Judas

Have you ever been hurt by someone to the extent that you can't recall one redeeming quality about that person? Maybe they bullied you. Maybe they undercut big dreams you had in life. Maybe they gossiped about you or the people you love. Maybe they even lied about you behind your back. Perhaps the only thing harder than having someone like this in your life is watching as others in your life maintain friendship with this person. Even worse than that, is having to hear as they rave about this person's goodness when you know what they did.

I've had this happen more times than I can count. Not everyone will like me, I get that. I have a big mouth and the kind of personality that people generally either love or hate. There aren't a lot of in-between opinions of me. I'll even admit that at times, I've been the bully and the gossip. I understand why some people don't want to be my friend. But there is another group of people who seemingly can't stand me that I don't understand. People who set out to destroy me because of my last name, or my career, or the fact that I was the youngest child in my family (that one really didn't make sense).

When you make these kind of enemies, the kind that you feel you had no hand in creating, it can be tempting to "warn" your friends not to associate with them. As you hear people you love and respect find positive traits in your enemy, your mind kicks into overdrive and you think "they must not know the truth. Clearly they are too stupid to see what's right in front of their eyes. I better tell them whose side they should be on." And before you know it, your hands, which may have started off clean are now filthy with the dirt of gossip. These are the reasons this approach is never the solution:

#1 . It is not your job to convince everyone that your enemy is unworthy of their praise. Your job, according to Ephesians 4:29 is to not "...use any foul or abusive language. Let everything you say be good and helpful, so that your words will be an encouragement to those who hear them." Not a clear enough job description? Then read on down to verses 31-32, "Get rid of all bitterness, rage, anger, harsh words, and slander, as well as all types of malicious behavior. Instead, be kind to each other, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, just as God through Christ has forgiven you."

#2. The truth will come out whether you speak up or not, but remaining quiet maintains your innocence. If this person is as low-down dirty as you think they are, they won't be able to hide it for long. Let their actions speak, not your mouth. Chances are, if your friends are already supporting this person, then there is likely nothing you can do to convince them of cutting that person off anyway. The only thing your actions will do at this point is change your friend's opinion of you, not your enemy. But what if your friends never see the light? Well, then...

#3. Maybe there was more goodness in your enemy than you realized. Maybe instead of hyper-critiquing  your enemies actions, you should take a magnifying glass to your ability to see the best in others.

I am reminded of the night Jesus washed the feet of the disciples. The bible tells us that Jesus knew who would betray Him. But did He go around convincing the other 11 to cut ties with Judas? No, He served him the same as He did the other disciples. Even in the moment in which the bible says "Satan entered [Judas]" (John 13:27), Jesus simply replied, "Hurry. Do it now." A cryptic message that the bible says the other disciples couldn't decode. Jesus did right by Judas, even knowing he was the betrayer. He allowed Judas to prove his character instead of "outing" him.

This is one of the hardest lessons I have ever had to learn. I can close my mind and picture my "Judases". I know the name, face, and character of those who have betrayed me. But in the end, I want it to be said of me that in the face of hurt, I maintained clean hands and a pure heart.