through the Word for His inspired truth.
So why do I have a problem with wanting someone to bring words of knowledge? Well, nothing really, except that...
1. if you are relying on someone else to hear the voice of the Lord on your behalf then I have to wonder what's wrong with your communication with the Lord. Last I read, ever since the veil was torn, I don't have to rely on anyone else to talk to God for me. I have received several words which I believe were given to others as a "confirmation", but they were given to me in conjunction with the voice of the Lord which also spoke directly to me.
2. in my experience people who seek out signs are often the ones who haven't sought out the Word first. As stated above, if they had consulted the Word first, their answer probably would have already come. The people who fall in this category are in serious danger because they don't know how to try the spirits as we are instructed in 1 John 4:1. When someone speaks their "word" to a person who hasn't taken time in the scripture, the hearer won't know what lines up and what doesn't. In this way, these seekers turn the speakers of these words into glorified fortune tellers. A true word from God will line up with God's Word, ALWAYS.
3. we are in a time of "itching ears". 2 Timothy 4:3-4 tells us, "For the time will come when people will not put up with sound doctrine. Instead, to suit their own desires, they will gather around them a great number of teachers to say what their itching ears want to hear. They will turn their ears away from the truth and turn aside to myths." I can't help but notice that people chose to accept the "word" and "signs" that benefit them and toss aside those that don't mold to what they have already set in their heart to do anyway.
If you want to hear from God, then you have to know his voice for yourself. How can you know His voice? By spending time with Him and His Word. I've often explained that it's much like the way many of us would know a friend's voice on the phone before they told us who was on the other end. You know their voice because you have listened to it so much. Likewise, you will know what God sounds like only when you have spent time not only giving Him your list of desires, but when you sit quietly until He speaks back. Reading His word gives you insight into His nature because you will know what words are characteristic of Him. If you have read many of my blogs, you know the type of things I write and the way I communicate. If tomorrow you found a blog advocating abortion or gay-marriage or any other thing you know I am opposed to, you would know I had been hacked, that an impostor was at my keyboard. So it is with God's Word. When you study it, you learn His positions and will be able to spot an impostor.
Let me end by saying once again, that I am not writing off "signs and wonders" OR words of knowledge, but I am saying that we should proceed with caution and that these should not be our go-tos when hearing from the Lord.
Job 33:14-18 reminds us, "For God speaks again and again, though people do not recognize it. He speaks in dreams, in visions of the night, when deep sleep falls on people as they lie in their beds. He whispers in their ears and terrifies them with warnings. He makes them turn from doing wrong; he keeps them from pride. He protects them from the grave, from crossing over the river of death."
Remember God is always speaking, it's just a matter of whether or not we know His voice well enough to hear Him over the noise around us!
Tuesday, November 5, 2013
Why Should the Church Care About Gay Marriage?
I have at various points in the blog and on facebook shared my feelings regarding homosexuality. I have made no secret of the fact that I believe we are told in the Old AND New Testaments that living a homosexual lifestyle is a sin and like all sins, if unrepented of it will lead its participants to hell. I have also made it clear, most notably in the blog "A Resounding Gong", that I believe it is the church's responsibility to love these men and women and to love them enough to be honest with them about the path they are on. But please know that this blog is not a rehashing of ideas I have shared before. This is of a practical matter now.
I have listened as many of my Christian friends have turned a blind eye on the "marriage equality" debate, even to the point of not "wasting" their time going to the polls. I'll admit, there was a time in which I felt much the same way. It's not that I didn't care because I am okay with legitimizing gay marriage, far from it. My reason for not caring about this issue was two fold:
1. God legitimizes marriage, not man. Marriage was created and ordained by God. Signing a piece of man-made paper doesn't make you married, your commitment to God does, in my opinion. So as far as I was concerned, whether or not homosexuals were allowed to have a notarized form claiming them as spouses didn't matter, because it wasn't a real marriage in the eyes of God and since He created marriage I figured His opinion was the only one that mattered.
2. The church (read:body of Christ) lost its voice on "the sanctity of marriage" a long time ago. We ceased to be the moral authority when we stopped preaching the sanctity of ALL marriages. We can't talk about God's judgement against homosexuals when we no longer teach against premarital sex, co-habitation, quick divorces, and multiple marriages. No one listens to us when we say that marriage is sacred because, well, it doesn't appear that it is sacred in our churches anymore. Am I saying we should mistreat or shun people participating in these sins? No, but I am saying we need to call sin a sin no matter the form. Until we do, our voice is irrelevant.
So now that I've laid out the case for why the church shouldn't care about gay marriage, let me explain why we HAVE to care about gay marriage, and why I was wrong in my quick assessment of the matter.
Right now, the Hawaiian legislature is voting on their marriage equality act. If this bill passes, it will not only devalue marriage, it could close churches. How? State law mandates that any church profiting from ceremonies in their facility can't discriminate against groups or couples. Which means that if gay marriage becomes legal and a church refuses to allow homosexual weddings in their facility, they can't profit from ANY ceremony that takes place there. Now you may be wondering "that doesn't mean they have to close, they just can't accept money." But remember, this is Hawaii, a destination wedding capital and many churches finance their facilities through rentals.
You may still be wondering why we should care about Hawaii. The reason we should care is that this is JUST THE TIP OF THE ICEBERG. If the government can say a church has to allow gay marriages in order to retain ministry-sustaining profit, what's to stop it from saying we have to allow these marriages even without profit? Further, as a minister, it concerns me that the day is rapidly approaching when the government says "You make money as a minister of the community. If you want to continue receiving offerings and honorariums, you have to carry out your services for all the members of the community, regardless of your convictions." See how slippery the slope gets?
So I'm asking you as a Christian and as a minister, take this seriously. This could very well be the issue that drives the U.S. church underground and her ministers to jail. I know it seems like I'm over reacting, but can we really afford to risk it?
Monday, November 4, 2013
Vapor
Last week was rough for many of my friends. I heard of at least 5 young people, who were either family or friends of my friends, who died within a few days time. While each person's life ended differently, two facts connect them all: 1. they were "too young to die" 2. they thought they had the rest of their lives before them.
I heard news of the first death while I was attending the wedding reception of a childhood friend. I received a text telling me that a 24 year old had died in a motorcycle wreck after attempting to miss a deer. Though I did not know this young man, his wife was an ex-coworker of mine and I have grown close to his mother over the last couple of years as we have worked in ministry together. Out of respect for her, I attended the funeral.
When I went to hug his mother, the first words she said to me were, "Lindsey, we have to reach these kids. We can't have mediocre conversations and assume we know where they are going when they die." Her words have haunted me ever since. I've prayed about those words, discussed them with other youth workers, and asked WHEN DID WE LOSE OUR URGENCY TO REACH LOST SOULS?
I can't help but feel that it has to do with the fact that we have been lulled into a false sense of security, and have in turn lulled our young people into the same trap. We speak of their futures as a guarantee and not a possibility. No one wants to talk about or think about young people dying, but they do, everyday, and many of them will spend eternity away from their Father because we didn't want to do the uncomfortable task of tell them tomorrow is not promised. As I sat at the funeral, one of the most memorable moments came as the preacher told of what the young man's future plans were for he and his wife of less than a year. He thought he had another 60 years on this planet. He had spent the day playing baseball with his friends, not knowing that just hours later, his soul would be required.
We are told in James 4:13-14, "Come now, you that say, today or tomorrow we will go into such a city, and continue there a year, and buy and sell, and get gain:Whereas you know not what shall be tomorrow. For what is your life? It is even a vapor, that appears for a little time, and then vanishes away." We have NO PROMISE of tomorrow, so why are we living as if we have all the time in the world? Too many of us have remained quiet as our young people "make their own mistakes", and live the way they want, believing that eventually they will turn back to the Lord. But what if they don't have time?
We want to think that we will all die long after we have settled down, but that won't be the case for many of us. In the case of this young man, as his mother said,"he came over a hill, saw a deer, and in moments he met his maker." In speaking with his mother, she feels with confidence that he made it to heaven, but as I looked around the church that day to see the faces of people younger than me marred with confusion and pain and fear, I wondered how many of them are undone without Jesus. I wondered how many had sat in churches where "feel good" messages were preached. How many were told, "you're a pretty good guy, you'll surely make it to heaven." How many have been deceived and followed their itching ears to find someone to make them feel better?
This week made me think about my grandmother. She lost my uncle when he was in his mid-twenties. Although he was brought up with the bible and in church, he had rebelled and run as fast as possible from God. One night, he had a seizure, choked, and died alone. She spent the remainder of her days wondering what happened to him. She was left to contemplate. He knew about the Lord since he was a child, he had heard countless sermons, and her only solace was the notion that just maybe, in those final moments as he struggled for life that he cried out on the name of the Lord and was saved. But she didn't know. We still don't know. What we do know is that wherever he went that night is where he remains today, over 35 years later.
In honor of my grandmother and of this mother who lost her son just a week ago, I'm done dancing around the subjects of death and hell and heaven. For those reading who don't know for sure where they would go if they died tonight, I'masking begging that you give your heart to the Lord. If you don't know how, I invite you to message me and I'd love to talk to you about how you can be sure of your destiny. If you are minister or youth minister I'm asking you to take this challenge to heart. As difficult as it is, take a moment and envision the young people you have influence with. Now imagine you get a call that they have died. Could you go to the funeral, look their parents in the eye and say that you did everything you could to ensure that they didn't have to question where their child ended up?
If you can't say that you have done your all to be truthful with them about the consequences of sin, it's time to re-evaluate your methods.
I heard news of the first death while I was attending the wedding reception of a childhood friend. I received a text telling me that a 24 year old had died in a motorcycle wreck after attempting to miss a deer. Though I did not know this young man, his wife was an ex-coworker of mine and I have grown close to his mother over the last couple of years as we have worked in ministry together. Out of respect for her, I attended the funeral.
When I went to hug his mother, the first words she said to me were, "Lindsey, we have to reach these kids. We can't have mediocre conversations and assume we know where they are going when they die." Her words have haunted me ever since. I've prayed about those words, discussed them with other youth workers, and asked WHEN DID WE LOSE OUR URGENCY TO REACH LOST SOULS?
I can't help but feel that it has to do with the fact that we have been lulled into a false sense of security, and have in turn lulled our young people into the same trap. We speak of their futures as a guarantee and not a possibility. No one wants to talk about or think about young people dying, but they do, everyday, and many of them will spend eternity away from their Father because we didn't want to do the uncomfortable task of tell them tomorrow is not promised. As I sat at the funeral, one of the most memorable moments came as the preacher told of what the young man's future plans were for he and his wife of less than a year. He thought he had another 60 years on this planet. He had spent the day playing baseball with his friends, not knowing that just hours later, his soul would be required.
We are told in James 4:13-14, "Come now, you that say, today or tomorrow we will go into such a city, and continue there a year, and buy and sell, and get gain:Whereas you know not what shall be tomorrow. For what is your life? It is even a vapor, that appears for a little time, and then vanishes away." We have NO PROMISE of tomorrow, so why are we living as if we have all the time in the world? Too many of us have remained quiet as our young people "make their own mistakes", and live the way they want, believing that eventually they will turn back to the Lord. But what if they don't have time?
We want to think that we will all die long after we have settled down, but that won't be the case for many of us. In the case of this young man, as his mother said,"he came over a hill, saw a deer, and in moments he met his maker." In speaking with his mother, she feels with confidence that he made it to heaven, but as I looked around the church that day to see the faces of people younger than me marred with confusion and pain and fear, I wondered how many of them are undone without Jesus. I wondered how many had sat in churches where "feel good" messages were preached. How many were told, "you're a pretty good guy, you'll surely make it to heaven." How many have been deceived and followed their itching ears to find someone to make them feel better?
This week made me think about my grandmother. She lost my uncle when he was in his mid-twenties. Although he was brought up with the bible and in church, he had rebelled and run as fast as possible from God. One night, he had a seizure, choked, and died alone. She spent the remainder of her days wondering what happened to him. She was left to contemplate. He knew about the Lord since he was a child, he had heard countless sermons, and her only solace was the notion that just maybe, in those final moments as he struggled for life that he cried out on the name of the Lord and was saved. But she didn't know. We still don't know. What we do know is that wherever he went that night is where he remains today, over 35 years later.
In honor of my grandmother and of this mother who lost her son just a week ago, I'm done dancing around the subjects of death and hell and heaven. For those reading who don't know for sure where they would go if they died tonight, I'm
If you can't say that you have done your all to be truthful with them about the consequences of sin, it's time to re-evaluate your methods.
Monday, October 28, 2013
Marriage Part3:Culture
In our final segment on marriage, I wanted to address exactly why conversation on this topic is needed in the church to begin with. Before Andy and I married (or were even engaged for that matter), I took an incredible amount of time to research marriage. I wanted to understand why it was important and be prepared for the attacks that I knew could be a problem. I consulted ministers and people who I knew had long, successful, godly marriages. I read books. I completed workbooks. I found every article on the matter. But most importantly, I went to the Word. In all of my research I found some hard truths about the disparity between the Word of God and our culture and how that is impacting our marriages:
1. God created specific gender roles which society has tried to blur. Androgyny in pop culture is nothing new, but it's prevalence in modern day society is unprecedented. It's everywhere; in music, on television, and in the closets of young people across America. Now, please know that I am not trying to condemn people for their wardrobe. What I am saying is that the acceptance of the androgyny look has opened the door for social acceptance of all manner of lifestyle that is opposed to the Word of God. It has become normal to see young men in girl's clothes and vice versa to an extent that we don't even flinch at the unisex appearance. We have become accustomed to it. Again, please know my heart. I'm not saying you are going to hell for wearing skinny jeans or that women have to wear dresses everyday to go to heaven! I am saying that we should think about this consequence seriously.
2. We have knowingly crossed the gender lines. Secondary to the above comment, there has been a shift in what is expected of ladies and gentlemen. In an attempt to gain equal footing with men in the world, women have sacrificed their femininity. We have knowingly decided to give up our God given "differentness". Acting like a lady has become antiquated. This is why we see young women so over-sexualized. They are giving up all they have for perceived "power", but that is an upcoming blog so I won't harp on it. In this same manner, men have become effeminate. Those who know my husband know that I did not marry Willie Robertson by any means. He is not a burley outdoorsman and is kind, thoughtful, and even sensitive. But he also knows that he is the man of our house. He knows that he has duties to fulfill and that he is our provider in every sense of the word. When God created man and woman, he did so in different manners. He did not create them the same. Likewise, we are not created to be the same, we have specific roles to carry out.
3. We have lost the importance of being "one" with our spouse. One of my all time favorite movies is "Coal Miner's Daughter". It is a biopic about Loretta Lynn. At one point in the movie she and her husband have to move far from her parents in order to find work. In the course of the discussion she let's her husband know she doesn't want to leave her daddy. He responds "Darlin' you're goin' to have to decide if you're my wife or his daughter." Sounds harsh, doesn't it. It's unfortunately the truth. I love my dad more than life itself. He taught me nearly everything I know and showed me what kind of man I needed to marry. I'd hate to live life without him, but my parents made it clear to me that once I married, my alliance was to be with Andy. As many of my [young] friends have married, I've watched as they refused to make this switch. They allow their families to have too much influence in their life as a couple. They muddy the waters by relying on their respective families for support of all types and then, when issues arise [which they will], they have to pick a side and someone will suffer for it. There is a reason the bible tells us "a man leaves his father and mother and is joined to his wife, and the two are united into one." (Genesis 2:24) As I have discussed at length, your marriage is one body comprised of you and your spouse. The bible doesn't say, "the bride's parents will be the arms providing finances" or "the groom's parents will be the legs taking them where they should go". Of course, I'm not saying you are to abandon family once you marry, but you have to be clear that you and your spouse have formed your own family, and that is where your allegiance and dependence lies.
We so often discuss Satan's attack on marriage. But the truth is, the seeds of discontentment in marriage are sown long before we become husband and wife. Our culture's disconnect with what God demands in a marriage actually starts with our disconnect with what He demands of us as men and women. I know much of what I have written seems hard and I honestly don't know how it will be taken. All I know is that these things are on my heart for a reason, and I pray that you take them with the heart they were intended in.
1. God created specific gender roles which society has tried to blur. Androgyny in pop culture is nothing new, but it's prevalence in modern day society is unprecedented. It's everywhere; in music, on television, and in the closets of young people across America. Now, please know that I am not trying to condemn people for their wardrobe. What I am saying is that the acceptance of the androgyny look has opened the door for social acceptance of all manner of lifestyle that is opposed to the Word of God. It has become normal to see young men in girl's clothes and vice versa to an extent that we don't even flinch at the unisex appearance. We have become accustomed to it. Again, please know my heart. I'm not saying you are going to hell for wearing skinny jeans or that women have to wear dresses everyday to go to heaven! I am saying that we should think about this consequence seriously.
2. We have knowingly crossed the gender lines. Secondary to the above comment, there has been a shift in what is expected of ladies and gentlemen. In an attempt to gain equal footing with men in the world, women have sacrificed their femininity. We have knowingly decided to give up our God given "differentness". Acting like a lady has become antiquated. This is why we see young women so over-sexualized. They are giving up all they have for perceived "power", but that is an upcoming blog so I won't harp on it. In this same manner, men have become effeminate. Those who know my husband know that I did not marry Willie Robertson by any means. He is not a burley outdoorsman and is kind, thoughtful, and even sensitive. But he also knows that he is the man of our house. He knows that he has duties to fulfill and that he is our provider in every sense of the word. When God created man and woman, he did so in different manners. He did not create them the same. Likewise, we are not created to be the same, we have specific roles to carry out.
3. We have lost the importance of being "one" with our spouse. One of my all time favorite movies is "Coal Miner's Daughter". It is a biopic about Loretta Lynn. At one point in the movie she and her husband have to move far from her parents in order to find work. In the course of the discussion she let's her husband know she doesn't want to leave her daddy. He responds "Darlin' you're goin' to have to decide if you're my wife or his daughter." Sounds harsh, doesn't it. It's unfortunately the truth. I love my dad more than life itself. He taught me nearly everything I know and showed me what kind of man I needed to marry. I'd hate to live life without him, but my parents made it clear to me that once I married, my alliance was to be with Andy. As many of my [young] friends have married, I've watched as they refused to make this switch. They allow their families to have too much influence in their life as a couple. They muddy the waters by relying on their respective families for support of all types and then, when issues arise [which they will], they have to pick a side and someone will suffer for it. There is a reason the bible tells us "a man leaves his father and mother and is joined to his wife, and the two are united into one." (Genesis 2:24) As I have discussed at length, your marriage is one body comprised of you and your spouse. The bible doesn't say, "the bride's parents will be the arms providing finances" or "the groom's parents will be the legs taking them where they should go". Of course, I'm not saying you are to abandon family once you marry, but you have to be clear that you and your spouse have formed your own family, and that is where your allegiance and dependence lies.
We so often discuss Satan's attack on marriage. But the truth is, the seeds of discontentment in marriage are sown long before we become husband and wife. Our culture's disconnect with what God demands in a marriage actually starts with our disconnect with what He demands of us as men and women. I know much of what I have written seems hard and I honestly don't know how it will be taken. All I know is that these things are on my heart for a reason, and I pray that you take them with the heart they were intended in.
Friday, October 25, 2013
Marriage Part2:Love
I previously reported my findings on the wife's job in a marriage, as found in Ephesians 5. I discussed in Part 1 of this series (view here) how the word "submission" has been widely misused. This misuse is not my only issue with teachings on this passage. Far too often, I have heard the first half of this command quoted while the second half (addressing the husband's role) has been omitted.
Verses 25-30 tell us: "For husbands, this means love your wives, just as Christ loved the church. He gave up his life for her to make her holy and clean, washed by the cleansing of God’s word. He did this to present her to himself as a glorious church without a spot or wrinkle or any other blemish. Instead, she will be holy and without fault. In the same way, husbands ought to love their wives as they love their own bodies. For a man who loves his wife actually shows love for himself. No one hates his own body but feeds and cares for it, just as Christ cares for the church. And we are members of his body."
So this begs the question, "how did Christ love the church?"
1. He loved in humility. Christ birth, life, and death were all carried out in humility. Philippians 2 beautifully explains this when it says, "Though He was God, He did not think of equality with God as something to cling to. Instead, He gave up His divine privileges He took the humble position of a slave and was born as a human being. When He appeared in human form, He humbled himself in obedience to God and died a criminal’s death on a cross." Likewise, the husband, must serve his wife in humility. Society often teaches young men that they are in charge. They must show strength. This often leads them to "lord over" those they consider weak. This is not the example Christ gave us. This will not lead to a successful marriage.
2. He made her holy. To be holy is to be "sacred", "set apart", "different". So many marital issues arise from the loss of this principle. It should not be that we view our spouse as replaceable. It should not be said that you could get any woman off the street and she would work just as well as the wife you have. I'll go further than that-your wife shouldn't FEEL like you WOULD pick any woman to take her place. Every night before we go to bed, my husband and I tell each other something unique we loved about each other that day. We do this because we don't want each other to ever think that they are replaceable. There was something that made your wife special when you chose to marry her instead of someone else. Don't forget that-and don't let her forget that either.
While I'm discussing the "sacredness" of marriage, I must say this: Your vows made to each other before God are sacred and personal. As such, there is no room for a third party, either physically or emotionally. I venture to say the majority of people who have cheated on their spouse didn't set out to do so. It starts with a listening ear. Someone who understands you when your wife doesn't (by the way, your wife is your flesh, if she doesn't understand you, then you have equal ownership in figuring out the problem ALONGSIDE HER). In fact, some studies suggest that as many as 80% of affairs begin with a friendship that went too far. DON'T OPEN THAT DOOR. If you are married, you have no business discussing your marital issues without your spouse's consent (and that is for the purpose counseling). You particularly have no business talking about it with the opposite sex. If you are single and reading this, you have a responsibility to not offer that "shoulder to cry on". You may say "I didn't make any vows". That may be true, but someday you might, and how would you feel if you were in that situation later on. (I'll get off my soapbox now)
3. He cleansed her with the Word. Husbands, you have a responsibility as the spiritual head of your house to make sure that the Word of God is spoken and lived out. Help your wife become the most godly woman possible. Encourage her place her trust in God above all else, and lead her into righteousness.
This passage further instructs the husband to love his wife as he loves his own body. That is to say "love unselfishly". When you got married, you made a choice to place someone else's needs, wants, and desires above your own. She is not an after thought. Take care of her. Love her. Devote yourself to her alone.
Thursday, October 24, 2013
The Field
Last night I wrote on my facebook page that I would deviate from my marriage series today because I have a big announcement. Of course off the bat some guessed that I was pregnant. Some thought I may be announcing that I had taken on a pastorate. One suggested I was changing my hair. All will be revealed soon enough, but first a story. (Yes, I blog baited some, but it will be worth it.)
I was preaching at a small church in Nashville right after I had returned from my honeymoon. As I preached about how we have to get up from our tables where we are being fed and go serve those around us, my attention was drawn outside the church. As I looked down the aisle and out the back door, I noticed the neighborhood was bustling with activity. This church is not like the big, fancy churches right on the main drag in town. It is located in the middle of a small, but very crowded, community. I couldn't even focus on the handful of people I was supposed to be addressing, because my mind was caught up in the possibilities beneath the shadow of the church house.
My mind went to Matthew 9:35-38: "Jesus traveled through all the towns and villages of that area, teaching in the synagogues and announcing the Good News about the Kingdom. And He healed every kind of disease and illness. When He saw the crowds, He had compassion on them because they were confused and helpless, like sheep without a shepherd. He said to his disciples, “The harvest is great, but the workers are few. So pray to the Lord who is in charge of the harvest; ask him to send more workers into his fields.”
This particular church is going through a time of transition. I had multiple conversations with the interim pastor regarding the needs of the church and community. While I felt compassion for their situations, I also had excuses. I've never done what I was asked to undertake. I'm still trying to figure out where I'm going and establish myself in ministry. I also talked myself into believing that I really had no skills at all and would be dead weight to any ministry team. It got way out of hand. Until one night the Lord spoke to me clearly...
I am generally going at turbo speed. I struggle to sleep because my mind won't shut off and then I wake up early ready to get idea to paper. I have no "slow speed". If my eyes are open, my mind is trapped in a continual conversation with myself. So it makes sense that in the last year my answers have come often in the form of dreams. Clearly, the Lord has to wait until I shut up so I can hear Him! Before you dismiss me as flaky, please remember I am not a hyper-spiritual person who goes around seeing God in every gust of wind. But in the last year as my spiritual walk has grown deeper through prayer, fasting, and bible study, the Lord has given me answers, revelations, and even warnings (that have already proven true) through this mode. I haven't shared the dreams with you before, because they were between me and God, but I feel an urgency to tell you about this one.
I dreamt that I was living in the community I am discussing. In my dream, a young man came in through my front door. I began yelling and sent him away. I locked the door back, and it opened again! This time, it was a young woman with 2 elderly women and I again tried to kick them out. She begged to stay because they were sick. I allowed it, and locked the door again. Once again, the door opened, this time I found a young mother and her son. When I told her to get out of my house she said, "please, we don't have anywhere else to go." I allowed her to stay, and then to my horror, the first man returned!
I couldn't believe all these people came barging in to my nice, clean, quiet home with all their troubles! The old women would probably bring in diseases and the kid would probably break everything, and that guy was surely up to no good and was more than likely going to rob me blind! I was infuriated! I left to find out what was wrong with my lock, and as I did, I passed through a huge room. In the room were lots of people, playing games. In the middle of the room I saw people overseeing what was going on. Not involved, not talking to these people, just standing the center of the room, congregating with one another. One said something to me, but I was so mad that they were playing games while sick people were potentially dying on my clean carpet that I walked by without acknowledging him! The dream ended with my being told that it wasn't a lock issue. That this would be my lot in life at least for a while.
Now, some of you are saying "that's just your subconscious working things out". You don't have to believe me that this dream came from God, but knowing the burden I had when I awoke from it, I have no choice but to believe.
I instantly began praying for God to give me wisdom regarding the dream. He spoke very plainly to me. He told me that there are people in that community who are hurting and have no where to go. Many have been abandoned by Christians and even so-called ministers (of several churches in town) who spent their time "playing games" and trying to be the center of attention. He left me with a choice. I could be just another preacher who talks about love and humility and compassion but shuts people out and lets them die on my doorstep, or I could open the door, let the mess in, and try to make an actual difference.
I chose the latter.
After much prayer, thought, and conversation, Andy and I have decided to join the ministry team at the Old Hickory Church of God of Prophecy. While I will continue to travel and preach on Sundays, I will be working with the youth of this community, as well as assisting in teaching.
We are excited to see where this new venture will take us. We are believing that this is God ordained and that this is a time for development not only for the church, but for us as well.
For those of you who thought I was going to announce that I'm becoming a mom, you were sort of right I suppose. Except, by the grace of God, we will hopefully be gaining LOTS of other people's kids, not just one of our own!
Tuesday, October 22, 2013
Marriage Part1:Hupotasso
Last Sunday I was honored and privileged to minister at New Beginnings Worship Center in Somerset, KY. This was my first sermon outside of my home state of Tennessee, which meant it was also my first sermon to a group of total strangers. The pastor had invited me after reading my blog "why I washed my husbands feet" in which I discussed my desire to live out Ephesians 5:21-30, in which we are told how to conduct ourselves in marriage. He asked me to participate in their month dedicated to families, so I decided to share my feelings on marriage and how our culture has made it almost impossible (without God's help) to carry out this passage. Of course, only being married for a couple of months, I did not take on this topic as a "marriage expert" but rather as an anomaly. Most women my age are vehemently opposed to the word "submission" and nearly everyone my age is against the words "servanthood" and "humility". Instead of giving a "this is how to be married" speech, I investigated the actual passage and reported my findings.
The part of this passage that was at one point so often referenced (and used incorrectly I might add), is found in verses 22-24. It states, "You wives submit to your husbands as you do to the Lord. For a husband is the head of his wife as Christ is the head of His body, the church; He gave His life to be her savior. As the church submits to Christ, so you wives must submit to your husbands in everything."
My entire life, that word "submit" was painted to mean "bow down to your husband and give in to everything he says." That's not what it means at all. The Greek word for "submit" in this passage was actually the word "hupotasso". The definition of the word hupotasso is “a voluntary attitude of giving in, cooperating, assuming responsibility, carrying a burden.” Some even describe it “to get under and lift up”. A little different, isn't it? This isn't the same word as "obey" found in passages relating to a parent-child relationship, it is a matter of supporting one's husband.
One of my favorite lines from the movie "My Big Fat Greek Wedding" comes courtesy of the bride's mother. She says, "The man is the head, but the woman is the neck. And she can turn the head any way she wants." It's a funny idea, but can we think about it in the context of the role of the wife?
The jobs of the human neck are as follows:
1. It supports the head. It keeps the head going in the right direction.
2. The curvature of the neck acts as a "shock absorber", it softens the blows.
3. It protects the nervous system. When the nervous system is attacked, the body cannot heal itself.
So how can we use this to understand the wife's role? What is she called to do in a marriage?
1. She must support her husband. Isn't it interesting that one definition of hupotasso was "to get under and lift up"? That's what the human neck is to the head, and that's what a wife MUST be to her husband. It is my job as a wife to lift him up so he can be the best man possible. In the way the neck keeps your head going in the right direction, so we must help our husbands keep moving in the right direction. We are to encourage them to keep moving on to the promises of God, and not look back at the past.
2. She is a "shock absorber". Again, I am struck by the alignment of this job and the above definition. Hupotasso calls us to "carry a burden". I am reminded of Galatians 6:2 where we are told to "Carry each other’s burdens, and in this way you will fulfill the law of Christ." Who better to carry your burdens than someone who is your own flesh?
3. She must protect her husband. We must recognize that because we are of one flesh, an attack on one of us is an attack on both of us, be it internal or external. When we tear our spouse down to their face or behind it, we are attacking our own flesh! When we allow someone else to speak poorly of our husband, we are allowing them to speak poorly about us! The job of the nervous system in the human body is to communicate so that the body can carry out its necessary functions and heal itself. In marriage, when we cease to protect one another and attacks get through, our marital "nervous system" fails. Communication breaks down, and once that breaks down, hurts go unhealed.
It is not my job to live under my husband's thumb, but it is my job to lift him up. That's what God has called for, that's the key for my success as a wife.
Men, you aren't getting a pass on this one. Keep an eye out in the coming days for Part 2 relating to the responsibilities of the husband.
Pastors and church leaders: If you would like for me to come and share this message or any other with your church, young adults, ladies group, or youth groups, please contact me via the contact form found on the right hand column of this blog for available dates. Thank you!
Thursday, October 17, 2013
I Shall Live and Not Die
Drew had many visitors from the church and his tight knit community. Everyone was pulling together and social media was showered with "stay strong drew" posts. One of his many visitors is pictured here. That's my dad, Bishop E.C. McKinley, praying for him. I knew he had gone to visit Drew, but hadn't heard much beyond that about his visit until a few weeks ago.
I preached at Crossroads last month. When I looked over the congregation during the altar call, someone in particular caught my eye and made me do a double take. It was Drew, standing head and shoulders above the crowd. Yes, you read that right, he was STANDING. As handsome and "normal" a young man as you've ever seen. After the service I walked back to speak with him and his family. He was funny, sweet, and incredibly witty. Drew started telling my husband of how God used that accident to get his attention. How he had been struggling in his walk with God, and how that day changed everything.
Drew's mom told me about the day my dad came to the hospital to pray and about the picture she had (above). She told me how much it meant to them that he took time to come visit. The next time I saw my dad I told him about how great Drew is doing and how his mom still remembered his visit. He said, "did she tell you what I prayed?" I didn't recall hearing, so I asked. He said, "I prayed 'you shall live and not die'", a variation of Psalm 118:17 which says, "I will not die, but I will live to tell what the Lord has done." Clearly, Drew is living proof that his prayer, along with countless others, was answered. Drew most certainly has life and he is telling what the LORD has done!
That scripture has been running rampant through my mind this past month. I received a medical report that left me shaken. I was told that an issue, caused be some matters in my control and some outside of it, would decrease not only my quality of life, but my life expectancy as well. There had been a time in my life when I would have just accepted those words being spoken over me, but I have found that I have too much to say and do for the Lord to just lie down and die.
Growing up, whenever I had some tinge of pain, I would be sure that it was some deadly disease and I was done for. My dad would lecture me on the power of our words and he would always quote Psalm 118:17 and I would roll my eyes. I would like to publicly apologize, pappy, you were right. Life and death are most certainly in the tongue, Drew's story has taught me that. When he physically couldn't speak life, those around him spoke it on his behalf-and it worked. If Drew and his community could have faith when he was in this horrible state, then I have no excuse to not speak life over my body!
So I've decided that death is not on my agenda for right now. I am doing everything on my end to get healthy, but I am putting my faith in the One who created every cell of my body. I have places to be and people to minister to. Until He is done with me, I shall life and not die!
Monday, October 14, 2013
The Pendulum of Faith: Part 2 of 2
Last week I wrote an entry about the word of faith movement. In the preface I asked that readers view both parts of this discussion before forming their opinions on my position. Please, if you haven't yet, read part 1 here, as it is the companion piece to the blog you are now reading.
I could never be accused of being a "name it and claim it" kind of gal. Like many, I have often equated this tactic with materialism and found it counter to the Word. Sadly, I fear I have at times been found on the other side of the pendulum of faith, having no faith at all. For some reason, we find it hard to find our center, that place where we have faith in God, but understand that while some things are out of His will, they are never out of His control.
For too long, I have struggled with having deep faith in God's ability, because faith left too much room for disappointment. I didn't want to be the fool who said boldly, "God will heal me", because what if He didn't? What if in His sovreignty He decided to let me live in my infirmities?
Let me be clear, I believe in divine healing. I have seen it, I have even experienced it. While in my mother's womb, my mother suffered severe complications, and the doctors told her she would miscarry. She had been on bed rest for a month and in the hospital for a few days for her own health, as the doctors told her the chances of my survival were little more than zero.
She saw only one way around my inevitable demise. Our church's biannual General Assembly was coming up. One of the most important and looked-forward to services was (and still is) the healing service. Men and women would line up, full of faith, for the men and women of God to lay hands on them.
My mother was convinced that if Harper Hunter prayed for her, she would be healed. That was her hope. That was her only hope. She didn't think this man had some sort of mystical power, but she knew that he was filled with the Spirit. To her, this man was the modern-day representation of the hem of Jesus's garment. If she could just get to him, the Spirit in him would cure her and give me a fighting chance.
So she left her bed, against doctor's orders, to travel from Indiana to Cleveland, TN. When the time came for prayer, she knew what had to be done. She fought through the crowds to make sure she got in Brother Hunter's line. When he came by, he prayed "God heal her." My mother's reaction was what most of us would have thought, "I did all this, and that's ALL he said?"
The truth is his word's didn't matter. It was her faith, her perseverance, her fight that made her (and me) whole! When she returned home, she didn't go back to bed. She not only carried me to term, I was two weeks late! As my mom says it, "that's proof that God is more than enough!"
What if she had said "it's foolish to believe in divine healing. I'm not going against doctor's orders on the off-chance that God will heal me. I'm not going to push through, I'm not going to believe because it will hurt too much if I'm wrong"? I wouldn't be here, that's what would have happened! Imagine the pressure faith put on her. If the prayer didn't work and I had died, she would have been blamed and blamed herself for going against what man told her to do, even though man didn't give me a chance at all. But see, that's the point, faith steps in when you have no other option but to have faith!
Maybe this is the true root of my issue with people who say "God wants you to prosper, so have faith and you'll get a new car!" That's not what faith is for! Faith is for when you have nothing left. When your options have run out, that's when you learn what faith is about. In this moment, God is stretching my ability to believe in His provision. I don't have the time to tell you all the ways He has shown up just in time for me in the last 6 months. Just know that with every arrival of His grace and provision, my faith has grown.
Hebrews 11:1 asks an important question and then answers it when it says, "What is faith? It is the confident assurance that what we hope for is going to happen. It is the evidence of things we cannot yet see. God gave His approval to people in the days of old because of their faith." The chapter goes on to tell the stories of men and women who God used because of their faith. The interesting thing is what happens in the end to the members of this "hall of faith". Verses 33 through 40 tells us:
"By faith these people overthrew kingdoms, ruled with justice, and received what God had promised them. They shut the mouths of lions, quenched the flames of fire, and escaped death by the edge of the sword. Their weakness was turned to strength. They became strong in battle and put whole armies to flight. Women received their loved ones back again from death. But others were tortured, refusing to turn from God in order to be set free. They placed their hope in a better life after the resurrection. Some were jeered at, and their backs were cut open with whips. Others were chained in prisons. Some died by stoning, some were sawed in half,and others were killed with the sword. Some went about wearing skins of sheep and goats, destitute and oppressed and mistreated. They were too good for this world, wandering over deserts and mountains, hiding in caves and holes in the ground. All these people earned a good reputation because of their faith, yet none of them received all that God had promised."
Can't you see? Faith isn't about what you get in the end, so your faith can't be dependent on whether your not you receive on earth what you desire! Some of these men and women were rewarded and revered, but some suffered. There is not a distinction made that says the ones who triumphed here on earth had more faith! Faith is not about what you get, it is about your relationship with God and your "good reputation" (read:witness) to those on earth.
So I'm begging you, don't do what I did. Don't abandon faith because the term is so often misused or because you fear the "what ifs". Realize now that faith is your only option, because when your options are gone, faith is all that remains.
I could never be accused of being a "name it and claim it" kind of gal. Like many, I have often equated this tactic with materialism and found it counter to the Word. Sadly, I fear I have at times been found on the other side of the pendulum of faith, having no faith at all. For some reason, we find it hard to find our center, that place where we have faith in God, but understand that while some things are out of His will, they are never out of His control.
For too long, I have struggled with having deep faith in God's ability, because faith left too much room for disappointment. I didn't want to be the fool who said boldly, "God will heal me", because what if He didn't? What if in His sovreignty He decided to let me live in my infirmities?
Let me be clear, I believe in divine healing. I have seen it, I have even experienced it. While in my mother's womb, my mother suffered severe complications, and the doctors told her she would miscarry. She had been on bed rest for a month and in the hospital for a few days for her own health, as the doctors told her the chances of my survival were little more than zero.
She saw only one way around my inevitable demise. Our church's biannual General Assembly was coming up. One of the most important and looked-forward to services was (and still is) the healing service. Men and women would line up, full of faith, for the men and women of God to lay hands on them.
My mother was convinced that if Harper Hunter prayed for her, she would be healed. That was her hope. That was her only hope. She didn't think this man had some sort of mystical power, but she knew that he was filled with the Spirit. To her, this man was the modern-day representation of the hem of Jesus's garment. If she could just get to him, the Spirit in him would cure her and give me a fighting chance.
So she left her bed, against doctor's orders, to travel from Indiana to Cleveland, TN. When the time came for prayer, she knew what had to be done. She fought through the crowds to make sure she got in Brother Hunter's line. When he came by, he prayed "God heal her." My mother's reaction was what most of us would have thought, "I did all this, and that's ALL he said?"
The truth is his word's didn't matter. It was her faith, her perseverance, her fight that made her (and me) whole! When she returned home, she didn't go back to bed. She not only carried me to term, I was two weeks late! As my mom says it, "that's proof that God is more than enough!"
What if she had said "it's foolish to believe in divine healing. I'm not going against doctor's orders on the off-chance that God will heal me. I'm not going to push through, I'm not going to believe because it will hurt too much if I'm wrong"? I wouldn't be here, that's what would have happened! Imagine the pressure faith put on her. If the prayer didn't work and I had died, she would have been blamed and blamed herself for going against what man told her to do, even though man didn't give me a chance at all. But see, that's the point, faith steps in when you have no other option but to have faith!
Maybe this is the true root of my issue with people who say "God wants you to prosper, so have faith and you'll get a new car!" That's not what faith is for! Faith is for when you have nothing left. When your options have run out, that's when you learn what faith is about. In this moment, God is stretching my ability to believe in His provision. I don't have the time to tell you all the ways He has shown up just in time for me in the last 6 months. Just know that with every arrival of His grace and provision, my faith has grown.
Hebrews 11:1 asks an important question and then answers it when it says, "What is faith? It is the confident assurance that what we hope for is going to happen. It is the evidence of things we cannot yet see. God gave His approval to people in the days of old because of their faith." The chapter goes on to tell the stories of men and women who God used because of their faith. The interesting thing is what happens in the end to the members of this "hall of faith". Verses 33 through 40 tells us:
"By faith these people overthrew kingdoms, ruled with justice, and received what God had promised them. They shut the mouths of lions, quenched the flames of fire, and escaped death by the edge of the sword. Their weakness was turned to strength. They became strong in battle and put whole armies to flight. Women received their loved ones back again from death. But others were tortured, refusing to turn from God in order to be set free. They placed their hope in a better life after the resurrection. Some were jeered at, and their backs were cut open with whips. Others were chained in prisons. Some died by stoning, some were sawed in half,and others were killed with the sword. Some went about wearing skins of sheep and goats, destitute and oppressed and mistreated. They were too good for this world, wandering over deserts and mountains, hiding in caves and holes in the ground. All these people earned a good reputation because of their faith, yet none of them received all that God had promised."
Can't you see? Faith isn't about what you get in the end, so your faith can't be dependent on whether your not you receive on earth what you desire! Some of these men and women were rewarded and revered, but some suffered. There is not a distinction made that says the ones who triumphed here on earth had more faith! Faith is not about what you get, it is about your relationship with God and your "good reputation" (read:witness) to those on earth.
So I'm begging you, don't do what I did. Don't abandon faith because the term is so often misused or because you fear the "what ifs". Realize now that faith is your only option, because when your options are gone, faith is all that remains.
Friday, October 11, 2013
The Pendulum of Faith: Part 1 of 2
Let me start by saying this will be a two part series. As such, please be sure to read both this entry and the forth coming entry before writing angry comments forming too much of an opinion.
Yesterday morning I had to get my parents to the airport by 5 am, so I was up earlier than usual. As I was flipping channels, I happened upon a "religious program" and was compelled to stop. On the screen was a man in a very nice suit wearing a flashy watch. Under his image was a number along with a prompting for you to call and sow your "$1000 favor seed". I listened, waiting to hear what the money was to be used for. I thought this must be for orphans or widows, you know, the ones we are called to care for. But they weren't the receipients. I thought well then it must be to keep Christian programing on television, but I was wrong again.
I listened to the last 20 minutes of the program and even visited the website to try and figure it out, but as far as I can tell, these "seeds" weren't ear marked for anything (translation: it wasn't going for anything they wanted the audience to know about). This "minister" made statements such as "if you delay your seed, you delay your harvest" and "if you reach a busy signal, keep calling. Don't let the devil rob you of a blessing!"
Now, as ridiculous as I thought this was, I thought "if people want to send their hard earned money into a preacher who hasn't even said one word about the Gospel, that's their own mistake." But then he said something that infuriated me. He began telling the story of a man who needed a large amount of money, and was going to "sow a seed" knowing that it would yield a return. The man on my screen with the fancy clothes said "The seed was the point of contact, he was going to sow into his OWN CHURCH, but God said 'No, sow into ("minister"'s name here), because he has an anointing for increase."
This man had crossed a line in my book. Call me crazy, but I seriously doubt God would tell someone to take money he was going to put in his own church where actual ministry was taking place and send it to someone who has a national audience and doesn't even mention the Gospel.
"Word of faith" is nothing new to me. Having lived in an area of the country synonnimous with this movement, spending a very short time at the same WOF university the minister claimed as alma mater, and then living 5 minutes from a very opulent and well known Christian Broadcast Center, I'm more familiar with Word of Faith than I'd like to admit. Over the years I've built quite the collection of grievences with the prosperity gospel and they are as follows:
1. If you could buy the favor of God, it wouldn't be favor and He wouldn't be God. By definition, favor is unmerited and undeserved, gracious and kind. There is nothing you can do to earn it. Throughout the bible we are confronted of stories of men and women who were not only covered by God, they were favored and used by Him and DID NOT DESERVE it. Moses had anger management issues. David had an affair with a married woman and subsequently had her husband murdered. Paul spent years persecuting the church, but God delivered him from jail and allowed him to travel the world preaching. The list goes on and on. To say that God can be "bribed" into favoring you is contrary to what we know of His nature.
2. Luke 6:38 is about mercy, not money. One the most misinterpreted scriptures says "Give and it will be given to you. A good measure, pressed down, shaken together and running over, will be poured into your lap." Sounds like a great selling point for "sowing seeds", doesn't it? But read the verse just prior. This was a discussion of why we shouldn't judge or condemn, but should forgive so that we will be forgiven. Nobody reads verse 37, because then what verse would we pray and sing over the offering?
3. The United States is not the center of the world or the bible. If having a luxury car, $500 suits, and money in the bank is the measure of faith, does that mean the other 95% of the world is lacking faith? And if they don't have enough faith to live like these preachers, how can they have enough faith to make it to heaven? When these ministers reference prosperity it is in regards to the meaning of that term in the United States. They say "God wants you to prosper. So claim that car." How materialistic must these men and women be that the only thing they can consider as prosperity are objects? I have news for you. Some of the most faith-filled people I have known barely had more than the clothes on their back-and they were happy with that. Money is not the measure of your trust in Jesus or His love for you.
4. God is not Santa Claus. The trademark phrase all WOF'ers will use eventually is "what's wrong with letting a kid pray for a bicycle?" Let's think for a moment of another way children will try and get a bike. They ask Santa. Now, what happens when a kid has written letters, begged to see every shopping mall Santa Claus, and been the nicest kid ever all year, but come December 25th there's no bike. How strong is that child's faith in Santa come December 26th? So it is with our Sovreign God. Sometimes He doesn't give us what we think we want because He sees the big picture. And when that happens, the spiritually immature lose their faith in God like a nine year old loses their faith on Christmas morning. I have prayed for and had faith for millions of things over my lifetime, some I got and some I didn't. When I was struggling in my faith and didn't get what I wanted, my faith in God was shattered. That is the reason I rail against this theology, I know how easily this happens.
I love the story of the three Hebrew boys in the fire. They told the king that God would deliver them, but EVEN IF HE DIDN'T, they wouldn't worship the idol. They had faith, but knew that their faith in God was not reliant on their faith for His deliverance. Part of spiritual maturity is understanding that while God is always capable, He will not always give us what we want-regardless of the amount of praying, hoping, and "faithing' we do. If your faith in Him is reliant on what He will do for you, then it is not true faith at all.
My next post will provide what happens when we swing the other way, accepting death and defeat and having NO faith. Please keep your eyes open for part two in the coming days.
Yesterday morning I had to get my parents to the airport by 5 am, so I was up earlier than usual. As I was flipping channels, I happened upon a "religious program" and was compelled to stop. On the screen was a man in a very nice suit wearing a flashy watch. Under his image was a number along with a prompting for you to call and sow your "$1000 favor seed". I listened, waiting to hear what the money was to be used for. I thought this must be for orphans or widows, you know, the ones we are called to care for. But they weren't the receipients. I thought well then it must be to keep Christian programing on television, but I was wrong again.
I listened to the last 20 minutes of the program and even visited the website to try and figure it out, but as far as I can tell, these "seeds" weren't ear marked for anything (translation: it wasn't going for anything they wanted the audience to know about). This "minister" made statements such as "if you delay your seed, you delay your harvest" and "if you reach a busy signal, keep calling. Don't let the devil rob you of a blessing!"
Now, as ridiculous as I thought this was, I thought "if people want to send their hard earned money into a preacher who hasn't even said one word about the Gospel, that's their own mistake." But then he said something that infuriated me. He began telling the story of a man who needed a large amount of money, and was going to "sow a seed" knowing that it would yield a return. The man on my screen with the fancy clothes said "The seed was the point of contact, he was going to sow into his OWN CHURCH, but God said 'No, sow into ("minister"'s name here), because he has an anointing for increase."
This man had crossed a line in my book. Call me crazy, but I seriously doubt God would tell someone to take money he was going to put in his own church where actual ministry was taking place and send it to someone who has a national audience and doesn't even mention the Gospel.
"Word of faith" is nothing new to me. Having lived in an area of the country synonnimous with this movement, spending a very short time at the same WOF university the minister claimed as alma mater, and then living 5 minutes from a very opulent and well known Christian Broadcast Center, I'm more familiar with Word of Faith than I'd like to admit. Over the years I've built quite the collection of grievences with the prosperity gospel and they are as follows:
1. If you could buy the favor of God, it wouldn't be favor and He wouldn't be God. By definition, favor is unmerited and undeserved, gracious and kind. There is nothing you can do to earn it. Throughout the bible we are confronted of stories of men and women who were not only covered by God, they were favored and used by Him and DID NOT DESERVE it. Moses had anger management issues. David had an affair with a married woman and subsequently had her husband murdered. Paul spent years persecuting the church, but God delivered him from jail and allowed him to travel the world preaching. The list goes on and on. To say that God can be "bribed" into favoring you is contrary to what we know of His nature.
2. Luke 6:38 is about mercy, not money. One the most misinterpreted scriptures says "Give and it will be given to you. A good measure, pressed down, shaken together and running over, will be poured into your lap." Sounds like a great selling point for "sowing seeds", doesn't it? But read the verse just prior. This was a discussion of why we shouldn't judge or condemn, but should forgive so that we will be forgiven. Nobody reads verse 37, because then what verse would we pray and sing over the offering?
3. The United States is not the center of the world or the bible. If having a luxury car, $500 suits, and money in the bank is the measure of faith, does that mean the other 95% of the world is lacking faith? And if they don't have enough faith to live like these preachers, how can they have enough faith to make it to heaven? When these ministers reference prosperity it is in regards to the meaning of that term in the United States. They say "God wants you to prosper. So claim that car." How materialistic must these men and women be that the only thing they can consider as prosperity are objects? I have news for you. Some of the most faith-filled people I have known barely had more than the clothes on their back-and they were happy with that. Money is not the measure of your trust in Jesus or His love for you.
4. God is not Santa Claus. The trademark phrase all WOF'ers will use eventually is "what's wrong with letting a kid pray for a bicycle?" Let's think for a moment of another way children will try and get a bike. They ask Santa. Now, what happens when a kid has written letters, begged to see every shopping mall Santa Claus, and been the nicest kid ever all year, but come December 25th there's no bike. How strong is that child's faith in Santa come December 26th? So it is with our Sovreign God. Sometimes He doesn't give us what we think we want because He sees the big picture. And when that happens, the spiritually immature lose their faith in God like a nine year old loses their faith on Christmas morning. I have prayed for and had faith for millions of things over my lifetime, some I got and some I didn't. When I was struggling in my faith and didn't get what I wanted, my faith in God was shattered. That is the reason I rail against this theology, I know how easily this happens.
I love the story of the three Hebrew boys in the fire. They told the king that God would deliver them, but EVEN IF HE DIDN'T, they wouldn't worship the idol. They had faith, but knew that their faith in God was not reliant on their faith for His deliverance. Part of spiritual maturity is understanding that while God is always capable, He will not always give us what we want-regardless of the amount of praying, hoping, and "faithing' we do. If your faith in Him is reliant on what He will do for you, then it is not true faith at all.
My next post will provide what happens when we swing the other way, accepting death and defeat and having NO faith. Please keep your eyes open for part two in the coming days.
Tuesday, October 8, 2013
PORN
Did that title shock you? Did you click on it thinking I was tricking you and I must really be writing about something else because no one in their right mind discusses pornography? Well, this time, it wasn't a trick. I'm going to talk about it because someone needs to. This easily hidden sin is destroying any chance our young people have of healthy relationships and marriages in the future, yet we as the church have elected to take the comfortable route of remaining silent on the subject.
Sadly, there is an idea that it is "indecent" to have this conversation with our young (and older) people in the church. Do you know what I find indecent? I find it indecent that children are losing their innocence in the light of a computer screen while the church looks the other way.
We have to get our heads out of the sand and take a good hard look at the culture they are enthralled in. Pornography of the twenty-first century is not what it was 25, 10, or even 5 years ago. There was a day when it could be said, "if a kid wants to get in trouble, they'll find it." That wasn't good enough for the sex industry. Pornographers no longer wait for viewers to find their material, they go after THEM.
25 years ago, if a young person wanted to view porn, they generally resorted to stealing magazines from their parents or their friend's parents. These adults (to whom I am not giving a pass) had to sneak to the local adult store and prove their age before purchase. Fast-forward to the Internet age. With Internet in nearly every home, all a teenager had to do to find explicit material is go to site and click a box stating their alleged age. Now think of today's world. In a day in which social media rules our lives, there is almost no escaping invitations for viewing material of every kind of depraved act. They aren't LOOKING for sin, sin is LOOKING for THEM. And because we are to scared to say the words in the church house, they are exploring every pop-up ad that finds them with no idea of the lifetime of repercussions they are signing on for.
"But Lindsey, it's innocent. It's a normal thing for young people to be curious. You're over reacting. Sex is a natural part of life. What is it hurting for them to explore?"
The problem with exposure to explicit material at any age, but especially for our youth is:
1. It makes sex common. Porn (and our attitudes towards it) leaves young people believing sex is "no big deal". Easily accessible and seemingly gratifying 100% of the time for participants, porn is often used as training material for young people. They watch and repeat. It's pretty simple and in a culture that paints losing one's virginity as a right of passage, why wouldn't you go for it?
2. It leaves them with unrealistic expectations of sex and leaves them unsatisfiable. I recently read an eye-opening article by Martin Daubney. He is the former editor of what many would deem a "soft porn" men's magazine. In the article for UK Daily Mail titled "Experiment that convinced me online porn is the most pernicious threat facing children today" he discusses how he saw first hand the destruction porn is raining down on our children. Of particular interest to me was his exchange with a 19 year old porn addict. The young man tells Daubney, "'Every bit of spare time I have is spent watching porn, it is extreme. I can't hold down a relationship for longer than three weeks. I want porn sex with real girls, but sex with them just isn't as good as the porn.'" His story reminded me of 1 Corinthians 6:18 which warns, "Flee from sexual immorality. Every other sin a person commits is outside the body, but the sexually immoral person sins against his own body." His statement highlights a very serious side-effect of chronic viewing. The viewer becomes enthralled in the fantasy-actually placing themselves in the scenario on screen. When they walk back into real-life, it's no longer fulfilling. This seed of dissatisfaction in youth kills marriages in adulthood.
3. It introduces the idea of human beings as objects. Porn is about sex, not love. As such, the participants can be interchanged one for another. Sex in porn isn't about relationship, it's about releasing passions, and as such the partner is unimportant. This idea that a partner is just an object is a slippery slope that is slowly killing our society. In a shocking study released this week by JAMA Pediatrics, it was found that "1 in 10 young people report being a perpetrator of sexual violence." (USA TODAY) The study "suggests a connection between such behavior and being exposed to violent X-Rated material." This link can't be ignored. Also this week we heard from R & B singer Chris Brown who became infamous after beating his then-girlfriend, Rhianna, nearly to death. He claims to have lost his virginity at age 8, saying that his porn-watching habits were at the root of having sex so young. I find it interesting that both of these stories came out this week. Here we have a study telling us that porn leads to sexual violence, and then we hear that Chris Brown, known woman beater, has been enthralled since age 8. You can make all the excuses you want, porn is dangerous.
As a church it is time to stand up and confront this issue. It's time to get over our fear of this topic and start teaching these kids how and why they must flee all manner of lust. We are standing by as they are destroying themselves and others.
It is my prayer that we receive boldness to start discussing these issues before they take root and we lose yet another generation to this trap.
Sadly, there is an idea that it is "indecent" to have this conversation with our young (and older) people in the church. Do you know what I find indecent? I find it indecent that children are losing their innocence in the light of a computer screen while the church looks the other way.
We have to get our heads out of the sand and take a good hard look at the culture they are enthralled in. Pornography of the twenty-first century is not what it was 25, 10, or even 5 years ago. There was a day when it could be said, "if a kid wants to get in trouble, they'll find it." That wasn't good enough for the sex industry. Pornographers no longer wait for viewers to find their material, they go after THEM.
25 years ago, if a young person wanted to view porn, they generally resorted to stealing magazines from their parents or their friend's parents. These adults (to whom I am not giving a pass) had to sneak to the local adult store and prove their age before purchase. Fast-forward to the Internet age. With Internet in nearly every home, all a teenager had to do to find explicit material is go to site and click a box stating their alleged age. Now think of today's world. In a day in which social media rules our lives, there is almost no escaping invitations for viewing material of every kind of depraved act. They aren't LOOKING for sin, sin is LOOKING for THEM. And because we are to scared to say the words in the church house, they are exploring every pop-up ad that finds them with no idea of the lifetime of repercussions they are signing on for.
"But Lindsey, it's innocent. It's a normal thing for young people to be curious. You're over reacting. Sex is a natural part of life. What is it hurting for them to explore?"
The problem with exposure to explicit material at any age, but especially for our youth is:
1. It makes sex common. Porn (and our attitudes towards it) leaves young people believing sex is "no big deal". Easily accessible and seemingly gratifying 100% of the time for participants, porn is often used as training material for young people. They watch and repeat. It's pretty simple and in a culture that paints losing one's virginity as a right of passage, why wouldn't you go for it?
2. It leaves them with unrealistic expectations of sex and leaves them unsatisfiable. I recently read an eye-opening article by Martin Daubney. He is the former editor of what many would deem a "soft porn" men's magazine. In the article for UK Daily Mail titled "Experiment that convinced me online porn is the most pernicious threat facing children today" he discusses how he saw first hand the destruction porn is raining down on our children. Of particular interest to me was his exchange with a 19 year old porn addict. The young man tells Daubney, "'Every bit of spare time I have is spent watching porn, it is extreme. I can't hold down a relationship for longer than three weeks. I want porn sex with real girls, but sex with them just isn't as good as the porn.'" His story reminded me of 1 Corinthians 6:18 which warns, "Flee from sexual immorality. Every other sin a person commits is outside the body, but the sexually immoral person sins against his own body." His statement highlights a very serious side-effect of chronic viewing. The viewer becomes enthralled in the fantasy-actually placing themselves in the scenario on screen. When they walk back into real-life, it's no longer fulfilling. This seed of dissatisfaction in youth kills marriages in adulthood.
3. It introduces the idea of human beings as objects. Porn is about sex, not love. As such, the participants can be interchanged one for another. Sex in porn isn't about relationship, it's about releasing passions, and as such the partner is unimportant. This idea that a partner is just an object is a slippery slope that is slowly killing our society. In a shocking study released this week by JAMA Pediatrics, it was found that "1 in 10 young people report being a perpetrator of sexual violence." (USA TODAY) The study "suggests a connection between such behavior and being exposed to violent X-Rated material." This link can't be ignored. Also this week we heard from R & B singer Chris Brown who became infamous after beating his then-girlfriend, Rhianna, nearly to death. He claims to have lost his virginity at age 8, saying that his porn-watching habits were at the root of having sex so young. I find it interesting that both of these stories came out this week. Here we have a study telling us that porn leads to sexual violence, and then we hear that Chris Brown, known woman beater, has been enthralled since age 8. You can make all the excuses you want, porn is dangerous.
As a church it is time to stand up and confront this issue. It's time to get over our fear of this topic and start teaching these kids how and why they must flee all manner of lust. We are standing by as they are destroying themselves and others.
It is my prayer that we receive boldness to start discussing these issues before they take root and we lose yet another generation to this trap.
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