Marriage Part1:Hupotasso

Last Sunday I was honored and privileged to minister at New Beginnings Worship Center in Somerset, KY. This was my first sermon outside of my home state of Tennessee, which meant it was also my first sermon to a group of total strangers. The pastor had invited me after reading my blog "why I washed my husbands feet" in which I discussed my desire to live out Ephesians 5:21-30, in which we are told how to conduct ourselves in marriage. He asked me to participate in their month dedicated to families, so I decided to share my feelings on marriage and how our culture has made it almost impossible (without God's help) to carry out this passage. Of course, only being married for a couple of months, I did not take on this topic as a "marriage expert" but rather as an anomaly. Most women my age are vehemently opposed to the word "submission" and nearly everyone my age is against the words "servanthood" and "humility". Instead of giving a "this is how to be married" speech, I investigated the actual passage and reported my findings.

The part of this passage that was at one point so often referenced (and used incorrectly I might add), is found in verses 22-24. It states, "You wives submit to your husbands as you do to the Lord. For a husband is the head of his wife as Christ is the head of His body, the church; He gave His life to be her savior. As the church submits to Christ, so you wives must submit to your husbands in everything."

My entire life, that word "submit" was painted to mean "bow down to your husband and give in to everything he says." That's not what it means at all. The Greek word for "submit" in this passage was actually the word "hupotasso". The definition of the word hupotasso is “a voluntary attitude of giving in, cooperating, assuming responsibility, carrying a burden.” Some even describe it “to get under and lift up”. A little different, isn't it? This isn't the same word as "obey" found in passages relating to a parent-child relationship, it is a matter of supporting one's husband. 

One of my favorite lines from the movie "My Big Fat Greek Wedding" comes courtesy of the bride's mother. She says, "The man is the head, but the woman is the neck. And she can turn the head any way she wants." It's a funny idea, but can we think about it in the context of the role of the wife? 

The jobs of the human neck are as follows:

1. It supports the head. It keeps the head going in the right direction.

2. The curvature of the neck acts as a "shock absorber", it softens the blows.

3. It protects the nervous system. When the nervous system is attacked, the body cannot heal itself.

So how can we use this to understand the wife's role? What is she called to do in a marriage?

1. She must support her husband. Isn't it interesting that one definition of hupotasso was "to get under and lift up"? That's what the human neck is to the head, and that's what a wife MUST be to her husband. It is my job as a wife to lift him up so he can be the best man possible. In the way the neck keeps your head going in the right direction, so we must help our husbands keep moving in the right direction. We are to encourage them to keep moving on to the promises of God, and not look back at the past.

2. She is a "shock absorber". Again, I am struck by the alignment of this job and the above definition. Hupotasso calls us to "carry a burden". I am reminded of Galatians 6:2 where we are told to "Carry each other’s burdens, and in this way you will fulfill the law of Christ." Who better to carry your burdens than someone who is your own flesh?

3. She must protect her husband. We must recognize that because we are of one flesh, an attack on one of us is an attack on both of us, be it internal or external. When we tear our spouse down to their face or behind it, we are attacking our own flesh! When we allow someone else to speak poorly of our husband, we are allowing them to speak poorly about us! The job of the nervous system in the human body is to communicate so that the body can carry out its necessary functions and heal itself. In marriage, when we cease to protect one another and attacks get through, our marital "nervous system" fails. Communication breaks down, and once that breaks down, hurts go unhealed.

It is not my job to live under my husband's thumb, but it is my job to lift him up. That's what God has called for, that's the key for my success as a wife.

Men, you aren't getting a pass on this one. Keep an eye out in the coming days for Part 2 relating to the responsibilities of the husband.

Pastors and church leaders: If you would like for me to come and share this message or any other with your church, young adults, ladies group, or youth groups, please contact me via the contact form found on the right hand column of this blog for available dates. Thank you!