Breathe

The New Eyes blog is meant to share the thoughts and revelations the Lord gives me. Usually they are based around an old scripture I have seen in a new way. Today's entry is not one of those. Instead, I want to share with you a thought that I believe was spoken to me by God's Spirit late the other night. You see, I believe God speaks to us all the time about all sorts of things, even the stuff we don't think matters. Here it goes...

Lately, my sleep pattern has been all messed up. I find myself wide awake at midnight, and one a.m., and two a.m., and you get the point. My husband, however, working 60 hours a week is falling soundly asleep around 9:30 each night. My routine has been to lie down with him, go through our nightly ritual of asking about each other's highs and lows of the day and praying together and then I retire to the living room to read/watch television/try to work candy crush into a sermon. When I think I'm on the verge of falling asleep, I return to the bedroom since my husband was not happy the last time I fell asleep on the couch.

A few nights ago, when I crawled into bed and couldn't sleep after a few minutes, I reached for my phone to search for a distraction, but I felt something stop me. Something told me to get closer to my husband. As I lie there not tired in the least, I began to focus on his breathing. In and out, quiet and then loud, fast and then slow, I began playing a game I used to play with my dad. When I was sick as a kid, I would get in his lap in the recliner and we'd watch cartoons. I remember trying to match his breathing. I wanted to be like him in every way, so much so, that merely synchronizing our breath made me feel like we were a part of one another. And that's what I did with Andy, unbeknownst to him. I connected with him. I know that sounds odd and flaky, but it is true.

I started thinking of my friends who have been widowed at a young age. If they had their spouse back, would they go watch tv or play on their phones, or would they lie there listening to every breath, every snore, every word he muttered in his sleep? Would they complain about him taking the covers, or would they relish the thought of feeling clunky arms reaching for them?

Lying there I started thinking about our life together. I started thinking about how I hadn't been living in the moment. It seems once you are married, there is a natural progression that should occur. So many people try and tell you that marriage is about the future you have with your spouse that you forget to enjoy the present. I had been so worried about our future plans, that my mind was consumed and distracted, leading me to be disconnected with my husband in the here and now.

I set out to prove to my husband my contentment in our current situation. So the next day, I made dinner and used our nice dishes. I dressed up, fixed my hair, and put on make up. I did such a good job, in fact, that he was suspicious something was going on! I told him I was ready to enjoy every day we have together and that I wanted to show him that I appreciate the hard work he does and want to be the best wife I can, no matter our lot in life.

This may have seemed very odd, but I think this is a good lesson for a lot of young married couples out there. I encourage you to realize that everyday with your spouse is special. Each day is a gift God gave you! Learn now to connect with your spouse, because from what I've seen and heard, this is your best chance to do that uninterrupted.