Girl Porn

I have to be honest with you all, there is a struggle that I find myself continually confronted with. I put this in the category of "the spirit is willing but the flesh is weak." This thing that has had such control over me is what I call "girl porn". It isn't pornography in the way that you would likely define it, but for millions of girls in their teens and twenties it is a serious problem. It is a major part of television programs (even the ones on during daytime programming) and all over magazine stands. The Internet is covered with it and social site Pinterest is a gateway for many.

Are you worried yet for these girls stumbling so easily into whatever this "girl porn" is? I'm about to describe it to you, so please don't be upset for the graphic nature of this. It's wedding planning material. Shocking, I know. And I know that to you tagging this material with the term "pornography" seems harsh, but for a lot of us, that is what it equates to. One definition of the word is "the depiction of acts in a sensational manner so as to arouse a quick intense emotional reaction." if that doesn't describe the relationship between aisle-bound girls and a picture of a Monique Lhuillier dress, I don't know what does.

My addiction began when I was in a relationship that I was sure was going to end in marriage. I convinced myself that I needed to have my preparations made BEFORE he proposed so I'd be ready. Whether that decision was made to save time during my pending engagement or whether it was merely a slightly more adult version of playing make believe, it became an extremely unhealthy habit. I was consumed with planning a wedding that wasn't even coming. Over the next 5 years I accumulated over 30 magazines and had spent hundreds of dollars and countless hours organizing. And in the end I was able to use all of that on my wedding and it was worth it. Oh wait, that's right, my perfect relationship ended and I never got married. And in the end those magazines were just a reminder of the hopes and dreams that fell apart.

 This past summer as I was preparing to talk at an all-girls retreat about my struggles with placing so much value on this, I saw the stack of magazines and it hit me, it was more than a habit or addiction, it was an idol. The Spirit directed me to Acts17:16-34.In this passage Paul had been in Athens and noticed the idols they worshipped. He begins a conversation with philosophers there and comments that one of the idols has an inscription reading, "to an Unknown god". I was in some manner worshipping an unknown god. I knew nothing of marriage, I just wanted a nice dress. I placed my heart and time and money at the feet of piece of fabric. And that resulted in jealousy, bitterness, and anger when it didn't work out. So how did it all turn out? I repented to the Lord for the fact that I worshipped an event instead of worshipping the One who created love, and relationship, and even marriage.

I presented my findings to the girls retreat, and found that many of them were facing the same struggle, and the honesty we shared with each other opened new doors of ministry. I passed on my wedding box to a young girl at the retreat who was recently engaged (pictured above), and inside of each magazine (yes, all thirty-something of them) I wrote Acts 17:28, "For in Him we live and move and exist" as a reminder that only He (with a capital H) can give us life; not a boyfriend, fiancé, husband, child, or career. I'm still unmarried, and while I can't say that I never struggle with those old emotions, I can say that they no longer rule my life. I share this embarrassing chapter of my life in the hopes that it will open the eyes of some of my young friends. There is nothing wrong with having hopes in the future, but let us not be consumed with thoughts of tomorrow, for it will take care of itself. Let us spend our time becoming the young women God would have us to be right now, instead of worrying about what will happen in the years to come.