Teenagers Terrify Me

This is an extremely transparent blog entry. I am asking that you not begin reading it unless you have time to read it in its entirety because if you don't read the whole thing you will likely become offended and not understand my point. This is your only warning...

You still there? Good. Let's roll.

Youth ministry terrifies me. The idea of dealing with teenagers has always been a source of great anxiety for me. I'm assuming it is because my teenage years were not very pleasant. Being picked on in middle and high schools shows you the ugly side of young people and I never wanted to work with young people because I assumed most of them were like the bullies I dealt with on a daily basis. That said, over my teen years and now in my twenties I have helped out with my share of youth camps, retreats, and lock-ins simply because I was asked to. I showed up, did as I was told, talked to kids, and said a halfway prayer with them because I figured youth ministers just needed a warm body or an extra adult to add on the insurance paperwork and I figured I could be useful for that. It's not that I didn't love them or care for their well being or that God hasn't blessed interactions I had with them, but my heart wasn't there.

Within the last year, God has turned my heart towards young people. I began actually listening when they talked and looking them in the eye when they came to me for help and I saw that I was wrong about them. In fact, judging by comments I hear, most people in churches are wrong about them. We call them lazy and say they have no direction, we claim they aren't committed to anything including the church, and complain that they are broken. Here are some facts I want you to consider before you label these kids:

1. They are not lazy and without direction, they simply have not been taught to think for themselves. From the time these kids are 5 their parents decide that they will be a baseball star or a dancer or a heart surgeon and they are placed on a track to make those dreams come true. We decide what they will become and push them to that end. By the time they are adults, they have no idea what they want because they have never had to think about what they want. Is it really their fault that they have no direction on their own if they have never been asked what they want?

2. They often haven't had good examples about what commitment in general means, let alone commitment to a church. As stated previously, parents dictate when they are young what their priorities are to be. How many parents pull their kids from Wednesday night service for ball practice and then it turns into "they are too tired from Saturday nights game/play/show/concert to attend Sunday morning"? Every time these excuses are made, we are teaching our children that God does not have priority over our dreams. So how can they be expected to be committed to church when they spent their childhood being pulled out for one reason or another?

3. They are broken. I won't argue with that one. They are a generation that was raised in homes that were broken in more than one way. Many were raised in more than one home, with more than one family. Maybe they were abandoned by one or both parents at a young age and now have no concept of an adult who sticks around when times are tough. Maybe they were raised by a homosexual mother or father and are confused when discussing the necessity for male and female influence in their life. In the lives of more and more young people we find kids who were raised by parents who cared more about being their friend than being a stable adult. Parents want them to be their confidants and they run to them for solutions to their problems instead of allowing it to be the way God intended and be there for their kids instead of burdening them constantly. We have a generation of kids who raised parents instead of parents who raised kids. They are brought up in a world that tells them it's okay to get drunk as long as you don't drive and it's okay to have sex as long as you put a thin piece of latex between you and it's okay to live however you want as long as you are happy in this moment and they are never taught about the emotional ramifications of their lifestyles. They are absolutely broken, you're right about that one.

I'm not here to proclaim myself as a youth minister, but I am saying that I believe in taking up for those who can't defend themselves. Perhaps it has to do with my last name, but I was raised to stick up for others and the way I hear young people being put down in churches is really getting under my skin. I am asking you to support them in the following ways:

1. Pray for them. Pray that God reveals Himself in a way that they cannot deny His existence. Pray for a hunger to be ignited in them to seek His face always and pray for direction in their lives.

2. Pray for youth ministers. The average youth minister only stays at a church for a few months and resigns. Pray for Divine creativity to flow through them to give them unique ways to minister. Pray for patience and understanding as they deal with young people and with parents.

3. Pray for the congregation. Pray that God will give you new compassion to see the truth about these kids. They are loud, but they a passionate. They are broken, but they are seeking. They are different, but they are sincere. My favorite thing about young people is that they seek truth and shun lies. Perhaps our main problem with them is that they call us out when we "play church". They want answers for why things are the way they are and we should encourage that. When they come to you with questions and you don't have answers, be honest. Tell them you don't know and seek a solution. Encourage their curiosity. They are seeking understanding and consider it an honor that they trust you enough to approach you. Learn their names, learn their faces, ask about their lives. It will make a difference.

4. Lastly, support them with your wallets. Churches will spend thousands of dollars to revamp sanctuaries but give the left overs to the children and youth departments. They are not the church of tomorrow, they are the church of today and to say we support them but not back it up financially is hypocrisy.

I know this was long and probably made me look bad at points but I feel God speaking to me very strongly about this. Get to know the young people in your life and in your church. I will guarantee you that if you spend time in prayer for them and speaking with them, your opinion will change. I am sure that it was only by God's move that my heart was changed and I know that yours will be too.