The Quilt That Kept Me in My Church

A couple times a week I see articles exploring what is deemed the "mass exodus" of young people from their churches. Depending on the day and the blog, one could assign blame to any number of reasons for why our kids leave youth group and subsequently leave their denomination or even the Christian faith. Some blame it on lack of relevancy. Some blame it on over emphasis on relevancy. Some say it's the fault of contemporary worship, while others say it's because we abandoned the truth found in hymns. Writers state that our vacant pews point to churches that are either too hard on sin or so accepting that they can't offer real change in the lives of those who need it.  The fault is placed on everyone in the church from the pastor to the greeter who didn't know how to "relevantly" greet young people-because God knows you can't stay in a church with people who don't think or act like you!

I grew up knowing nothing but to be in church when the doors were open. Rain, snow, or smallpox, we were expected to be there. If you were sick, your mama put a blanket under the pew for you to sleep on until your were drug up to the front for the ministers to lay their hands on you and pray.

As I grew up, I went through periods in which I wasn't all that excited about church. Sometimes I went to churches where I didn't like the music or the preaching style or (if I'm being extremely honest) the members. I've seen hypocrisy. I've heard church people lie and gossip. There have been times when the leaders I respected let me down.

After all I have seen and heard, it would be easy to be cynical, to harden my heart, and turn away from my church. But nearly three decades after being dedicated in the Church of God of Prophecy, I'm still there whenever the doors open. Not only is this still my church, this is the body that has entrusted me with a minister's license. And a big reason I'm raising my child in this church is a quilt...

My grandmother, "nanny" McKinley made quilts. She started my quilt when I was around 3 years old. She was able to complete the top portion of my blanket before she fell into a coma. After she slumbered for a year, she went home to heaven to be with my grandpa.

Our local church had what was called a "Dorcas Club" in which the women would quilt and sew. When one of these ladies found out that I was the owner of an unfinished quilt, they went to work to give me what my nanny couldn't. What probably seems minor to anyone else, is the most tangible proof I have of the existence of the family of God.

You see, those women didn't just fill the void of the missing quilter in my life, they worked hard to ease the pain of losing my grandma. Along with my mamaw Weakley (our state bishop's wife who became my "adoptive" grandmother), many of these ladies stepped in to make sure I got the love, hugs, kisses, and birthday cards I may have gone without otherwise.

In all of these blogs and viral videos about what's wrong with the church I hear what the writer thinks the church should be. But our opinions don't matter. What matters is what the bible calls us to be. We are meant to be a family.

Ephesians 2:19-22 says it this way, "So now you Gentiles are no longer strangers and foreigners. You are citizens along with all of God’s holy people. You are members of God’s FAMILY. Together, we are his house, built on the foundation of the apostles and the prophets. And the cornerstone is Christ Jesus Himself. We are carefully JOINED TOGETHER in Him, becoming a holy temple for the Lord. Through Him you Gentiles are also being made part of this dwelling where God lives by his Spirit."

The church isn't about the music or the lights. It isn't about being relevant as we see it. It's about being a family. That quilt, or better yet, what it represents is why I am part of my church and why my church is part of me. That quilt is the reason I want to bring Kai up in my church. I want my son to understand what the family of God is all about. I want him to feel the love of God covering him, the same way I feel the love of the family of God when I am covered in this blanket.

I am a part of my fellowship because it is my turn to be the quilter for the next generation. It is my turn to be a mom, aunt, sister, and daughter to someone who needs one. That's the problem with many of the explanations I read trying to justify young people leaving their churches: they haven't figured out that the church is about the collective, not the singular. We are a family. Do family members always get along or agree? No. But real families ALWAYS look out for one another. Real families function because the individuals in the family don't put their desires first, instead they love one another enough to meet the needs of their brothers and sisters.

God doesn't call us to relevant. He calls us to be a family, which in turn will always be relevant.

This quilt is solid proof that my church is a family.
This quilt is proof that my church tries to be what God called us to be.
This quilt is why I love my church.

Community Porn

This Valentine weekend thousands of women (even some good church women) will fill theaters across the country to absorb about 2 hours of sadistic filth. "50 Shades of Grey" talk has dominated the news, entertainment shows, and water coolers for some time now.

For those who don't know, 50 is part of a trilogy of novels created by E.L. James (a female writer).  In the first book, we meet Anastasia Steele, a virginal college student. "Ana" enters into a sadomasochistic contract with a wealthy beyond belief man by the name of Christian Grey. Not only does Ana commit to a relationship built on bondage and the like, she is agreeing to be controlled in her life and worse yet, she gives this all away without any promise of romance. (aside-I have not read the books, but have done thorough research to have a more clear understanding of the premise and characters.)

Here are my issues with film from the prospective of a Christian woman:

1.) It promotes violence towards women.

I won't spend much time here because it has been extensively covered in other writings, but it must be echoed once again that this is a dangerous message to send our young men and women. Thanks to ravenous fans, men are being lead to believe that it is a common female fantasy to be dominated sexually. I can think of no other piece of pop culture that has so adequately given license to rapists to continue their mantra that their victims "wanted it". Why would a Christian woman pay to watch something that promotes such an idea?

2.) It is pornography.

There is no way around this-it is "community porn", meant to be consumed in the open. From every review I've read on the books as well as the excerpts I have sampled, I can tell you these are undoubtedly the most poorly written novels I've ever seen . It is pathetic even by the very low standards set forth by romance novels. NO ONE would have raved about this book unless it was used to stir up sexual emotions. It was porn in print, and it will be porn on screen.

Even the wife of the lead male character has said she is uncomfortable watching the film and cannot attend the premiere. So, even if you are an unmarried young lady and attend a screening, you need to realize the situation you are putting yourself in. You are paying $10 to put yourself in a position to lust after a married man and mentally put yourself in bed with another woman's husband. This, according to the bible, is the same as adultery. (Matt. 5:27-28)

Maybe you don't mind watching community porn with your neighbors, but I don't think that sends the right message as a follower of Christ and it certainly is not beneficial to your personal walk.

3.) Christian Grey's allure is in large part due to his wallet.

His ability to give Ana experiences she couldn't partake in on her own financial merits earn Grey's way into her heart. He "grooms" her, as every good predator does. Every time we "mature" women endorse this film, we are sending a message to those behind us that degradation is okay, as long as the man has money.

4.) It's a love story.

My biggest problem isn't the sex in the trilogy, it's the love.

By the end of the series, the two main characters are married with a child living the American dream. And that's my problem.

My problem is that society is teaching our young women that there can be a link between domineering sexual behavior and love. I am especially concerned that it seems to be the very women who should be teaching our girls to desire more in life who are leading the charge. There is a reason the novels are called "mommy porn". It is because the book's popularity has been due in large part to middle aged women using it to reinvigorate their sex lives. I'm deeply concerned that we are teaching our girls that a relationship started in violence can enter into the realms of deep love and devotion-it can't.

My problem isn't that 50 Shades presents a disconnect between love and sex, it's that it confuses the mind on the order in which the two should be explored and how they are divinely connected. God designed sex to be a healthy part of a godly marriage. It is meant to be another way to connect with your spouse, to show mutual love and respect for each other's feelings and bodies.

The "love chapter" of the bible found in 1 Corinthians 13 spells out what love is and in verse 5 we see exactly why the attitudes in this pornographic film are not conducive with the Christian life. It says, love "does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking..." How in the world can the selfish, demeaning behaviors of Christian Grey be not only justified by the Christian viewer, but accepted as a means to real love?

I can't say much for the unbeliever who is enticed by this film, but as for Christian woman, I beg you to inspect your heart on this matter. I don't spend much time telling people what they should or shouldn't watch, but this one falls in the category of porn, and thus I have no choice but to say clearly: blood bought women have NO reason to watch this.

Have You Prayed for a Kardashian Today?

The news lately has been dominated by a family that seems to have a knack for becoming a water cooler discussion piece. The stars of several reality programs are a blended family, each member with varying degrees of fame.

The most famous member without a doubt is Kim (the thrice married wife of Kanye West and mother to North West) who first gained infamy as the star of a sex tape. She used that tape to catapult herself into the public eye, becoming an entrepreneur and one of the most prolific users of social media. She literally makes tens of thousands of dollars for mentioning a product on twitter. This girl knows how to get attention and use it for her advantage.

Kim's biological father, Robert Kardashian, a member of O.J. Simpson's famed "dream team" who died many years ago following a fight with throat cancer.

Kim's mom is Kris is one of the most famous "momagers" of all time, getting her kids all the exposure they want (and then some) and then taking her 10%.

Kim's older sister is named Kourtney. She has had three children with her boyfriend who has openly struggled with substance abuse.

Kim's next sister is Khloe who was married to an NBA star until the marriage dissolved amidst rumors of drug use and infidelity on his part.

Kim's brother Rob has seemingly isolated himself from his family as he has been constantly criticized by his family over his appearance.

Kim's two youngest sisters, Kendall and Kylie, are both trying to find their way in the modeling world, frequently posing in revealing and provocative clothing and poses.

And Kim's stepdad is the reason for this post.

Bruce Jenner is hailed as one of the most famous Olympians in US history. He used his gold medal turn to become a sex symbol and actor.

Over the past few months bloggers and tabloids began noticing changes in his appearance, some seemed benign, but slowly they became more jarring. He grew his hair and started painting his nails. Then it appeared as if his Adam's apple disappeared. Recent photos show what looks like female breast tissue forming beneath his shirt. With each day we hear more and more comments from his family that seem to spell out an inevitability- Bruce will likely soon announce that he is "transitioning" to physically become a woman.

I've noticed much discussion on this matter. I've talked about it as I'm sure most who have heard about this have. But there is one thing I haven't done. I haven't prayed.

Let me say, unequivocally, that if he really is doing what it appears he is doing, it is wrong. There is no part of me that can support such a decision. Deciding that God made a mistake when He assigned your gender and then changing that gender on your own is a mockery of the sovereignty of God.

But just as equally as this is sin, it is also sad. I can't imagine the battle that goes on in the mind of men and women who genuinely believe they are "in the wrong body". I can't imagine the daily torment and feelings of loneliness...

Actually, I can.

I have never questioned my God-given identity. I have never felt a disconnect between my gender and my thoughts. But, I know what it is to live every day as a lost soul until God changed me. Jesus did not offer a slow "transition", he offered an instant "transformation".

I'm often labeled as a "hateful" or "not compassionate" because of my hard stance on sin. The truth is, I hate sin. I hate sin for the pain it heaped on my life, I hate sin for the strain it has put on the relationships around me, and I even hate sin for what it is doing in the life of Bruce Jenner and his family.

Am I angry at the recent acceptance of LGBTQ lifestyles in our country? Yes. Am I angry at the individuals catapulting themselves into our public consciousness with their personal stories of how they were born in a skin not reflective of their feelings? No. I don't hate them. I hurt for them. I hurt for them because what they need will not be found in a new body or a new relationship, it will only be found at the feet of the Savior who gave His life for them. Yes, for them too. Romans 5:5-8 tells us

"hope does not put us to shame, because God’s love has been poured out into our hearts through the Holy Spirit, who has been given to us. You see, at just the right time, when we were still powerless, Christ died for the ungodly. Very rarely will anyone die for a righteous person, though for a good person someone might possibly dare to die. But God demonstrates his own love for us in this: While we were still sinners, Christ died for us."

So why am I so concerned about praying for the Kardashians, people many have labeled as the downfall of our society?

For one, because Jesus died for each of them. I assume they have heard this at some point, because they actually have a "family pastor", even though their lives have not reflected a biblical lifestyle. God loves them just as surely as He loved me in my sin. It is not too late for them, and we shouldn't act as if it is.

For another, Kim Kardashian alone as almost 30 million twitter followers. For good or bad, the girl has influence. Imagine the impact they could have on the world if they gave their troubles to Jesus. How many young people could be reached with the Gospel if we watched a family on the brink of destruction turn it all around with the help of their heavenly Father.

So I ask you, when you hear stories about Bruce, take a moment to pray for him and the others like him who are lost and don't know where their help comes from.


P.S. I began writing this last week but didn't feel ready to publish it.Since then, Bruce was involved in a car accident that took the life of another driver.