The Day We Killed Me

When I was a single woman my life (and my closet) looked very different. I had a well-paying job and barely any financial responsibilities. I would often set out on shopping adventure days that started with a wallet full of cash and ended with a trunk full of shoes, jeans, dresses, and fancy hats (don't judge me-those hats were fabulous and one should always be prepared to attend the Derby). Looking back, I realize that my money could have been spent much better, but I was certainly within my rights to spend it. I worked hard for my paycheck and the sprees became my stress relief.

Those days started winding down when I got married. And when my son was born they came to a screeching halt. You see, becoming part of a family means becoming a "we" instead of a "me". Decisions are no longer based on what one wants or even what one "deserves", they are based on what is best for the family. Could I go back to spending frivolously? Sure. But I don't want to, because now instead of seeing a gorgeous pair of $200 boots in my closet all I would see is the money that could have been used to pay off the family car or be placed in my son's college fund.

This realization marked two things:
1.) I was becoming a mature, unselfish adult.
2.) Becoming a "we" had killed "me", an exchange I was more than happy with because the death of me meant being a part of something much greater than myself.

As a youth worker I often get questions about sin. I get asked about the line on sex, drinking, modesty, and any  action you could think of. I watch debates ensue that almost always go like this:
1.) the topic is established
2.) the "pro" side says why it's perfectly okay
3.) the "con" side offers what is deemed an antiquated scripture (note: NO scripture is antiquated. See 2 Timothy 3:16-17)
4.) the pro person calls the con person a pharisee and begins to discuss personal conviction
5.) at least one party begins to sub-tweet about the other before suggesting they delete them "if they don't like it".

Discussions like this highlight a huge misunderstanding about God's Word: The opposite of legalism is grace, not anarchy. Jesus even told us He didn't come to abolish the law (Matthew 5:17). The shedding of His blood was not meant to create a Church in which anything goes as long as you don't feel bad about it, rather he was slain to make us holy (Hebrews 10:10).
So what does this have to do with my shopping issues? When we are saved from our sin we are adopted into the "family of God" (Ephesians 1:5). Just as my actions and desires were suddenly based on the "we" and not the "me", so must our actions be based on the good of our adopted family. Paul laid it out firmly in 1 Corinthians 10:23-24:

"'I have the right to do anything,' you say—but not everything is beneficial. 'I have the right to do anything'—but not everything is constructive. No one should seek their own good, but the good of others."

This highlights the reason the New Testament church was able to thrive in the face of persecution-they were a community. If someone lost their job, the others would sell their possessions to care for their brother. They understood better than anyone the concept of "we" over "me". In some ways these verses from 1 Corinthians place even MORE restrictions on what you do than the lists of demands found in the Old Testament that we so easily dismiss as being erased by grace.

So when deciding what you can or can't or should or shouldn't do, ask three questions:

1.) Does the Bible explicitly restrict this? If it does, or you even think it does, the decision making is over. There's no personal justification to dismiss God's Word.
2.) Does this benefit the body of Christ? Note that Paul did not say you could do as you wish as long as it doesn't hurt anyone, he said not to do it UNLESS it BENEFITS your adopted family. If what you are contemplating doing, saying, wearing, or adding to your body doesn't benefit anyone else, then it has no place in your life.
3.) Will this hinder my ability to be used? If you want to be a leader in your faith, then this concept of we becomes much more important. Think through your choices and make sure they can't be used against you in the future to limit your ministry.

The death of me sounds terrifying, but the benefits of becoming a family cannot be overstated. Yes, you may have to give up some things you don't see as wrong in order to help you brother or sister, but you also gain a support system that is doing the same for you. There is nothing that compares to the love of this family.