Dead Dreams

At the age of 31, it's an understatement to say things haven't all turned out the way I planned. Most of the plans I made never came to fruition. Now some of those dreams came and went easier than others. As an adult, I can now understand that my goal of being an actress/singer/princess may have been an overreach and reality necessitates I move on. No problem. But then there are other goals that I genuinely strove for only to find they would always be beyond my reach.

That hurts.

You want to think that if you want something bad enough and work hard enough, it'll all work out. But life isn't always like that. In particular, the life sold out to God and in submission to His Plan probably won't end with all of your dreams being fulfilled.

That's where I landed a couple of weeks ago. I wish not to share the details because I want you to see how applicable the Lord's words to me are to many who feel lost.

Suffice it to say I had a dream/goal/plan that I wanted more than just about anything. For the better part of a decade I had been fixated on this thing. "I'm gonna make this happen" I told myself. Every time I came up against a locked door, I backed up and tried to figure out another way in. If it didn't open with a turn of the knob, I'd find a key. If I couldn't find a key, I'd use a battering ram. I was getting in this door. Because I just had to.

Why was it so important? Because when I looked at those I wished to be like, they had all gone through this door. When I compared myself to them, I always came up short. Whatever was beyond that door, I had to get there, because that's where my heroes were.

But the battering ram didn't work. The door was sealed off for me. I would never be like those I admired so.

I realized this was it. I didn't have the strength to keep forcing my way to a dead end, and to be honest, I wasn't so sure I wanted in anymore.

So I did what I had to do to hammer the final nails into the coffin of my now-dead dream. And with the last swing, the Lord spoke as clearly as He ever has to me. While I wish to keep some of His Word for myself, I believe this part is for many of us.

He said: "Stop comparing yourself to everyone else. You don't need what they have because you aren't going where they are going."

In that instant, peace washed over me and I was finally calm. God wasn't keeping the door shut because He didn't hear me, He was doing it because I belong somewhere else. Not somewhere less than, but somewhere only I can go.

I don't know where you are at right now. But if you find yourself where I was, unable to hear God speaking over the sound of shattered dreams, I believe that word is for you too.

Stop comparing yourself.

God had every one of your days mapped out before you lived the first one (Psalm 139). As a matter of fact, He had them written before those you compare yourself to lived a day as well. His plan for you is not contingent on what anyone else on this planet has done or will do.

It's okay to take a different path. It's okay to not live up to the standard you've set in your mind. Don't mourn the death of a dream. Celebrate the chance for something new to be birthed in you.