Why?

My heart is broken today. Last week I worked in our Tennessee Senior youth camp, our camp for 15-18 year olds. On Thursday we got the camp cleaned up and headed into town for lunch. As we were leaving we went around the table talking about how many days or weeks it would be before we saw each other again. As I got up from the table, I turned around to see my friend Ethan. Ethan is a loving, brilliant, athletic 18 year old. Just a few weeks ago, Ethan was presenting a speech to his graduating class and preparing to head to Lee University on a full scholarship shortly. I looked at Ethan, he smiled a big, toothy grin, and hugged me tight. I told him I loved him and left. Ethan was driving his 16 year old brother, Chris, home. Chris was one of the funniest, sweetest kids I knew. It was impossible to talk to him and walk away unhappy. Chris was tall and had the deepest voice I had ever heard in my life, he was indeed a gentle giant. It was like he was on a mission to make everyone else happy. He loved fishing and helping on their farm. He loved his family. He loved everyone.

A few hours later I received a call that Ethan and Chris had been involved in a car wreck only about 30 minutes from their house in Northern Tennessee. We don't know exactly what happened, but they crossed the median and struck 2 oncoming vehicles. Instantly news outlets began reporting false and confusing information. This prompted rumor mills to go into overdrive. I was getting calls and messages from across the state. Some were told that both boys died, some were sure it was one and some claimed it was the other. There were rumors about life support. There was confusion over who was driving. Theories started circulating as to what caused the accident (which no one has any proof of, by the way, and doesn't warrant my discussion other than to say this is a poor time for idol gossip).

Once I was given the clear to head to the hospital I got there as soon as possible. The whole way I kept repeating the "3 B's" my dad taught me, which I have discussed here before: Be there, Be prayerful, Be quiet. When I arrived at Vanderbilt, I met with their uncle who was raising them, my dad, and one of their youth leaders who had been their teacher at one point. Their uncle was told to go straight to this trauma hospital, but wasn't told that only one boy was there. The other was taken to a small hospital near the accident site.

Soon a doctor came to inform us that Ethan had multiple breaks and some non-life threatening injuries, but had a good prognosis. It would be hours until we heard about Chris. A state trooper came to inform the family that Chris didn't make it. He died at the scene as a result of his injuries.

I spent yesterday at the hospital with Ethan's many friends and family who awaited any news. He was in surgery for around 8 hours to repair extensive compound fractures in both legs as well as a broken arm. Before we all left, my dad gathered the young people and told them that this isn't something we will be able to understand, but that we have to keep living and loving one another for Ethan's sake.

The past 30 hours have been some of the hardest I've known. I've never felt so inadequate to help. All I can say to these young people is "Nothing I can say will make this ok. But I love you and I'm here." That's the truth I know right now. Platitudes don't heal broken hearts, only the Holy Spirit can do that.  There is no rational explanation for why it was a 16 year old's time to be called home. I'm not going to say "heaven needed another angel" because if it did, God would have created one. I'm not going to tell them "God needed Chris with Him" because God was with and in Chris here. Death is indeed a part of life. I don't think I'll ever understand why this part of Chris's life had to happen so soon, and I don't have to know. None of us have to understand.

My comfort comes in hearing testimonies from several others at camp that God had done something in both Chris and Ethan's lives at camp. Please help us pray for this family. I can't imagine what this feels like for his family. No matter how much I loved the boys, I could never compare my grief to theirs. Please pray for Ethan as this will no doubt be a lengthy recovery. Pray for peace when he is told the news. Pray for those of us trying to minister. When you sign up for youth ministry, you don't expect to bury the kids you work with. I'm just at a loss right now.