Marriage Part2:Love

I previously reported my findings on the wife's job in a marriage, as found in Ephesians 5. I discussed in Part 1 of this series (view here) how the word "submission" has been widely misused.  This misuse is not my only issue with teachings on this passage. Far too often, I have heard the first half of this command quoted while the second half (addressing the husband's role) has been omitted.

Verses 25-30 tell us: "For husbands, this means love your wives, just as Christ loved the church. He gave up his life for her to make her holy and clean, washed by the cleansing of God’s word. He did this to present her to himself as a glorious church without a spot or wrinkle or any other blemish. Instead, she will be holy and without fault. In the same way, husbands ought to love their wives as they love their own bodies. For a man who loves his wife actually shows love for himself. No one hates his own body but feeds and cares for it, just as Christ cares for the church. And we are members of his body."

So this begs the question, "how did Christ love the church?"

1. He loved in humility. Christ birth, life, and death were all carried out in humility. Philippians 2 beautifully explains this when it says, "Though He was God, He did not think of equality with God as something to cling to. Instead, He gave up His divine privileges He took the humble position of a slave and was born as a human being. When He appeared in human form, He humbled himself in obedience to God and died a criminal’s death on a cross." Likewise, the husband, must serve his wife in humility. Society often teaches young men that they are in charge. They must show strength. This often leads them to "lord over" those they consider weak. This is not the example Christ gave us. This will not lead to a successful marriage.

2. He made her holy. To be holy is to be "sacred", "set apart", "different". So many marital issues arise from the loss of this principle. It should not be that we view our spouse as replaceable. It should not be said that you could get any woman off the street and she would work just as well as the wife you have. I'll go further than that-your wife shouldn't FEEL like you WOULD pick any woman to take her place. Every night before we go to bed, my husband and I tell each other something unique we loved about each other that day. We do this because we don't want each other to ever think that they are replaceable. There was something that made your wife special when you chose to marry her instead of someone else. Don't forget that-and don't let her forget that either.

While I'm discussing the "sacredness" of marriage, I must say this: Your vows made to each other before God are sacred and personal. As such, there is no room for a third party, either physically or emotionally. I venture to say the majority of people who have cheated on their spouse didn't set out to do so. It starts with a listening ear. Someone who understands you when your wife doesn't (by the way, your wife is your flesh, if she doesn't understand you, then you have equal ownership in figuring out the problem ALONGSIDE HER). In fact, some studies suggest that as many as 80% of affairs begin with a friendship that went too far.  DON'T OPEN THAT DOOR. If you are married, you have no business discussing your marital issues without your spouse's consent (and that is for the purpose counseling). You particularly have no business talking about it with the opposite sex. If you are single and reading this, you have a responsibility to not offer that "shoulder to cry on". You may say "I didn't make any vows". That may be true, but someday you might, and how would you feel if you were in that situation later on. (I'll get off my soapbox now)

3. He cleansed her with the Word. Husbands, you have a responsibility as the spiritual head of your house to make sure that the Word of God is spoken and lived out. Help your wife become the most godly woman possible. Encourage her place her trust in God above all else, and lead her into righteousness.

This passage further instructs the husband to love his wife as he loves his own body. That is to say "love unselfishly". When you got married, you made a choice to place someone else's needs, wants, and desires above your own. She is not an after thought. Take care of her. Love her. Devote yourself to  her alone.