When the Mills Stop

Long time readers of my blog may remember an entry from last January entitled "The Mills of God's Justice", in which I discussed my mother's relative who was awaiting trial for molesting her and others as children. More than 50 years after his trespasses, his victims found the courage to come forward and he was arrested in December of 2013.

Over the past year, this man has been awaiting trial from his jail cell. We waited. The trial date was moved numerous times. We waited. Attorneys changed. We waited. Charges had to be renamed and brought before the grand jury again. We waited.

The wait is now over. This ordeal has ended.

The victims never made it to the courtroom.

The defendant passed away last week, before the trial could commence.

Our family wishes to thank all for the support, prayers, and love during this time.

Let me say how proud I am of each and every survivor who has come forward in this case and in others like it that are brought forward everyday. In an environment that seems to be increasingly hostile towards survivors of abuse who come forward as adults, their actions are nothing short of heroic.

Please continue to pray for those who came forward in this case that they would find peace and closure.

As this chapter closes, I pray the same blessing upon them that the Lord spoke to Moses for the Israelites:

“The Lord bless you and keep you; the Lord make his face shine on you and be gracious to you; the Lord turn his face toward you and give you peace.”’ (Numbers 6:24-26)

Mary's First Name: "Mommy"

Millions upon millions of people say prayers through one of the most important woman in the history of our world. Her name was Mary and she gained her notoriety by accepting God’s will in her life, which was to give birth to a son named Jesus. Around the world in countless languages people will pray this way:

“Hail Mary,

Full of Grace,

The Lord is with thee.

Blessed art thou among women,

and blessed is the fruit

of thy womb, Jesus.

Holy Mary,

Mother of God,

pray for us sinners now,

and at the hour of death.”

Of course, we Protestants don’t pray to Mary, but I share this prayer because of one very important line: "blessed art thou among women". “Blessed among women” has been her title for centuries.

Mary herself fortold that “blessed” would be her title throughout the ages.

In Luke 1, after she learned that she would become pregnant by the power of the Holy Spirit she traveled to Judea to see her cousin Elizabeth. Mary says in verse 46;

“My soul glorifies the Lord and my spirit rejoices in God my Savior, for He has been mindful of the humble state of his servant. From now on all generations will call me blessed, for the Mighty One has done great things for me—holy is His Name. His mercy extends to those who fear Him, from generation to generation.”

Even though she knew how special it was that God had chosen her, I wonder if Mary always “felt” blessed?

When I was pregnant I knew that Kai was a blessing from God, but there were times it didn’t always “feel” like a blessing. It didn’t necessarily feel like a blessing when I had to try 5 or 10 times to get myself out of bed. It didn’t feel like a blessing when my feet were so big I could feel water sloshing when I moved. It really didn’t feel like a blessing when I was in labor. Although I knew I was blessed to have him, “blessed” wasn’t the word I would have called it at times.

I wonder if Mary felt “blessed” as her young body changed. I wonder if she felt “blessed” as she walked through town amongst the whispers that hers was an illegitimate child. And I wonder if she felt “blessed” when she finds herself in Luke 2, away from her home, with a carpenter as a widwife, and nothing but some cloth to cover her newborn.

Luke chapter 2 reads like this:

“In those days Caesar Augustus issued a decree that a census should be taken of the entire Roman world. This was the first census that took place will Quirinius was governor of Syria. And everyone went to their own town to register. So Joseph went up from the town of Nazareth in Gaililee to Judea, to Bethlehem the town of David, b/c he belonged to the house and line of David. He went there to register with Mary, who was pledged to be married to him and was expecting a child. While they were there, the time came for the baby to be born, and she gave birth to her firstborn, a son. She wrapped him in cloths and placed him in a manger, bc there was no guest room available for them.” (1-7)

What I love about the way Luke tells the story is that it is told so simply. He gets to the root of the story that we miss when we add pieces to it. It doesn’t say “the ultra holy mary and joseph gave birth to the King of Kings." It says a man and a woman were expecting a baby, He was HER firstborn, and she did the best with what she had.

This scripture is the reason for the picture above. That is a photo of my son in the moments after his birth. It’s one of my favorite photos even though he is screaming and clearly angry. It wasn’t a silent moment. It really wasn’t that peaceful. But that photo marks 2 births; the birth of my son Kai, and the birth of the woman I was becoming. This photo marks the beginning of my new life and my new name-"mommy". No matter what I’ve been or what I’ll be, nothing is as important as that name-"mommy".

See, even though I didn’t always feel like “blessed” was the right word for how I felt, in that moment even with him screaming his lungs off, when they laid him on me “blessed” wasn’t the best thing I could be called, “mommy” was. In that moment I became his and he became mine.

The birth of Jesus wasn’t important to Mary because it made her blessed or holy or ready to be a saint, before she was “blessed among woman” she was simply-“mommy”. That was her first name that mattered. Luke 2 isn’t just about the arrival of a Messiah, at its base, Luke 2 is about a young woman doing the best she could for this son she would ultimately have to give up. It was about the moment when he became hers and she became his.

As she laid there cuddling her baby, angels appeared to nearby shepherds telling them of the birth of the Messiah. Verse 16 tells us, “they hurried off and found Mary and Joseph, and the baby, who was lying in the manger. When they had seen him, they spread the word concerning what had been told them about this child, and all who heard it were amazed at what the shepherds said to them. But Mary treasured up all these things and pondered them in her heart.”

We always take that “pondered these things” line as if it were referring to the shepherds’ words, but I think it was more. I think she was doing what parents do, she was making memories of each moment.

When Kai was born I would spend hours holding him, smelling his skin, trying to memorize every piece of him. I refused to let andy use Kai’s hospital blanket for anything when we got home bc I wanted to preserve the way he smelled in those early days.

When the bible says Mary “pondered” these things, I think she did the same things. I think she was trying to remember the way his skin felt and how he smelled. I think she locked all those things away for the day when he wouldn’t be little anymore. Because to us Luke 2 is about our Savior, but to Mary, it was about her baby.

I know that seems very ordinary for the mother of Jesus to be doing, but if He was fully God AND fully human then it makes sense for him to do all the things a normal baby does, and if he behaved as a normal baby, then it makes sense that she would be a normal mom.

I wonder if she was sleep deprived like the rest of us. I wonder if she worried all the time about him.

When I first brought Kai home I worried he wasn’t breathing right, so I would literally stay awake all night and watch him breath in and out, watching his chest move up and down. I think if she did those same things, those were moments she pondered. I wonder if in those early, frustrating, draining days with  a newborn if she felt “blessed”.

I wonder if “blessed” is how she felt as he traveled performing miracles.

I wonder if “blessed” is how she felt as he preached to multitudes.

I wonder if “blessed” is how she felt when he started preaching hard messages that turned people away.

I wonder if “blessed” is how she felt when the people started to turn on him.

I wonder if “blessed” is how she felt as she stood at the foot of the cross where her son had to die as a criminal.

I have to wonder as she watched her son die a slow, painful, sacrificial death if all those memories she locked away, all the moment of “pondering” flooded back. She wasn’t just watching the death of the Messiah, she was watching her little baby give up his life when he had done nothing wrong.

As she looked at the edges of the wooden cross did her mind go back the edges of that manger where she was just a few short years before trying to do her best to take care of her baby when she was just a baby herself?

As he hung gasping for every breath, did she watch his chest move up and down up and down and remember watching him sleep as a baby and his little chest moving up and down up and down? As she saw the blood pour down did her mind go back to scraped knees and kissing away his boo boos when he would cry for “mommy”?

I can’t imagine she felt “blessed among women” in that moment. In that moment, just as with his first moments, I think all she was was his mom.

Nothing in scripture highlights their relationship more than where we find her in John 19:25. “Near the cross of Jesus stood his mother, his mother’s sister, mary the wife of clopas, and mary Magdalene. When Jesus saw his mother there, and the disciple whom he loved standing nearby, he said to her, 'woman here is your son' and the disciple, 'here is your mother.' From that time on, this disciple took her into his home.”

I wonder if when he looked on her his memories came flooding back too.

Did he remember her gentleness when he had wondered off to the temple?

Did he think back to this woman who raised him in the midst of being falsely accused of becoming pregnant out of wedlock?

Did he, too, think of the times as a child that she would scoop him up in her arms and make his troubles go away?

He must have cared a great deal to look out for her well being in the midst of his death. Because at the root of their story is a mom and her son.

I think we work so hard to make the story of Jesus holy that we forget the purpose of him coming to earth. He made himself like us so he could minister where we are. We want to focus on him being fully God to the point that we forget he was fully human too.

Mary was indeed blessed among women and it was all because she said she would do whatever God had for her. And what he had for her was to raise a son who would live a life that was ordinary in a lot of ways and give his life for you and for me. He gave up his rightful position as God to come and give his life for you.

The truth is that when you accept his will for you, that you would be saved, you won’t always feel blessed. But you will always know the love of a savior who gave up all of heaven for you. Just as Mary didn’t always feel blessed, but knew her most important role was as “Jesus’s mommy”, you may not always feel blessed but your most important name could be “child of God.”

Separation of Church and Race

(Photo Personalliberty.com)

Anyone paying attention to what's going on in America knows that the land I call home has become a powder keg as of late. Following what are being deemed "controversial" court rulings involving high profile cases, protesters have taken over our streets in countless cities to voice their outrage. In both cases, African American men were killed by Caucasian police officers during attempted arrests.

There are some Americans who are angry because they think there is a war on the black population of our country, that they are the target of unfair policing practices.

There are some Americans who are angry because they think police officers have been unfairly vilanized by the media and even our leaders.

Yes, I have my opinions on what the outcome should have been in each case.

No, I'm not going to share my opinion because it doesn't matter.

What does matter is that these incidents have proven in one way or another that we do not live in a post-racism society. Whether these incidents were racially motivated or not, the fallout has proven that there is enough of a perception of racism to paralyze our nation.

Most disheartening to me in the last few weeks has been the response of some claiming to speak for the religious community. Watching "ministers" call for deepening the racial divide is painful when we should be calling for deeper unity among believers in these difficult times.

Perhaps I shouldn't be surprised. After all, we have long known that the most segregated time in America is Sunday morning. We identify our houses of worship by the races that make up the congregations. If I were to use the labels "white church" or "black church" we would all have it in our minds what that means. We have convinced ourselves that this segregation is okay because it is giving people what they want based on their culture. But the truth is that religion has long been a central connector for community and culture and the longer we stay separated the more we will drift.

When religious leaders are seen calling not only for further segregation and distrust but for physical vengeance against what they deem a "racist society" they are actually calling for their followers to live in defiance of the prayer Christ prayed for all believers in John 17,

"I pray also for those who will believe in me through [the disciples'] message, that all of them may be one, Father, just as you are in me and I am in you. May they also be in us so that the world may believe that you have sent me. I have given them the glory that you gave me, that they may be one as we are one—I in them and you in me—so that they may be brought to complete unity. Then the world will know that you sent me and have loved them even as you have loved me." (v.20-23 NIV)

These were some of the last wishes uttered by Jesus before His arrest. In those moments before the ultimate unjust apprehension, Christ prayed that we would live in unity so that the world would believe in Him. So regardless of what race we are and what injustice we are claiming, if we are a Christian and our words are not calls for unity, then they should fall silent.

We, as children of God, cannot view the events around us as those who are godless, and we certainly can't react as they do. Colossians 3 offers a stern command,

"Now you must also rid yourselves of all such things as these: anger, rage, malice, slander, and filthy language from your lips. Do not lie to each other, since you have taken off your old self with its practices and have put on the new self, which is being renewed in knowledge in the image of its Creator. Here there is no Gentile or Jew, circumcised or uncircumcised, barbarian, Scythian, slave or free, but Christ is all, and is in all. Therefore, as God’s chosen people, holy and dearly loved, clothe yourselves with compassion, kindness, humility, gentleness and patience. Bear with each other and forgive one another if any of you has a grievance against someone. Forgive as the Lord forgave you. And over all these virtues put on love, which binds them all together in perfect unity." (v.8-14 NIV)

We are one body, purchased by the blood of Jesus. Christ gave His life for us to live in unity and for anyone to encourage us to separate over something as silly as the pigment of our skin is to disrespect that sacrifice.

If our words call for division, they are wrong. If our words demean our brother or sister based on their race or ethnicity, they should not be uttered.

May God use men and women to call for the unity He demands of us. May the Church bind together to bring hope and healing to our communities and nation. May we see one another as Christ does, as one body, devoid of color.

"So in Christ Jesus you are all children of God through faith, for all of you who were baptized into Christ have clothed yourselves with Christ. There is neither Jew nor Gentile, neither slave nor free, nor is there male and female, for you are all one in Christ Jesus. If you belong to Christ, then you are Abraham’s seed, and heirs according to the promise." Galatians 3:26-29