After another week at youth camp, I wanted to give everyone an update on the boys involved in the car wreck coming home from our first camp a week ago that I wrote about on Saturday.
Ethan woke up this weekend and started asking where his brother Chris was. His uncle told him that Chris was with Jesus. Of course, Ethan took the news hard, but allowed friends and family to counsel him. Ethan remembers what happened in the wreck. There was an automatic assumption that spread through gossip and social media like wildfire that he had fallen asleep at the wheel after a long week at camp. Others assumed he had been texting and driving because he was a teenager. According to Ethan, neither of those are true. He was attempting to change lanes, using proper signals, and was cut off by another driver. Ethan overcorrected, lost control, and was thrust into oncoming traffic.
Chris's funeral was Monday. I was blessed to have camp directors and leadership that allowed me to leave the camp to accompany some of Chris's friends to the funeral two hours away. The church was packed. We heard some funny stories about Chris that reminded us of his one-of-a-kind sense of humor and his loving personality. We heard how he had made a 29 on his ACTs as a junior. We heard a rap song written and recorded by one of his friends for the occasion. Then my pastor got up and preached the best sermon I have heard from him in the near 10 years I've known him.
My pastor, Jeff Jones, had been Chris's youth pastor for many years as well as one of his high school teachers. He, too, told funny stories about Chris that made us all smile. He went on to tell the congregation of how much Chris got out of this last week of camp. He told of watching Chris worship the Lord with abandon as his beyond deep voice tried to hit the notes. Then Jeff said something you usually don't hear at a funeral: we won't all see the deceased again. He called it out. He told the room that we always hear how we will all be together again, but that isn't true. He turned to the first rows of young men whom he had taught in public high school and told them plainly, "if you've learned nothing from me, hear this: you are a sinner just like me and need a savior." He told them that if they didn't turn their lives to Jesus they would NEVER see Chris again.
Before Chris's earthly body was even removed from the church, a young man came to his uncle for prayer and received the Lord. In the cemetery others came to ministers seeking help to make their lives right. We are thanking God for these souls today!
After the funeral, arrangements had been made for me and the kids I had taken from camp to stop by the hospital to visit Ethan. He was tired and bandaged, but in good spirits. His signature afro had to be placed into 4 huge braids at the demand of his physical therapist, he wasn't very happy about that but said it could be worse. He let me look through his x-rays that proved his body looks more like a hardware store than anything else right now. Physical therapy began in the early days after the accident, although he cannot yet stand.
We talked about Pokemon and the World Cup, church camp and how we all wrote #frostrong on our cars. We told him of all the prayers going up around the world to which he responded "that's too much". He was definitely the same sweet polite young man I've always known him to be.
This week he was moved to a rehab facility near Vanderbilt. This is great news as his estimated time away from home should be cut by more than half. This is a very intensive rehab, in which visits will be restricted.
Thank you all for your prayers and concerns. Continue to pray for a speedy recovery and for comfort for the family.
Friday, June 20, 2014
Saturday, June 14, 2014
Why?
My heart is broken today. Last week I worked in our Tennessee Senior youth camp, our camp for 15-18 year olds. On Thursday we got the camp cleaned up and headed into town for lunch. As we were leaving we went around the table talking about how many days or weeks it would be before we saw each other again. As I got up from the table, I turned around to see my friend Ethan. Ethan is a loving, brilliant, athletic 18 year old. Just a few weeks ago, Ethan was presenting a speech to his graduating class and preparing to head to Lee University on a full scholarship shortly. I looked at Ethan, he smiled a big, toothy grin, and hugged me tight. I told him I loved him and left. Ethan was driving his 16 year old brother, Chris, home. Chris was one of the funniest, sweetest kids I knew. It was impossible to talk to him and walk away unhappy. Chris was tall and had the deepest voice I had ever heard in my life, he was indeed a gentle giant. It was like he was on a mission to make everyone else happy. He loved fishing and helping on their farm. He loved his family. He loved everyone.
A few hours later I received a call that Ethan and Chris had been involved in a car wreck only about 30 minutes from their house in Northern Tennessee. We don't know exactly what happened, but they crossed the median and struck 2 oncoming vehicles. Instantly news outlets began reporting false and confusing information. This prompted rumor mills to go into overdrive. I was getting calls and messages from across the state. Some were told that both boys died, some were sure it was one and some claimed it was the other. There were rumors about life support. There was confusion over who was driving. Theories started circulating as to what caused the accident (which no one has any proof of, by the way, and doesn't warrant my discussion other than to say this is a poor time for idol gossip).
Once I was given the clear to head to the hospital I got there as soon as possible. The whole way I kept repeating the "3 B's" my dad taught me, which I have discussed here before: Be there, Be prayerful, Be quiet. When I arrived at Vanderbilt, I met with their uncle who was raising them, my dad, and one of their youth leaders who had been their teacher at one point. Their uncle was told to go straight to this trauma hospital, but wasn't told that only one boy was there. The other was taken to a small hospital near the accident site.
Soon a doctor came to inform us that Ethan had multiple breaks and some non-life threatening injuries, but had a good prognosis. It would be hours until we heard about Chris. A state trooper came to inform the family that Chris didn't make it. He died at the scene as a result of his injuries.
I spent yesterday at the hospital with Ethan's many friends and family who awaited any news. He was in surgery for around 8 hours to repair extensive compound fractures in both legs as well as a broken arm. Before we all left, my dad gathered the young people and told them that this isn't something we will be able to understand, but that we have to keep living and loving one another for Ethan's sake.
The past 30 hours have been some of the hardest I've known. I've never felt so inadequate to help. All I can say to these young people is "Nothing I can say will make this ok. But I love you and I'm here." That's the truth I know right now. Platitudes don't heal broken hearts, only the Holy Spirit can do that. There is no rational explanation for why it was a 16 year old's time to be called home. I'm not going to say "heaven needed another angel" because if it did, God would have created one. I'm not going to tell them "God needed Chris with Him" because God was with and in Chris here. Death is indeed a part of life. I don't think I'll ever understand why this part of Chris's life had to happen so soon, and I don't have to know. None of us have to understand.
My comfort comes in hearing testimonies from several others at camp that God had done something in both Chris and Ethan's lives at camp. Please help us pray for this family. I can't imagine what this feels like for his family. No matter how much I loved the boys, I could never compare my grief to theirs. Please pray for Ethan as this will no doubt be a lengthy recovery. Pray for peace when he is told the news. Pray for those of us trying to minister. When you sign up for youth ministry, you don't expect to bury the kids you work with. I'm just at a loss right now.
A few hours later I received a call that Ethan and Chris had been involved in a car wreck only about 30 minutes from their house in Northern Tennessee. We don't know exactly what happened, but they crossed the median and struck 2 oncoming vehicles. Instantly news outlets began reporting false and confusing information. This prompted rumor mills to go into overdrive. I was getting calls and messages from across the state. Some were told that both boys died, some were sure it was one and some claimed it was the other. There were rumors about life support. There was confusion over who was driving. Theories started circulating as to what caused the accident (which no one has any proof of, by the way, and doesn't warrant my discussion other than to say this is a poor time for idol gossip).
Once I was given the clear to head to the hospital I got there as soon as possible. The whole way I kept repeating the "3 B's" my dad taught me, which I have discussed here before: Be there, Be prayerful, Be quiet. When I arrived at Vanderbilt, I met with their uncle who was raising them, my dad, and one of their youth leaders who had been their teacher at one point. Their uncle was told to go straight to this trauma hospital, but wasn't told that only one boy was there. The other was taken to a small hospital near the accident site.
Soon a doctor came to inform us that Ethan had multiple breaks and some non-life threatening injuries, but had a good prognosis. It would be hours until we heard about Chris. A state trooper came to inform the family that Chris didn't make it. He died at the scene as a result of his injuries.
I spent yesterday at the hospital with Ethan's many friends and family who awaited any news. He was in surgery for around 8 hours to repair extensive compound fractures in both legs as well as a broken arm. Before we all left, my dad gathered the young people and told them that this isn't something we will be able to understand, but that we have to keep living and loving one another for Ethan's sake.
The past 30 hours have been some of the hardest I've known. I've never felt so inadequate to help. All I can say to these young people is "Nothing I can say will make this ok. But I love you and I'm here." That's the truth I know right now. Platitudes don't heal broken hearts, only the Holy Spirit can do that. There is no rational explanation for why it was a 16 year old's time to be called home. I'm not going to say "heaven needed another angel" because if it did, God would have created one. I'm not going to tell them "God needed Chris with Him" because God was with and in Chris here. Death is indeed a part of life. I don't think I'll ever understand why this part of Chris's life had to happen so soon, and I don't have to know. None of us have to understand.
My comfort comes in hearing testimonies from several others at camp that God had done something in both Chris and Ethan's lives at camp. Please help us pray for this family. I can't imagine what this feels like for his family. No matter how much I loved the boys, I could never compare my grief to theirs. Please pray for Ethan as this will no doubt be a lengthy recovery. Pray for peace when he is told the news. Pray for those of us trying to minister. When you sign up for youth ministry, you don't expect to bury the kids you work with. I'm just at a loss right now.
Thursday, June 5, 2014
Helicopter Pastors
Have you ever heard of a helicopter parent? The phrase is meant to evoke images of a helicopter "hovering". The phenomenon is so wide-spread that the term was actually added to the dictionary a few years ago. It is described as "a parent who takes an overprotective or excessive interest in the life of their child or children." These are the parents who keep training wheels on the bikes until a kid is in middle school and still want their children in arm floats at their sweet sixteen pool parties. They are also known to take an "overly active" role in their children's education, to the extent of doing their homework for them to keep them from experiencing failure.
While it may seem relatively harmless, the issue has an impacted college campuses, where young adults don't know how to take care of themselves or get their work done. Then, never having experienced failure and suddenly without a safety net, they aren't resilient enough to handle defeat.
What does this have to do with the church?
It occurs to me that in keeping with the times, too many pastors have adopted this "hovering" mentality. They keep their congregations spiritually immature, under the guise that it is in the individual member's best interest. They say that they have to stay in the "milk" of the Word because the congregation can't handle the "meat" as the bible says it. The truth is, they don't want to move on to the meat because they don't want their spiritual children to grow up and not need them anymore.
It reminds me of mothers who nurse their children for an inordinate amount of time. In the beginning, they do so because it is undeniably in the best interest of the child, but at some point it ceases to be about the child's health and becomes an issue of control for the mom.
That's what I see in too many churches. The pastor keeps his parishioners on milk because he worries that once they can feed themselves, he won't be needed. The truth is, you are asking for nothing but trouble when you have a church in which the pews could easily be replaced with high chairs. Like an unchecked preschool room, the natives will at some point become restless and turn on not only each other, but you as well.
Not only that, those who somehow push forward and mature on their own, the ones who would be great leaders, will grow tired of being unchallenged and leave you anyway.
I once attended a church that had milk on the menu every Sunday. I admittedly never attended for the sermons anyway, I went because I like the relationships I had built within the church. The pastor didn't really preach as much as he offered opinions and life lessons and stories about all his connections. When scripture was used, we never got past the very basics of the bible.
From the outside, I'm sure his method looked very successful. It was a decently sized church, but as I looked around, I realized that while the attendance was growing, the growth of the attenders was stagnant. I watched as sin went not only unchecked, but was downright defended. I listened as members ferociously attacked anyone who dared to suggest that things weren't being handled biblically.
Soon, the services took a more concerning turn. "Messages and interpretations", in which we were told the Holy Spirit was speaking to the church became a near weekly occurrence. The problem was that they only ever came from 2 people in the church and they started to be slanted towards moving church business through. When this would happen, a quick explanation would be given to the church, telling them that God had spoken and the way it was done was in order.
While I believe the Holy Spirit definitely still speaks in this way, I also believe in discernment. In all the talk of "God speaking to us", there was never a teaching on how to judge the words against the Word. It became clear to me, the congregation wasn't taught discernment because if they knew better, they would know something wasn't right.
It was at this point that I decided to leave the church. After I left, I heard that many others moved on as well. You see in an effort to keep people in the spiritual dark, those who craved the light couldn't stay. At some point, helicopter pastors go beyond "overprotective" and cross into dangerous territory.
Don't let your pride or need to be needed override the call to press forward into the deeper mysteries of God. Leaving your congregation in a state of arrested development is selfish and counterintuitive to your movement. Pray to the Lord for wisdom to know when to move your church forward and pray for the courage to allow your spiritual children to grow up.
While it may seem relatively harmless, the issue has an impacted college campuses, where young adults don't know how to take care of themselves or get their work done. Then, never having experienced failure and suddenly without a safety net, they aren't resilient enough to handle defeat.
What does this have to do with the church?
It occurs to me that in keeping with the times, too many pastors have adopted this "hovering" mentality. They keep their congregations spiritually immature, under the guise that it is in the individual member's best interest. They say that they have to stay in the "milk" of the Word because the congregation can't handle the "meat" as the bible says it. The truth is, they don't want to move on to the meat because they don't want their spiritual children to grow up and not need them anymore.
It reminds me of mothers who nurse their children for an inordinate amount of time. In the beginning, they do so because it is undeniably in the best interest of the child, but at some point it ceases to be about the child's health and becomes an issue of control for the mom.
That's what I see in too many churches. The pastor keeps his parishioners on milk because he worries that once they can feed themselves, he won't be needed. The truth is, you are asking for nothing but trouble when you have a church in which the pews could easily be replaced with high chairs. Like an unchecked preschool room, the natives will at some point become restless and turn on not only each other, but you as well.
Not only that, those who somehow push forward and mature on their own, the ones who would be great leaders, will grow tired of being unchallenged and leave you anyway.
I once attended a church that had milk on the menu every Sunday. I admittedly never attended for the sermons anyway, I went because I like the relationships I had built within the church. The pastor didn't really preach as much as he offered opinions and life lessons and stories about all his connections. When scripture was used, we never got past the very basics of the bible.
From the outside, I'm sure his method looked very successful. It was a decently sized church, but as I looked around, I realized that while the attendance was growing, the growth of the attenders was stagnant. I watched as sin went not only unchecked, but was downright defended. I listened as members ferociously attacked anyone who dared to suggest that things weren't being handled biblically.
Soon, the services took a more concerning turn. "Messages and interpretations", in which we were told the Holy Spirit was speaking to the church became a near weekly occurrence. The problem was that they only ever came from 2 people in the church and they started to be slanted towards moving church business through. When this would happen, a quick explanation would be given to the church, telling them that God had spoken and the way it was done was in order.
While I believe the Holy Spirit definitely still speaks in this way, I also believe in discernment. In all the talk of "God speaking to us", there was never a teaching on how to judge the words against the Word. It became clear to me, the congregation wasn't taught discernment because if they knew better, they would know something wasn't right.
It was at this point that I decided to leave the church. After I left, I heard that many others moved on as well. You see in an effort to keep people in the spiritual dark, those who craved the light couldn't stay. At some point, helicopter pastors go beyond "overprotective" and cross into dangerous territory.
Don't let your pride or need to be needed override the call to press forward into the deeper mysteries of God. Leaving your congregation in a state of arrested development is selfish and counterintuitive to your movement. Pray to the Lord for wisdom to know when to move your church forward and pray for the courage to allow your spiritual children to grow up.
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