You'll Miss the Best Part

Have you ever tried to share a movie you absolutely love with a friend? The expectations are high that they'll think it's as great as you do. But then something happens. The plot twists. A new character is introduced or the action shifts in a way they didn't expect. Suddenly, the movie isn't as exciting or romantic as they had expected. Or maybe things turn scary or uncertain. Your friend decides you were out of your mind to recommend the film and they stand up to leave. You, knowing the spectacular resolution that's coming begin to plead, "but you'll miss the best part if you leave now!"

I've been married just a few days shy of four years. Obviously, I'm no expert. But in that short time I've seen the marriages of several of my young friends end. Of course, there are times when abuse or adultery leave no other viable option, but too often I'm hearing that they made the decision because they are just "too young" to waste their time in bad marriage. Over and over I hear something to the effect of one or both parties deciding if this is the best there is, then they'll pack up and start over while they are still young enough to find their fairy tale elsewhere.

We've bought into this manufactured fallacy that the "honeymoon period" is where you find the deepest love and if you can't make it work there, you're hopeless.

I didn't have that honeymoon period. I've often joked that the devil threw us a "welcome home" party when we returned from our Jamaican honeymoon. We had to learn how to become one person and let me tell you, that's painful. I had to learn how to be a homemaker and he had to now provide for 2 people on a salary that barely supported 1. Those little idiosyncrasies that were so cute when we were dating were now being added to a list of "irreconcilable differences."

We came very close to buying into the lies I was speaking of earlier. In those moments of not being able to agree on anything, of bending to the point of almost breaking, my mind absolutely told  me to cut my loses and start over.

But something happened... a glimmer of hope shone through. When I let the ice walls I built begin to melt, I could hear his laughter again that made me fall for him. Suddenly, I could see how hard he was trying. I could understand why this adjustment was much harder for him than for me. And I remembered what a great team we could be. No longer did I envision our future in a divorce court, but rather together, in our home, surrounded by family.

So back to that movie. That's what it feels like when I hear newlyweds wanting to throw in the towel. I want to scream "BUT YOU'LL MISS THE BEST PART!" If you walk away because the beginning was too slow or not what you expected, you'll never get to the good part. That "better or worse" thing wasn't just talk. The longer you stick around, the more clearly you see that you need to go through both and everything in between to have the kind of meaningful, fulfilling relationship you really need.

Don't buy the lie that the first few months are the height of love. The best is yet to come. Don't walk out before the best part.

The best part is walking through:

Life

Death

Promotions

Unemployment

Fulfillment

Emptiness

but walking through it together.