Worn Out

In 1992 my dad published his first book, "Pulling Them From the Fire". Although I've had it for years, I only read it yesterday. The short book only took about an hour to read, but it is packed with accounts of souls won through personal evangelism in his early years of ministry. The last story told caused me to weep.

He talked about his dad, my grandpa, James McKinley. I've told my readers his story before, how he became a minister later in life, pastored churches with only a handful of people in the pews, lived in church basements, and worked 2 or 3 jobs at a time to keep the lights on in the church. My dad tells of how grandpa would drive up to 120 miles to preach to only 2 or 3 people, but preached like there were thousands.

In this last chapter, dad tells of the days in the hospital following grandpa's heart attack. Grandpa had a new roommate assigned to him. My dad talked with the man for several hours about his life, and around 1:00 am the talk turned spiritual. The man began weeping as my father led him to the Lord. The next morning the doctor came in to tell the roommate that there was nothing wrong with him. The doctor even said "I don't know what you're even doing in here."

The man replied, "You see that man over there in that bed? And do you see that young man standing there? It's because of men like him (pointing to grandpa) that I'm here today. The Man upstairs had an appointment scheduled for me to meet Mr. McKinley, and for his son to come all the way from Tennessee [to Indiana], so that I could be saved."

My grandfather was thrilled to hear this, but the doctor broke his joy when he told grandpa "sir, there's nothing we can do for you." As the family began to fall to pieces, the roommate turned to grandpa McKinley and said "sir, it's because of men like you wearing yourselves out that people like me can be saved today."

My grandpa died broke and younger than he should have, but he gave all he had for the calling upon him. Yes, he wore his body out so that others could be saved. In my eyes, he is a martyr for the Gospel. No, he didn't die at the hand of insurgents, but his body was sacrificed for the cause of Christ.

I love preaching, but sometimes I feel like it's going to kill me. When I started I told my husband that I was going to go wherever I was asked. I told him if that meant driving across the state to preach to 1 person and get nothing in return, I would. And trust me, there have been times that statement has become nearly prophetic. I end up tired in my mind and body and empty in my wallet and gas tank and though it is the greatest joy, I sometimes think of the costs.

But, then I think about my grandpa.

I think of the reward he is enjoying right now. I think of how he gets to be in the presence of the one he gave his life for. I think about how great it would be to sit down and tell him everywhere I've been.   I think of how I would want him to be proud of me. I think about how proud he would be to know his son became an overseer in the church he loved. I think about his legacy of faithfulness. I think of how my last name is NOTHING to be ashamed of. And I think about this letter my grandma found in his briefcase after he died. It's nothing special to you, I'm sure. It looks like it was written on the back of a scrap piece of paper, but it's precious to me.

"Jesus has His hand on you. You will do great things for Him." Grandpa was the first one to say I was gonna be a preacher. He ends with "preaching from your daddy's knee, we will all see." If nothing else would keep me going, that line would. Although he died when I was very young, he's there with me every time I get in a pulpit, or at a table, or in a cabin at camp, or writing the truth on the internet he never knew of. He's part of my cloud of witnesses Hebrews 12 talks about.

Remember? "Therefore, since we are surrounded by such a great cloud of witnesses, let us throw off everything that hinders and the sin that so easily entangles. And let us run with perseverance the race marked out for us, fixing our eyes on Jesus, the pioneer and perfecter of faith. For the joy set before him he endured the cross, scorning its shame, and sat down at the right hand of the throne of God. Consider him who endured such opposition from sinners, so that you will not grow weary and lose heart." (verses 1-3 NIV)

Lord, thank you for the cloud of witnesses around me. Help me to not fall pray to the things of this world that could stop me from my race. Let me look back to the legacy of faithfulness behind me and forward to the day when I join them in my reward. Let me never grow weary and let it be said that I wore myself out so that others could be saved.