In our final segment on marriage, I wanted to address exactly why conversation on this topic is needed in the church to begin with. Before Andy and I married (or were even engaged for that matter), I took an incredible amount of time to research marriage. I wanted to understand why it was important and be prepared for the attacks that I knew could be a problem. I consulted ministers and people who I knew had long, successful, godly marriages. I read books. I completed workbooks. I found every article on the matter. But most importantly, I went to the Word. In all of my research I found some hard truths about the disparity between the Word of God and our culture and how that is impacting our marriages:
1. God created specific gender roles which society has tried to blur. Androgyny in pop culture is nothing new, but it's prevalence in modern day society is unprecedented. It's everywhere; in music, on television, and in the closets of young people across America. Now, please know that I am not trying to condemn people for their wardrobe. What I am saying is that the acceptance of the androgyny look has opened the door for social acceptance of all manner of lifestyle that is opposed to the Word of God. It has become normal to see young men in girl's clothes and vice versa to an extent that we don't even flinch at the unisex appearance. We have become accustomed to it. Again, please know my heart. I'm not saying you are going to hell for wearing skinny jeans or that women have to wear dresses everyday to go to heaven! I am saying that we should think about this consequence seriously.
2. We have knowingly crossed the gender lines. Secondary to the above comment, there has been a shift in what is expected of ladies and gentlemen. In an attempt to gain equal footing with men in the world, women have sacrificed their femininity. We have knowingly decided to give up our God given "differentness". Acting like a lady has become antiquated. This is why we see young women so over-sexualized. They are giving up all they have for perceived "power", but that is an upcoming blog so I won't harp on it. In this same manner, men have become effeminate. Those who know my husband know that I did not marry Willie Robertson by any means. He is not a burley outdoorsman and is kind, thoughtful, and even sensitive. But he also knows that he is the man of our house. He knows that he has duties to fulfill and that he is our provider in every sense of the word. When God created man and woman, he did so in different manners. He did not create them the same. Likewise, we are not created to be the same, we have specific roles to carry out.
3. We have lost the importance of being "one" with our spouse. One of my all time favorite movies is "Coal Miner's Daughter". It is a biopic about Loretta Lynn. At one point in the movie she and her husband have to move far from her parents in order to find work. In the course of the discussion she let's her husband know she doesn't want to leave her daddy. He responds "Darlin' you're goin' to have to decide if you're my wife or his daughter." Sounds harsh, doesn't it. It's unfortunately the truth. I love my dad more than life itself. He taught me nearly everything I know and showed me what kind of man I needed to marry. I'd hate to live life without him, but my parents made it clear to me that once I married, my alliance was to be with Andy. As many of my [young] friends have married, I've watched as they refused to make this switch. They allow their families to have too much influence in their life as a couple. They muddy the waters by relying on their respective families for support of all types and then, when issues arise [which they will], they have to pick a side and someone will suffer for it. There is a reason the bible tells us "a man leaves his father and mother and is joined to his wife, and the two are united into one." (Genesis 2:24) As I have discussed at length, your marriage is one body comprised of you and your spouse. The bible doesn't say, "the bride's parents will be the arms providing finances" or "the groom's parents will be the legs taking them where they should go". Of course, I'm not saying you are to abandon family once you marry, but you have to be clear that you and your spouse have formed your own family, and that is where your allegiance and dependence lies.
We so often discuss Satan's attack on marriage. But the truth is, the seeds of discontentment in marriage are sown long before we become husband and wife. Our culture's disconnect with what God demands in a marriage actually starts with our disconnect with what He demands of us as men and women. I know much of what I have written seems hard and I honestly don't know how it will be taken. All I know is that these things are on my heart for a reason, and I pray that you take them with the heart they were intended in.
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