There is an epidemic in the church. It has been going on for a long time and has been perpetuated by parents and even ministers. It is a sickness my mother refers to as "winners dating losers." I've watched over and over as beautiful, bright, gifted, spiritual young women invest themselves in relationships with "bad boys". Now you are confused. "Why would ministers and parents encourage this?" Because they are treating these girls like saviors. I know when they encourage these relationships it is because they are concerned for the young men and think these girls can help, but I'm getting tired of watching our young women being sacrificed for it.
Please know that this is not meant as a male-bashing blog. I detest that, in fact, you will soon see an entry from me as to why it's not fair to constantly put guys down. But the fact is that I can't think of many situations in which this scenario has been the other way around. The parents of wayward girls rarely throw a Godly young man on the bomb that is their rebellious teen.
What's wrong with using young women as an influence? Nothing. The problem is that while they can be a good example, they cannot be a redeemer. It is not right to put that kind of pressure on a teenage girl. My young readers are saying "but Lindsey, I love him so much, I can fix him. Sure, he's running all over town partying and cheating on me and making me look like a fool. But soon, he will see how much I care and he'll change." My short answer-no he won't. My long answer-The only one who can "fix" him is God. Reason this out with me. You say he will change because you love him. I assure you that you can't possibly love him as much as God does and if the love of our Creator isn't enough to make him want to change then what makes you so bold as to think that you can?
You can pray for him, you can be a good example, but you can't change his heart, only God can. Ezekiel 36:26-27 says, "And I will give you a new heart, and I will put a new spirit in you. I will take out your stony, stubborn heart and give you a tender, responsive heart. And I will put my Spirit in you so that you will follow my decrees and be careful to obey my regulations." You want that guy to change? Then take your hands off the situation and give him to God. Otherwise, you are setting yourself up for heartache and disappointment.
Right now, you are doing what I did in the past. You are thinking of examples in which it worked. Where the girl was instrumental in the guy changing. The best example I have of this is my own parents. My mom was the sanctified Christian girl who was in the church every chance she had. My dad was the partying bad-boy who rode his motorcycle up the church steps just to be a jerk. He was a drunk and a liar. My dad's mom was the only person who had faith in him, and she was my mother's only encourager. He led my mom to believe he had changed, they were married, and at the altar when they said "I do" and kissed she tasted alcohol and knew she was in trouble. After a couple of rough years of marriage, he got saved.
So did I just undo my whole thought with that last story? No. I told it to let you know that is the exception NOT the rule. Sure, they have a great marriage (of 36 years) and life now, but it was prefaced by some pretty horrendous times. They frequently fought and his lifestyle made her the joke of her friends and families. You see, even though things worked out for my mom, there is a reason she keeps asking me to teach about "winners dating losers." There is a reason that she has talked to me at great lengths about her fears for these young women, and there is a reason why I have watched her pray over these girls, calling them by name. She knows first hand that there is a reason we are warned in 2 Corinthians 6:14 not to be unevenly yoked. Her heart breaks for these girls because she knows the road they are headed down. Yes, her prayers and Godly example were instrumental in His conversion, but she would tell you herself that she didn't fix him, God did.
Girls, you can't fix a guy. No matter how hard you try. The truth is, the harder you try, the more likely you are to stumble yourself. The more time you spend with a guy who isn't right with the Lord, the more hurt you will end up. Your only hope is to step aside until God does a work in his life-this is best for you AND him.
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