The Gown and the Closet

I am getting married in 40 days! As anyone who has planned a wedding can tell you, at some point the experience turns into a runaway train that you are hanging on to for dear life. But recently I was able to calm my mind just long enough to allow the Lord to show me something I hadn't thought of before. I looked over and saw my wedding gown hanging in my closet. I hadn't given much thought to this sight for the several months it had been there, but suddenly I realized the importance of its location. The very closet where my dress was hanging was the site of many a breakdown in my younger days. I was taken back to the sleepless night when I laid in on that floor, crying my eyes out over love lost and trying to find a way to numb the pain of losing who I thought was "the one".

It was in this moment of clarity that the Lord spoke to my heart Isaiah 61:3 "To all who mourn in Israel, He will give a crown of beauty for ashes, a joyous blessing instead of mourning, festive praise instead of despair. In their righteousness, they will be like great oaks that the Lord has planted for his own glory." I realized that those were exactly the things my relationship had become:

1. Ashes: That relationship was filled with ups and downs. Sure there had been good times, but when the flames of passion and pain were finished, all that was left were the ashes of what had seemed like a promising relationship.

2. Mourning: I spent years mourning the death of a relationship that was never alive. What does that mean? It means I grieved over the relationship the same as I would the death of a loved one; it was real, it was palpable, it was unbearable. It was never alive because living things grow. I see now that there was never growth for me, the guy, or our relationship. It wasn't making us grow spiritually or mentally, and it wasn't progressing on to new levels of commitment.

3. Despair: The definition of despair is "to lose all hope". If that doesn't describe spending my nights in a closet then I don't know what does. I thought that because I had poured so much of myself into this person and this relationship (to a point at which I lost myself) that I had no hope of a relationship with anyone. I felt like damaged goods. I had resigned myself to the fact that I would be alone forever.

But God is faithful to His word and He gave me:

1. Beauty: I know you all haven't seen this dress yet, but trust me, it's something gorgeous. It's almost as gorgeous as the man God created for me who will get to see that dress on August 31st when I walk down the aisle to him.

2. Joyous Blessing: I can assure you that there will be nothing but joy on the day I wed the love of my life. I no longer have to mourn because this relationship is alive! How do I know it is alive? Because it makes us grow. Neither of us are the people we were when we met. We encourage each other to be better in every way: spiritually, mentally, physically, and even academically. And even though we have both been hurt before, we have moved forward without fear of commitment to one another.

3. Festive Praise: I am now filled with nothing but hope because I have realized that if God could take those ashes and give me more than I could have asked for, then there is nothing He can't do.

So why did God allow me to go through all that pain to begin with? I believe it is because verse 1 of that passage applies to me: "The Spirit of the Lord God is upon me; because the Lord hath anointed me to preach good tidings unto the meek; he hath sent me to bind up the brokenhearted, to proclaim liberty to the captives, and the opening of the prison to them that are bound." God, take my brokenness and all the hurt I endured and use it to your glory to help those who are hurting like I was and to live as a testimony of your unfailing love.