Let me preface this by saying I know this post will make a lot of people upset, but I'm saying it because someone needs to. Please know that I write not to upset or hurt feelings, but to shed light on the darkness our culture embraces.
You were warned, here we go...
I keep coming across a video on social media of a young woman singing what I'm assuming is a self-written song in her car. A video of the song "Single Mama's Anthem" has gone viral and keeps popping up every few weeks in my feed. In the song she tells the story of having kids as a teenager, being judged, and living a life of "all work and no play". Then the song (which I can't share because of offensive language) gets to the part that really bothers me. The chorus gets to the crux of the issue when she sings "we don't need no man" as far as I can tell the next line is "because it's God that we trust", although I'm struggling to decipher that line.
Nearly every comment I have read applauds the song for telling the truth and hails this young woman for spreading the "we don't need no man" message.
Before I go any further, let me say this is not meant to bash single moms. I'm sure I'll get lots of "you don't know what it's like" messages calling me judgmental. I've been very open with my readers about my past before giving my life completely to Christ and I fully understand that given my previous life I could have been in the single mother's club as easily as anyone else. I don't know why I didn't "get caught" like so many others do. It doesn't make me any better than anyone else, I am fully aware of that.
I couldn't even imagine going through my pregnancy alone, let alone raising a child on my own. I'm sure it's a difficult thing for a young woman to watch her youth slip away because of poor decisions while the other tango participant does as he pleases. I'm sure it's difficult to not be bitter when you have to abandon dreams of school and career after someone convinced you they'd always be there, but left when playing house got too real. I am NOT minimizing the struggle.
It's just that I am concerned with the environment we are bringing our daughters up in that says men are an unimportant and unnecessary piece of the American family. If a man doesn't stick around, it was expected anyway because they are all dogs, if he does stay we are supposed to throw a parade in their honor. How is that okay? How is it not the standard that men will take care of their child because the child is half theirs? Why should I be impressed by a man who sticks around to take care of something that is genetically half his? Why should I expect a man to abandon something that is equally his as it is his partner's?
In case you haven't noticed the American male is under serious attack. They are presented as fools in movies and television. We have let the bad apples spoil the bunch and lumped them all together as lazy, lying, bumbling idiots who are good for nothing but giving us something to look at. Our young women are being influenced by the older women in their lives constantly running down their husbands, ex-husbands, and lovers as "jerks". Young ladies are growing up programmed to believe that there is no such thing as a good man, so there's no reason to hold out for one who will treat them right. This, perhaps more than anything, leaves me terrified for the future of the girls in America. How can we expect them to make good choices regarding their future spouses when we tell them there is no good choice? How can we expect them to honor their husbands as the head of their house if we have taught them that all men are idiots and incapable of making good decisions?
When it comes to moms, we give utmost honor to the single mom for staying with the child. Why is it not just considered normal for any mom to provide love and support for their child? Is a single mother more impressive than one who waited until marriage to do things in the proper order? The truth is there are amazing single moms, and there are terrible single moms. There are also amazing married moms and terrible married moms. I constantly hear praise for the single mom for teaching her kids about hard work and determination. When is the last time you heard someone praise the married couple for raising their children in fear and admonition of the Lord? When have you heard the married mother extolled for teaching her kids how to work with their spouse even when it's difficult? Why are these not qualities worth celebrating? Why is there no "married mama anthem"?
Maybe you don't need a man, but your child does. Your son needs a role model to teach him how to be a real man. He needs to see what it is to possess honor and gentleness. Your daughter needs someone to teach her that she is worthy of respect and dignity. Maybe your child's biological father left. Maybe he was cruel or abusive (in which case I am not advocating sticking around). I implore you, if you find yourself without the child's father around, find another strong male role model for them. Find a man whom you would want your son to be like or the type you would want for your daughter to marry, and let them pour wisdom into them. Find a church that functions the way they are instructed in the New Testament and teaches young people how to grow in the Lord through example and the passing on of wisdom. Don't let pride or bitterness put conflict in their young minds regarding what is expected of them and for them.
Husbands and fathers are just as important as moms, if they weren't, God wouldn't have set up the family structure as He did. To say you are just as well to raise a child on your own is a mockery to the institutions and plans God placed regarding the correct order of things. When God places commands on our lives, such as waiting for marriage for sex, it is because His way is the best way. He is a God of order. If children didn't need a man in their lives, then God wouldn't have set the family structure to include both a man and woman.
Again, I hope it has been made clear that this is not a condemnation on single mothers-far from it. I pray for all women who find themselves in this situation (that I could have found myself in). I pray that they would know that regardless of their past, they are worthy of love and respect. I pray that they would realize that not all men are the same. I pray that we as the church would learn to reach out to this group of women with love, compassion, and empathy. I pray that we would rise up and be support for these kids who live with something missing in their lives. I pray that our men would teach young boys how to love women as Christ loved the Church. I pray that our women would teach young women how to honor and respect the men in their lives.
No matter where you find yourself, in spite of mistakes and missteps, God loves you. He has a future for you regardless of what is found in your past. He will guide you. He is always on your side.
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