When I was 20, I totaled a car. To be more specific, I totaled an SUV. To be even more specific, it belonged to my mom. I woke up that morning to find numerous voice mails and text messages from my then-boyfriend telling me that he was in the ER for a minor issue. I told my mom that I was going to drive from Nashville to Atlanta to be with him. Now that I am older I realize that she was right when she told me I shouldn't go and that there was nothing I could do, but because I was 20 and thus knew everything, I insisted. She was going to Chattanooga to meet up with my dad, who was already there, so we decided I would go with her that far and then take her SUV to Atlanta.
The drive was going great until I happened upon a piece of a tire in the fast lane I was driving in. When I saw the debris I swerved, lost contol and hit a guardrail. I hit the rail once in the front, skidded, hit it in the back, and shot across 3 lanes of very busy traffic. I had enough time to cry out "JESUS" (I know that sounds like I made it up, but it's truth) before the car came to a perfect stop, just a few feet from a drop-off. I had broken the frame, there was no way it was drivable. I called my parents who started immediately driving to me from Chattanooga. I kept it together until they got there. Once I saw them I just kept crying and apologizing and begging them to forgive me, but they would hear nothing of it. They cut me off in the midst of my apology to say "it doesn't matter, it's just a car, you are ok, that's all we care about." The state trooper told them that I was incredibly fortunate because he had seen people die over a lot less that what happened to me.
I know it seems like I said all this just to share a testimony of God's grace and protection, and I thank Him for that, but I see something much bigger in this. Maybe you are in the position I was, driving in the fast lane, going your own way even when you are wrong. Eventually, you will meet the same fate as I did, you will run upon garbage that you can't avoid, you'll lose control, and the only resolution is to cry out "JESUS".
I can assure you of this, when you do give it to Him, just like in my situation, your Father will come running and before you have the chance beg, He will forgive you. My parents never held it against me that I destroyed their car. They never brought it up in the future other than to thank God for keeping me that day. I have never been blamed for either my poor decision while driving nor my stubbornness to insist on taking the trip. It is the same with God. He isn't going to hold your bad decisions against you, He won't keep bringing them up. He loves you simply because you are His child.
Tuesday, January 31, 2012
Saturday, January 21, 2012
Jesus v. Religion: Are We Missing the Point?
I have a feeling that some who read this are going to walk away disagreeing with me or even being upset by my standpoint, and that's okay. I do ask, however, that even if you get upset or don't want to finish this blog, at least watch the link at the end of this post. I think it puts the original Why I Hate Religion clip in better context. Over 15.5 million people have watched "Why I Hate Religion, But Love Jesus" clip, but less than 400,000 have watched him give his testimony. I think you can better understand his point if you watch the testimony video. And beside that, the analogy at the end is pretty boss.
In the past few weeks a video has made the rounds on facebook. The video is called "Why I Hate Religion, But Love Jesus". Every time I log in I see people either sharing it because it touched them, or debating its merits. Basically, it is a poem written by Jefferson Bethke, a young man, in which he states that Jesus came to abolish religion, and proceeds to describe the problems with religion and how it is different from a relationship with Jesus. I'm going to write this blog with the assumption that you have viewed it. I'm not going to argue for or against the points he makes because although there are things in it I don't agree with and there are some things I completely endorse, I really don't want to focus on his words, I want to focus on his intent.
I have heard people argue that he takes cheap shots at Republicans because he mentions them, but not Democrats. I have heard people debate the line "if religion is so great then why has it started so many wars?" (which, by the way, he doesn't specify which religions start wars. And fact is, a lot of wars in history have been fought in the name of religion, all types of relgion. There are even ties between Hitler and false religions, but I'll save that for another day.) And I've heard people say that he is unnecisarily critical of churches when he says "why does it build huge churches but fails to feed the poor." But in so many of these criticisms that I have read on facebook statuses and in blogs, the thing that stands out the most is that very few critics a rejoicing for what God did in this young man's life.
Here is a young man who has now told over 15 million strangers that he was addicted to pornography and only cared about sex and partying and instead of rejoicing over the change God's love has had in his life, we are criticizing his method. The ironic part is that this young man is speaking out against hypocrisy and modern-day pharisees, and his testimony was met with such disdain. People are arguing and tearing apart every word and missing the big picture, the young person is trying to tell people about a God who loved him when religion failed him. Most of these critics are proving his point.
I'm not asking you to accept every word he said, but I'm asking you to listen with your spiritual ears to what his point was. I have attached the link to his testimony. He was a young man abandoned by his father, and forced to go to church by his mother even though she was not a believer. He spent his days and nights pursing lustful desires, but made sure that he carried the facade on the outside that he had learned at church until he had a real encounter with a God who loves him. Religion failed to make him whole, but Jesus restored him and he could not stay silent. I applaud his courage. Most young people today can't formulate a testimony to save their life and even if they did, they are not bold enough to share it. He is shining a light on serious issues amongst "church kids".
Maybe the reason people are so critical of this video is because they don't want to admit that he is right about hypocrisy in the church. I've said before and I'll say again, young people always want to say those older than us are hypocrites, but you can be a young hypocrite just like you can be an old one. We see the bible verses on Sunday morning being posted on facebook, but we also see where they spent their Saturday nights. I especially appreciate the fact that Bethke admitted to a sin that is eating young people (even in the church) alive, pornography addictions. That is a sin that is easily hidden, and he could have kept it a secret, but he was open about it and how God delivered him from it. Even if that was all he said, I would have loved him for sharing it.
The line that probably touched me the most was "I love the church, I love the bible, and yes, I believe in sin, but if Jesus came to your church would they actually let them in?" Which was a fair question and maybe another reason people have such strong emotions about the poem. I have absolutely seen people be shut out from church because they didn't look, act, or dress right. I saw it and did nothing, so I am just as guilty as those who rejected these people. This young man is not trying to tear the church down, he is trying to open our eyes to truth. Religion failed him and left him in the dark for too long, but Christ set him free. When is the last time you came across a young person who was so passionate about the change in himself that he could not be silent, even in the face of ridicule? What are we teaching young people when one of them shares his heart and is met with 5 page essays breaking down every syllable and tearing him down? I choose to affirm his words. I choose to support those who share the Gospel in creative ways. Even if his words were controversial, over 15 million people watched a video with the line "When He was dangling on that cross, He was thinking of you." He reached more people than I ever can, and I choose to lift him up in prayer, praise God for his transformation, and pray that God would continue to raise up young people who will be bold enough to share their testimonies.
This is Jefferson Bethke's testimony, given at a FCA meeting. His candidness with these students touched me, please watch and see if this doesn't put his poem in a different context for you.
In the past few weeks a video has made the rounds on facebook. The video is called "Why I Hate Religion, But Love Jesus". Every time I log in I see people either sharing it because it touched them, or debating its merits. Basically, it is a poem written by Jefferson Bethke, a young man, in which he states that Jesus came to abolish religion, and proceeds to describe the problems with religion and how it is different from a relationship with Jesus. I'm going to write this blog with the assumption that you have viewed it. I'm not going to argue for or against the points he makes because although there are things in it I don't agree with and there are some things I completely endorse, I really don't want to focus on his words, I want to focus on his intent.
I have heard people argue that he takes cheap shots at Republicans because he mentions them, but not Democrats. I have heard people debate the line "if religion is so great then why has it started so many wars?" (which, by the way, he doesn't specify which religions start wars. And fact is, a lot of wars in history have been fought in the name of religion, all types of relgion. There are even ties between Hitler and false religions, but I'll save that for another day.) And I've heard people say that he is unnecisarily critical of churches when he says "why does it build huge churches but fails to feed the poor." But in so many of these criticisms that I have read on facebook statuses and in blogs, the thing that stands out the most is that very few critics a rejoicing for what God did in this young man's life.
Here is a young man who has now told over 15 million strangers that he was addicted to pornography and only cared about sex and partying and instead of rejoicing over the change God's love has had in his life, we are criticizing his method. The ironic part is that this young man is speaking out against hypocrisy and modern-day pharisees, and his testimony was met with such disdain. People are arguing and tearing apart every word and missing the big picture, the young person is trying to tell people about a God who loved him when religion failed him. Most of these critics are proving his point.
I'm not asking you to accept every word he said, but I'm asking you to listen with your spiritual ears to what his point was. I have attached the link to his testimony. He was a young man abandoned by his father, and forced to go to church by his mother even though she was not a believer. He spent his days and nights pursing lustful desires, but made sure that he carried the facade on the outside that he had learned at church until he had a real encounter with a God who loves him. Religion failed to make him whole, but Jesus restored him and he could not stay silent. I applaud his courage. Most young people today can't formulate a testimony to save their life and even if they did, they are not bold enough to share it. He is shining a light on serious issues amongst "church kids".
Maybe the reason people are so critical of this video is because they don't want to admit that he is right about hypocrisy in the church. I've said before and I'll say again, young people always want to say those older than us are hypocrites, but you can be a young hypocrite just like you can be an old one. We see the bible verses on Sunday morning being posted on facebook, but we also see where they spent their Saturday nights. I especially appreciate the fact that Bethke admitted to a sin that is eating young people (even in the church) alive, pornography addictions. That is a sin that is easily hidden, and he could have kept it a secret, but he was open about it and how God delivered him from it. Even if that was all he said, I would have loved him for sharing it.
The line that probably touched me the most was "I love the church, I love the bible, and yes, I believe in sin, but if Jesus came to your church would they actually let them in?" Which was a fair question and maybe another reason people have such strong emotions about the poem. I have absolutely seen people be shut out from church because they didn't look, act, or dress right. I saw it and did nothing, so I am just as guilty as those who rejected these people. This young man is not trying to tear the church down, he is trying to open our eyes to truth. Religion failed him and left him in the dark for too long, but Christ set him free. When is the last time you came across a young person who was so passionate about the change in himself that he could not be silent, even in the face of ridicule? What are we teaching young people when one of them shares his heart and is met with 5 page essays breaking down every syllable and tearing him down? I choose to affirm his words. I choose to support those who share the Gospel in creative ways. Even if his words were controversial, over 15 million people watched a video with the line "When He was dangling on that cross, He was thinking of you." He reached more people than I ever can, and I choose to lift him up in prayer, praise God for his transformation, and pray that God would continue to raise up young people who will be bold enough to share their testimonies.
This is Jefferson Bethke's testimony, given at a FCA meeting. His candidness with these students touched me, please watch and see if this doesn't put his poem in a different context for you.
Saturday, January 14, 2012
Teenagers Terrify Me
This is an extremely transparent blog entry. I am asking that you not begin reading it unless you have time to read it in its entirety because if you don't read the whole thing you will likely become offended and not understand my point. This is your only warning...
You still there? Good. Let's roll.
Youth ministry terrifies me. The idea of dealing with teenagers has always been a source of great anxiety for me. I'm assuming it is because my teenage years were not very pleasant. Being picked on in middle and high schools shows you the ugly side of young people and I never wanted to work with young people because I assumed most of them were like the bullies I dealt with on a daily basis. That said, over my teen years and now in my twenties I have helped out with my share of youth camps, retreats, and lock-ins simply because I was asked to. I showed up, did as I was told, talked to kids, and said a halfway prayer with them because I figured youth ministers just needed a warm body or an extra adult to add on the insurance paperwork and I figured I could be useful for that. It's not that I didn't love them or care for their well being or that God hasn't blessed interactions I had with them, but my heart wasn't there.
Within the last year, God has turned my heart towards young people. I began actually listening when they talked and looking them in the eye when they came to me for help and I saw that I was wrong about them. In fact, judging by comments I hear, most people in churches are wrong about them. We call them lazy and say they have no direction, we claim they aren't committed to anything including the church, and complain that they are broken. Here are some facts I want you to consider before you label these kids:
1. They are not lazy and without direction, they simply have not been taught to think for themselves. From the time these kids are 5 their parents decide that they will be a baseball star or a dancer or a heart surgeon and they are placed on a track to make those dreams come true. We decide what they will become and push them to that end. By the time they are adults, they have no idea what they want because they have never had to think about what they want. Is it really their fault that they have no direction on their own if they have never been asked what they want?
2. They often haven't had good examples about what commitment in general means, let alone commitment to a church. As stated previously, parents dictate when they are young what their priorities are to be. How many parents pull their kids from Wednesday night service for ball practice and then it turns into "they are too tired from Saturday nights game/play/show/concert to attend Sunday morning"? Every time these excuses are made, we are teaching our children that God does not have priority over our dreams. So how can they be expected to be committed to church when they spent their childhood being pulled out for one reason or another?
3. They are broken. I won't argue with that one. They are a generation that was raised in homes that were broken in more than one way. Many were raised in more than one home, with more than one family. Maybe they were abandoned by one or both parents at a young age and now have no concept of an adult who sticks around when times are tough. Maybe they were raised by a homosexual mother or father and are confused when discussing the necessity for male and female influence in their life. In the lives of more and more young people we find kids who were raised by parents who cared more about being their friend than being a stable adult. Parents want them to be their confidants and they run to them for solutions to their problems instead of allowing it to be the way God intended and be there for their kids instead of burdening them constantly. We have a generation of kids who raised parents instead of parents who raised kids. They are brought up in a world that tells them it's okay to get drunk as long as you don't drive and it's okay to have sex as long as you put a thin piece of latex between you and it's okay to live however you want as long as you are happy in this moment and they are never taught about the emotional ramifications of their lifestyles. They are absolutely broken, you're right about that one.
I'm not here to proclaim myself as a youth minister, but I am saying that I believe in taking up for those who can't defend themselves. Perhaps it has to do with my last name, but I was raised to stick up for others and the way I hear young people being put down in churches is really getting under my skin. I am asking you to support them in the following ways:
1. Pray for them. Pray that God reveals Himself in a way that they cannot deny His existence. Pray for a hunger to be ignited in them to seek His face always and pray for direction in their lives.
2. Pray for youth ministers. The average youth minister only stays at a church for a few months and resigns. Pray for Divine creativity to flow through them to give them unique ways to minister. Pray for patience and understanding as they deal with young people and with parents.
3. Pray for the congregation. Pray that God will give you new compassion to see the truth about these kids. They are loud, but they a passionate. They are broken, but they are seeking. They are different, but they are sincere. My favorite thing about young people is that they seek truth and shun lies. Perhaps our main problem with them is that they call us out when we "play church". They want answers for why things are the way they are and we should encourage that. When they come to you with questions and you don't have answers, be honest. Tell them you don't know and seek a solution. Encourage their curiosity. They are seeking understanding and consider it an honor that they trust you enough to approach you. Learn their names, learn their faces, ask about their lives. It will make a difference.
4. Lastly, support them with your wallets. Churches will spend thousands of dollars to revamp sanctuaries but give the left overs to the children and youth departments. They are not the church of tomorrow, they are the church of today and to say we support them but not back it up financially is hypocrisy.
I know this was long and probably made me look bad at points but I feel God speaking to me very strongly about this. Get to know the young people in your life and in your church. I will guarantee you that if you spend time in prayer for them and speaking with them, your opinion will change. I am sure that it was only by God's move that my heart was changed and I know that yours will be too.
You still there? Good. Let's roll.
Youth ministry terrifies me. The idea of dealing with teenagers has always been a source of great anxiety for me. I'm assuming it is because my teenage years were not very pleasant. Being picked on in middle and high schools shows you the ugly side of young people and I never wanted to work with young people because I assumed most of them were like the bullies I dealt with on a daily basis. That said, over my teen years and now in my twenties I have helped out with my share of youth camps, retreats, and lock-ins simply because I was asked to. I showed up, did as I was told, talked to kids, and said a halfway prayer with them because I figured youth ministers just needed a warm body or an extra adult to add on the insurance paperwork and I figured I could be useful for that. It's not that I didn't love them or care for their well being or that God hasn't blessed interactions I had with them, but my heart wasn't there.
Within the last year, God has turned my heart towards young people. I began actually listening when they talked and looking them in the eye when they came to me for help and I saw that I was wrong about them. In fact, judging by comments I hear, most people in churches are wrong about them. We call them lazy and say they have no direction, we claim they aren't committed to anything including the church, and complain that they are broken. Here are some facts I want you to consider before you label these kids:
1. They are not lazy and without direction, they simply have not been taught to think for themselves. From the time these kids are 5 their parents decide that they will be a baseball star or a dancer or a heart surgeon and they are placed on a track to make those dreams come true. We decide what they will become and push them to that end. By the time they are adults, they have no idea what they want because they have never had to think about what they want. Is it really their fault that they have no direction on their own if they have never been asked what they want?
2. They often haven't had good examples about what commitment in general means, let alone commitment to a church. As stated previously, parents dictate when they are young what their priorities are to be. How many parents pull their kids from Wednesday night service for ball practice and then it turns into "they are too tired from Saturday nights game/play/show/concert to attend Sunday morning"? Every time these excuses are made, we are teaching our children that God does not have priority over our dreams. So how can they be expected to be committed to church when they spent their childhood being pulled out for one reason or another?
3. They are broken. I won't argue with that one. They are a generation that was raised in homes that were broken in more than one way. Many were raised in more than one home, with more than one family. Maybe they were abandoned by one or both parents at a young age and now have no concept of an adult who sticks around when times are tough. Maybe they were raised by a homosexual mother or father and are confused when discussing the necessity for male and female influence in their life. In the lives of more and more young people we find kids who were raised by parents who cared more about being their friend than being a stable adult. Parents want them to be their confidants and they run to them for solutions to their problems instead of allowing it to be the way God intended and be there for their kids instead of burdening them constantly. We have a generation of kids who raised parents instead of parents who raised kids. They are brought up in a world that tells them it's okay to get drunk as long as you don't drive and it's okay to have sex as long as you put a thin piece of latex between you and it's okay to live however you want as long as you are happy in this moment and they are never taught about the emotional ramifications of their lifestyles. They are absolutely broken, you're right about that one.
I'm not here to proclaim myself as a youth minister, but I am saying that I believe in taking up for those who can't defend themselves. Perhaps it has to do with my last name, but I was raised to stick up for others and the way I hear young people being put down in churches is really getting under my skin. I am asking you to support them in the following ways:
1. Pray for them. Pray that God reveals Himself in a way that they cannot deny His existence. Pray for a hunger to be ignited in them to seek His face always and pray for direction in their lives.
2. Pray for youth ministers. The average youth minister only stays at a church for a few months and resigns. Pray for Divine creativity to flow through them to give them unique ways to minister. Pray for patience and understanding as they deal with young people and with parents.
3. Pray for the congregation. Pray that God will give you new compassion to see the truth about these kids. They are loud, but they a passionate. They are broken, but they are seeking. They are different, but they are sincere. My favorite thing about young people is that they seek truth and shun lies. Perhaps our main problem with them is that they call us out when we "play church". They want answers for why things are the way they are and we should encourage that. When they come to you with questions and you don't have answers, be honest. Tell them you don't know and seek a solution. Encourage their curiosity. They are seeking understanding and consider it an honor that they trust you enough to approach you. Learn their names, learn their faces, ask about their lives. It will make a difference.
4. Lastly, support them with your wallets. Churches will spend thousands of dollars to revamp sanctuaries but give the left overs to the children and youth departments. They are not the church of tomorrow, they are the church of today and to say we support them but not back it up financially is hypocrisy.
I know this was long and probably made me look bad at points but I feel God speaking to me very strongly about this. Get to know the young people in your life and in your church. I will guarantee you that if you spend time in prayer for them and speaking with them, your opinion will change. I am sure that it was only by God's move that my heart was changed and I know that yours will be too.
Thursday, January 12, 2012
I Don't Care If Church Makes You Feel Better
I have been in countless church services that ended with a minister asking something like "don't you feel better?" I understand the idea behind the statement. There is a peace and joy that comes from laying your burdens down, but when was it decided that feeling better was the goal of coming into God's house? You may ask why should I even care that such a statement be made, but my reasoning is simple. The world today (and my generation in particular) rely too much on feelings. Ask a young person how they know they are in love and they'll generally respond "I just feel like I am". Ask why they act depressed and it's "I just feel sad". Ask why they engage in certain behaviors and they reply "It feels good".
And what's wrong with relying on feelings? Feelings fade. Having a "good church service" in which you leave feeling better about what ever you are facing is useless when you go home and face the situation again. Being raised Pentecostal (a fact I am incredibly grateful for), I have seen my share of services in which the music is great and people cry and feel relief and we leave saying "The power of God showed up so strong that the preacher didn't even get to preach." And then we leave the church and go to lunch and go about our day and act exactly the way we did the day before. We may have left the church feeling better, but we didn't leave changed. The truth is that the times in which I have truly been in God's presence I didn't feel better, I felt challenged. I have found strength, and peace, and refuge, and a place of rest in Him, but He doesn't reveal Himself so that we can let go of a few tears and feel like we've had a breakthrough. It is impossible to be in His presence and leave unchanged, so when I hear someone say "I felt the presence of God" and yet no change takes place I have to question if they had an encounter or just a feeling.
The second problem with relying on our feelings is that they can easily be induced. I believe that churches often encourage the idea that feeling better meant that something great happened because if we are going by feelings, then we can replicate the situation in which the feelings came about and please the congregation. You often hear worship leaders sing a song because "God moved last time we sang this" and pastors often recycle old sermons because they saw people react in one way or another to it in the past. How dare we make such a mockery of God's presence? We try to "stir up" something in the congregation and pass it off as a move of God, but people leave exactly the way they came.
I say boldly, I don't care if church makes you feel better, I care if you leave God's house changed. I don't care if the sermon hit you where you live and now you feel badly about your lifestyle, I care that you are somewhere in which someone loves you enough to tell you the truth. There is joy and peace that you will find when you live in His presence, but it has nothing to do with how you feel, it has everything to do with what you know. I know that I'm saved not because I feel better but because I am better because He changed my life. If you have been living your life based on your emotions, I invite you today to lay it aside. Emotions fade, truth remains.
And what's wrong with relying on feelings? Feelings fade. Having a "good church service" in which you leave feeling better about what ever you are facing is useless when you go home and face the situation again. Being raised Pentecostal (a fact I am incredibly grateful for), I have seen my share of services in which the music is great and people cry and feel relief and we leave saying "The power of God showed up so strong that the preacher didn't even get to preach." And then we leave the church and go to lunch and go about our day and act exactly the way we did the day before. We may have left the church feeling better, but we didn't leave changed. The truth is that the times in which I have truly been in God's presence I didn't feel better, I felt challenged. I have found strength, and peace, and refuge, and a place of rest in Him, but He doesn't reveal Himself so that we can let go of a few tears and feel like we've had a breakthrough. It is impossible to be in His presence and leave unchanged, so when I hear someone say "I felt the presence of God" and yet no change takes place I have to question if they had an encounter or just a feeling.
The second problem with relying on our feelings is that they can easily be induced. I believe that churches often encourage the idea that feeling better meant that something great happened because if we are going by feelings, then we can replicate the situation in which the feelings came about and please the congregation. You often hear worship leaders sing a song because "God moved last time we sang this" and pastors often recycle old sermons because they saw people react in one way or another to it in the past. How dare we make such a mockery of God's presence? We try to "stir up" something in the congregation and pass it off as a move of God, but people leave exactly the way they came.
I say boldly, I don't care if church makes you feel better, I care if you leave God's house changed. I don't care if the sermon hit you where you live and now you feel badly about your lifestyle, I care that you are somewhere in which someone loves you enough to tell you the truth. There is joy and peace that you will find when you live in His presence, but it has nothing to do with how you feel, it has everything to do with what you know. I know that I'm saved not because I feel better but because I am better because He changed my life. If you have been living your life based on your emotions, I invite you today to lay it aside. Emotions fade, truth remains.
Monday, January 9, 2012
God Doesn't Need My Fingerprints
Have you ever found yourself in a war that you seemingly can't win? I have found myself in a situation in which there is no easy way out. I feel attacked and as hard as I have fought back, the end never comes. I have gone through every channel I know to resolve the issue, responded in every way I know how, and have even prayed; and still I suffer. This past week I began truly seeking God for the first time in this manner. I prayed and fasted, and prayed some more and in my prayer time this morning, He made it clear to me that I have been praying the wrong way this entire time.
This entire time I had been praying for God to help me win this battle, but this time He wants to fight for me, not along with me. The truth is that if He had allowed resolution to come based on any of the attempts I made, then I would have taken glory for it. God doesn't need my fingerprints all over His victory.
I realize now that there is nothing I can do that is stronger than what He can. All the thoughts in my head of the way I want to see this war end are nothing compared to what He can do, for He is sovereign, and I am not. As much as we like to fantasize about what we will say, and the plans we can make to trap someone, and how much we will feel vindicated in the end, it is impossible to escape a battle without scars. I can now see that any of the scenarios that played out in my mind (even if I would have won) would have left me scarred, it is only if I stay out of it, keep my mouth shut, and let Him do ALL the fighting for me that I can come out of this strong and unharmed.
I have handed this situation over entirely to God. I'm done talking about it. I'm done plotting about it. It belongs to Him. I'm going to keep doing my best to follow Him and do what I know is right, and He will preserve me. I am going to get out of His way and stop demanding that I put my fingerprints on His victories.
As I prayed, He kept bringing to my mind Psalm 121:
| 1 | I will lift up mine eyes unto the hills,
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| 2 | My help cometh from the LORD,
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| 3 | He will not suffer thy foot to be moved:
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| 4 | Behold, he that keepeth Israel
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| 5 | The LORD is thy keeper:
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| 6 | The sun shall not smite thee by day,
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| 7 | The LORD shall preserve thee from all evil:
| |||
| 8 | The LORD shall preserve thy going out and thy coming in
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This entire time I had been praying for God to help me win this battle, but this time He wants to fight for me, not along with me. The truth is that if He had allowed resolution to come based on any of the attempts I made, then I would have taken glory for it. God doesn't need my fingerprints all over His victory.
I realize now that there is nothing I can do that is stronger than what He can. All the thoughts in my head of the way I want to see this war end are nothing compared to what He can do, for He is sovereign, and I am not. As much as we like to fantasize about what we will say, and the plans we can make to trap someone, and how much we will feel vindicated in the end, it is impossible to escape a battle without scars. I can now see that any of the scenarios that played out in my mind (even if I would have won) would have left me scarred, it is only if I stay out of it, keep my mouth shut, and let Him do ALL the fighting for me that I can come out of this strong and unharmed.
I have handed this situation over entirely to God. I'm done talking about it. I'm done plotting about it. It belongs to Him. I'm going to keep doing my best to follow Him and do what I know is right, and He will preserve me. I am going to get out of His way and stop demanding that I put my fingerprints on His victories.
Thursday, January 5, 2012
You Can't Keep Your Eyes On the Cross...
I don't like to start arguments...but I like to finish them. Before you think that sounds arrogant, realize that I am not bragging about this fact. When an argument ensues I begin to feel heat in my stomach and it radiates up my chest and by the time it gets to my mouth I can't be quiet. They say your body has a fight or flight response to confrontation, and let's just say that flying is not my style.
Recently, I felt that I had been attacked and it was totally unprovoked. I'm not going into detail because it doesn't matter, but suffice it to say that a long time frustration with this person was topped off with a single comment. In that moment I made a decision to retaliate. I chose to use the same medium so as to teach the other person a lesson. In the light of day, when all is said and done, I realize that I am the one who needed to be taught something. I am not responsible for what others say or do or how they feel about me, I am only responsible for how I react. I love to have the most clever remarks in an argument and come out on top in a fight, but how can I end up on top if I make myself small in the process?
A few months ago, when I told one of my mentors about the calling I felt on my life, she responded that she wasn't going to be overjoyed for me because she knew that when someone accepts God's calling the devil tries to attack and distract from what God would have them do. I feel like that is all that this episode was. Satan wanted to distract me in a time that God had brought several people to me for ministry. Any minute spent contemplating how I will attack next or what I will say when they strike back is a minute I should have spent seeking God's voice and ministering. Even though I didn't start the argument, it wasn't my job to finish it. I always thought that it was okay to strike back with hurtful comments if they would end a fight started by someone else, but I was wrong. God's hand is on me and I failed when I chose to give the other person "a dose of their own medicine". I learned that you can't keep your eyes on the cross when you stoop to someone else's level. What God is doing in their life is between them and Him, but He has been trying to do something in me and I shouldn't have participated in childish games. Even if I was trying to defend myself, that isn't my job. God is my defender, I should let Him do it.
I am better than my behavior and for the first time in my life, having the wittier comment didn't make me feel better. I have prayed to God to help me mature spiritually, and for the first time I felt truly convicted over comments I made. I share this with you knowing that it doesn't make me sound good, but I share it because I learned an important lesson in keeping my mouth shut and letting God fight for me. I refuse to allow anything else to distract me for even a moment from what God is doing through me.
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