A few weeks ago, I shared one of my more guarded secrets, the fact that I had premarital sex. I shared this dark part of my life with the hope that it would help others. And apparently it did. For several days I received messages from young people who were in the same pit as I and from parents who needed to be reminded that their children's failures don't mean they were failures as parents. I told you in that entry that when I opened up to my parents I had to share many other issues I had. While I don't feel the need to explain them all to you, there is one that you need to hear about because I want to shed light on the issue.
Long before my first sexual encounter I engaged in something that, statistically, most young people are participating in. I had begun sexting. In case you don't know, sexting is sending either sexually suggestive photos via text or sending explicit text messages. I'm not proud of what I did. This does not serve to make myself sound cool or relevant. I'm telling you about my sin so that you can understand my motivations behind it and perhaps use that to stop it from happening around you. One youth pastor told me that the sexting phenomenon came about because girls are "more aggressive" these days and that it would have never happened when he was young. Maybe he's partially right, but my reasoning had nothing to do with aggressiveness, it had to do with poor self esteem.
I've never made it a secret that I have struggled with body issues since my early high school days which resulted in an eating disorder in college. I wanted to be wanted. I needed someone to be out of his mind excited about me. Compounding this issue was the fact that I knew the recipient of my photos was an avid porn viewer. Why does that matter? Because in my young mind all I could think was "if he's going to look at a naked girl anyway, I want it to be me." And why should you care? Because most young men do look at porn, meaning this thought could easily creep into the mind of the young women around you.
So I caved. I knew what I was doing was wrong, but it was also exciting...until reality hit. What I did didn't make me more desirable, it made my value decrease in his eyes. If you don't respect yourself, no one else will either and having so little respect for myself (and the man I would eventually meet and marry) introduced new elements of distrust and hurt into our relationship. At one point I asked him to destroy the evidence, which he swore he would, but months later I found out he still had it. That's when I really knew what a mistake I had made. To this day, I don't know what happened to those photos. Someone who has no love or respect for me is carrying around blackmail that I delivered to him, and I have no one to blame but myself.
In retrospect, I learned some serious lessons that I want to share in the hopes that it will keep some other young person from making the same error.
1. Sexting is not innocent, it is sin. It involves stirring up lust in someone who is not your spouse. And, before you say it, it doesn't matter if you think he will eventually be your husband, it is still wrong before those vows are made to entice him in this manner.
2. You have no control over what happens to the evidence. Let me give you a scenario that has gotten many a girl in trouble. In a moment of excitement, she let's a guy take pictures of her or sends him an adult-themed "selfie". 2 minutes later she changes her mind and has him delete the photos. How many devices/friends could he have sent the pics to in that time? I assure you, when those pictures get out, you won't be labeled cool and he won't look like the "great guy" you claim he is. He will be labeled a "pimp" and if he's a pimp what does that make you?
3. The moment of excitement isn't worth years of looking over your shoulder. The first my parents heard of my endeavors was this year. The pictures were taken SEVERAL years ago. I was so ashamed that they would find out that I became utterly paranoid. Every time a computer was opened, I sweated it out hoping nothing was accidentally saved where they would find it. I always worried that the guy I sent them to would fess up to everything just to get back at me. Equally as bad as the above lesson about everyone finding out is the fear of everyone finding out and realizing that what happens in the dark always comes to light.
4. This behavior will not connect you on some cosmic level, it will make you an object. When you send someone pictures like this of yourself, you are telling the recipient that sex is all you are good for. Hear me clearly, that is NOT all you are, but it will appear that way. When they start to view you in this way, you have opened the door for more aggressive behavior. If you don't give in to sexual advances after you've sexted, you'll be labeled a "tease", if you do give in, you'll be called much worse. Don't open the door.
5. You could get both of you in serious trouble. This one I just learned about a couple of years ago. Although I and the other party involved were both adults, many minors are sexting. In many states, if 2 minors participate in this activity, they could both be in serious legal trouble. A minor girl who takes a picture of herself is considered a producer of child pornography. A minor boy receiving the picture is considered in possession of child porn. If he sends it to his friends, he is also guilty of distributing child porn. Depending on where you live, penalties could range from fines and jail time to being added to the sex offender registry. It gets real really quick, huh?
As always, I end this entry by telling you that there is redemption. If you have sexting in the past, it needs to remain there. God will forgive you and as I always say, you can have a future because you are not the sum of your sins. If you haven't sexted, good for you. Don't fall into the trap of wanting to be wanted in this way, you won't like the result.
Monday, December 30, 2013
Monday, December 23, 2013
Culture
I keep hearing over and over again that our culture is totally different from that of the culture in biblical times, and thus we can't present the Gospel like they did back then. When I first starting hearing this line, I agreed. I also didn't know the bible as well as I should have back then. The more I have studied the bible, I realize that this is a misnomer. Now, before you start up with me about technology and communication, know that I am not blind to the world we live in. Clearly, I get it. I am using that technology to the best of my ability to share the gospel with my friends around the world. What I am saying is that the neither the human heart nor the human condition have changed. Allow me to lay down some biblically sound ground work for my theory.
Ecclesiastes 1:9 tells us, "History merely repeats itself. It has all been done before. Nothing under the sun is truly new." (NLT) To act as if our hearts are any different than they were in Sodom or in Rome or in any of the other towns we read about doesn't make sense in the light of Ecclesiastes. Throughout the bible we see Satan working basically the same traps over and over again. The people in the bible stories we read were just as lustful and deceitful and debaucherous as we. Maybe the symptoms aren't all the same, but the disease is. It was sin then, it is sin now.
My best example of how our cultures are similar is found in Romans 1. Paul begins in verse 17 talking about the "good news" of how God "makes us right". He then follows up by describing how God "shows his anger from heaven against all sinful, wicked people who push the truth away from themselves." He speaks of how we instinctively know there is a God because of His works around us, but some will refuse to believe. Starting in verse 21 "they began to think up foolish ideas of what God is like. The result was that their minds became dark and confused. Claiming to be wise, they became utter fools instead. And instead of worshipping the glorious, ever-living God, they worshipped idols..."
Confusion abounds in our culture with regards to who God is. We have made up all kinds of foolish ideas about Him. We flock to "brilliant minds" that claim God is the light inside of us or the spirit of the earth or whatever craziness abounds today.
Paul continues that God allowed the people to do "whatever shameful things their hearts desired. As a result, they did vile and degrading things to each other's bodies." (v.24) He said they chose to believe lies and "worshipped things created instead of the Creator." (v. 25) If this doesn't describe the actions in 90% of our reality television, I don't know what would. Young people devote their entire beings to becoming like a Kardashian or whomever the "star" of the day is. They are worshipping man, not the Creator.
In verse 26, God "abandoned them to their sinful desires" and they indulged in homosexuality and "as a result, suffered within themselves the penalty they so richly deserved." (v.27) I live in a country in which homosexuality is seemingly running rampant, and sadly, many churches have given up preaching against it out of fear of "offending someone". The fact that they engaged in this behavior after God abandoned them tells me He has no place in that lifestyle. It has become popular to say that God made someone gay. But if you read this, it sounds like this lifestyle was the mark of His voluntary removal.
After this, God "abandoned them to their evil minds and let them do things that should never be done. Their lives became full of every kind of wickedness, sin, greed, hate, envy murder, fighting, deception, malicious behavior, and gossip. They are backstabbers, haters of God, insolent, proud, and boastful. They are forever inventing new ways of sinning and are disobedient to their parents. They refuse to understand, break their promises, and are heartless and unforgiving." (Romans 1:28-31)
This week a stir was caused when an American television personality said (in addition to other things) that homosexual behavior leads to more sin. At least on this one point, per the book of Romans, he was right. Our culture embracing this lifestyle is opening the door for every other sin to overtake us, but most frighteningly, God has already set the precedent that He will leave us to our own devices if we don't worship Him.
Lastly, Paul acknowledges, "they are fully aware of God's death penalty for those who do these things, yet they go right ahead and do them anyway. And worse yet, they encourage others to do them, too." (v.32)
Peer pressure is nothing new. We may do it via texting now, but the concept is old, as is everything else.
So, can we shift our methods? Yes. But to state that our world is totally different is for one, not in line with the scripture, and for another opens the gate to disregard scripture. When you start eliminating one part because it "doesn't apply today", it is a slippery slope before none of it does.
Ecclesiastes 1:9 tells us, "History merely repeats itself. It has all been done before. Nothing under the sun is truly new." (NLT) To act as if our hearts are any different than they were in Sodom or in Rome or in any of the other towns we read about doesn't make sense in the light of Ecclesiastes. Throughout the bible we see Satan working basically the same traps over and over again. The people in the bible stories we read were just as lustful and deceitful and debaucherous as we. Maybe the symptoms aren't all the same, but the disease is. It was sin then, it is sin now.
My best example of how our cultures are similar is found in Romans 1. Paul begins in verse 17 talking about the "good news" of how God "makes us right". He then follows up by describing how God "shows his anger from heaven against all sinful, wicked people who push the truth away from themselves." He speaks of how we instinctively know there is a God because of His works around us, but some will refuse to believe. Starting in verse 21 "they began to think up foolish ideas of what God is like. The result was that their minds became dark and confused. Claiming to be wise, they became utter fools instead. And instead of worshipping the glorious, ever-living God, they worshipped idols..."
Confusion abounds in our culture with regards to who God is. We have made up all kinds of foolish ideas about Him. We flock to "brilliant minds" that claim God is the light inside of us or the spirit of the earth or whatever craziness abounds today.
Paul continues that God allowed the people to do "whatever shameful things their hearts desired. As a result, they did vile and degrading things to each other's bodies." (v.24) He said they chose to believe lies and "worshipped things created instead of the Creator." (v. 25) If this doesn't describe the actions in 90% of our reality television, I don't know what would. Young people devote their entire beings to becoming like a Kardashian or whomever the "star" of the day is. They are worshipping man, not the Creator.
In verse 26, God "abandoned them to their sinful desires" and they indulged in homosexuality and "as a result, suffered within themselves the penalty they so richly deserved." (v.27) I live in a country in which homosexuality is seemingly running rampant, and sadly, many churches have given up preaching against it out of fear of "offending someone". The fact that they engaged in this behavior after God abandoned them tells me He has no place in that lifestyle. It has become popular to say that God made someone gay. But if you read this, it sounds like this lifestyle was the mark of His voluntary removal.
After this, God "abandoned them to their evil minds and let them do things that should never be done. Their lives became full of every kind of wickedness, sin, greed, hate, envy murder, fighting, deception, malicious behavior, and gossip. They are backstabbers, haters of God, insolent, proud, and boastful. They are forever inventing new ways of sinning and are disobedient to their parents. They refuse to understand, break their promises, and are heartless and unforgiving." (Romans 1:28-31)
This week a stir was caused when an American television personality said (in addition to other things) that homosexual behavior leads to more sin. At least on this one point, per the book of Romans, he was right. Our culture embracing this lifestyle is opening the door for every other sin to overtake us, but most frighteningly, God has already set the precedent that He will leave us to our own devices if we don't worship Him.
Lastly, Paul acknowledges, "they are fully aware of God's death penalty for those who do these things, yet they go right ahead and do them anyway. And worse yet, they encourage others to do them, too." (v.32)
Peer pressure is nothing new. We may do it via texting now, but the concept is old, as is everything else.
So, can we shift our methods? Yes. But to state that our world is totally different is for one, not in line with the scripture, and for another opens the gate to disregard scripture. When you start eliminating one part because it "doesn't apply today", it is a slippery slope before none of it does.
Monday, December 16, 2013
The Truth About Lindsey
Warning: by the end of this entry you will know me better than you may have ever wished, if you don't want to know me well, stop now. You've been warned...
2013 will be forever known to me as the year I gained my freedom. I had been hiding a secret that for years kept me terrified of being exposed. I have alluded in the past on this blog about my pre-marital activities but I don't believe I've ever written it out plainly. Some of you have heard my testimony or "play doh" sermon (hopefully a video will be available soon so that will make sense), but I think it's time to be clear with my readers.
Earlier this year as we were gearing up for our second annual Get Real Girls Retreat in Tennessee, one of our speakers had to cancel a couple of weeks before the retreat and I was asked to step in for her. I really didn't want to. Last year I spoke about part of my testimony but wasn't ready to share it all at that first retreat. From the moment I was asked to speak, I knew in my spirit what needed to be said and I also knew that to do what God told me to, I'd have to fess up to some very important people first. Up until this point, only my fiancé and a few of my closest friends knew the truth about my seemingly stellar past. But I knew this was the time to share in the hopes of helping these young women I loved so much who I knew were following my path.
Out of respect for my parents, I wanted them to hear from me what I would be confessing so they didn't hear it through the grapevine. They were out of town so I texted and told them I had to talk with them as soon as they were home. The next 24 hours nearly killed me. I was so anxious that they wouldn't love me. That they would be disappointed or hurt or feel ashamed of me.
My fiancé came over and sat with me as I waited on them to arrive. When the time came, he put one arm around me and held my hand tightly with the his free hand. I started to cry as I told them that they needed to know the topic of my Get Real sermon. I looked at the ground and said "Andy is a virgin, but I'm not." My parents looked at each other as we all sat in awkward silence. After they asked for a few details, my mom asked if there were any other secrets following up with "I only ask because I want you to feel comfortable to share whatever God lays on your heart." I can't imagine they expected the list of sins I confessed, but I was brutally honest because their reaction up until then warranted my cooperation. I felt so bad that at one point I asked if I had to return my wedding gown because I didn't deserve it. In a moment of lightheartedness, my mother replied, "it's ivory, don't worry."
Then she walked over to the couch, sat down by me, and put her arm around me. She said "I'm so sorry you've carried this pain for so long by yourself." When they found out that Andy had known for so long, they thanked him for being so respectful and such a good friend to me. I'll never forget what my dad said next. Growing up in a no nonsense house, I expected him to begin pontificating about my sins. Instead he said this, "I don't have a speech for this. You know what you did was wrong, but this condemnation you've carried was self-inflicted. God doesn't put that on you, you put it on yourself. Once you repented, the bible says you became a new creature, and there's no sense in walking around with this guilt anymore." Then he wrapped his arms around me, and prayed to the Lord that I could forgive myself.
And that was it. I was free from my self-inflicted prison.
Why am I offering so many personal details? Because you need to know a few things:
1. I know I can come across as severe when discussing sin especially of this nature, but it is because I know how these sins can destroy your life. Where as I have been accused of putting myself on a pedestal, I want you to know that I know what is to put yourself in a self-dug ditch of bitterness and anger.
2. For my young readers who have saved themselves for marriage, I want you to know how proud I am of you. And I want you to realize that saving yourself is best for you in every sense. Be like my husband, not like me.
3. For my young readers who fell in the same trap as me, I want you to know that there is forgiveness for what you did. The picture I painted of my parents is exactly how God sees you in your situation. You are not ruined. You are not worthless. God still has a plan for you, but the first step of that plan is repenting, which means not only saying you are sorry, but turning from that sin and running from it. Is it easy to have a non-sexual relationship when you've been used to one that revolved around sex? Nope. But with the Lord's help, I am proof that it is possible.
Please know that this post was well thought out and written on purpose. I felt impressed by the Lord to share this in the hopes of helping some other girl out there.
You are not the sum of your sins. God loves you enough to give you a future regardless of your past!
2013 will be forever known to me as the year I gained my freedom. I had been hiding a secret that for years kept me terrified of being exposed. I have alluded in the past on this blog about my pre-marital activities but I don't believe I've ever written it out plainly. Some of you have heard my testimony or "play doh" sermon (hopefully a video will be available soon so that will make sense), but I think it's time to be clear with my readers.
Earlier this year as we were gearing up for our second annual Get Real Girls Retreat in Tennessee, one of our speakers had to cancel a couple of weeks before the retreat and I was asked to step in for her. I really didn't want to. Last year I spoke about part of my testimony but wasn't ready to share it all at that first retreat. From the moment I was asked to speak, I knew in my spirit what needed to be said and I also knew that to do what God told me to, I'd have to fess up to some very important people first. Up until this point, only my fiancé and a few of my closest friends knew the truth about my seemingly stellar past. But I knew this was the time to share in the hopes of helping these young women I loved so much who I knew were following my path.
Out of respect for my parents, I wanted them to hear from me what I would be confessing so they didn't hear it through the grapevine. They were out of town so I texted and told them I had to talk with them as soon as they were home. The next 24 hours nearly killed me. I was so anxious that they wouldn't love me. That they would be disappointed or hurt or feel ashamed of me.
My fiancé came over and sat with me as I waited on them to arrive. When the time came, he put one arm around me and held my hand tightly with the his free hand. I started to cry as I told them that they needed to know the topic of my Get Real sermon. I looked at the ground and said "Andy is a virgin, but I'm not." My parents looked at each other as we all sat in awkward silence. After they asked for a few details, my mom asked if there were any other secrets following up with "I only ask because I want you to feel comfortable to share whatever God lays on your heart." I can't imagine they expected the list of sins I confessed, but I was brutally honest because their reaction up until then warranted my cooperation. I felt so bad that at one point I asked if I had to return my wedding gown because I didn't deserve it. In a moment of lightheartedness, my mother replied, "it's ivory, don't worry."
Then she walked over to the couch, sat down by me, and put her arm around me. She said "I'm so sorry you've carried this pain for so long by yourself." When they found out that Andy had known for so long, they thanked him for being so respectful and such a good friend to me. I'll never forget what my dad said next. Growing up in a no nonsense house, I expected him to begin pontificating about my sins. Instead he said this, "I don't have a speech for this. You know what you did was wrong, but this condemnation you've carried was self-inflicted. God doesn't put that on you, you put it on yourself. Once you repented, the bible says you became a new creature, and there's no sense in walking around with this guilt anymore." Then he wrapped his arms around me, and prayed to the Lord that I could forgive myself.
And that was it. I was free from my self-inflicted prison.
Why am I offering so many personal details? Because you need to know a few things:
1. I know I can come across as severe when discussing sin especially of this nature, but it is because I know how these sins can destroy your life. Where as I have been accused of putting myself on a pedestal, I want you to know that I know what is to put yourself in a self-dug ditch of bitterness and anger.
2. For my young readers who have saved themselves for marriage, I want you to know how proud I am of you. And I want you to realize that saving yourself is best for you in every sense. Be like my husband, not like me.
3. For my young readers who fell in the same trap as me, I want you to know that there is forgiveness for what you did. The picture I painted of my parents is exactly how God sees you in your situation. You are not ruined. You are not worthless. God still has a plan for you, but the first step of that plan is repenting, which means not only saying you are sorry, but turning from that sin and running from it. Is it easy to have a non-sexual relationship when you've been used to one that revolved around sex? Nope. But with the Lord's help, I am proof that it is possible.
Please know that this post was well thought out and written on purpose. I felt impressed by the Lord to share this in the hopes of helping some other girl out there.
You are not the sum of your sins. God loves you enough to give you a future regardless of your past!
Wednesday, December 11, 2013
"Can I Just Say Praise the Lord?": The Death of Testimony Services
I've often heard stories of how my grandma McKinley couldn't contain her praise in church. She would jump up and yell "can I just say praise the Lord? PRAAAAAIIIIIIIIISE THE LORD!" Likewise, my mother can't possibly be held back from offering her testimony (which I can literally quote verbatim after having heard it a million times) when a moderator asks, "does anyone have a testimony they want to share?" I have mocked her for this practice for years, but she remains undaunted.
See, I grew up in churches in which testimony or "praise report" time was an integral part of the service. Part of the importance of gathering together was that we would tell each other of the goodness of the Lord in our lives that week. It was exciting to hear that the prayers we had been praying for weeks were being answered. Sadly, this practice seems to be endangered in American churches.
I will admit that I understand the reason for the shift away from testimonies. Many churches gave up on the practice because there's alway that one guy who ruins it for the group. You have that one person gets up and uses the words "prayer request" and "gossip" interchangeably. Before you know it, you know what everybody in the church has done and who they've done it with. It is clearly not edifying, and thus understandable why some churches resist this time.
Then you come across negative Nelly who can't figure out what a testimony is. They either spend the whole time saying "the devil was really after me this week" and never give God or glory, or my personal favorite, they can't figure out if they even have anything to praise God for. I was once in a service in which someone stood up and gave a beautiful testimony about how God had healed them that week. They sat down and another person testified. When the second member was done, the first stood back up to say "I'm not really sure that was God who healed me." Really?
There also seems to be a prevailing theory that we can replace our personal testimonies with praise and worship time. While worship songs can be a great tool in expressing our feelings and love for God, there is no replacement for using our own words with our own mouths to tell our own stories. We enter His gates with thanksgiving and His courts with praise according to Psalm 100, but it seems like churches are skipping the gate stage and making a run for the courts with our worship, which doesn't quite work the same.
And then there are churches that reject testimony service simply because it "takes too long". Ummmm the God who created every molecule in existence chose to take time from His busy "keeping the universe in motion" agenda to heal and deliver us and we can't give Him 30 minutes on program?
This is my point: we overcome by our testimony. So why are we robbing people of their chance to be victors? I can't see how any of the reasons I listed are worthy of shutting down this practice. If the service seems to be disorderly, maybe we as leaders should take the time to mentor congregations and teach them what is acceptable?
"But Lindsey, why do they need to 'overcome' in front of the whole church?" I'm glad you asked. For one, it offers accountability. When we know what each other's struggles are, we can help them stay on track. Secondly, it is important to share our "mountaintop experiences" to help those in the valley. What if your story was the thing that would keep your brother from giving up hope?
Now that I am in a place of having to place my full trust in God, I often think back to those stories of how God made provision for the people around me. He's the same yesterday, today, and forever, so I know if He did it for them, He will do it for me. What concerns me is that we are raising a generation of young people who have never heard these stories. What will be their point of reference when the day comes to believe in God for a miracle? How will they know what God is capable of if we never tell them?
See, I grew up in churches in which testimony or "praise report" time was an integral part of the service. Part of the importance of gathering together was that we would tell each other of the goodness of the Lord in our lives that week. It was exciting to hear that the prayers we had been praying for weeks were being answered. Sadly, this practice seems to be endangered in American churches.
I will admit that I understand the reason for the shift away from testimonies. Many churches gave up on the practice because there's alway that one guy who ruins it for the group. You have that one person gets up and uses the words "prayer request" and "gossip" interchangeably. Before you know it, you know what everybody in the church has done and who they've done it with. It is clearly not edifying, and thus understandable why some churches resist this time.
Then you come across negative Nelly who can't figure out what a testimony is. They either spend the whole time saying "the devil was really after me this week" and never give God or glory, or my personal favorite, they can't figure out if they even have anything to praise God for. I was once in a service in which someone stood up and gave a beautiful testimony about how God had healed them that week. They sat down and another person testified. When the second member was done, the first stood back up to say "I'm not really sure that was God who healed me." Really?
There also seems to be a prevailing theory that we can replace our personal testimonies with praise and worship time. While worship songs can be a great tool in expressing our feelings and love for God, there is no replacement for using our own words with our own mouths to tell our own stories. We enter His gates with thanksgiving and His courts with praise according to Psalm 100, but it seems like churches are skipping the gate stage and making a run for the courts with our worship, which doesn't quite work the same.
And then there are churches that reject testimony service simply because it "takes too long". Ummmm the God who created every molecule in existence chose to take time from His busy "keeping the universe in motion" agenda to heal and deliver us and we can't give Him 30 minutes on program?
This is my point: we overcome by our testimony. So why are we robbing people of their chance to be victors? I can't see how any of the reasons I listed are worthy of shutting down this practice. If the service seems to be disorderly, maybe we as leaders should take the time to mentor congregations and teach them what is acceptable?
"But Lindsey, why do they need to 'overcome' in front of the whole church?" I'm glad you asked. For one, it offers accountability. When we know what each other's struggles are, we can help them stay on track. Secondly, it is important to share our "mountaintop experiences" to help those in the valley. What if your story was the thing that would keep your brother from giving up hope?
Now that I am in a place of having to place my full trust in God, I often think back to those stories of how God made provision for the people around me. He's the same yesterday, today, and forever, so I know if He did it for them, He will do it for me. What concerns me is that we are raising a generation of young people who have never heard these stories. What will be their point of reference when the day comes to believe in God for a miracle? How will they know what God is capable of if we never tell them?
Tuesday, December 10, 2013
Breathe
The New Eyes blog is meant to share the thoughts and revelations the Lord gives me. Usually they are based around an old scripture I have seen in a new way. Today's entry is not one of those. Instead, I want to share with you a thought that I believe was spoken to me by God's Spirit late the other night. You see, I believe God speaks to us all the time about all sorts of things, even the stuff we don't think matters. Here it goes...
Lately, my sleep pattern has been all messed up. I find myself wide awake at midnight, and one a.m., and two a.m., and you get the point. My husband, however, working 60 hours a week is falling soundly asleep around 9:30 each night. My routine has been to lie down with him, go through our nightly ritual of asking about each other's highs and lows of the day and praying together and then I retire to the living room to read/watch television/try to work candy crush into a sermon. When I think I'm on the verge of falling asleep, I return to the bedroom since my husband was not happy the last time I fell asleep on the couch.
A few nights ago, when I crawled into bed and couldn't sleep after a few minutes, I reached for my phone to search for a distraction, but I felt something stop me. Something told me to get closer to my husband. As I lie there not tired in the least, I began to focus on his breathing. In and out, quiet and then loud, fast and then slow, I began playing a game I used to play with my dad. When I was sick as a kid, I would get in his lap in the recliner and we'd watch cartoons. I remember trying to match his breathing. I wanted to be like him in every way, so much so, that merely synchronizing our breath made me feel like we were a part of one another. And that's what I did with Andy, unbeknownst to him. I connected with him. I know that sounds odd and flaky, but it is true.
I started thinking of my friends who have been widowed at a young age. If they had their spouse back, would they go watch tv or play on their phones, or would they lie there listening to every breath, every snore, every word he muttered in his sleep? Would they complain about him taking the covers, or would they relish the thought of feeling clunky arms reaching for them?
Lying there I started thinking about our life together. I started thinking about how I hadn't been living in the moment. It seems once you are married, there is a natural progression that should occur. So many people try and tell you that marriage is about the future you have with your spouse that you forget to enjoy the present. I had been so worried about our future plans, that my mind was consumed and distracted, leading me to be disconnected with my husband in the here and now.
I set out to prove to my husband my contentment in our current situation. So the next day, I made dinner and used our nice dishes. I dressed up, fixed my hair, and put on make up. I did such a good job, in fact, that he was suspicious something was going on! I told him I was ready to enjoy every day we have together and that I wanted to show him that I appreciate the hard work he does and want to be the best wife I can, no matter our lot in life.
This may have seemed very odd, but I think this is a good lesson for a lot of young married couples out there. I encourage you to realize that everyday with your spouse is special. Each day is a gift God gave you! Learn now to connect with your spouse, because from what I've seen and heard, this is your best chance to do that uninterrupted.
Lately, my sleep pattern has been all messed up. I find myself wide awake at midnight, and one a.m., and two a.m., and you get the point. My husband, however, working 60 hours a week is falling soundly asleep around 9:30 each night. My routine has been to lie down with him, go through our nightly ritual of asking about each other's highs and lows of the day and praying together and then I retire to the living room to read/watch television/try to work candy crush into a sermon. When I think I'm on the verge of falling asleep, I return to the bedroom since my husband was not happy the last time I fell asleep on the couch.
A few nights ago, when I crawled into bed and couldn't sleep after a few minutes, I reached for my phone to search for a distraction, but I felt something stop me. Something told me to get closer to my husband. As I lie there not tired in the least, I began to focus on his breathing. In and out, quiet and then loud, fast and then slow, I began playing a game I used to play with my dad. When I was sick as a kid, I would get in his lap in the recliner and we'd watch cartoons. I remember trying to match his breathing. I wanted to be like him in every way, so much so, that merely synchronizing our breath made me feel like we were a part of one another. And that's what I did with Andy, unbeknownst to him. I connected with him. I know that sounds odd and flaky, but it is true.
I started thinking of my friends who have been widowed at a young age. If they had their spouse back, would they go watch tv or play on their phones, or would they lie there listening to every breath, every snore, every word he muttered in his sleep? Would they complain about him taking the covers, or would they relish the thought of feeling clunky arms reaching for them?
Lying there I started thinking about our life together. I started thinking about how I hadn't been living in the moment. It seems once you are married, there is a natural progression that should occur. So many people try and tell you that marriage is about the future you have with your spouse that you forget to enjoy the present. I had been so worried about our future plans, that my mind was consumed and distracted, leading me to be disconnected with my husband in the here and now.
I set out to prove to my husband my contentment in our current situation. So the next day, I made dinner and used our nice dishes. I dressed up, fixed my hair, and put on make up. I did such a good job, in fact, that he was suspicious something was going on! I told him I was ready to enjoy every day we have together and that I wanted to show him that I appreciate the hard work he does and want to be the best wife I can, no matter our lot in life.
This may have seemed very odd, but I think this is a good lesson for a lot of young married couples out there. I encourage you to realize that everyday with your spouse is special. Each day is a gift God gave you! Learn now to connect with your spouse, because from what I've seen and heard, this is your best chance to do that uninterrupted.
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